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tanyalieder chat
Date: November 6, 2022
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tanyalieder chat
His son already feels that way… dad and mom broke up… his wife isn’t the problem here.
If he's defensive then he knows he has a problem. You can try jokes about his drinking or how he acts when drunk, it might open up the conversation. But most of the time, treat it like a bandaid. Rip it off in one go. But unless he wants to change himself, don't hold your breathe.
Exactly, you can’t just spring public sex on someone without discussing it first
Thank you.
I hear what you're saying and I understand. I don't want to make them feel bad. I'm just concerned I'm not doing my best to mediate. You think I should have my husband say something after the fact? What if they don't know it's super important to my family? What if my husband told them and they made an effort? I feel like I'm not playing the right hand here with any of the cards I choose.
I’ve also been told (by them) that I overreact a lot.
well of course they'd say that. now they can point to it when you blow up on them for going behind your back like that.
What can I say without hurting their feelings but also making them aware that I consider this a serious broach of trust.
hurt their feelings. tell them what they did was way over the line. then go get counseling and work on the depression
Yeah, I completely understand where you’re coming from, and honestly if I saw this post in the wild I’d probably agree with you. But this guy honestly seems so lovely (and yes, I know how this sounds). He talks about all my interests -I’ve honestly never spoken to someone so open and willing to indulge all my conversation, no matter how stupid. I can’t imagine him being anything more than a guy who couldn’t be bothered changing his dating app preferences.
I agree with the sentiment but condoms are very effective at preventing STDs when used correctly
Another commentor mentioned inpatient care, amd I second that opinion.
OP, while I don't have problems as severe as your wife, I have self-admitted myself to inpatient psychiatric treatment on 4 separate occasions. I've been on the ward in private and public hospitals, and I can tell you, it makes a difference. There is no more outside world to offer stressors. The sole focus becomes the patient, and what is the best treatment. They may offer different medications, and they will certainly have intensive treatment sessions. In the private hospitals, I got significant one on one time with a fully licensed psychiatrist as well as group therapy. In the public hospitals, the psychiatrist mainly prescribed meds, while therapy was done in groups and psychologists as well. As it's a hospital, I also got full blood workups and physical examinations to make sure there wasn't anything physical contributing to my poor mental health. In all instances, my medications were being closely monitored by medical professionals. If anything happened, RNs were available around the clock. Upon discharge, there was a treatment plan in place, with appointments already scheduled, and medication was stabilized.
Read what you just wrote, there is no real way you are going to be able to keep that job as first officer if she sinks into a suicidal depression once a month. Who could you possibly ask to look after her in that state? The only real possibility I could see is hiring a full time nurse, and that is so expensive it's inconceivable for most people.
Inpatient care is a very frightening prospect for almost everyone, the patient and their loved ones. I think of mine as “reset” periods. Not just for me, but for my friends and family too. They knew I was physically safe, and they got to take care of themselves for a while while I got myself back into a state of functioning. I urge you to look into this option.
Feel free to DM me if you have questions. I can of course only speak to my experiences with you, but at least it's an insight to a world you're not familiar with.
Mom is right. She thinks you’re competition/a threat to her relationship because she is insecure with herself, her relationship or both
Why on earth would you say that? Don’t you think they have been compared enough growing up? I get what you were trying to do, but when you have though that’s like that just keep them to yourself. You invited this issue into the relationship and she has every right to be pissed at you.
You're attached to a fantasy version of him you created in your head that you want the real one to become. You're living vicariously through this fantasy in the hopes that the real one will change.
Don’t buy a house with someone you’re not married to. It gets really, really messy when you split.
I know you love him and you’ve been with him basically your whole adult life, but he doesn’t want to marry you. If he ever wanted to marry you, marriage would be part of the discussion when you decided to buy a house. You probably make him very comfortable, and he can get you to put up a lot of money for a house he wants. But you’re not going to get real commitment from him.
I totally agree, no sense in being mad at the dogs. They should absolutely be supervised though or they'll never learn not to eat anything in reach.
If the roommate was sick or feeling that awful then it would be one thing.
She is literally just sleeping.
So I don't understand the problem. Your wife isn't your sister. You didn't grow up together and your parents met through grief and divorce and found each other and they're happy.
You're so gross for even trying to spin negativity on this. I mean you're acting like a giant baby.
How very dare they fall in love with another adult. How dare they want to be happy.
Well there's only one solution here. Let them get the toxic people out of their lives (that's you and your wife) and then they'll be happy.
Tool.
Even if she didnt see you that way, had you asked her on a date instead of fwb you wouldnt be experiencing the “backlash” you are now. They dont think you're a creep for being interested in her, they think you're a creep for only being interested in using her for sex.
IMHO the reconciliation should be attempted by dialog between OP's father and her Husband's father. I'll explain why.
This story is Culture Gap at its widest. I have lived and worked in Islamic countries – an outsider on the inside – and what I have is an informed but imperfect understanding.
A bride in OP's native land leaves her family at marriage, and joins her groom's. My impression is that the disciplinary authority over the bride passes to the receiving family – except that a Father's authority within his own home would not be challenged. By disciplining OP while a guest in Husband's family home, Father crossed a line.
My impression is that there is a standard of honor accorded to guests and elders that is higher in OP's native country than in the West. It doesn't change the fact that Father crossed a line, but it requires far greater delicacy than Husband thought it did – although I can well understand Husband's fury.
Finally, an elder in OP's native land cannot be addressed as an equal by his child's generation. It was improper for Husband to confront OP's father. This was her FIL's business – although I can well understand why her FIL thought it was Husband's business.
okay? what’s “the feature” lmao