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TottaLoki Public Chat Channel
Date: November 3, 2022
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TottaLoki Public Chat Channel
Thank you so much, this is very kind of you.
I'm sure that's possible if he's abusive. But maybe he's just an asshole and you're afraid of change. Talking to a therapist might help.
This is your time. Be a little crazy, and have that baby. Yes it is a lot of work, but it will anchor you to be thinking not just about your disease. Thousands of children are born to both parents every day and many children still have s miserable life. Not one of those parents has a lifetime guarantee, yet they get to have children. You just happen to have a date in the near future which is the greatest burden to bear that is the difference. Sending you all positive energy.
I'm so glad you put your edit in. You know best what is right for your body. My mom had stage 4 ovarian cancer, which meant she only had a few years, and the number of people that told me she was going to make it was astounding and very confusing for her and all her family members. I hope you do all the things that you want to do, have amazing bonding experiences, and develop deep meaning to the life you're living.
Please fuck the right off, he has not given any indication of anyone being religious at all. He does not need to cohere to any religious regiments at all if he does not want to,
To OP, I'm truly sorry for all the torment you and partner are going thru, and only wish the best for everyone's future.
If you’re comfortable, pls give an update
37….old….. ? ? ? ?
A 5 yo child don’t do this type of activities ?
Releasing pics like this without your permission is a crime. You can and should press charges if it happens. You should also not be sending nudes to every person who asks, especially people who give stupid reasons for needing them. You are quite young, so anything you took before you turned 18 is considered CP, so any ex who shares is is distributing restricted materials illegally. In the future, please immediately dump whomever it is that insists they need nudes to prove anything. They can see you with their eyes when you decide and not before. Also, I hate to split hairs but I think it bears explaining, video recording your intimate moments is also unwise. Just don't. No one anywhere will suffer due to lack of homemade porn. Respect your worth and choose better quality people to have feels about.
A better question: do you want to spend the rest of your life with a partner like this?
I get unsolicited dick pics all the time. Not interested in them. Only dick pics I want to receive are from the guy I'm seeing. Certainly never received one that's made me think “I'm off, need me some of that”
I feel like I'm dumb cuz I don't even understand how my anatomy works.
I am sorry, but your replies do not match my questions. By continuing I would be wasting both of our times. It seems I do not have the ability to be specific enough in my questions to you. Thank you for trying.
Absolutely. I try to get all the data I have available before saying something. Funny thing is, now that I know that, you're right, I was wrong in assuming that.
See? That's called using critical thinking and waiting for actual details. You should try it sometime instead of just immediately thinking you are correct because you feel that way.
Thanks
Actually, taking your daughter on holiday and cancelling all gifts to the rest of the family sounds great. Then they can answer the other kids questions about ‘why aren’t I getting a big present this year?’
I'm sure you're not, and you're welcome.
Great username, btw ?
Lol so do I. If my partner/friends complimented me on my “evil eyes,” I would take it as a compliment.
Well youve asked reddit for advice and youve gotten shit advice so here it is. This dude has a life that has nothing to do with you. You met him through what is likely a major hobby and probably spent a good bit of time with him. How would a 27 year old think to groom a 16 year old through the internet when you never actually knew each other? Nobody REALLY knows why he wants to meet up. Its all on you to decide. Is it safe? Nobody knows. Is going to work safe if you have to drive? Is walking down a city street safe. People take risks all the time. All I can say is either meet him or dont. And if you choose to, then meet him in a public place. Dont get in a car with him, take an uber. But there is a point at which paranoia is unrealistic. Make your own choices, you are an adult.
Yeah that’s what I’m afraid of as well
There were so many names for things that weren’t available when I was coming of age. You were just told to get out there, suck it up and learn how to do it. I wonder how many of us had all these issues all along just didn’t have names for them.
You should probably just let this relationship go and find a healthy one. There's no reason for you to trust him or even attempt to rebuild trust.
