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Finger in Pussy [Multi Goal]
Date: November 6, 2022
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IME he might have ED and is worried about performing
Look I don't think he's cheating. But if a guy asked me to commit to him and I knew he hooked up with his ex the previous night, I'd want to wait a while before making things exclusive. Coz I would wanna make sure he's not hung up on his ex. Someone else might not care. Someone else might call it off entirely. She deserves to have all the information before making that commitment.
I was in an fwb situation for like 8 months before committing to my bf. We were both open about the fact that we were seeing other people. The frequency of other people slowly dwindled and about a month before making it exclusive we both had stopped seeing anyone else entirely. I really don't think 1 date = monogamy. But I believe in honesty and transparency.
I've sat on this post for 2 weeks.
Unfortunately I've decided it's probably over for us. Thank you so much for your kind words, but the simple of the matter I want someone who's more aligned with my path in life.
The thing i’m worried about is that if i leave she’ll kill herself, she’s tried doing it multiple times before already. I don’t feel like i’m trapped in the relationship because i really do want to be in it but it’s just her metal health, i don’t think i would be able to leave cause of that.
If you wanted to take big risks like taking out $100K on loans and losing an income for 2 years, you should have done that before you had a child. That’s just the truth. Your wife is right to be concerned. By your own admission, this will be your third career change. How does she know you’ll stick with this one?
Why not just take some additional part time education in medical to move up where you’re already at? That’s more reasonable.
Hmm you’re right.
As for guy 1, I always told him that we have the freedom to see other people if we want. He knows about guy 2. Generally that he is a friend and I talk etc etc. but I never did tell him about guy 3.
You need to have a conversation with your mom how that’s horribly inappropriate and your friends are off limits.
If she desperately wants to be a cougar, she can go find her own 18 yr old to chase. Your friends are not for her pleasure and she will permanently divide your relationship if she continues with this
Some short-term ideas:
Make life as simple as possible: No pets, house/garden easy to keep, get rid of mess you don't need.
Make life as cheap as possible: Change your possibly expensive car for a cheaper one, sell your house and buy a smaller house where your wife is able to move around. Make sure you buy your stuff where it's the cheapest etc. No financial problems help a lot!
Make sure your time is well spend: Get rid of fake friends, make sure you spend time as a couple, not a patient and a care-taker. If possible, get professional help for your wife as well as for yourself. Your life is changing 100%, that's hard. Take care, of yourself in the first place.
I think you sound absolutely reasonable.
Who says I didn’t ?
You can’t make her do something she doesn’t want to do. And if she doesn’t think you’re worth the effort of seeing a doctor or therapist… it’s not a good sign for the future of your relationship
The thing is that they can be childcare duties. She just has to give him 100% of the responsibility and not interfere.
E.g. My go to present for friends with a new baby has been a diaper bag for the dad (and workman's ear muffs). I personally found it so much easier having my own diaper bag as my wife and I did things differently. To me it was easier to make sure I had everything if I had my own bag vs relying on my wife to always refill it.
I'd go, they're your friends too. If anyone asks, I'd tell the truth, maybe not go too much into detail but this was his decision to make, he needs to answer the questions anyone may have as far as I'm concerned.
I really love this girl and breaking up whit her it will destroy me
try to love yourself more.
Girl you literally have “vegan” in your name. Go off
I don't want to make a thread so I please excuse me posting my question here. I will keep it short.
Recently, I was in a situation where this girl treated this guy differently (better) than me . I have zero problem with that but assumed she must have realized that I noticed it.
The issue is now she is trying to be friendly with me like she pities me or something. I want her attitude to remain the same. I don't appreciate someone being nice because of perhaps feeling guilty?
How should I respond?
Neither will you lot if they wont. Swings and roundabouts eh
It sounds like you're more interested in the wedding than the reality of being married to this particular person.
