Same here. I was 14 year old and thought it was so cool that I was dating a super senior. Now that I think about it, he was grooming me and would definitely try to force himself on me when I was hanging out with him at his home.
Without knowing either of you, and taking this at face value…you’re not in the wrong at all and are being gaslit. Most people, anxiety or not, would be upset if their partner was unreachable for 24 hours due to drunkenness and lack of service and to then receive 0 compassion (regardless if you admittedly overreacted). However, saying you “ruined the week” is a massive overreaction as well.
Being invested in a relationship means being deeply committed to trying to find “win win” solutions for both parties after conflict.
You’re apologetic for your reaction and committed to therapy to create more “wins”…
Pay close attention, how are they going to create more “wins”?
First of all, congratulations on deciding to take your own life path. You are doing something that is not expected in what is still a relatively patriarchal job market. Someone with a conservative social philosophy (whether they know it or not) would find your decision hard to understand. I know a couple of men in a similar position to you, and their lives are richer for the extra time but they do also receive some weird comments from people.
I would say that if the values that informed this decision are “core” values, then you should stay true to them. And just have an honest conversation with your partner about your respective life goals. As an example, I love living in the UK, and my partner told me it is her ambition to get a very senior job in mainland Europe and would I be OK with moving there one day. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that yes, the relationship was worth it and I was actually open to something new, but my compromise would be that the stint in Europe would need to have an agreed time limit (e.g. 5 years). Bring up the topic with your partner in a respectful way, and give her some space to work out what she wants.
P.S. do remember that this discussion board is not culturally neutral – you are not going to have loads of people here who have decided to take the path you've taken.
What if she wasn’t even at the spa at all, and that was a cover story? I wonder that because of all the details that don’t add up. Mud on her shirt, really? Why would she even have her shirt on during the mud treatment?
You deleted your comment about how you were 12 and he 19 when you started dating and you said he had no idea until 3 years into dating. Somehow making that ok in your head. This is deep denial it avoid the truth of what’s happened to you. PLEASE consider this:
Even if he somehow didn’t know you were 12… which feels impossible. But let’s just say for the sake of argument he didn’t know. When he did found out 3 years later you were 15 and he was 22. That means a 22 year old was fine dating a 15 year old. That is STILL 100% predatory, pedophilic, grooming, etc. not to mention depending on the state/country you’re from could be breaking age of consent laws making all the sex you had even after he found out statutory rape.
Please for the love of god get your head out of your ass. You’re 22 now, you cannot tell me you would date a 15 year old. You cannot tell me that isn’t extremely fucked up. You can’t tell me that if you saw any pair of people ages 22 and 15 dating you wouldn’t be creeped out.
And here my husband stop talking and excommunicate a childhood friend when he was coming on to me one night we went to visit him at his place. My husband went to pick up one of my friends a couple miles away and when he was gone I came out the bathroom and he was waiting by the door. One of his other friends had came to get something he left and felt the tension because hubby’s friend was blocking me around the corner. I never liked the guy, so the way we interact with each is weird but nothing crazy, I’m not disrespectful but I keep my distance. The guy did nothing and left. I called them to hurry and then told my friend the nasty shit he was telling me he wanted to do to me. It’s been about 4 years now.
I would not tolerate this shit tbh, not even that he didn’t say shit since for me I don’t like people picking my battles man’s having to stand up for me when I’m well about to myself, but to not have my back and stop interacting because of the disrespect, nah.
That's exactly why you need to leave him. Take your time, plane everything, but honestly you're giving him gold and he treats it like sh#t. You are doing so many things for him he doesn't see them anymore, he thinks he got you.
Take time for yourself, stop caring for this baby and try to make some friends, some activites you like. Stop doing just even half the chores you do. Trust me he's gonna see it. And when you're gonna leave, he's gonna come back begging for forgiveness because he's gonna understand how much you did for him he took for granted.
Thanks friend, I appreciate that. Unfortunately I’ve thought about that already and tried to change but I can’t, on Friday mornings we even have a tutorial together where it’s literally just me and her. Most awkward shit ever, I dread every Friday morning. It’s just so weird because we went from being total strangers for 2 years, to being extremely close and making out, to going back to being strangers again.
You can't stay with a guy like that. This wasn't a mistake or a miscommunication. He lied to you. He cheated on his ex and is still blaming her. This isn't a man you can change into a man worth having.
You didn't self-sabotage. And there's no “good relationship” to lose.
Basic human rights are not political views. Political views are: we spend too much on abc and need to allocate to def not some people shouldn’t exist. I’m very spiritual, my husband is very religious. He has capacity for kindness towards all people and that is the only reason our relationship works. Religion and politics are only a cover for bigots to cower under, not a reason.
I mean sure middle school and high school is weird.
These two could've definitely both been in high school when they met
Same here. I was 14 year old and thought it was so cool that I was dating a super senior. Now that I think about it, he was grooming me and would definitely try to force himself on me when I was hanging out with him at his home.
Reverse the roles
Woman: stop! get off me! Man: Just wait a minute…it feels really good
This is rape/sexual assault.
Never see this woman again.
I'm saying I'm not being hateful. If a gentle breeze is a tornado to you, that does not reflect on me
It was a “situationship”. My current boyfriend and I tried an open relationship for a while.