Wow! What else isn't he telling you? If you can and if it's legal you could set up cameras in your home. Major red flag here that he didn't tell you a stranger was coming into your home and watching your children and deleted messages. I think somethings going on that needs investigating.
Yes, she needs time to process. Saying “be there for each other” doesn't mean that she prioritizes her trauma over his. This is not a trauma competition. And even people who have secondhand trauma need, and deserve, support. In fact, they will burn out if they don't take care of themselves and then they can't be there for their partner. But this isn't secondhand trauma. It's trauma. Period.
What happened to him is so very f#cked up. It's gut wrenching. I am crying reading this. It's going to be a rough road for him. I hope he'll be able to connect with other men who have been r@ped and anything else that he wants to do. He deserves all the help he needs.
If he does decide to report, there should be Crime Victims Compensation that can help pay for some support, if that's what he chooses.
OP, I agree with the comment that pushing him to do anything he doesn't want to do…it has to be up to him. You want to support and empower, not yell him he must do what others feel he should. Even advocates can push sometimes and all that does is confirm that he has no power of his own.
If he changes his mind, he may want to go to the hospital and have them do a SANE exam. It would need to be as soon as possible. It doesn't mean he has to report to police but can preserve any evidence on him or his clothes.
OP, I'm so sorry this has happened. I'm sending you both healing energy.
Once again, she has nothing other than her, thinking that he told the kids not to tell her.
I understand but I’m not going there! I don’t trust her to not attack me, for him to not believe me because who wants to believe that? Especially at his age. Maybe it’s cowardly but I’ll be handling this from a safe distance.
You're much more likely to regret staying with someone that you have no romantic chemistry with. Maybe you can stay friends – maybe not. Either way its wrong to continue the charade.
This is manipulation to get you back under control. Any joint credit cards you have, do not use. Any other credit cards, change your online passwords. He can’t not track them. Call them to verify that no statements go to his address. If he stalks you contact the police. Now me: I’d let the cat out the bag and tell everyone about their affair so they can’t get ahead of it. Cancel the wedding. He will easily just flop into a relationship with her. Report the harm threats to the police and his family. From there it’s out of your control what he does.
Oh man. That can be difficult. What about before the medication? Only reason I say that is because the chances of it changing or increasing is little to none.
I'm not saying you have to force her, make it an obligation, or even give an ultimatum or anything like that, but she's going to have to want to try and have sex. If she doesn't, it's just going to stay as is or has to realize that she's going to risk losing you.
If you're constantly and consistently meeting her needs but she is failing to meet yours, then there's not much you can do besides saying bye.
? darn you autocorrect!
Aww I am sorry about that. I would certainly explain that to your dad as well and tell him these are the reasons you need time apart from them.
This could drive a huge wedge and he needs know that you are hurt by their actions.
Again I am sorry what you are going through. I too have half siblings/stepmom/bio dad that i have no contact with- so I know it can be rough. I am glad you least have your mom and grandma on your side.
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She’s a grown ass woman acting like a child. Get out of there. If you respect yourself you won’t put up with that shit
Dont do it.
Also, if she's an alcoholic, I'm not sure they'd even put her on a transplant list for a liver.
Wow this is a whopper. “Hey mom and dad, BF and I are officially dating now.” “Hey BF I have something uncomfortable to talk to you about. When we were 16 I was nervous to tell my parents that we were dating ad I just kind of never told them. I told them now but I just wanted to tell you because it felt like I was lying.”
I'm starting to think troll.. most people wouldn't post on the internet asking if they should tell their boyfriend. They'd just wake them up. OP is just acting hysterical
If you used protection properly the chance is quite small to get herpes Type 2. Did she had areas with herpes on the body lips, hands?
Using him for financial support. He’s using her for her for sex
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It’s because they are “compatible in every other way”!
(No clue how, since OP doesn’t mention the hundreds of ways they are apparently compatible)
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Then you should've done a new update instead of deleting the old post?