Because his friend is being an asshole. Her bf shouldn’t even be friends with a guy who shit talks his own gf, let alone stand on the sidelines. She calls bs when she sees it, and if her bf is too scared of confrontation, then they should probably find more compatible partners.
are you sure because I know my boyfriend is the one who rejected her (it was like hours after they hookedup) and she is the one who recently asked him out to a concert (before he and i were in a relationship). He said no. that sort of makes me think there's support for him saying she still likes him.
They don't sound like friends and he isn't much of a partner.
Get rid of them.
Yes…understood……
….and until she IS ready….and begins individual counseling…….
she can participate in Couples' work so as to make the best of
Bond under its current circumstances.
You know, women are NOT attracted to INSECURE men. Even if you get the surgery and you don't work on your insecurities, I bet you'll be back here on this sub complaining as to why you are not attracting women.
You're going to have to operate on the assumption he was telling the truth to his friends.
It's the only way to go forward to make sure you're as safe as can be.
He's either lying to you or his friends, two people he shouldn't be lying to (especially a lie that big, this isn't a little white lie about overcooked food). Just the act of lying like that should call into question everything he says.
Protect yourself. Get tested for STDs and spend time figuring out the truth (write everything down so you don't forget things and don't get manipulated) and/or your next steps.
Get a house cleaner. Seriously, it is the money I spend every month. I will gladly give up a couple of dinners out a month to afford having someone come in to do the heavy cleaning. It takes away my stress and my husband and I no longer argue about who does what.
as he’s been accepting to boundaries.
when I was 17, I met a guy (33m) on discord and we talked everyday, doing huge grind missions and talking for hours were our thing. I say this because everybody is convinced about the age gap being unhealthy and I think they could be wrong.
We have no idea what's your relationship is like. If I were to listen to reddit, I would have lost a great mentor. That guy taught me a lot of basic technical engineering stuff and showed me a lot of resources that I didn't even know existed. And he did that because he always wanted to teach this stuff to somebody and there wasn't anybody in his real life that took him up on that. And he sole reason he wanted to teach somebody was there wasn't anybody he could look up and learnt from so he wanted to be that somebody.
What I'm saying is, maybe this guy sees you like a little sister that he never had, or just another gaming buddy because he couldn't find somebody he play with. All I'm pointing out is this, reddit is notoriously fast at jumping to conclusions where there aren't enough detail to go from / taking somebodies side before knowing the other side of the story. Your friend could very well be a pedo, I don't know that. We don't know that. But if he respects your boundries and is okay at just being online gaming friends until you decide otherwise, let's not paint an innocent guy as a pedo.
What are you, an animal?
Of course this isnt legitimate.
Reading this thread would be upsetting for her which I’d rather avoid since she’s pregnant. She’d might even get a laugh out of everyone thinking she so easily got trapped by some big bad predator because they think she’s incapable of making her own decisions.
Big ol' creepy perv. Sorry.
No need to break up. Jeez
This is bullshit.
100 is just a lie.
My brother the Sailor who was active at 12 didn't make 100 by his 40s.
If 100 is true they have serious issues.
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There are naked girls on instagram?? Send me the account so I can verify this and be outraged
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Your BF sounds like a jerk. But if you need to reframe it a little bit to come to terms with it, imagine you don't like Cross Fit, and your boyfriend is really into Cross Fit. And instead of being like “ok that's not your thing but I like it and will do it in my own time” he is constantly talking/texting/sharing Cross Fit stuff with you. If you try to redirect, he will change the subject back to Cross Fit. Would you want to date that person? If your answer is no, then this is not any different.
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Projecting much?
Thanks.
I am so sorry you are going through this when you should be happy and celebrating your family. Do you have any family nearby that can give you some support? I don’t advocate brushing this under the rug. It needs actively dealing with and you need to get some support to do that so that it doesn’t become all about how you are attacking his poor fee fees. Seriously. This was more than a douche move on his part and involving his ex in the deception is the wee icing on the shit cake.
