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Wait, how did you found that out? Anyway if he is not your current bf right now then it's normal for him to try his luck on other people no? He cant be waiting forever until you give him a definitive answer.
This is specifically why I said that it's reasonable if their plans don't align. It is her body to do with what she wants. This is also why it's vital that they discuss these matters before sex – while also knowing she could potentially still change her mind. I had an abortion as a teenager and also told my husband (not the same person) that option was off the table when we started having sex. I truly see both sides of this. I am not judging her decision but I don't think you should be with someone (or at minimum have sex) if your thoughts on preventing and/or having children don't primarily line up. No one wins in that situation. She sounds pretty lax about having children based on this post and he seems the opposite. Again, absolutely no judgement but something he should consider.
Lol, you moved on too fast? He moved on before you two had finished, wtf!
Are you certain he's not just back because it's easy, and guess wht, it sounds like he'll be 'punishing you' once the relationship is embedded again, as he just isn't loved enough by you. I mean, look how coldly and how swiftly you moved on when he had the first affair.
There’s no coercion but I’m glad you are concerned. He says he might when he feels like he wants to or he might not. It’s the uncertainty that’s the issue. I wasn’t ever saying I was going to force him to do that nor would I get pleasure out of it if someone wasn’t enjoying themselves. I’ve been in dangerous situations regarding people trying to coerce me to do things and I would never want someone to suffer similar.
your sister needs to shut down the bf. A break is break. He had no say over what she did and needs to grow up and not a baby jerk. THEN he proposes a 3some with siblings. He is just pushing as far and hard as he can. Sister needs to tell him to cut the crap.
Hmm, while this isn’t good, it could also be a vindictive ex. I’m have my flaws and an ex once did this to me with a woman I was newly dating. Scared the new woman off for no decent reason. It’s easy to see someone confident and charming as a narcissist or they might just be confident and charming.
The short version: don’t believe it off the bat, but maybe ask the anonymous messenger who they are… you can’t just throw a guy away over a non-validated message.
We have been together for close to two years. They had been separated for over a year when we got together… however, I think he only told her about the new relationship about 6 months ago.
I am looking for someone with whom to have a family…
None of any of that matters if you are constantly hurt.
Pulling yourself inside out to understand someone who is not putting the same energy into understanding you is a road to nowhere. He could be the nicest guy on the planet with the best intentions but if the way he handles the relationship results in you constantly feeling like this, well then he is of no use to you.
You can follow your usual MO and agonize for a few more years, driving yourself insane trying to work him out, or you can say, hey bf. Let's downgrade this to a casual friendship because the lack of communication here is harming me.
And spend some time on you. Autism is such a vast continent to navigate all on it's own, but even so, a partner should bring you more peace than pain.
You have so much going on in your life that maybe some time with a therapist to help get you some strategies for dealing with change might be a good idea here. You dont like change, you never will, but there may be ways to help mitigate it somewhat, because change is pretty much constant for most people ironically.
I asked “hey how often are you out here towards _” and she said _. I asked if she’d want to go out next time she’s here and she said yes, then asked what my schedule was. We figured out we have the same schedule and she said she’d let me know next time she’s out here.
Then I blocked / unblocked her, but it’s noticeable we’re no longer friends.
Babe you were emotionally cheating, then it became physical and now you have both physically and emotionally cheated. You obviously have to tell your SO – prepare for anything.
If these responses aren't about some of the most sexist responses to domestic abuses I have heard in a long time. Imagine a dude did this, every single person here would tell the woman to call the police and get to a friend or family. This person is abusive and is attacking her partner. Call her out like you would call her out if she was a dude. People like this don't stop who they are, they become more of who they already are.
I’m sorry from the way you wrote it in the post I thought he like essentially joined your group for the rest of the night. If you didn’t interact that much with him then it’s pretty clear someone told your husband.
How long ago was this get together? Like has your husband been upset for days, weeks, months? Knowing the timescale would change how big of a problem this is.
While it is probably very true that I’m wasting time in this setting, I don’t think he has a girlfriend. He has never given me any reason to question his honesty, and I know of his life there somewhat well. A lot of his friends are engaged or married but he is currently single
Admitting your flaws and the things you have to work on to get better is the first step into direction. However, nobody is perfect. We’re all unperfect little human beings that populate the world. So as much as it’s important to admit that what you’re doing is not constructive for your life nor your family dynamic, you should also give yourself the respect and warmness to figure out what YOU NEED to start working on yourself. In what condition/ in which environment/ around which people do I feel comfortable enough to put the time and effort in to become a better version of myself. It’s important that you don’t have the goal to change yourself, that’s not what anyone is asking for. Most people just want the behavior of their loved ones to head into a more healthy/ reliable/ consistent direction. After all, you’re not walking this path alone but together with others. This is why you also need patience and support of the ones around you, without being dependent on it.