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She accused him of incest. This isn’t I don’t like your family thing. This is isolation abuse I’ve behavior. If it was man doing this to a woman people would be saying to leave. OP you don’t appease abusers you leave them
Fixed it
Y'all's relationship was supposed to be a lesson for both of you. He was supposed to learn that he has to try new things, has to be less selfish, has to make an effort to fulfill your needs. You were supposed to learn to respect yourself, to speak up when you need an issue addressed, and recognize when someone isn't respecting you. How many times you want to repeat 4th grade?
Thanks for the input.
totally underrated comment.
I mean she has a say over my behavior too, she said going to a strip club and getting a lap dance would be unacceptable to her. She knows I will not start having sex with the dancer, as I dont even drink. But it makes her uncomfortable and I accepted it as it wasnt a big deal to me.
That's 1000% on her not you. If she wants to destroy her relationship with you I'm sorry but don't let her destroy your relationship with your father
I show happiness and smile, yeah. I just don’t smile for no reason
This post is a prime example of why many of us always encourage leaving instead of mamby Pamby counseling when a member reveals abuse. In the meantime go to police and court and show them text messages where he acknowledges it’s your cat and the attempts to bribe you with her. If you don’t have any text, message and get him to incriminate self. You can get a police escort to get your cat with you. If you get him to incriminate himself for murdering a cat you can also have him charged with cruelty to animals. Good luck
No, absolutely not – you contact a lawyer.
Yeah but it was 3am and I was struggling with a potential breakup so cut me some slack will ya
As the mother of a 21 year old son, I remember how incredibly immature he was at 18. And at 19.
If a 30+ year old was sniffing around him, taking him out, and doing the nasty with him, I’d be horrified and disgusted.
And your husband did that to a very young woman, and knocked her up. And she’d rather be a single mom with no child support than let him know.
I suspect your husband has a some very unpleasant characteristics he’s been hiding from you until you were completely locked down.
What exactly is she suppose to do about it
My thoughts exactly. She didn’t ask for your permission to cheat. So why should you tip toe around the situation OP. What you do is pack a bag for either her or yourself. Book a room send her a text or letter and let her know this is happening. End of story.
Act like a teen get treated like a teen .
Try talking to him ?
Seriously, 75% of the problems posted here can be solved by basic communication.
Free consult with a lawyer or low cost cease and desist letter will often take care of the problem. Hopefully someone comes in with something better for you but this immediately came to mind. Good luck.
Girl you’re 24 and as I was reading this I’m thinking this kid is 17. There is no reason why you can’t go get your license and your own place.
I think so too. He tells me I’m perfect in every way but I’m not meeting his libido needs (frequency is not enough). So that’s why he’s going around while he’s “with” me.
So I’ve been working to increase the sex frequency, but even when I do- I think he still seeks it. So this still doesn’t feel right.
He says men and women are wired differently and he sees sex as just physical act to fulfill himself. No emotions involved. But I have a hard time truly believing that. Just how much of it is true?
That's all well and good, and also understandable.
The thing is though, she won't have to make said choice if she never even knows she had to.
What they don't know doesn't hurt them.
What is happening here is creating an issue that is completely avoidable if approached rationally and without this pointless emotion BS
That's all I am saying.
he sounds he doesn’t like getting help even from a partner , as a man here I’ve been in some Hardships before and I needed time alone , we men can sort out things on our own … but we will be back stronger … be supportive to him don’t make it about you .
Take your own advice and move on.
Hit the gym and focus on yourself, a strong body is a strong mind.
He’s a predator, as someone who’s at the age range of 18-20 it’s very scary how many creepy men over 25 would try to date or talk to me. I’m sorry you ended up marrying one of those creeps.
