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Date: October 1, 2022
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How old is your brother? Super weird that he was involved in such a parental conversation after walking in on you and imo super weird that your entire family now knows what happened in a way apparently obvious enough that you’re aware that they know.
Having sex is not wrong, you did not do anything wrong. Be safe, be responsible, use protection, maybe choose a better location next time but do not let your family shame you, a 19 year old, for having ALMOST sex with your LONG TERM boyfriend.
She is not your friend. You need to cut her off. If you feel like a direct confrontation would be better for you and help you find closure, tell her “we need to talk” and meet her at a public place, like a cafe. There, tell her that you saw the nudes she sent to your husband and that you are now cutting her off your life and to never contact you or your husband ever again. And leave.
I said in my other comment that it is super sus that she used a false email, but this can be easily solved by him just opening the app and seeing what she has her settings set to
I'm not assuming anything. You've literally outlined how your training isn't working. Part of correcting behavior is admitting that you're not doing something right. Instead, you kept blaming your stepdad instead of taking personal responsibility. And, yes. I will make negative comments towards someone that refuses to take personal responsibility for their actions. That's a blatant character flaw.
This is a perfect answer. My husband gets super focused on new hobbies and throws himself into them until he has mastered them… then he moves on to something else.
This confused me early on because I have mainstay hobbies that I continue to work on over and over again- it took me a while to recognize this pattern.
I love the fact that my husband has interests and enjoys developing his skills! It makes him an interesting person. But we had to find creative ways to stay connected when he gets obsessive.
We will play an audio book that we both listen to while we work on our hobbies in the same space. It is nice to work together and then show each other what we worked on. This has unfortunately changed recently because his newest obsession is his garden- and I can't exactly spend 3+ hours painting outside every day. So, we have to adapt.
The suggestion to ask for quality time just the two of you is a good one- maybe get out of the house and go to a resturant or bar once a week where there is no distractions and you can just talk.
If your boyfriend is like my husband, eventually the current obsession will subside and he will become interested in something else. BUT he will always be able to bake a mean loaf of fresh bread, which is awesome!
It sounds like you gave him the perfect gift. Be supportive of him, but also be honest about your needs.
If she likes you, you'll be fine. Have some confidence in yourself. You seem like you're reading into it too much, instead, try to surround yourself with her lifestyle and meet new people. Perhaps you'll grow from branching out too.
OP, even if you slept with the entire football team. It’s okay. Don’t let anybody judge you and make you feel bad.
You’re really stretching to make this fit. I don’t have a problem with my partner following people they find attractive on Insta. My parents wouldn’t use Insta, so they wouldn’t know, and wouldn’t say anything if they did know.
Sharing the info with friends is very different from sharing with SO’s parents, and the parents have to take responsibility for looking. Don’t ask questions you wont’t like the answer to.
OP, no, this happened to me, it may seem harmless now, but you have no idea what's really happening. It's better to start detaching yourself and find pieces of evidence of potential cheating.
Update: I told him and he did reject me after the fact that he knew that he liked me as well. He wanted another girl who just got out of a toxic relationship instead of being in a healthy relationship with someone who genuinely likes him back. The girl that just got out of the toxic relationship wants like nothing to do with relationships as of right now and he wants to wait for her instead of being with me
Yeah don't date crazy. You are your own person. You don't need his permission.
Yes. I'm mad. I'm mad because of the obvious cultural insensitivity in this part of the thread. I hope you also have a great day.
The guilt of terminating the pregnancy will probably be a lot less than the guilt you would feel for bringing a child into such an already traumatizing situation.
Or at least I hope you would feel guilt for it. And for the love of God, use condoms. I wish this was a troll post but unfortunately this lack of carelessness and lack of self awareness sounds all too real.
For your own sake and your children, don’t bring another child into this messy situation. An abortion shouldn’t affect your chances of getting pregnant later in life. Get your shit together and leave your bf and make a good and stable life for the children you already have.
For me personally, yes 100%
I'm not suggesting that at all of course if you're not satisfied you shouldn't be having sex but that's why you communicate and work on the problem until you are satified. She shouldn't have this guy as her boyfriend if they can't communicate with each other properly. I may not be being clear but I feel the issue is bigger than if she is satisfied sexually or not.