It sounds like your relationship is already changing whether you want it to or not, and ignoring it is as likely to end in an ill-advised hookup without discussing anything first. At the very least discuss the elephant in the room and figure out how the two of you want to handle it. If y'all want to move forward with dating then you can set some boundaries, make sure the two of you don't end up spending so much time together that it becomes detrimental, etc. I am not as pessimistic about the chances of something like this working as some people, but I do highly encourage open communication from the start and not just “making a move”.
It will happen no doubt but she is also quite preoccupied growing your little one so she will also be focusing on that. Which is a good thing for her and the baby, don't want either being stressed.
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Why and how is an ex impeding him from moving forward with you? Seems like a convenient excuse. If after 7 damn years you are not his priority and life partner, seems you never will be. It should be you and him planning his mother’s funeral, why is an ex assigned this role and you aren’t even invited by him? Seems you are about as low in the family hierarchy of importance in his mind as you could be. I would just continue to let this fade away if it already is, you could still be there as a friend for emotional support like you have already offered, but I would move on relationship wise. Don’t let this man take anymore of your youth.
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The key word there is WAS. She WAS interested and now she isn't. Trying to “win her back” while she's already in a relationship just makes you seem like the kind of guy who won't listen when she says no.
Yes, she did say that she treated me with everything right off the bat. And that affection declined over time because I wasn’t able to reciprocate it in a timely manner up until now. Which is why she lost feelings and I’m left with stronger feelings when I first started.
I think you may have misunderstood me. I'm not saying that he should then agree with you, I'm saying maybe you should stop making accusations and just share your feelings. Don't say “Tom Hanks is a pedophile”, say “I saw another story about someone maybe being a pedophile and now I'm feeling really scared and sad again”. Also maybe you should stop frequenting whatever thread or page or publication is posting these rumors. It seems like your fears are being triggered often and there's no reason for you to indulge that. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about your trauma?
Oh its fine, sorry english is not my first language ?
In my opinion, you should talk with her about how bad it makes you feel and then change the friendship to a casual we talk from time to time one and let her know
Definitely sounds like you’re into her, OP. You already see you’re treated poorly, but are looking for excuses to stay. Find someone who treats you well.
Yeah, I can see that happen too. We have to weave a more complicated lie then. Perhaps the seller can find some reason to just not have the ring available for awhile.
Mmm I think you were trying to use it sexually (which is fine! My husband has done it before and I enjoyed it. I had already called him daddy sexually, randomly, and that had gone well. We didn't talk about it before hand but we are married so if one of us doesn't like something we are comfortable enough to just tell one another, but we talk about other kinks and fetishes. You have to discuss your kinks together. Sometimes it works out to be spontaneous and sometimes it doesn't. Seems for her maybe it doesn't and she needs communication beforehand.
You do this with your coworkers? Before they've given you any indication that they're interested in you?
I'm pretty sure I've been on the receiving end of this before, not having done anything more than surface level politeness, and thinking it was really weird and presumptuous.
Obviously, some days ago she told me her worry and that she don't want to loose more time, she wants to have a baby.
That's the only reference I can see anywhere where he indicates they talked about it before now. “Some days ago” – that could be last week. For all we know it never came up before then, and that's on both of them equally. You say “one partner has a responsibility to tell the other”, but you seem to only mean “the man has a responsibility”, which is not entirely surprising.
I’m extremely busy with work and school and have minimal time to put into our relationship
I think you need to be focusing on your career and education or you need to figure something out because unless you put the time in, things will just continue to fall apart anyway.
18, pregnant AND married to a selfish asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still sleeping with her because how does he even know that she'd agree to such a thing? You may need a divorce before it's too late Hun.
This is deeper than sauce. Have you talked to her? Ask her how she's feeling? Having relationship problems?