Without knowing either of you, and taking this at face value…you’re not in the wrong at all and are being gaslit. Most people, anxiety or not, would be upset if their partner was unreachable for 24 hours due to drunkenness and lack of service and to then receive 0 compassion (regardless if you admittedly overreacted). However, saying you “ruined the week” is a massive overreaction as well.
Being invested in a relationship means being deeply committed to trying to find “win win” solutions for both parties after conflict.
You’re apologetic for your reaction and committed to therapy to create more “wins”…
Pay close attention, how are they going to create more “wins”?
First of all, congratulations on deciding to take your own life path. You are doing something that is not expected in what is still a relatively patriarchal job market. Someone with a conservative social philosophy (whether they know it or not) would find your decision hard to understand. I know a couple of men in a similar position to you, and their lives are richer for the extra time but they do also receive some weird comments from people.
I would say that if the values that informed this decision are “core” values, then you should stay true to them. And just have an honest conversation with your partner about your respective life goals. As an example, I love living in the UK, and my partner told me it is her ambition to get a very senior job in mainland Europe and would I be OK with moving there one day. After a lot of soul searching, I decided that yes, the relationship was worth it and I was actually open to something new, but my compromise would be that the stint in Europe would need to have an agreed time limit (e.g. 5 years). Bring up the topic with your partner in a respectful way, and give her some space to work out what she wants.
P.S. do remember that this discussion board is not culturally neutral – you are not going to have loads of people here who have decided to take the path you've taken.
Why are you covering the bill if she’s only a year younger??? I would understand if there was a bigger age gap
Pleas try to wipe that guilt from your mind—you’re doing the right thing, and you’re already tied to that loser for long enough.
she has not seen a gyno
What if she wasn’t even at the spa at all, and that was a cover story? I wonder that because of all the details that don’t add up. Mud on her shirt, really? Why would she even have her shirt on during the mud treatment?
No.
You deleted your comment about how you were 12 and he 19 when you started dating and you said he had no idea until 3 years into dating. Somehow making that ok in your head. This is deep denial it avoid the truth of what’s happened to you. PLEASE consider this:
Even if he somehow didn’t know you were 12… which feels impossible. But let’s just say for the sake of argument he didn’t know. When he did found out 3 years later you were 15 and he was 22. That means a 22 year old was fine dating a 15 year old. That is STILL 100% predatory, pedophilic, grooming, etc. not to mention depending on the state/country you’re from could be breaking age of consent laws making all the sex you had even after he found out statutory rape.
Please for the love of god get your head out of your ass. You’re 22 now, you cannot tell me you would date a 15 year old. You cannot tell me that isn’t extremely fucked up. You can’t tell me that if you saw any pair of people ages 22 and 15 dating you wouldn’t be creeped out.
And here my husband stop talking and excommunicate a childhood friend when he was coming on to me one night we went to visit him at his place. My husband went to pick up one of my friends a couple miles away and when he was gone I came out the bathroom and he was waiting by the door. One of his other friends had came to get something he left and felt the tension because hubby’s friend was blocking me around the corner. I never liked the guy, so the way we interact with each is weird but nothing crazy, I’m not disrespectful but I keep my distance. The guy did nothing and left. I called them to hurry and then told my friend the nasty shit he was telling me he wanted to do to me. It’s been about 4 years now.
I would not tolerate this shit tbh, not even that he didn’t say shit since for me I don’t like people picking my battles man’s having to stand up for me when I’m well about to myself, but to not have my back and stop interacting because of the disrespect, nah.
My preferred way to handle pregnancy is via abortion. There you go, that advice is for free.
That's exactly why you need to leave him. Take your time, plane everything, but honestly you're giving him gold and he treats it like sh#t. You are doing so many things for him he doesn't see them anymore, he thinks he got you.
Take time for yourself, stop caring for this baby and try to make some friends, some activites you like. Stop doing just even half the chores you do. Trust me he's gonna see it. And when you're gonna leave, he's gonna come back begging for forgiveness because he's gonna understand how much you did for him he took for granted.
Who said she changed her mind? The issue isn’t adoption, it’s that she didn’t know her husband only wanted adopted children
Thanks friend, I appreciate that. Unfortunately I’ve thought about that already and tried to change but I can’t, on Friday mornings we even have a tutorial together where it’s literally just me and her. Most awkward shit ever, I dread every Friday morning. It’s just so weird because we went from being total strangers for 2 years, to being extremely close and making out, to going back to being strangers again.
You can't stay with a guy like that. This wasn't a mistake or a miscommunication. He lied to you. He cheated on his ex and is still blaming her. This isn't a man you can change into a man worth having.
You didn't self-sabotage. And there's no “good relationship” to lose.
I love how y‘all call her out on her bs??❤️✋? y‘all are heroes along with her boyfriend
No, but your opinion is clearly dogshit.
And your question is?
Basic human rights are not political views. Political views are: we spend too much on abc and need to allocate to def not some people shouldn’t exist. I’m very spiritual, my husband is very religious. He has capacity for kindness towards all people and that is the only reason our relationship works. Religion and politics are only a cover for bigots to cower under, not a reason.