Leave him the f alone. He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it
It’s great you want to get better at this 🙂
I would spend an afternoon putting all the special events into your calendar, and then setting alerts to go off 2 weeks or so ahead (or however long in advance you’d need to plan. 2 weeks is usually good enough to get a decent dinner reservation)
Also set up weekly notifications to think about the last time you did something. I don’t think you actually need to know “it’s been x days since I did something thoughtful.” Instead just give yourself a cue to have a think and see if you feel due for something special.
There’s also some easier ones to try and make a habit. Ex: everytime I go in a gas station I get my wife her favorite drink
Without the actual ages the question is useless. The younger you are, the more developmental stages are between an 18 month age gap. I mean look at a new born and a 18mo old – giant gap right? But 90 and 91? Meh, it’s nothing.
So if one of you is underage then nope, and if only for legal reasons.
Exactly ! It’s kind of scary actually how everyone is disgusted and saying ‘I’d leave him right away!!’ All I can say is the world and people are freaking scary. And I can relate to an aspect of this, so it hits a bit close to home … shaking head but again, if she wants to come here and complain and listen to these people to leave him. She should if she’s that type of person and partner
I need you to realise that what he's doing is sexual assault harassment and rape.
If in a relationship you can ever say 'apart from this thing we are happy' or something similar than you are not in anyway happy because this is not normal behaviour it is abusive.
You rate there may be a different reason?
You said “pedophiles are exclusive attracted to prepubescent children” now, you’re agreeing with what I said by changing your language to “true pedophiles (or exclusive pedophiles).
That doesn’t discount other types of pedophiles that aren’t exclusive exist and are a category under the DSM-5.
I would think long and hard if you only black out with him or of you black out all the time with you drink with other people. Could he be adding ingredients to your drinks?
It's only thoughtful if he also gets his other coworkers a gift.
If it's only her, then it most likely has ulterior motives.
She never should have agreed to date someone that wants sex. That is on her. You did communicate to her that you still needed it, and she agreed she could provide that.
She’s not wrong for feeling revolted by sex, but making you feel ashamed is so unnecessary. This isn’t a case of high libido vs low libido, this is some vs none. It’s probably always going to feel icky for her, and that’s going to make you feel icky. It’s not working out bud. You’re not gross.
Serious Lannister vibes, here.
The fact that he now perceives you as “tainted” is your big red flag. Things haven’t been what they seemed to you. That level of assholery doesn’t just appear two years into a marriage. I hope you get a lawyer this week and protect yourself and your finances.
If you were just regular friends, I would say your BF is a controlling jerk, but the “friend with a crush” bears further examination.
I do believe guys and women can be friends, but I'm super skeptical of the guy with a crush and whether or not that can be a genuine friendship.
Those guys (many of whom post here) are waiting around, hoping to get “promoted” to boyfriend status. They listen with fake empathy while their crush shares woes about dating, intimate issues anout their relationships, details of fights with their boyfriends, etc. Armed with all of this information, the crush friend then swoops in with romantic gestures when unsuspecting friend is at her most vulnerable. He might even try planting seeds of discontent while girl crush is in a relationship. So I totally get why OPs BF may not be too keen about this “friendship.”
Also, check your own motives. Does this guy friend sometimes flirt, flatter, or act in ways that are not ways in which your other “friends” behave? If so, do you find yourself gravitating to him when you are not getting that same type of boyfriend attention from your SO? I'm not saying that you specifically are guilty of this, but it's worth reflecting on it.
Any act of tampering with food / drink is a no no. Red flag is blaring & even honking at you with this one OP.
They don’t have your safety in mind & as such don’t exhibit much of an aptitude to put you before their wants/desires. Even IF it was a “I was curious” means, their curiosity was reason enough to risk your life. They lack proper problem solving skills here… you deserve better.
I’m sorry you both went through such heartbreak but there is no excuse for his behavior. Everyone suffers loss at one time or another and most people don’t deal with it by self medicating and betraying their SO.
He needs serious psychiatric help that only a professional can provide to learn a better way to cope with his trauma. Not to mention deal with his addictions. He shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone until he’s recovered from his drinking, substance abuse and is in a good place in his head.