Side note- I always buy like 10 sauces for this reason. Forget the sauce? Thats ok I have extra in the fridge. I get pretty annoyed when they forget the sauce too, but would never take it out on my boyfriend. Mistakes happen.
i tend to dwell on my feelings , whereas he can be fine from the issue quite quickly afterwards , so i knew by me still feeling these feelings on it when im his mind “its fine now” would annoy him
If this was literally the ONLY area that he showed force, then maybe, maybe I might give him the slightest bit of a pass, specifically because she told him she kind of likes it.
But the fact that she says he’s controlling in other areas of the relationship displays a pattern of needing to be in control. Which is what rape is – an action of power and control. And the fact he waits til she is blacked out to do these things is excessively disturbing.
OP, GTFO of this relationship. A caring, normal partner wouldn’t be bragging about beating up and raping his partner. He’s twisting your words around to see how far he can go. I would be out of that house so fast…
You never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. They never will. The only person you can change is yourself.
So how about you do that. Tell yourself
I am worthy of having someone in my life that loves and cares for me. I deserve to be with someone that makes me a priority. I deserve for my partner to care when I’m hurt or sick. I deserve for my partner to at least want and offer to help when I’m hurt or sick.
At the very least that should be what your partner should be doing. Why are you settling for less?
So you treat her like garbage and instead of, you know, talking to her, you ask the internet to tell you what your girlfriend is thinking? You know who knows what your girlfriend is thinking? Your girlfriend. Honestly, your problem is that you don't see her as a person. If you did, you would be kind to her. You would get off the internet and go apologize to your girlfriend.
At the very least, it’s disrespectful to you to be sending those messages with you right beside her. That tells me that she’s got little to zero respect for you.
Yeah I mean I totally understand wanting to play games with friends and stuff, it isn't that that's really the issue it's just the amount of time and frequency. I feel like I get put on the back burner a lot, like he'll sit on discord for hours and hours with his friends but I only get a 10 min phone call when he has time at work and idk it makes me feel kind of shitty.
He has a good job but he hasn't been there for long, and he says he is constantly super busy. He doesn't talk about it much beyond that, so honestly I can't be sure exactly what the situation is like.
I would just take the other girl out for a drink, give her a recap of what happened, make fun of him and forget him.
For added measure you could communicate to his family that it was nice knowing them, but since you just found out your ex had another relationship for 5 months already you won't be seeing them again.
There's nothing to fix. If there were anything to fix you wouldn't be able to because an addict can't help themself. The next drink/fix is all that an addict cares about and will do anything … lie, cheat, steal … to get it. It's time to move on. Sad what's happening to her. But, there is no point to you joining her on the slide down. Best wishes.
lol dude your posting on reddit in regards to how you are feeling regarding your girlfriends pregnancy? Here is some real advice.
A) Do whatever you want. People here will all howl “Her body her choice like dumb monkeys”. This will happen no matter how you are feeling or what your actually intent is.
B) You want to convince her to carry the baby or tell her you will break up with her if she doesn't. DO IT. It doesn't really matter one way or another. Everyone here will blame you regardless
C) Never ask for relationship advice as a man on reddit. Most people here are sexist pigs in every scenario. Remember YOU had sex, but she gets to decide.
Nope I would say its not worth saving, For many reasons, he down played the relationship you was having oh but we wasn't that serious, but still didn't tell you?? Another reason the lying and the making you feel crazy, oh your going to leave off of suspension. And the making someone else lie to you for him, which no effects you relationship with said friend.
It had nothing to do with not losing you and everything to do with having the upper hand.
I don't think this relationship is worth saving and he isn't worth your important years, your still young can go meet someone amazing and better.
The relationship was over the second he lied and gaslight you and went as far as to manipulate someone else to lie for him.
Which makes me wonder what else he would go to such lengths to hide.
And this is not a thing men do. Not at all I've been with my partner for 17 years, and he said he'd never do that??♀️
This really isn't hard. Be direct with him and her as well if unwanted interaction occurs. For me, it would simply be a statement to him like, hey, I know she is important in your life and I would never interfere with your relationship with her, but don't force her on me as I have no wish to be friends with her or spend time with her.
If she approaches you, just tell her you think she is nice, but you have no wish pursue a relationship with her.
Btw, you are way more gracious than most. Someone who has a best friend of the opposite sex that they were in a long term intimate relationship with would be hard pressed to find a partner that would be ok with that relationship. Let alone trying to force a friendship on them.
And I have felt jealous/insecure of my sister before because of her boobs (not because she was mean about it or anything, just jealous) and this whole thing with my bf won't help with that either.
