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Date: November 3, 2022
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So he’s completely irresponsible? Why are you with him?
Arranged marriages aren't supposed to be happy, but beneficial. Men get to work and get their wife. Family isn't in shame because their child is married. The guy gets everything he needs when he returns to his home country.
They specifically come to other countries where the women are more liberated and can sleep with them. But they don't want to settle down with a liberated westerner woman.
They want their cultural cake and eat it too
Ion think either of you are wrong, but aye if ya don’t wanna do it it’s just gonna further prove the paranoia right, and if you do then you’re gonna always feel resentment. This world ain’t nice and it’s hard to actually trust people as this Reddit and irl has proven even the people closest to you will fuck you over. So pick ya poison
I understand where you are at. I’ve had similar issues, my wife even teased me with the “wild side” type comments. It took years to truly understand what was going on. But the bottom line for me was, I loved her too much to let the sex end the relationship. Every relationship has pluses and minuses. It will last as long as the pluses outweigh the minuses. That’s the way it is for us.
You need to ask yourself, if the sex never improves, can you live with that? I mean it might improve, she might change, she might get some help to allow herself to open up more but then again, it may never change. If you decide she’s the one you want to be with the rest of your life with, good sex or not then work to make things better but don’t put pressure on her, she has to want to change, pressuring her will not help.
If on the other hand, you don’t think you can’t get past the sex issue, then end it soon. It’s not something that will change overnight and it may never change. Only you know in your heart what to do. Good luck.
I just thought it was a common nbd thing. I didn't know I had to have some other qualities besides being friends attracted to each other. What other qualities was I supposed to have? I'm trying to learn from this.
It sounds like it's only a matter of time before he rapes you or someone else.
Based on what you’ve said he sounds like he has more than just adhd…
Anyhow.. just ask him how you can support/help him best if you don’t know or haven’t asked before. If he’s not particularly good at communicating.. give him multiple choice suggestions. Would he prefer you be there, leave him alone, etc…
A lot of the time.. he’d probably just appreciate you being understanding that he can’t prioritise you right now and not getting too upset/needy for his attention.
It could also just be making coffee for him or something.
Personally, when he’s taking a break or before we sleep, I try to lighten/brighten the mood by telling him the scientifically proven positive stress relieving benefits sex has… or in the morning I’ll remind him that sex improves focus etcetc.. Very often/likely, heavy stress lowers libido… but sex really can help… so I’ll just let him know and low key encourage him to take the opportunity to lower his stress ?? of course.. If he’s too tired/stress… You can offer more “one sided” forms of stress relief.
Also, encourage him to go outside every now and then… And also to exercise. Again, I know people who are stressed are less motivated to do these things… but both these things are also proven to help with stress.
Speaking from my own experience as a man in his 50s, I can tell you right now that the problem is not simply having your MIL living with you. The problem, and believe me, this is a BIG PROBLEM, is the relationship you describe between your wife and her Mom. I know this all too well. If they fight when she is not yet living with you to the point it affects your lives now, then moving your MIL into your house because of a sense of obligation felt by your wife will intensify this friction ten fold. And then it will quickly be amplified by growing resentment. I am 100% certain of this. Your wife's mental health will get worn down until it becomes a volatile and even dangerous situation. Then, if kids are added to the mix, you will be constantly interfered with and undermined if your MIL has a completely different parenting style as you mention in your post. The toxicity in this environment will be unimaginably bad, and it will be cruel not only to you and your wife, but also your MIL. If you have kids in this environment, the ones who will pay the most is them. They will be so messed up if they grow up not knowing anything else but this kind of toxicity. It may prevent them from maintaining healthy relationships of their own as they get older. I would not sign up for this if I were you, and I would tell my fiance sooner rather than later. Especially before a pregnancy happens. That being said, if the people are compatible, with already established relationships that have been healthy, then having an extra person in the immediate household like this can truly be a life-enriching experience for all parties. Unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case with your wife and her mother from what I gather from your post.