And you need to remove him from your life and get some psychological help to deal with the trauma that he’s inflicted upon you.
First of many if she keeps this mindset
Why isn’t he getting a vasectomy?
You can say no because you would indeed be getting shafted. If the exchange was you making more, her working less PLUS she takes on the majority of household responsibilities, then I would agree this is a fair exchange because you get some load taken off of you by means of household stressors.
That being said, the reason of “anxiety” does not indicate to me that she is willing to take on household stuff, and you would eventually be back on Reddit asking for advice on a freeloading wife because you work, cook, clean, take care of the kids 50% etc.
If it's causing you this much stress, kids might not be right for you.
Having kids is more than a relationship decision. If you are not passionately wanting to pass on your genes and commit the rest of your life to the kids you bring into this world, you already have your answer. Are you willing to care for a mentally or physically challenged child? Are you willing to co-parent if your relationship ends? Have you considered what hereditary conditions you may pass on?
Your alternate solution is waiting as long as you need, then adopting or fostering a child.
I would also recommend looking into later life pregnancies. While many are fine and have 0 issues, there are additional risks you should be aware of. 37 is basically where the risk begins, and the risk increases with each additional year. While it may be possible to still have a child, would it be a responsible choice knowing that something could go wrong?
Good luck with your decision!
We don't eat out or have an unnecessary amount of luxuries… internet and Netflix. I've gone through all my insurances and subscriptions and reduced everything as much as possible. Even cancelled my own private health insurance and kept my wife and sons.
Just give er, you’re way overthinking this
Well dude, if I were you I'd get treatment / intervention STAT. You've accepted this for years and now have a baby. A baby for a year that you've let sit through this hot mess.
Did he say “save the date to hang out” or did he ask you out on a date? “Save the date” does not necessarily imply that his plans were to go out to some restaurant. Many couples quite happily spend quality time together hanging out at home, having a take-out and watching a romantic movie or whatever they enjoy doing.
The whole “going OUTSIDE for the date” seems like your expectation that, as others mentioned, you never communicated and kind of just assumed that it would happen. And then because you made yourself feel disappointed, you suddenly cancelled plans to spend V day together entirely when he had asked you to reserve that day for him 2 weeks prior. That man probably ended up feeling a lot more disappointed than you, I bet
Lmao I'm a bi male and it's an extremely accurate stereotype. Have you ever been on grindr? Bi and gay men have on average faaaaar more sexual partners and therefore have a higher risk profile regarding stds. I don't see why it's offensive to do a risk analysis regarding who you fuck. Am I an asshole for not wanting to have sex with a heroine addict because they have higher risk of acquiring HIV from shared needles? No. Is that stereotyping? Yes.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! Super helpful!
I'm sure it is upsetting. It's a tough conversation when you don't want to make him feel like the problem. That's why I say this shouldn't be approached as “hey what's wrong with your dick” (I'm sure you wouldn't be that rude, but you don't want him to think that's what you mean) and rather start talking about what each of you want and where this is all going and how to make the sex better for both of you. For sure he needs to start paying more attention to giving you foreplay and orgasms.
i’m aware and believe me i make it very clear that i’m never gonna tell her what she can and can’t do, it just makes me feel kinda hurt that she doesn’t consider my feelings, especially since she says she would feel the same way. like do i have to go to some frat party just to prove a point lol
Sounds like you have made everything about pleasing her from day one of your friendship and now that is who you are to her as “her safe space”. You are someone there to make her happy with her really offering nothing in return…….except verbally assaulting you for not wanting to fuck her with another guy and minimizing you over your own trauma.
You really need to break up with her, work on your very understandable issues from past trauma, and when you are ready, find a healthy relationship.
Also, what do you mean about the threesome with her friend and her boyfriend at the beginning of your relationship? Did she like cheat on you first thing?
