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  1. Out of all my family I am the free spirited child who could move anywhere and easily start a life. And my family and I are very close. In fact my sister and I are like twins.

    But they know that trying to force me to do anything has the exact opposite effect and I couldn't stand it if my sister broke down and tried to guilt trip me to stay if I wanted to leave. I would big time tell her to go jump and leave.

    You know already that it's what you've done to try to force him to stay that made him pack up and leave. You know you're been irrational.

    Even culturally times have changed, and it sounds like he is your only child so that would make it harder but your therapist is right. He is an adult, he is married and he deserves his own life.

    Live your own life, go out and find hobbies and things you and your husband can do together. If your son wants to come back, he will do it when he wants, not when you push it.

  2. When I got engaged and married, I thought I loved the person but I was more in love with the idea of someone wanting to marry me and less about the person. We are divorced now and probably shouldn’t have ever gotten married in the first place.

    I remember thinking I was so glad I didn’t have to SEARCH for my person anymore. I had achieved the next step in life. But it was almost like I was at the finish line. I should have been thinking of it as the exciting start of a new adventure with someone I love and admire deeply. This wasn’t really the case with him. Live and learn.

    Despite red flags in my relationship, I went for it because it sounded romantic and I thought we loved each other. In all honesty, I was settling because I thought I couldn’t do any better than what I had then…. And someone FINALLY wanted to marry ME!? It actually didn’t feel right though, and I was drunk when I said yes. I know my situation is different, but I also had an inkling of doubt in me. I just didn’t give it any weight.

    So, I implore you to think about why you want(ed) to marry your fiancé. Do you truly love him, or are you settling? Are you really ready to share and grow your life with someone else? Getting married can be scary and it’s not always a good time. Planning a wedding can be extremely strenuous. I hated it and it definitely caused arguments. You should be excited and probably nervous about getting married. It would be weird if you weren’t.

    Take this other guy out of the picture when you think about your feelings. He may just be the catalyst to demonstrate to you that you aren’t ready to be married. OR, it could be showing you that you need to do some reflection about what it is you really love about your current partner.

    The other guy is a total fantasy at this point. But your fiancé deserves to have all of you, or none of you. You should not follow through with marriage if you are only HALF in on it. It’s a huge decision – not one to be made lightly. My divorce was horrible. So, I’m telling you, you need to make sure you are in this for the long haul.

    Only you can make that decision. But please, do not make it about the fantasy of this other guy. I’m speaking from experience. The grass is not always greener.

    The truth is, if you have feelings for someone else and you are in a committed relationship, you either need to CUT TIES with that person because of the temptation and potential obsession, OR figure out if you truly would want to leave your current relationship if this other person were not a part of your life. Because your significant other should be your romantic focus, IMO.

    If you can’t make yourself cut ties with the other guy, you may have your answer. That’s just not fair to your fiancé for you to continue talking to someone, especially alone, you have feelings for and that you are ALLOWING yourself to have romantic feelings for.

    EVERY RELATIONSHIP will have its challenges and it’s very possible that if you jumped into a relationship with this other guy that you will end up in a similar situation further down the road with someone else.

    Even if you left your current relationship, the other guy wouldn’t deserve to have you as you are now. You need to find yourself first. You need to discover your feelings and be confident in them. I know it’s hard not to get wrapped up in fantasy land. Trust me on this.

    It MAY even help to tell your fiancé what happened. The cheating aspect is that you’re hiding what happened from him because you’re afraid of how it will affect him.

    And you’re letting the fantasy take over in your mind because of it. I don’t believe in withholding the truth, especially with your best friend for life. It’s hard and it sucks, but really, he deserves to know. Telling him will absolutely kill the fantasy. We can’t control how other people feel, but they deserve to have the option to decide what they want to do. It just isn’t fair to hide things from your life partner. It’s their life too. Would you want him to harbor feelings for someone else and not tell you too?

    There’s a way to approach it without making it seem life or death, but you have to really think about this.

    It’s actually in very poor form, in my opinion, Clark even told you about this ring and the story behind it. He knows you’re engaged to be married. He’s not married to you, so he could’ve kept that to himself. That wasn’t a kind thing to do to you. He was only thinking of himself when he said that.

    It might even be a good idea to see a therapist about this because we can’t fix your problems.

    However, I understand SO well how complicated emotions are and how overwhelming they can be. I sincerely empathize with you. It isn’t easy.

    In my mind, the goal would be to be with someone you cannot IMAGINE living without and who you think is the bees knees even on their shitty days, knowing that they aren’t perfect.

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