Sit your sister down and tell her: “I was incredibly hurt and offended by how you spoke about my girlfriend the other night. Not that it’s remotely your business, but she is not trans and even if she was, I would still love her and choose to be with her. I care for her deeply and I’m hoping she’ll be in my life for a long time, so if you and I are going to have any kind of a decent relationship then you need to cut this transphobic nonsense out right now. I won’t put up with you insulting my partner or implying she’s somehow less of a woman. If you do it in front of me again, we will both leave. I don’t care what you personally think of her or of our relationship; I expect you to treat her with basic respect like you would any other friend I brought into our home. If you can’t do that then we’re going to have a serious problem.”
Then you go to your parents and say: “A little while ago sister said some things to my girlfriend that really hurt both her and myself. That’s why she hasn’t been around lately; she feels really uncomfortable being around sister. I’ve had a direct talk with sister and set some expectations around how I hope she will respect my partner in future, and I’ve made it clear that if she insults or belittles her in front of me we will both leave. I wanted you to know because this is your home too and I don’t want to put you in the middle of a conflict; but I think that asking for my partner to be treated with respect and kindness by my family is very reasonable, and I really hope I can count on you to support my and my partner if sister tries to make her feel unwelcome.”
I don’t know whether I’d mention specifically what your sister said to your partner, but I would tell her that you’ve spoken to her and to your parents and made it clear how you expect her to be treated in future. Also let her know that you absolutely have her back and that you’ll pick her side every time if your sister tries to start some shit. I think with enough support and a little time she may start to feel safe in your home again.
Yes. Came here to say: DO NOT see him in a few days. Do not listen to his bullshit.
If you absolutely positively can't resist hearing him out as he tries to weasel out of responsibility for his behavior, remember that real apologies DO NOT start with, “I'm sorry if” or “I'm sorry you”
If he feels this way why doesn’t he break up with me?
The question is also: if he feels this way about you, why don't you break up with him?
Really why are you with him? What is this relationship if he feels like this. Don't say “he loves me” because love = respect and he does not respect you.
Please think about whether you should stay with him. He is taking out all his frustrations on you, and blaming you for his bad life. It's not your fault and it's not your problem to fix. You can't fix his problems. You can initiate the break up too, you know.
Wait, how did you found that out? Anyway if he is not your current bf right now then it's normal for him to try his luck on other people no? He cant be waiting forever until you give him a definitive answer.
This is specifically why I said that it's reasonable if their plans don't align. It is her body to do with what she wants. This is also why it's vital that they discuss these matters before sex – while also knowing she could potentially still change her mind. I had an abortion as a teenager and also told my husband (not the same person) that option was off the table when we started having sex. I truly see both sides of this. I am not judging her decision but I don't think you should be with someone (or at minimum have sex) if your thoughts on preventing and/or having children don't primarily line up. No one wins in that situation. She sounds pretty lax about having children based on this post and he seems the opposite. Again, absolutely no judgement but something he should consider.
Oh dont worry about it whats the disorder called?
I don't know about your boyfriend, but it sure sounds like these bros are going for the sex tourism rather than the beaches.
Lol, you moved on too fast? He moved on before you two had finished, wtf!
Are you certain he's not just back because it's easy, and guess wht, it sounds like he'll be 'punishing you' once the relationship is embedded again, as he just isn't loved enough by you. I mean, look how coldly and how swiftly you moved on when he had the first affair.
There’s no coercion but I’m glad you are concerned. He says he might when he feels like he wants to or he might not. It’s the uncertainty that’s the issue. I wasn’t ever saying I was going to force him to do that nor would I get pleasure out of it if someone wasn’t enjoying themselves. I’ve been in dangerous situations regarding people trying to coerce me to do things and I would never want someone to suffer similar.
your sister needs to shut down the bf. A break is break. He had no say over what she did and needs to grow up and not a baby jerk. THEN he proposes a 3some with siblings. He is just pushing as far and hard as he can. Sister needs to tell him to cut the crap.
Hmm, while this isn’t good, it could also be a vindictive ex. I’m have my flaws and an ex once did this to me with a woman I was newly dating. Scared the new woman off for no decent reason. It’s easy to see someone confident and charming as a narcissist or they might just be confident and charming.
The short version: don’t believe it off the bat, but maybe ask the anonymous messenger who they are… you can’t just throw a guy away over a non-validated message.