My first thought is that she might be in a relationship already or she might have done something bad in the past and she knows that if you now her full name you can look her up and find out. She wants to slowly string you along and wait until you are already in love with her and then she will reveal the big secret and because you're already in love, she thinks you will be less likely to leave. People pull that manipulation tactic a lot, although not usually as strangely as she is doing it.
Either way, as things stand, she has told you her position (whether it's true or not) which is that she intends to continue this secretive behavior and doesn't see anything wrong with it. That's all you have to work with.
You are free now to tell her that her position is not acceptable to you and you just cannot keep going under these circumstances. Tell her how this odd behavior makes you feel. Tell her this kind of behavior is not what you want out of a relationship.
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The only question is whether you would have been able to trust her again after all that. Without trust there is no point.
I sure as hell wouldn't trust a person after that.
I think you did the right thing.
Of course he's doing it intentionally, because that is what he wants: To live at home. Be careful, if you get him to move in with you, he will probably be a slob.
You are a shitty shitty person
Never said one negative thing about the other women on the team. His GF wants to be in that locker room.
Yes your partners feelings 100% matter in a relationship. She can take his feelings into account and choose to make the accommodation or decline based on her own reasons. If she declines then he can choose if he is ok with that. So it comes down to each persons feelings matter and each one chooses what they can accommodate. Either their relationships works and they are compatible or they have different values and are at the end of their relationship. Personally I would choose to not accommodate because requests rooted in insecure jealousy is something I personally am not compatible with. That would indicate to me that I’m not with a person who shares my same values. But that is me, my boundary is to not accommodate requests rooted in baseless jealousy. But everyone has different boundaries and values. Currently seems like OP and his GF are misaligned.
Suck my dick bitch boy
Men or women, my advice is always the same. No harsh decisions until the baby is at least 6 months to a year old (of course unless there's blatant abuse). She's pregnant and what she's saying should be taken with a grain of salt. Be kind and patient.
You can't enable that type of behavior for a child
Anyone that says “stop asking stupid questions” isn't a good fit for anyone. Having an adult discussion about your values and needs is how to have a healthy respectful relationship.
Everything you have written says to me that he has a rigid viewpoint, fair play he knows what he wants, but in this case it isn't you, not really. He seems to like you and think you might be the one, but he wants you to equally contribute money to the situation and I am wondering like you what if you are not working, how is that going to work out. Without that answer clearly and carefully stated I would not go any further with this relationship.
Also stating that these are stupid questions implies that he thinks you are less intelligent than he is and less worthy of having that adult discussion. Large red flag waving.
Respect is so important in a relationship and again I am not seeing that here. Maybe you didn't write it so I missed it, but if you are feeling disrespected then trust your feelings.
It's also kind of funny your first comment which feels like he has a right to do so or what hes doing is okay
Probably because you opened up and he went oh shit ive done stuff with this guy. It was eating him up inside knowing so?
The fact he told you shows he cares and doesnt want to lie to you.
Move on, no-brainer time.
If she was drunk and in a story and never reacted to anything I’d bet she didn’t even notice. No need to be upset with her.
Perfect? The fuck is perfect about that asshole?
She is trying out someone else
She will get back to you if that doesn't pan out
Sorry
omg this post makes me happy lol … u made your bed now lay in it .u can't expect your marriage to be open on your side and when she does it you want to cry lol.
This is beyond inappropriate and really disturbing. You shouldn’t be spying on your sister and you sure as hell should not have an interest in her sex life. Please stop this, it’s not normal and it’s incredibly violating and creepy
My second husband is EIGHT years younger than me, but I met him when I was 48 and he was 40….funnily, although I joke about him being my 'toyboy' nobody is concerned about the age gap, nobody has ever called me pe4do!
I joke that I was 18 when he was 10, I've seen pictures of him then, he was cute but I wouldn't have 'fancied' him, he was a child! I met him when he was an adult!
