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Date: September 28, 2022
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Even if it was only the lack of sex, that is a VERY valid reason to break up. Nobody should be forced onto celibacy
Couples therapy to learn what a healthy relationship is- together
You sound frantic. This is a lot. You need to think before you act rashly.
I’m assuming she’s not lying about her pregnancy. If she is, run.
There’s some chance the child is yours. Birth control can fail. But it sounds like there’s at least one other candidate. Her refusal to allow a paternity test is concerning, but if it would put the pregnancy at risk, may be reasonable.
At this point, you feel faced with a forced choice. You can either step up and be a father (and presumably a tied down family man) or you can run and potentially abandon your child.
Those aren’t your only options. If this child is yours, and you’re not ready to be a father, anything you and your GF agree on could be the way you run your family.
If you’re ready to be a father, but don’t want to stay with your GF, that option is totally on the table, too. Whether or not the child is biologically yours.
It’s important to think about what you want. Clearly, you GF intends to have this baby, and based only on her age, and the assumption she wants to have this child – that seems like a really reasonable choice. Your options are to leave her (and the baby, who might be your baby) or stay in either of their lives in whatever way you and she can agree on.
I think the idea that she’s trying to “trap” you is confusing, because it’s a terrible trap. You can just leave. She sounds like she’s higher earning than you are, so a slice of your income, which is all she could claim with this child against your wishes, doesn’t really seem like it’s worth that much.
Wow and that’s a safe person to have around your daughter?!?? Your daughter will be blaming you in therapy in her 20s OP.
LOL, So once again he doesn’t care what you want. Tell him he can have a phone call or not either way you’ll be blocking him on everything after the call. Or no call, you can block him now. If he pushes again, just block.
Why do you care what he thinks or feels, this is all for him, not for you, so why put yourself in a tough position?
How can I know I'm not truly happy? What if this is all my delusion and I'm just bored? I'm so scared of throwing a good thing away.
It’s a public board, I can respond as a I wish. But what you’re talking about is not relevant to what OP is saying since you guys are talking about two completely different issues. As long as you understand that you’re good to go.
Your feelings are valid. You should be allowed to express your emotions/inner turmoil in a healthy way. Her shutting you down is not fair by any means. Her continuing to dress risqué is also disregarding your feelings completely, because she knows how you feel and still decides to do her own thing.
Relationships are a give and take, and the ability to compromise. Let her go if she thinks showing nipples is more important than actually hearing you out. Past trauma doesn’t give you a free ticket in the future to be a bad partner. Which she is being by 1. Disregarding completely how you feel 2. She completely shuts down healthy communication.
It's not a thing of feeling sorry for him, but financially it'd be comfortable for him and even more for me.
If you're not actually a bank, don't give loans or financial support to legal strangers.
If he's 40k in debt, are you happy to have that associated with your own financial record?
she ended up cancelling the date for family matters,
but honestly I'm kind of glad because I suddenly have quite a lot of work on my plate and I needed that free saturday :')
on the other hand, i didn't feel bad about it at all, because I've been calling with her for hours this past week and she also surprise-visited me on campus not a while ago~
Kind of weird but maybe she has something going on. Never hurts to send a check in text that doesn't require her to reply back.
I don’t think it is. Not all shitty behavior is ghosting, just as all lies aren’t gaslighting. Ghosting is breaking up and basically blocking everywhere without explanation.
What she did was insensitive, inconsiderate and shitty. I would have felt like shit, I would have been mad, I would have considered ending it and I would have wondered if she was ghosting me. But she’s contacted you and from what it sounds, offered a reasonable explanation.
Have a talk with her. Explain how you felt. Anger, abandonment, disappointment, fear, bewilderment. Use I-statements. Don’t blame her, just explain how you felt and that it might take time for you to trust her.
Because if you like her and she really did go through a shitty experience, wouldn’t you like to support her through that?
Long term, these are the kind of things that can make a relationship stronger.
But she needs to understand that shutting you out is not the way and that she can’t do that again if she wants to be in a relationship with you.
Forget that shit and leave him. He's 33 and if he wanted to change he would've.
I'm surprised you guys are surprised. In the companies I worked for, the cheating sleazebags kept all the cheating stuff on their work emails because it's the last thing spouses look at because it's work, it's boring job stuff – supposedly.
I second this ?♀️?
Not fake unfortunately. Trust me I’m not super happy about it either. Feels super crappy. Obviously I already feel badly about my appearance.
Because 14 year old girls don’t like men. That is all.
In my experience as a now old lady- when I was 18 the car model absolutely would not matter. What would elevate the date and blow my mind is 1) if the car was clean inside and I didn’t have to move junk to get in. 2) if he had a plan for the date instead of “what do you want to do 3) if he opened doors, knocked on the door to get me, and generally was on his best behavior and 4) if he tried to do something special like get flowers or a little box of chocolates. Those all would be so much more impressive and exciting to me as a 18 year old (and older) then borrowing dads more expensive car.
Tell him he needs to move out by a certain date, as you need your space back. Also have it in writing if you can. Look up squatters rights in advance just in case he gets defensive or brushes you off. You could also speak to your building as they should be informed, 1 about the situation, 2 they should know the legal points of eviction. Try to make it as amiable as possible at first. He seems really lazy and and feels comfortable using you so it might get ugly. It would be better if he thought you guys were “okay” and he moved out gracefully, before the breakup. He could possibly get aggressive and damage things or even steal stuff when he moves if he is bitter.