We have been together for close to two years. They had been separated for over a year when we got together… however, I think he only told her about the new relationship about 6 months ago.
I am looking for someone with whom to have a family…
So you’re saying that I should just leave it right? I haven’t done anything yet, she hasn’t heard from me in months. I’m just kinda thinking about it.
None of any of that matters if you are constantly hurt.
Pulling yourself inside out to understand someone who is not putting the same energy into understanding you is a road to nowhere. He could be the nicest guy on the planet with the best intentions but if the way he handles the relationship results in you constantly feeling like this, well then he is of no use to you.
You can follow your usual MO and agonize for a few more years, driving yourself insane trying to work him out, or you can say, hey bf. Let's downgrade this to a casual friendship because the lack of communication here is harming me.
And spend some time on you. Autism is such a vast continent to navigate all on it's own, but even so, a partner should bring you more peace than pain.
You have so much going on in your life that maybe some time with a therapist to help get you some strategies for dealing with change might be a good idea here. You dont like change, you never will, but there may be ways to help mitigate it somewhat, because change is pretty much constant for most people ironically.
Good luck.
Are they staying in a mansion 335 x by how many people? He should be paying for your share cause it's his family and you are just a guest.
Dad vibe aside, this woman sounds like a train wreck. Were the others? Maybe the problem is your picker sucks.
Say thank you? I dont see the problem here.
I asked “hey how often are you out here towards _” and she said _. I asked if she’d want to go out next time she’s here and she said yes, then asked what my schedule was. We figured out we have the same schedule and she said she’d let me know next time she’s out here.
Then I blocked / unblocked her, but it’s noticeable we’re no longer friends.
Thanks for the reply!
Babe you were emotionally cheating, then it became physical and now you have both physically and emotionally cheated. You obviously have to tell your SO – prepare for anything.
If these responses aren't about some of the most sexist responses to domestic abuses I have heard in a long time. Imagine a dude did this, every single person here would tell the woman to call the police and get to a friend or family. This person is abusive and is attacking her partner. Call her out like you would call her out if she was a dude. People like this don't stop who they are, they become more of who they already are.
Hahaha
I’m sorry from the way you wrote it in the post I thought he like essentially joined your group for the rest of the night. If you didn’t interact that much with him then it’s pretty clear someone told your husband.
How long ago was this get together? Like has your husband been upset for days, weeks, months? Knowing the timescale would change how big of a problem this is.
While it is probably very true that I’m wasting time in this setting, I don’t think he has a girlfriend. He has never given me any reason to question his honesty, and I know of his life there somewhat well. A lot of his friends are engaged or married but he is currently single
Admitting your flaws and the things you have to work on to get better is the first step into direction. However, nobody is perfect. We’re all unperfect little human beings that populate the world. So as much as it’s important to admit that what you’re doing is not constructive for your life nor your family dynamic, you should also give yourself the respect and warmness to figure out what YOU NEED to start working on yourself. In what condition/ in which environment/ around which people do I feel comfortable enough to put the time and effort in to become a better version of myself. It’s important that you don’t have the goal to change yourself, that’s not what anyone is asking for. Most people just want the behavior of their loved ones to head into a more healthy/ reliable/ consistent direction. After all, you’re not walking this path alone but together with others. This is why you also need patience and support of the ones around you, without being dependent on it.
It sounds like your relationship is already changing whether you want it to or not, and ignoring it is as likely to end in an ill-advised hookup without discussing anything first. At the very least discuss the elephant in the room and figure out how the two of you want to handle it. If y'all want to move forward with dating then you can set some boundaries, make sure the two of you don't end up spending so much time together that it becomes detrimental, etc. I am not as pessimistic about the chances of something like this working as some people, but I do highly encourage open communication from the start and not just “making a move”.
We do not know the context. She gave zero information on what happened before
You know the bat signal?
Make a sex design on a piece of paper, tape it to a decent sized flashlight, and light it when you want to have sex.
In all seriousness, body language and words (which I know you said you struggle with words) are your best bet to truly initiate something.
Your boyfriend asking for your social media passwords is wrong. Him trawling through your message history is gross. I would break up with him
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Take it one day at a time.
It will happen no doubt but she is also quite preoccupied growing your little one so she will also be focusing on that. Which is a good thing for her and the baby, don't want either being stressed.
Multiple sources online say otherwise and say that it CAN in fact lay dormant for YEARS. Do YOU have any evidence to back up otherwise?
