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Vanesajones Public Chat Channel
Date: November 25, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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The gym
Literally not
I totally understand how you feel. It's heartbreaking, you feel lost, you get scared about the future without this person. But, the best thing you can do is go no contact. Time does heal wounds. And the earlier you start the sooner you will feel happier and adjust to life without them. Had a few 4+ year relationships where I lived with the person and my whole life revolved around us being a couple…. (Not the best way to do it btw!) So you cannot imagine a life without them. But you move on, you focus on yourself and you become happier. You never know what's around the corner! I found my forever person by complete random (actually an old friend I had lost contact with 13 odd years prior and never thought this would happen) and this relationship is miles better than the people I believed were my soulmates before. Don't give up hope, just cut contact and focus on making yourself happy and better yourself, take up a new hobby etc ^
Set the clock for the night she hooks up after work at the bar ⏰
He tried to assure me that they're just friends because the other girl also has a boyfriend. They barely talk now and he said maybe that's why he messaged, and he said he does weird random shit when he's drunk. He says he's willing to never let himself be too drunk again
I guess to me, it's just a “thing.” No matter how great it is, it's just a thing…not a living, breathing, loving human. No matter how great a vibrator might be, it could never replace that human connection aspect
There really isn't a way to discuss this with Asian Parents (APs). I'm Indian too, and you can check my post history for the details on how my parents are trying desperately to ruin my burgeoning relationship. I've spent hours and hours and hours calmly discussing these sorts of issues with my APs, only to be met with endless guilt-tripping and other abuse.
You gotta just do what you want to do, and you've gotta be prepared for the consequences of doing that. I got disowned and am no-contact with my parents. My relationship may not survive after all their meddling, but even if I lose my gf, freeing myself from my parents' control was worth it.
Exactly. Rip that bandage off. Call him up. “Hey, remember when I asked to talk and you said no? Well, you’re a father.” Go from there.
Sounds like A is still wrestling with her already made choice, and it may be too much for her, so she’s irrationally placing the blame on you. Friendship with K could be the reason she feels the need to pass the buck, as it sounds like shaming is a key component.
I would get with A privately, and ask her if she’s hurting. Get her to talk it out with you, and I would bet she’ll apologize, but maybe now she feels better that K now knows about it, it isn’t some dirty little secret, and she may even admit that she said that to take Ks heat off of her.
You might grow out of these friendships, and that’s OK. But folks who suck on religion tend to stay in these loops of reciprocal blessings: good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. That’s why they shame people for what they consider “bad behavior.” You seem to be a ton smarter than that, but it won’t stop them from applying that way of thinking towards you. Sorry ?
It’s none of your business.
Lmao
Oof
This is why I think people should date a bunch different people when they are young. So you can figure out what you are looking for in a spouse.
I am just blown away at people being under 21 and saying they have been with their partner 6 years and such – I am just like why? why would you do that? I and I have been married almost 30 years (happily). My husband and I were not each other's only relationships.
People should act married when they get married. If you aren't going to get married why date someone for 2 or 5 or 10 years if you have no intention of getting married. Move on.
“My car is a rusted out death trap. Fortunately I haven't started my big coast to coast road trip yet. Should I keep it for the trip or get a better car?”
But there is no rent involved since OP said she OWNS the apartment.
No I said masturbation is a normal thing to do. Watching porn is different for everyone. And you can shame people all you want for not wanting their partners to watch porn but it won’t fix anything.
It’s just him not watching porn he’s not dying so get over yourself. Plus he has a huge folder on his phone of me for whatever he needs to get off.
It’s not dumb or unnecessary. If you have a porn addiction that’s your issue not mine, but not all men are like that.
And why did you put boundary in quotations? If you can’t respect your partner enough to have simple boundaries just stay with someone that doesn’t care much about you then you won’t have to worry about “boundaries”
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how heartbroken you’re likely feeling. I have a few words that may or may not help.
It is incredibly important to stick by your plans and boundaries, even when the outcome is brutally painful. I can’t imagine how much harder it would be if you had a child or had gotten married and had to endure a divorce.
You will heal. And when the pain starts to lift, it will feel like the greatest relief you can imagine. It’s going to take time, but you can handle it, hopefully not alone.
If possible, lean on your friends and family right now. My family drives me a little nuts, but their comfort during my own experience with devastating loss was so helpful. If you have access to professional mental health resources, even better.
Sending you love, OP. I promise you can get through this, and in time. you’ll see this situation from a whole new perspective.
What the women who are saying they do it. What are they?
No. Never.
You are a true threat to their livelihood, if he ever decides to go live his own life and have a family of his own they will be SOL.
she needs me to help her stop her addiction
And yet she had you and didn't stop.
“Movie n Dinner at a hip joint this weekend?”
Yeah, I would think this is definitely something you tell your partner. And since (as you've said below) this was back in high school, I would think that a reasonable person would be able to handle it.
You're right here.
Lots of couples have different politics. The question is do those politics affect your day to day life together? You are allowed to have your opinions and vote accordingly. So is he. It doesn’t make either of you a bad person, and it doesn’t make your relationship bad or unworkable.
Unless it’s an issue that affects your lives directly and not in some theoretical way to groups of people to which you may belong, let it go. It’s up to you whether this is a deal breaker, but if you have a great relationship and politics is the only “but”, it’s wisest to let it go.
Don't worry, there's a lot of clowns in the late teens and early 20s. Good luck, it likely won't be your last.
Ask your husband how much he thinks the two of you can afford to give and never get back. Discuss this. Discuss the fact it won't be the last time you get a request for money from his Dad.