Yes, of course. I'm not looking to have her as a gf. I'm aware that I have the right of way in seeing other people, but the people I have in mind are also at work (a lot of my life is there).
The abusive husband who brain injured me has made me breakfast in bed.
He also reacted with rage when thwarted and frequently dumped food on me.
Was he not a prick?
Just tell him it won't work. Has he given you any reason to think he is a stalker?
This is 2022 – we should be well past the point of needing a man's approval. And her safety should be more important than his ego.
I couldn't agree more with you. However we don't live in a perfect world and not everyone has the mentality that you described and it's sensible and intelligent to act cautiously to avoid this kind of situation. And in this case, just a nice heads up was all that was needed.
In this relationship or looks like she will
But they’d ask how we know each other so we’d have to lie and I’m terrible at lying
The fact that he saw a future with you after 1 week of dating is a big red flag to me. But yah it does seem strange and kinda questionable. You said yourself you aren't attracted to him anymore, or not the same, so end it. Be honest though. I think he deserves to know how this “rule” affects potential partners.
Did she tell you she was going to take pictures naked with another woman? Did she do anything else with the woman? Would she feel comfortable if you did this with another male/female?
Huge red flag. Huge. Massive. This dude can’t accept your kid. Why are you with him? Your poor son.
Reddit sure hates the ladies. Her husband is a crazy pedo but she's the bad guy because she mentioned being infertile, so she's obviously some long-fingered witch creepin around daycare centers, waitin for her chance to snatch a kid and name it after her dearly departed 10th cat, Mittens 2.
Yes, editing… I knew I'd get downvotes but if a person didn't clear their head of a crush they could be stuck on them for life.
Some people are willing to work on it though, also didn't you just post this without the 12 guys bit?
Man, you've been dealt a tough deck. It doesn't sound like you're happy at all in your current situation so I'd say try to get a stable income and look into getting your own place to live (away from toxic family members and this guy you were forced to marry).
Once you've figured out where to live and you're financially independent divorce that guy. You're just going to get bitter and resentful in the long run if you're forced to stay with him.
I wish you all the luck and strength in the world, hopefully you can build a life you can be happy in.
You need to use your own leading and conscious. After all, it's not going to affect the sleep of any of the commenters here, but you are the one that will have to deal with this current burden. This is a sensitive issue, not just for the friend and her husband, but for you as well.
You may find it easier to just do what somebody tells you to do, but I have a feeling that you want to do something that you feel is the right thing(even though past wrong choices were made). If you do what people tell you, and it's against your conscious, than you will still have that burden.
This. It’s only been 6 months and you’re already feeling stressed out..? Aren’t relationships supposed to add to your life, not complicate it.
I actually agree that most people who are defending the wife are being sexist. But I've been speaking for myself, not everyone else.
I'm not defending the wife, but we can't pretend she's in a normal headspace when blaming her (that tempers it but doesn't erase it). If you can only read that as “depression bad,” you are too emotionally compromised to have this discussion.
Yessssss
I agree and I accepted my judgment on AITA – there I said I didn’t want to send any money at all. But after the judgment I found a way to get money to her anyways.
I’m not fighting, I’m understanding and actually a very reasonable and kind person.
What’s going on in his head?
He had a girlfriend who broke up with him. His self esteem hit a snag when that happened. He reached out to you to help you lick his wounds.
None of this means that you’re the one for him. None of this means that he’s choosing you. In fact, none of this is actually about you.
Are you actually seeing other people are is this just a title that you want on the relationship to make yourself feel better?
You do agree that boobs are not genitals tho, right? Which is what you originally wrote.
As long as you're in a relationship, you will come second place to his mother. You will never be his top priority. You deserve to be with someone that will make you a top priority.
It took me almost a year and a half of trying to conceive my son, so I was expecting the same with my daughter. It took ONE TIME.
Your boyfriend is for the streets
I’m sorry maybe I was not clear enough in my post. We spilt all bills last month. However This current month we are in, I paid full rent and I am asking him to pay our utility bills for it to be fair.