Sarah cheated on him first tho, fair I would say. Although he should have just broken and not put her through so much.
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Why and how is an ex impeding him from moving forward with you? Seems like a convenient excuse. If after 7 damn years you are not his priority and life partner, seems you never will be. It should be you and him planning his mother’s funeral, why is an ex assigned this role and you aren’t even invited by him? Seems you are about as low in the family hierarchy of importance in his mind as you could be. I would just continue to let this fade away if it already is, you could still be there as a friend for emotional support like you have already offered, but I would move on relationship wise. Don’t let this man take anymore of your youth.
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Same.
No such thing a leagues, man, just “yes” and “no.”
The key word there is WAS. She WAS interested and now she isn't. Trying to “win her back” while she's already in a relationship just makes you seem like the kind of guy who won't listen when she says no.
I was a teenager too.
And no one in my area was *this * level of insane…..
Stories like that paint a very bad image of society. The typical “alphabet mafia will harass you for being hetero” kinda Image.
Yes, she did say that she treated me with everything right off the bat. And that affection declined over time because I wasn’t able to reciprocate it in a timely manner up until now. Which is why she lost feelings and I’m left with stronger feelings when I first started.
If he’s bugging you just use stasis on him and smack him a few times, and when it wears off he’ll go flying away
I think you may have misunderstood me. I'm not saying that he should then agree with you, I'm saying maybe you should stop making accusations and just share your feelings. Don't say “Tom Hanks is a pedophile”, say “I saw another story about someone maybe being a pedophile and now I'm feeling really scared and sad again”. Also maybe you should stop frequenting whatever thread or page or publication is posting these rumors. It seems like your fears are being triggered often and there's no reason for you to indulge that. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about your trauma?
Oh its fine, sorry english is not my first language ?
In my opinion, you should talk with her about how bad it makes you feel and then change the friendship to a casual we talk from time to time one and let her know
Definitely sounds like you’re into her, OP. You already see you’re treated poorly, but are looking for excuses to stay. Find someone who treats you well.
I’m miserable just reading about him, can’t imagine why you’re with him
Yeah, I can see that happen too. We have to weave a more complicated lie then. Perhaps the seller can find some reason to just not have the ring available for awhile.
Exactly. Sex isn’t this bad thing like smoking or drinking in excess.
Mmm I think you were trying to use it sexually (which is fine! My husband has done it before and I enjoyed it. I had already called him daddy sexually, randomly, and that had gone well. We didn't talk about it before hand but we are married so if one of us doesn't like something we are comfortable enough to just tell one another, but we talk about other kinks and fetishes. You have to discuss your kinks together. Sometimes it works out to be spontaneous and sometimes it doesn't. Seems for her maybe it doesn't and she needs communication beforehand.
He's not trying too, but he's saying that I overreacted to his “Flirting” by saying he makes me uncomfortable to his girlfriend….
Fuck that guy, but not in the way he likes. Listen when they tell on themselves
You do this with your coworkers? Before they've given you any indication that they're interested in you?
I'm pretty sure I've been on the receiving end of this before, not having done anything more than surface level politeness, and thinking it was really weird and presumptuous.
Obviously, some days ago she told me her worry and that she don't want to loose more time, she wants to have a baby.
That's the only reference I can see anywhere where he indicates they talked about it before now. “Some days ago” – that could be last week. For all we know it never came up before then, and that's on both of them equally. You say “one partner has a responsibility to tell the other”, but you seem to only mean “the man has a responsibility”, which is not entirely surprising.
Mate it’s a dance. Don’t go to a dance class, you’ll lose your mind.
I’m extremely busy with work and school and have minimal time to put into our relationship
I think you need to be focusing on your career and education or you need to figure something out because unless you put the time in, things will just continue to fall apart anyway.
There's more than one therapist in the world. Definitely the kind of thing you shop around for the right fit.
18, pregnant AND married to a selfish asshole. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still sleeping with her because how does he even know that she'd agree to such a thing? You may need a divorce before it's too late Hun.
This is deeper than sauce. Have you talked to her? Ask her how she's feeling? Having relationship problems?
Side note- I always buy like 10 sauces for this reason. Forget the sauce? Thats ok I have extra in the fridge. I get pretty annoyed when they forget the sauce too, but would never take it out on my boyfriend. Mistakes happen.
At least he asked nicely.
I have stolen nice smelling hoodies before.