Press charges and leave your trash BF behind. Even if he wasn't man enough to handle business, he should have AT LEAST called the cops and let them deal with it.
You keep getting stuck on the same income thing when that’s not her issue. Her issue is that you have the potential to make even more money and contribute toward an even more comfortable life and the only thing you would have to do is work the same hours as her (it’s a labour thing not just a money thing). I’m not saying either viewpoint is right or wrong but that seems to be the difference.
“My job will be not telling anyone that you email yourself motivational messages. I can do this job from home.”
I would contact your family in writing. Apologise for your actions. Make sure they know that you know it was unacceptable. Tell them that you messed up, you were an idiot, and you are making sure that it won't happen again.
Tell them that you hope that in time they can accept your apology, and perhaps even talk through everything.
If they are ready to talk then listen. Validate their feelings ('i can see how X made you feel y.') Don't make excuses. Don't talk over them.
Its a great step to acknowledge your actions, and work towards being a better person.
People doing the right thing isn’t the same as people doing what’s right for you.
I can’t picture us being together romantically… I’ve thought about it but reasoned I am not interested in her like that.
People who freak out about their partner's sexual past are insecure and controlling. Are these qualities you want in a partner?
What is her job? Is it very strenuous, physically or mentally? What is your job?
What Not to Do Do not go into this conversation with a specific agenda other than to reach common ground. For all you know, she might think that she does a lot of stuff you don't notice or appreciate. I'm not opining on who is right — you very well might be doing a lot more than she is. But think about how confident you are in your own perception that you're doing way too much. And then think about how you would react if she came to you and said you needed to step up more. It doesn't feel great, right? You immediately get irritated and defensive? You want to correct the record instead of hearing her out? Don't do that to her. It will kill your chances at having a productive discussion.
What to Do You broach the topic by coming at it with an open mind. Approach her with something like this: “I'm feeling very stressed about division of labor at home. Can we talk about it? I know I've been on you lately about doing more stuff, and I'm sorry I didn't ask for your perspective before. I do find myself growing resentful because I feel like I do the majority of the work, and I don't want to feel this way about you or about us. I'm happy to get into the details of what you and I both do and maybe we should, but also, I fully recognize that I have my own perspective and you may see things differently. So I wanted to start by asking you how you're feeling about the situation.” Then, listen to what she says. If her job is very stressful, she may not be able to do more around the house right now. Let go of what you think “should” happen. Your goal is to understand each other, and once you've established common ground, work out a plan that you both feel good about.
Do this at a time when you're both rested and have time to talk — i.e., not bedtime, not an hour before you have plans, not right before one of you has to go to work.
No Financials Don't bring up the financials during this conversation. It's a separate issue. Raising it in the same conversation unavoidably links money with labor, which is the opposite of what you both say you want. Honestly, the fact that you bring up who pays for what in this post makes me think that part of you does believe that your paying more of the bills means that she should do more labor. If you actually believed that she should be doing more solely because she has more time, you could have simply written about your respective hours and not mentioned the money at all.
It's totally normal to feel this way. I make a lot more than my spouse, and I find myself having very similar thoughts. I don't know where you're from, but n the United States at least, we are brought up to value people based on wealth. It's ubiquitous. But that's all the more reason to examine your own thoughts carefully in case you're slipping into default modes of thinking.
A Few Thoughts About the Dog As for the dog, it seems like you're dismissing all the work she does for the dog because that's what you agreed to when you got the dog. If that's not the case, I apologize, but it stood out to me that you brought up the agreement as if it has anything to do with her contribution. If she spends a ton of time on the dog that you share, that is work done on behalf of your household. She gets credit for that labor.
As for the agreement regarding the dog's expenses, bring that up later. You have a right to be upset that the agreement isn't being followed, but resolve the issue with the division of labor first. That's your most pressing concern and you don't need any distractions that will send your conversation off on unproductive tangents.