I understand what you’re saying and agree: If he paid all bills and rent last month, I would be expected to pay all bills and rent this month. However, that is not the case.
Being against porn is resonable since it can be interpreted as cheating but being against MASTURBATION? Is she from another century or extrem religious?
Does your wife know you think you're in a rut?
I love when Reddit teaches me something new, been doing that for years, never had a term for it! My fav is a powdered latex glove, the finger holes feel just like a BJ
It is what it is.
Was never yours, never will be.
Move on.
Good luck
okay, i believe you. ive never had kids and it sounds kinda insane tbh idk why they would teach kids that if its not true
I can give a long version of why you should let it go but honestly just let it go. Just be a better person and better friend and leave it be. Revenge is cool but it takes time and effort which makes it childish
Ok…..so……she broke up with you…is going to see other people while you work on yourself? Yeah dude it’s over, leave her alone, and don’t call your next girlfriend slurs.
Half the porn out there is either step bro, or step mom porn who aren't blood-related. Is that what she was referring to? Or actual blood relations?
She wants to get back on her meds and I supported her in doing so. She hasn't made an appointment for it yet, unfortunately. I do agree with you tho. I'm not stupid and can normally tell if I'm being manipulated but I haven't had any experience with being in a relationship with mental issues so I don't know if shes genuine or using it as an excuse.
Her reaction was verbally abusive. Why are you tolerating that?
I did. I dont wanna annoy her now and am respectfully giving her space. I don’t want to ruin her peace of mind.
There are plenty of bisexuals who understand monogamy perfectly and don’t expect it to mean “one of each for me because I’m special.” This isn’t about her being bi. It’s about her being greedy and dishonest.
You are a rockstar traveling nurse who can write her own ticket.. why mess with some guy who does this behind your back?
That's a pretty intense situation you're in, but you gotta stay strong, you know? I can't even imagine what it feels like to have your dad and your mother-in-law hooking up like that. That's not cool. It's like, “What do you think you're doing?!” But at the same time, you gotta try to see where they're coming from. Maybe they were just feeling lonely or something, you know? Still, I totally get why you're disgusted by it all. You might wanna consider talking to them and telling them how you feel. Maybe they'll come to their senses and realize how messed up this whole thing is. And don't worry about your job, man. You shouldn't have to quit just because of their mistakes.
it's because most men are incapable of seeing women as human beings and not sex objects to fantasize over the second they're being somewhat friendly to them
it’s not that gross. i stg they don’t stink. she didn’t know tell i told her tonight. she said that explains why they are crunchy. but that’s are not that bad. ppl don’t get it in here. changing sheets ain’t it.
He went cold turkey about a month ago. As far as I know, hasn’t had any until he found mine the other night.
His feelings aren’t yours to manage. Im going to guess that you didn’t completely blindside him with the breakup. Where there previous issues that you tried talking about? Where you happy and he met your physical and emotional needs? Because if you ended it because he’s not hearing you or treating you well, issues don’t just fix themselves. You communicate and compromise and work together to find solutions. If you’ve talked plenty but nothing’s changed that’s on him. Tell him to work on himself so that maybe he can be a better partner in his next relationship. But you can’t stay in an unhappy relationship so someone else’s feelings aren’t hurt.
And adding to this… this step sister had the audacity to stay in your home and kept on fucking your husband after you left. No shame, no respect.. absolutely appalling behaviour, I’m not sure i even believe this story, I don’t think I’ve read anything more disgusting than this on Reddit. Your husband is trash. You and your kids deserve better.
Also, being on fixed incomes are all your funds shared? Or do you just share an expenses account and she used that? Because using half your money for your (shared) birthday gift which she would enjoy more than you would is pretty shitty.
This is very suspicious
He wanted things to be more casual before asking someone out on a date. Sex is more casual than lunch for OP.
The dads more than an ass, and if you think seeing red is over in 1 to 10 seconds it's not. Seeing my wife assaulted would make me see red for a long period of time.
Op everything you listed is rational to be mad about. Everything. None of this is normal or healthy.