Wow… Throw the whole friend group and the man away OP, you're clearly getting gaslighted into doubting your own feelings and suspicions.
Leave him in all seriousness.
Oh, FFS. If this is what sets the two of you off, no way are you ready for marriage.
Or professionals. She should get hospitalized if she is dangerous to herself.
Even if he’s potentially telling the truth which i highly doubt. His reaction is alarming and i think it’s a solid reason to leave.
Sounds like he'll abandon you at the altar if you insist on going through with it
i tend to dwell on my feelings , whereas he can be fine from the issue quite quickly afterwards , so i knew by me still feeling these feelings on it when im his mind “its fine now” would annoy him
But I mean, she IS being raped.
If this was literally the ONLY area that he showed force, then maybe, maybe I might give him the slightest bit of a pass, specifically because she told him she kind of likes it.
But the fact that she says he’s controlling in other areas of the relationship displays a pattern of needing to be in control. Which is what rape is – an action of power and control. And the fact he waits til she is blacked out to do these things is excessively disturbing.
OP, GTFO of this relationship. A caring, normal partner wouldn’t be bragging about beating up and raping his partner. He’s twisting your words around to see how far he can go. I would be out of that house so fast…
Of course he would. Just another mommy to take care of him. He probably wouldn’t even care too much.
Of course he would. Just another mommy to take care of him. He probably wouldn’t even care too much.
You never go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. They never will. The only person you can change is yourself.
So how about you do that. Tell yourself
I am worthy of having someone in my life that loves and cares for me. I deserve to be with someone that makes me a priority. I deserve for my partner to care when I’m hurt or sick. I deserve for my partner to at least want and offer to help when I’m hurt or sick.
At the very least that should be what your partner should be doing. Why are you settling for less?
So you treat her like garbage and instead of, you know, talking to her, you ask the internet to tell you what your girlfriend is thinking? You know who knows what your girlfriend is thinking? Your girlfriend. Honestly, your problem is that you don't see her as a person. If you did, you would be kind to her. You would get off the internet and go apologize to your girlfriend.
How old are you really? Because you say you’re 28, your username says 93 and you sound like 12.
You offended a bunch of frigid people with your post. Don't worry about it
At the very least, it’s disrespectful to you to be sending those messages with you right beside her. That tells me that she’s got little to zero respect for you.
I’m the tv watcher in my marriage, I just watch on my phone and use headphones. Why can’t he do something like that ??
I feel like this man is using you for a place.
Ayye I finally found the other dude in these replies.
She sounds terrible.
Are you a psychic? Do you already see problems in the future while everything is going great?
Yeah I mean I totally understand wanting to play games with friends and stuff, it isn't that that's really the issue it's just the amount of time and frequency. I feel like I get put on the back burner a lot, like he'll sit on discord for hours and hours with his friends but I only get a 10 min phone call when he has time at work and idk it makes me feel kind of shitty.
He has a good job but he hasn't been there for long, and he says he is constantly super busy. He doesn't talk about it much beyond that, so honestly I can't be sure exactly what the situation is like.
Look up what being a “little” is. She may be trying to coax you into it slowly without coming out and saying it.
It's a link where one is acts child(sub) like and the other is the dom. Can flip roles too.
Obviously you come from a very judgmental culture that doesn't know fun.
Get therapy. Stop pretending you don’t NEED it when you’re still totally triggered and need a week off from nail polish colors. That’s deep.
You’re doing yourself a huge disservice by not getting the help you actually need.
Man that was a long read
Let me shorten it for you
My girlfriend cheated on me and now we are going to break up.
I would just take the other girl out for a drink, give her a recap of what happened, make fun of him and forget him.
For added measure you could communicate to his family that it was nice knowing them, but since you just found out your ex had another relationship for 5 months already you won't be seeing them again.
There's nothing to fix. If there were anything to fix you wouldn't be able to because an addict can't help themself. The next drink/fix is all that an addict cares about and will do anything … lie, cheat, steal … to get it. It's time to move on. Sad what's happening to her. But, there is no point to you joining her on the slide down. Best wishes.
The techniques might still apply
lol dude your posting on reddit in regards to how you are feeling regarding your girlfriends pregnancy? Here is some real advice.
A) Do whatever you want. People here will all howl “Her body her choice like dumb monkeys”. This will happen no matter how you are feeling or what your actually intent is.