Good luck. This is such a tricky issue in most relationships, and it's good to establish good habits for talking about it. It's something that you'll need to revisit many times — whether due to job changes, moving to a different house, physical or mental health issues (you, her, a family member that needs help, etc.), kids, pets, etc. — so it's important for your long-term relationship health to start working on it now.
They didn’t sleep together and its well known but thank you.
Fraud. Waste and abuse. That’s what lying about your health falls under. It’s a moot point though
Your father deserves respect. Your mother tried alienating him from you. Not his fault. Give him a break
Your feelings are very valid. Never mind a boyfriend. Imagine a friend or over-achieving coworker following you from job to job and out-doing your every accomplishment. That would be insanely annoying. It's also generally a terrible idea to work at the same job as a spouse or bf. The awkward dynamic it could create if either he or you gets a promotion and becomes a superior over the other? You absolutely should share those thoughts.
Leave? She's telling you it's okay for her to cheat since you play fifa
Regardless of whether you are a placeholder, which nobody can know, you are no longer happy in this relationship? That's a sign that, at 24, you two have perhaps outgrown each other and he is no longer meeting your needs. (PS: I think it's wise to not marry at 24, no matter how long you've been together.)
Why don't you have sex often? Who's the one who shoots down the intimacy in the relationship?
I'm thinking this too. Im sorry for the loss OP but seems you and ur hubby have different priorities rn.. I'm currently pregnant and it took a long time for my husband and i to conceive. I've never seen this man so happy in the 11 years I've known him.
If we were to have lost the baby i know for sure it would've crushed him. It's maybe abit too soon for your husband to be thinking about a vacation as much as u need it or even conceiving again.
Maybe sit down and talk to him about where he is at and check in with how he is feeling. It's easy for us to forget men especially good men tend to focus on us as woman and our needs during a time of loss and neglect their own grieving and feelings in return.
I wish you both luck ?
First, I meant it is our only evolutionary or biological purpose. Second, it's not an insult. For every species, continuing the species is it's most important and it's only necessary purpose. If the species doesn't continue then nothing else anyone ever does will matter. It's not a personal thing, there is no emotion attached to it, it is purely biological. This is why we bond so permanently with a mate and with our offspring. Species do evolve, however, the need to continue the species never goes away. Some people think that we will use technology to do this in the future. Even if that were to happen, it would take very long, millennia probably to lose the primal feeling attached to it.
If we were to ever remove sex with procreating, the desire for sex would eventually diminish. It probably wouldn't go away but the biological reason for it would disappear. Instead of our biology absolutely needing it to survive, we would merely enjoy it for our own pleasure. These type of aspect change over time if there is no evolutionary need for them. I'm not judging it or anyone. Biology dictates what we feel the compulsion to do, we can tech ourselves out to that as long as we continue to evolve.
Think about our self preservation compultion. People think that they stray away from danger or death just because those things are undesirable. The real reason is that we are programmed to preserve ourselves to preserve our species. Same as we are talking about above.
Ok let’s be real – #1. It ONLY happens with you #2. She REFUSES to talk about it and acknowledge that it’s a problem #3. She tells you that it isn’t happening, that there’s nothing wrong, etc etc etc. #4. It’s ONLY when she doesn’t get her way. People can say it’s a medical issue etc all they want, however it’s extremely blatant that this is just straight up manipulation, pure and simple. If she doesn’t want to communicate like an adult, accept that she can’t always be right when it comes to your disagreements, etc, use extreme manipulation tactics like the forced vomiting to make you feel bad for her, etc, then you need to reevaluate this relationship and whether this is someone you want to be around.
This is what happens when you start dating a guy in his late 20s who will date a teenager.
No worries. And I mean it- give yourself a bit more credit. Life really can be this good, let yourself enjoy it! Focus on the good life and future that you share together 🙂
i think he just showed you his true colours. i keep seeing this quote “if someone shows you who they really are, believe them” and i think it fits in this scenario.
don't let him gaslight you into thinking you were in the wrong. he didn't care about your feelings, treated you like a clown that everyone was laughing at, and would ultimately choose his friends over you.