Your husband is an abusive loser who is really just mad about the lack of sex and the less than bare minimum that he barely even managed.
Op, don't forget what abuse counselors say. It is SUPER COMMON for abusive shitbags to ramp up after marriage or the birth of a child because they think you're trapped.
Prove him wrong. Wait for him to leave and ghost his ass.
This one may be better at r/abusiverelationships.
I lost my last partner to a guy who could carry a car engine block across his garage! However long you were together, if someone is that shallow and gullible you are better of without them. Here's to finding someone who you deserve.
Exactly, she left you so it wouldn’t be cheating and it didn’t work out, you were her “fall back plan” in case it didn’t work out.
MIL needs grief counseling and you and your husband need couples counseling. Your MIL isn't so old that she needs constant companionship. Look into senior groups for her. She needs to get out and make friends. Lastly, if she refuses to be left alone, your husband may cave to her but you don't have to. Go out without him.
Whoa. What the fuck
There's a couple issues with this:
1) Your friend offered to do a boudoir shoot with your wife
2) She accepted the offer without discussing it with you or being aware you wouldn't be comfortable with a mutual friend seeing her in that state of dress.
1) Was already inappropriate, and I feel like with 2) Your wife should've known you well enough to know if you'd be comfortable with that.
I don’t know how to bring it up in a way that will not make her feel bad.
Honestly, she should feel bad because at best, she was thoughtless and messy with boundaries and got you a gift you absolutely will never enjoy seeing.
That said, you need to talk to her, not reddit and try to understand wtf she was thinking.
where simply speaking English (your gf’s only language) could escalate a situation.
That's not what he said happened. Reading comprehension is essential.
Dudes not inherently a creep for asking to take certain pics abs then having someone agree to take those pics lol. he also only touched her for poses lol Stop infantilizing people
Tell him that until he gets a job, he's the househusband, and meanwhile you are working overtime to bring in the bacon.
You can't have a stable home if the dad isn't there every weekend?
Why do you keep creating new accounts over and over again to post this verbatim after repeatedly being told you need therapy?
I think getting comfortable with getting yourself off is really key. And you can get used to “feeling sexy” that way too, sometimes I'll shave for myself, put on some lingerie and really take my time working up to touching intimate areas. That could help you start being more comfortable with your body and sexuality.
The only way you would be at fault is if you chose this religious family to be the parents and even then you would only be at fault for putting her in a religious family not what came after. That being said while youre relationship isnt necessarily broken i can say that he will never forgive the adoption part. As someone who is in a similar place as you (though only friends with the father) the feelings will always be there at some level if he can loosen his grip on it then thats perfect but if he keeps holding it tight to his chest and blambing you for everything she goes through he will learn to hate himself and you
Unless you're not placing them in a way where she has to see them to move them, she's either full of shit or needs therapy
If you ever have to beg a significant other to do anything its over, and I mean the desperate sad begging, I do not mean a playful type.
Seeing you that low should hurt your partner and make them want to help. There are men who will be nice to you.
You gf has little financial sense. Financial matters likely will always be a point of contention between you two. Is this relationship worth a lifetime of continuous arguments because she won't learn to differentiate between a “need” and a “want.”
PS, I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed. Husband and I–together 36 years now, don't have such arguments, thankfully. Though we will argue repeatedly about other things.
Uh, it’s usually not. Your girlfriend however, is.
OP stop fighting so hard to make THIS situation work. He is clearly unfaithful and emotionally abusive to boot (blaming you and pretending to be sorry but gets annoyed when you express yourself)
He's been unfaithful many times over, you say in a comment you're “fighting for your marriage” but you can't fight your husband to make him a good partner.
She actually fought with herself a bit on it: “But your hugs are amazing and you're so fun to cuddle… I don't wanna lose that…” That's when she brought up the health concerns.
Like I said in the post, it hit me harder than it should have. I just needed some rational people to examine the situation and provide a way to move forward rather than fall back into anxiety about it all.
He curses at you and calls your names, and then tells you it's your fault that he's abusive? Please do not have children with this man JFC
If your kids are old enough for high school, they are old enough to have some say in the matter. Do they know the truth of their parentage? If so have they ever expressed a desire to know their real father?