Babies are also a HUGE amount of work and require a large amount of mental fortitude, which isn't going to be there if you didn't really want one in the first place. Please please
please
do NOT have a baby “because they're cute”. ?♀️
I've raised two, and also worked as a “manny” (for a little while) LOL. When you have a supportive partner who shoulders their share of the load, it feels like the amount of work is cut by far more than half. It's weird, but it's true. It's almost like there are millions of years of evolution behind successfully having children and raising them to adulthood. I know, who knew? Anyway, the amount of support there is out there for new parents is AMAZING, it blew my mind. There is everything from pregnancy centers, to WIC and other social services, to family and churches, as well as Facebook groups and such. People are really wonderful when it comes to supporting new parents.
Frankly, out of the many things in life that are worth doing, having children generally (your situation may vary) not one of the hardest, unless you try to have too many, too close together, or do it alone without asking for help. If it was, we wouldn't exist as a species.
If you mean. I find stuff on it? Then no. No hair or anything. Once i did his laundry and changed the sheets. The fresh one had a giant red hair stuck to it.
Sounds like he's trying to get rid of you. However, even if he's just being rude, he can't bar you from attending. Him and his father are not in charge of attendance.
I’m proud of you for getting out!!
It’s important that you know that not reporting him doesn’t implicate you in any future actions. No matter what happens, no matter what he does, none of it is ever going to be your fault.
You have to look out for your mental health. The only person at fault for violent crimes is the person who chooses to commit them.
Hire a security guard and inform BIL that if he shows up as a clown he will be turned away from the wedding. Inform the rest of the family as well so there are no surprises.
How about she uses headphones? If she doesn’t like to listen to music then do just noise cancelling.
Because you have him hooked and they don't want you to have someone hooked. It is disrespectful. You know that the “best friend” would be down for sex if you allowed it!!!
yeah well, there is a reason a 31 year old is not dating on his age range…
My guy you have no clue about me but hey keep thinking you can sum me up on one post
How long have they been friends? Have you spoken to her about your insecurities and your suspicion that they might be more than friends?
I've known people who have done this and have experienced the following….
Their husband impregnated the third person.
One or the other ended up developing feelings for the third person.
One or the other left their spouse for the third person.
Jealousy.
Possessiveness.
Insecurity/feelings of inadequacy.
Realization that reality is not the same as fantasy.
Regret that was not easily (if ever) resolved.
This is just what I have seen from couples that decided to do this. From those couples, none survived very long after after the fact. Personally, I see marriage as a pair bonding – adding a third wheel does not help a pair to stay bonded.
Not reading all that, but that guy sucks.
That’s exactly what I was gonna say. Not everything is sexual assault the way people like to throw that word around these days.
“bye” will do
Lovely. What are you doing staying with this sad sack of a human?! You deserve so much better! You stuck with him even through addiction, and no one would judge you for having walked away then. He should worship the ground you walk on. The petulant audacity it takes to demand that you work out at the gym to fit his so called standards after you’ve put in all this emotional work is simply breathtaking.
Sit him down and tell him to listen up. Tell him to buck his damn ideas up and work on himself before he starts whining to you. If he wants this relationship, it’s on him to save it. If not, you walk that awesome body away from him and his nonsense and you find the life you want as the queen you are.
I don’t know. We do live together so I’m not really sure
You can't fix anyone but yourself.
He treats you this way because he wants to, and you let him.
The best way to stop it is to leave. Tell yourself it's for 6 months or a year if that makes you feel better, but you need to be away from him for a while to see if that makes you happier than being with him.
You're not the police, you don't need 'evidence'. Not only did you snoop through his computer but now you have taken intimate pictures without the consent of those in them. There's a creep here but I don't think it's your boyfriend!
Are you trying to talk yourself into staying unhappy? Are you that beaten down? Can you see a therapist to help get your self-confidence and self-worth back? Your fear of speaking to your husband honestly is a sign of major emotional abuse. If you’re telling someone who’s suppose to love you what you need to be happy and they divorce you then you should have never been with that person in the first place. This is a super controlling, manipulative, unhealthy relationship. Please speak to someone professional to help you find your voice and get your life back.
?”I'd die for you” that's easy to say We have a list of people that we would take A bullet for them, a bullet for you A bullet for everybody in this room But I don't seem to see many bullets coming through See many bullets coming through Metaphorically, I'm the man But literally, I don't know what I'd do?
My trust takes longer than your lust?
Why do you ask for advice, then?
You're a big girl. If you want to be a pushover, then go and beg for his forgiveness, but that won't score you a good relationship.
First of all, you need to grow thicker skin.
After the intense trauma to your skin,(which is what happened) it does look bad in the immediate aftermath.
He apologized and did not mean to hurt your feelings.
Be an adult and move on.
That's similar to my husband and I, but ours includes car payments. Ours is basically anything that we can both use, and sometimes we trade cars for whatever reason.
Mine/yours is basically fuck you money. We get the same amount, but it's basically personal spending money that we can spend or save how we want.
I make less, but we were mostly living off of his income from when I was unemployed/full time student. Now that I'm working, we just continue living off of his money and put all of mine into retirement/savings/emergency money.
You can't predict the future but you can control your own actions and promise to do that. Cheating isn't something that happens to you it's something you choose to do.
Here's one thing you have to take into consideration OP, I can appreciate that you want a family of your own and that you're willing to take on someone else's kids but on the off chance that you two don't work out in 6 or 12 mos or whatever, those kids and you are going to get attached and then what? You're not going to have any say in those kids' lives legally and she can just dip and run taking them with her, you'll all be up the creek.
You probably should break up with your current relationship. What does it matter that he moved on? If you haven’t moved on the guy you are with needs to know. It’s not fair to him.
Sounds like he was your ideal guy (in your mind) and this current guy is someone you are settling for.
You can remove the app too.