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Date: October 2, 2022
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I was once in a very similar position and my mom said something to me about spending so much time with my bf and our constant overnights. When I replied, “this is what we'd be doing if our relationship progresses”, she said “Yes, if your relationship progresses that is what you'll be doing. But that is not where you are now. Don't act out a scenario you are not in.” In time I'd learn she was right. So,
if this relationship progresses over the years we would be living together and seeing each other all the time anyway
This is true, but there is no need to skip to that part now. Not because it isn't pleasant or nice but because skipping necessarily implies skipping the stages of progression in a relationship. Skipping steps results in wobbly structures.
You can stay in each other's space 24/7 for 3 months straight and still not get to know each other like you would if you dated in a more relaxed fashion for 2 years. Why? Because people don't get to know each other just by being together. People get to know each other when they get to experience one another in their daily lives and challenges; there is no substitute for time.
You say you are 8 hours away from family, is there any chance you are trying to replace all your loved ones with this one new person? Is it possible you would better benefit from spending more time with friends, creating new social connections and advancing your personal studies or projects?
And the whole thing about being “Controlling/Toxic” . . . the only stuff I've ever seen about one partner forgiving cheating says that the partner who cheated should expect to be over-transparent for a while so that trust can be rebuilt.
If he really wanted to keep you, he'd be willing to do whatever it took for you to feel comfortable again. You can not be the bad guy in this scenario.
what was the time frame between when you sent the text about what happened & his response? b/c no offense, this sounds a lil extreme to make a post over a non-response for 4hrs.
if that was seriously bothering you, iβd honestly hit up my therapist & talk about why it upset me that my bf didnβt respond for 4hrs when heβs most likely having a night out & not checking his phone every hr.
seriously, i really do sympathize w/ you (iβve been where you are) & iβm sorry you both went thru that & are feeling the way you do but that is just too much to get upset over a 4hr delay in response, no matter what it is. i ask only b/c iβve dealt w/ it but do you have emotional impulsivity issues? i used to need to remind myself to slow down & that not everyone processes things as quickly as i do.
for all we know his phone is on vibrate or just didnβt hear it & heβs been having such a good time that itβs flown by. please trust me when i say you need to slow down & learn to self sooth.
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Erm just because bf's ex/fwb is friends with one of his friends why would he need to hang out with her anyway? That surely could be kept separate for obvious reasons?
Seems weird to me they are meeting up to “clear the air” especially his reaction to your jealously and reservations about it. Would your bf mind you meeting up with an old fuck buddy?
The absolute only reason I'd ever be okay to act as your family are, is if this is something you made a pattern of. Ask them if they feel like you don't show up enough. But if it's just about today they are being unreasonable and cruel.
I'd ask them to go to a made up thing soon so they say no and it's out of the way lol
Maybe he already maxed it out at this point? He cant pay it if he doesn't work.
You canβt and this should bother you.
Heβs out of line, but she encourages it by responding positively and giving her time and energy to him.
Simply, the girl you are dating doesnβt have room in her life for a boyfriend.
Itβs her job to set good boundaries there, she just chooses not to. I donβt trust people who choose not to with people, and if you do, you set yourself up for a world of hurt.
He did. And he guilted you into consoling HIM when you're the victim of assault. That's something that narcissists and abusers do… He's manipulating you.
Bruh, your wife might be a lesbian
Source: Iβm a lesbian
The way I always look at a relationship is: it's not 50-50, it's 60-40. But both people are trying to be the one giving 60.
If my girlfriend collected creepy dolls and wanted to display em I'd hang up the shelves myself. Because, while it might not make me happy to see something like that, it would certainly make her happy to. And that's my goal in the relationship, that's how I win, by making her happy. And she's over there on the other side trying to do the same things for me.
What you might have here is that your boyfriend doesn't necessarily want you because of who you are, but what you can do for him. I.e. cooking, cleaning, and sex. He doesn't believe you need your own space because that's not cooking, cleaning, or sex. He doesn't want your horse figurines on display because that would imply that any square inch of the apartment wasn't there solely for his comfort. He wants his friends to see his cool gamer space, then brag that his girlfriend lives with him.
That's just the vibe I get from the incredibly limited information you've given. And you're both really young. Just have a real conversation about how you are a full, adult human being and you deserve to be an equal partner in the relationship. That means that you can display the things you like in addition to his stuff. That means you get to have a room where you can do your hobbies. If he still wants to say no, then it's probably time to get your own place where you can have those things.
P.s. Funko pops are infinitely more freaky looking than any horse figurines could possibly be.
The way I always look at a relationship is: it's not 50-50, it's 60-40. But both people are trying to be the one giving 60.
If my girlfriend collected creepy dolls and wanted to display em I'd hang up the shelves myself. Because, while it might not make me happy to see something like that, it would certainly make her happy to. And that's my goal in the relationship, that's how I win, by making her happy. And she's over there on the other side trying to do the same things for me.
What you might have here is that your boyfriend doesn't necessarily want you because of who you are, but what you can do for him. I.e. cooking, cleaning, and sex. He doesn't believe you need your own space because that's not cooking, cleaning, or sex. He doesn't want your horse figurines on display because that would imply that any square inch of the apartment wasn't there solely for his comfort. He wants his friends to see his cool gamer space, then brag that his girlfriend lives with him.
That's just the vibe I get from the incredibly limited information you've given. And you're both really young. Just have a real conversation about how you are a full, adult human being and you deserve to be an equal partner in the relationship. That means that you can display the things you like in addition to his stuff. That means you get to have a room where you can do your hobbies. If he still wants to say no, then it's probably time to get your own place where you can have those things.
P.s. Funko pops are infinitely more freaky looking than any horse figurines could possibly be.
It's like you are trying to control me, I should have freedom in my life to make decisions and we should respect individual personal space.
Having a traditional Indian wedding in India and a Western wedding in the US is very common.
That she is willing to leave you over this is a red flag to me.
I will do this
What's the point of being in a relationship that leaves you feeling bored and ignored?
Youβre not sexually compatible. There. Thatβs the answer.
Yeah you are right. I know itβs possible but Iβm also worried of losing our friendship if it doesnβt work out. Iβve brought up open relationships but he is not a fan. Might be time to move on.
Well are his kids within 7 years of your age? That might effect their relationship with him.
Then you should move on. Getting into someone else's divorce drama isvery a good idea. Doing it at 24 is just setting yourself up for a bummer upper 20's.
I',
I would only say, ask yourself which of these two possibilities is more likely, and make your decisions about next steps accordingly.
Yes, I think this is the only way I can put my mind at ease.