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TAANNI, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 5, 2022
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It could just as easily be a difference in interpretation of what they agreed to. He thinks they were going to cut it out entirely, and she thinks it's just the big nights out.
He feels betrayed as he thinks it was obvious what they agreed to (in his head), and spreading the cost over 5 days rather than 1 means she's not sticking to his version of the agreement, and not telling him could be perceived as her hiding it. So he's mad because he feels like she's gone back on the promise and tried to hide it. He also feels like it's an odd thing to do as it's obviously not a choice he would make and with everything else, he's not open to her perspective.
She feels like he's being controlling because that isn't what they agreed, that she isn't hiding anything as its her time and money, and she doesn't have to answer to him or anyone as what's she's doing isn't a problem and is culturally acceptable.
Ultimately, the whole thing is rooted in the initial miscommunication over what was agreed and what that means, and has resulted in them both becoming defensive of their position, resulting in them adding farther reaching implications to those actions.
Which is also what you're doing without enough context for that to really make sense.
Not exactly. I’m a teacher, not a child psychologist, so you can take this with a grain of salt, but “deception” as we mean it among adults is not something small children are capable of.
Are they capable of manipulative behavior? Of course. If the parents reward manipulative behavior, manipulative behavior will occur, but it’s not planned-out deception the way we mean among adults. Children don’t understand trust the way that we think of it until they’re much older, so they aren’t capable of thinking that they’re betraying trust or being deceptive. They just know what works.
Put it another way: odds are excellent that the last girlfriend was chased off by demon child, so he didn’t tell this one about the kid until she was on the hook, and then he told her that he lied because he loved her so much but he knew she didn’t like kids. That’s deception.
This kid is being bad when his dad isn’t looking and because there are no consequences. It’s less complex (the deception, not this poor kid’s issues).