My guess is that it's his mother who's upset at missing out on having grandchildren, more than him. after all she was the one who found the photos. He never told her you were pregnant, nor what he said to you and that he abandoned you to your fate and didn't help you out with the abortion he thought you'd have. So she must have torn him one and he's now angry with you because after all he's not going to own up to being a right jerk to you.
When I say I ditched him for friends, what happened is we had nothing planned on a particular evening (and sort of by default that would mean we would hang out) and I said fairly short notice (at around 10am same day) that I was invited out to see a friend who is in town for a few days unexpectedly and moved away. I asked if it were ok, he said it was. But then as I was leaving the house he made a snarky remark like “I mean I guess you never want to spend time with me”. So I ended up not showing up for my friend and staying with him instead. I told him he needed to tell me that he wanted me to stay home not make snarky comments. He said he doesn't want me to choose him instead of friends because he asks, he wants me to want to do it of my own accord.
He is not in therapy. I have suggested many times, he ought to be for the anxiety and for the self esteem issues. He basically doesn't believe in therapy or psychology as real science and he thinks it's a pseudo science. When we went to counseling he did it because I said we had to. He wouldn't ever spend money or effort on it without me making it an ultimatum.
Oh man, I've been here with an ex-girlfriend and her insane mum. It all ended with me having to call the police as the mum wouldn't let her 22 year old daughter leave the house after an argument.
I strongly urge you not to get involved with the mum. She is nothing to do with you and her “parenting” her son as if he is a 7 year old is a problem.
Yes, he should probably move out.
Right, the projection is strong in this one.
My husbands ex would do this. She would pretend to take a lot of pills. She started doing it more and more often, probably a dozen times at least. The last time my SIL was there and called an ambulance. My husband ended up stuck with the bill and is still paying it. It’s HIGHLY manipulative and very unhealthy. He was traumatized by it every time and won’t really talk about it. Get out of there OP
I think this is a really long lecture for someone who was drunk and their brain isn’t even fully developed yet due to their age. You could have said this with brevity for the same impact and less shaming.
That free book you linked is an eye opener. I’ve only gotten to right before “when is it abuse?” And I’m shocked at all the red flags that went off.
I wasn’t planning on reading that full book but now I will. Thank you for sharing these links. ❤️
2.5 years
Reveal nothing. Take pictures. Contact a lawyer, get screenshots from her phone (and delete the notification that you sent them from her phone). If your name is on the title of the car, put a voice activated recorder under a front seat (ask lawyer on this first).
Trying out an addiction is insane
Start looking for a new place live immediately. Find a place you can afford on your own and sign all of the paper work and then tell him you are moving out and he can come with or not.
End it. Quit wasting your time.
But did he give any indication that he was pro marriage? I mean, five years is a loooooong time to never have a conversation about this. You two aren't teenagers.
At the end of the day, dude thinks you are going to screw him over if you ever break up. Is this really who you want to be with? Someone who thinks so little of you?
It's not cool to tell someone “you're so OCD,” especially when it's not even a disorder they're officially diagnosed with. That's a far bigger problem than your wife nitpicking how you do certain chores.
Also, it's super annoying that you don't know which dishes go in which cabinets. It puts her in the position of having to micromanage you or just do it herself. Yeah, some people don't care and you can just put it wherever. But if she's someone you're accusing of having OCD, being more cognizant of where things go is just something a good partner would do.
Bickering with your spouse is not a psychological disorder.
She said she wasn't interested in a relationship because they are coworkers
He repeatedly refused to be strictly professional / platonic with her.
End of.
What the fuck. Explain this to me , how does he acceptng HER offers to hang out, and reciprocating the invitation on other times, equals he ignored her wishes and harassed her? This is so fucked. I hope you get fired on a misconception or a lie, someday.
I am glad you two feel that way about each other. This however isn't something either of you could force yourself to feel if you didn't.
This issue isn't rare, and while it is far from being a rule it does happen often. Most importantly, this is not something her husband can change, conversely her physical condition is in fact something OP can change. This is the crucial difference here.