B) You want to convince her to carry the baby or tell her you will break up with her if she doesn't. DO IT. It doesn't really matter one way or another. Everyone here will blame you regardless
C) Never ask for relationship advice as a man on reddit. Most people here are sexist pigs in every scenario. Remember YOU had sex, but she gets to decide.
Nope I would say its not worth saving, For many reasons, he down played the relationship you was having oh but we wasn't that serious, but still didn't tell you?? Another reason the lying and the making you feel crazy, oh your going to leave off of suspension. And the making someone else lie to you for him, which no effects you relationship with said friend.
It had nothing to do with not losing you and everything to do with having the upper hand.
I don't think this relationship is worth saving and he isn't worth your important years, your still young can go meet someone amazing and better.
The relationship was over the second he lied and gaslight you and went as far as to manipulate someone else to lie for him.
Which makes me wonder what else he would go to such lengths to hide.
And this is not a thing men do. Not at all I've been with my partner for 17 years, and he said he'd never do that??♀️
And sure as hell wouldn't lie when asked
Keep not watching porn and hope he forgives you. Literally all you can do
This is terrible advice.
This really isn't hard. Be direct with him and her as well if unwanted interaction occurs. For me, it would simply be a statement to him like, hey, I know she is important in your life and I would never interfere with your relationship with her, but don't force her on me as I have no wish to be friends with her or spend time with her.
If she approaches you, just tell her you think she is nice, but you have no wish pursue a relationship with her.
Btw, you are way more gracious than most. Someone who has a best friend of the opposite sex that they were in a long term intimate relationship with would be hard pressed to find a partner that would be ok with that relationship. Let alone trying to force a friendship on them.
51m 47f married 19 years, together 25. Every day on the weekends, and intermittently during the week.
It recently picked up significantly just this past year. Before that, it was much less frequent.
And I have felt jealous/insecure of my sister before because of her boobs (not because she was mean about it or anything, just jealous) and this whole thing with my bf won't help with that either.
Sit your sister down and tell her: “I was incredibly hurt and offended by how you spoke about my girlfriend the other night. Not that it’s remotely your business, but she is not trans and even if she was, I would still love her and choose to be with her. I care for her deeply and I’m hoping she’ll be in my life for a long time, so if you and I are going to have any kind of a decent relationship then you need to cut this transphobic nonsense out right now. I won’t put up with you insulting my partner or implying she’s somehow less of a woman. If you do it in front of me again, we will both leave. I don’t care what you personally think of her or of our relationship; I expect you to treat her with basic respect like you would any other friend I brought into our home. If you can’t do that then we’re going to have a serious problem.”
Then you go to your parents and say: “A little while ago sister said some things to my girlfriend that really hurt both her and myself. That’s why she hasn’t been around lately; she feels really uncomfortable being around sister. I’ve had a direct talk with sister and set some expectations around how I hope she will respect my partner in future, and I’ve made it clear that if she insults or belittles her in front of me we will both leave. I wanted you to know because this is your home too and I don’t want to put you in the middle of a conflict; but I think that asking for my partner to be treated with respect and kindness by my family is very reasonable, and I really hope I can count on you to support my and my partner if sister tries to make her feel unwelcome.”
I don’t know whether I’d mention specifically what your sister said to your partner, but I would tell her that you’ve spoken to her and to your parents and made it clear how you expect her to be treated in future. Also let her know that you absolutely have her back and that you’ll pick her side every time if your sister tries to start some shit. I think with enough support and a little time she may start to feel safe in your home again.
Yes. Came here to say: DO NOT see him in a few days. Do not listen to his bullshit.
If you absolutely positively can't resist hearing him out as he tries to weasel out of responsibility for his behavior, remember that real apologies DO NOT start with, “I'm sorry if” or “I'm sorry you”
Disagree, I've recorded myself doing a lot of dirty stuff but those video mever left my phone
Same principle.
Honey, he ain’t ya boyfriend. This is just your roommate who’s sleeping around.
Pay for your porn. Make sure it's ethically sourced
Ah…so he's also a liar….sounds like you've got a fantastic future husband /s
If he feels this way why doesn’t he break up with me?
The question is also: if he feels this way about you, why don't you break up with him?
Really why are you with him? What is this relationship if he feels like this. Don't say “he loves me” because love = respect and he does not respect you.
Please think about whether you should stay with him. He is taking out all his frustrations on you, and blaming you for his bad life. It's not your fault and it's not your problem to fix. You can't fix his problems. You can initiate the break up too, you know.