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Date: November 2, 2022
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Maybe men aren’t dating you because they can’t respect a women’s who doesn’t love herself
You have a history of disordered eating (using food to cope with trauma) and are now swinging to the other side of disordered eating (obsessing over weight and trying to get down to the lowest weight physically possible to please others). This man is completely toxic for you right now….ffs he's threatening to leave you over 20 pounds? Because you SUCCEEDED in losing the originally planned weight, but still disappointed him by not losing more? He's setting you up for failure by saying none of your efforts are good enough. You didn't waste half the year, you found out what actually works for you. Although given this post, I'm worried your intermittent fasting may soon become straight up anorexia. Please take care of your mental health as well!
This isn't an accident. This is something that likely took place over the course of a few hours. He drank alone with a woman (which was a boundary), he shared his past with her (another boundary), and then left with her to go to her place, and then they kept drinking, and it got more intimate from there. He knew from the get go that it was wrong, as soon as he stayed at the pub alone with her. He had so many chances to say no and leave.
Also, mixing meds and alcohol doesn't make you cheat. It could make you more drunk more quickly, but this is still inexcusable.
You don't cheat by accident.
First you have to talk with your partner how she want to deal with her mother in the future. Limited contact? Setting bounderies and and if she shows up after a “no”, don't open the door, if she tries to guilt-trip – just hang on the phone and block here for the day. Or even going no contact for some time till your partner can go to therapy and work on what she wants in the future.
You both must also think about your future. What MIL does is harming you both and can even break up your relationship. And what if you get a child? Do you want to deal with this then? Your MIL seems to be a narcist and i don't think reasoning will work very much. Your gf must know it better, she lived with her many years, i guess too many years.
And so many people try the “but fAmiLy…!”-card to get away with every shit and still force themself back in your life, but being family is more then blood and who you gave birth to, it is love, respect, how you treat someone. Not take, walk over someone and hurt people. You can choose your family.
Sorry about the CAPS guys
Sorry OP. This doesn’t turn out well I suspect. If you Call GF’s “bluff” she will leave or back down. You can’t control the outcome. Your primary focus here is your child and to some extent your self. Good luck.