I agree, I know its a lot for him to process as well so I'm trying to keep an open mind and see it from his perspective. Can't be easy to gain and lose a child in one go despite the circumstances.
I agree, I know its a lot for him to process as well so I'm trying to keep an open mind and see it from his perspective. Cant be easy to gain and lose a child in one go despite the circumstances.
She deserves someone who likes all of her. Move on
It’s not criticism to say your partner doesn’t owe you anal or backrubs.
What is the difference between needing it and getting angry that your partner doesn’t want to? You need to be more aware of yourself. You clearly came on here to get confirmation you were right, when that didn’t happen you dismissed everyone with a different point of view as being bitter or cold, you say you don’t need it but you consider it essential to your relationship.
Vomiting and cardiac issues are literally not related lol you got any better ideas? It's called making a differential, dickhead
For me it’s everything… start with personalized loving words like ‘I knew from our 3rd date on that you were the one for me. That still holds true.’ ‘Nothing is sexier than when you come home exhausted and still make time to ask about my day and cuddle on the couch. I appreciate you and thank you for all that you do for our family’ then lead up to the dirty stuff like ‘txt me when you leave work so I can have a hot bath ready for you, kids ready for hugs and I’ll put them to bed while you soak.’ Followed by the pic of face and chair comment lol.
For me it’s all about the emotional connection and love first. If the dirty stuff comes too soon then I tend to feel used or not wanted for who I am but rather just the pleasure my body gives.
Zactly. He isn’t your daddy. He doesn’t need to look at your funds. He wants to see if he approves of how you spend your own money. He hopes to find items you could cut out, so he can use the extra $ to pay his debt.
No, hubby, I’m not the one having money troubles.
Facts! It’s just very weird timing and it sucks because I felt we were doing so well. The way it went about definitely felt like he was setting it up ? I really don’t know what to do because I asked him to turn it back on and he refuses. Now I’m like well this is a huge red flag and how do I navigate this.
You are young and you have years ahead of you so please be strong.
Thanks that actually made me feel a lot better. It is just really weird. With any other past girls I can break up and move on but this is something else. Makes me sad and angry especially at my parents. If they wouldn’t have fucked me up at such a young age I’d probably just have a normal relationship with my sis and wouldn’t have to deal with this. I have plans on moving out, hopefully joining the army is my fastest and best choice it seems.
This is fact? Op said the texts aren’t clear and used the word “seemed” so we know he did in fact propose?
Like, sensual touching is PRETTTY frequent, we just don't go all the way.
Thank you. I will be discussing it with him tonight.
OP, you are under no obligation to do anything you don't want to do. It is up to you. When you're a child, and you were when this all happened, they invalidated feelings, they pushed things, they made you feel empty and unable to go through the emotions of losing your mom, and then they tried replacing the important person you lost. As a child, going through that, is traumatizing. Entering into adulthood, that stuff stays with you. You need a therapist to talk to, for sure, and the one you have needs to be fired asap! They are not helping you and are invalidating you as you had been before when young. You don't need any form of invalidation now. I'm going to be truthful here and my opinion is that if you want to be peaceful, it won't happen until they realize what they have done. I don't think you are in a position to speak to them yet, but they seem to be forcing themselves. You can go a route where you say, get a protection order, but I would suggest going a more peaceful route when ready. They need to be told that what they did was wrong. And if you're not going to do that, that's fine. I am just giving an opinion. It's possible they don't see what they did. It's possible they don't know your feelings well. I'm not sure. What they did was wrong and it seems that honestly even though they did thay, they are trying their best to improve the relationship, even so much as moving that close. It is smothering but also people don't do that if they don't care. I could say a heart to heart is needed, but all in due time, if you accepted such. If not, you need to get security cameras, file a protective order, but I hope things get peaceful because you weren't even allowed to grieve properly.