My first husband was three years older FYI…..I was 20, he was 23! Still adults!
You don’t know what to do? You can start by NOT being a douche. You’re acting like a child. Hurting your partners feelings on purpose is abusive. Divorce her or don’t. Either way, grow up, my guy.
You were rude. As soon as your mom arrived you should have told your wife that your mom was at your house, and for goodness sake why didn’t you immediately invite your mom inside? How rude you were!
She didn’t BARGE in. She knew you knew she was there as you had interacted with her!
Imagine you go to a friend’s house to take an item they want borrowed. They meet you at the car, you don’t complete the interaction, and then they walk into their house. What would you do? YOU WOULD POLITELY FOLLOW THEM AND CALL OUT “CAN I COME IN?” (or even just go straight in).
If a FRIEND had behaved this way, you and your wife would both find it completely normal. But because it’s your mom, and your wife is inclined to always assume bad motive of her MIL, then suddenly it’s a big deal.
Be real. If your wife’s OWN MOM had done this then it would have been acknowledged as being completely normal and polite behaviour. It’s only because it’s her MIL that this is assumed bad!
buy fruits for your toddler yourselves
I already did.
Agreed. The approach was way too aggressive.
You didn't ask her if she wanted to go grab a coffee, you made the assumption she did.
Is it healthy, no. Do I think his parents tried therapy, family counseling etc. my guess is no. I think he needs therapy for himself and his well-being. Not because he wants or people think he should have a relationship with his parents.
Tbh I’d be happy for my mom if she was banging people on the weekends. Slay Queen get that dick.
Hes doesnt need marriage for citizenship does he?
Sorry, but you can't fix this for your bf. The issue isn't that you slept with some dude years ago – there's absolutely nothing wrong with having a past. And it cannot be changed without a time machine, not that it should be changed, since it's literally FINE.
The issue is that your bf is insecure. You can't resolve other people's insecurities for them, this is a psychological issue that ONLY HE can solve. If not by himself, then with the help of a therapist. But no, you can't make a super insecure dude secure. Most of the time it's a bad idea to try, since it often leads to simply letting the dude control you – he gets to decide where you go and who is your friend, and what you wear, bc it 'helps with his insecurity'. This is not your situation, but it could be, if you become herded into this role of someone who is responsible for his insecure feelings. You need to reject this role and tell him he needs to go get help with his issues. But you can't “heal” him. And tell him bringing this up during arguments needs to end ASAP – insecure or not, that is bad behavior and disrespectful, too. He needs to quit it like yesterday.
Well I think you can be pretty sure some of the guys already know this information…
A video call in the future, for both of you. That way you'll know you're talking to some Pakistani guy.
I’m so sorry. My dad lost 3 kids. He was fucked up after one and it only got worse with each one. I don’t think there’s greater grief than the loss of a child
Yikes. Based on that I’d move on.
No. Not really. You dumped so much shit on him he probably doesn’t see a point in time that he can emotionally handle his things and your things.
Screw you
Make an exit strategy. Gather all your important papers and belongings. Start looking for a place. I would suggest a new city. Start looking for a new job if you need one when you move.
To keep yourself safe don't tell him. He's abusive and violent. When you do move have friends with you or the police.
Get a p.o box so he can't find out where you are moving and have all your mail set up there.
The day you move block him from everything and charge all your passwords. Be prepared to change your email and phone number. I know it's a hassle but it will save you a lot of mental trouble in the long run.
Good luck!
I asked my fiancee if he would still be with his ex if she never cheated and he said yes
I
Tbh, that was such a silly question. If he thought it was a good relationship up until the cheating, then obviously the answer is yes. That isn't a comment on your relationship now – if she hadn't cheated, they wouldn't have broken up & therefore he would've never been single to start dating you.
Having said that though, it's very clear you were looking f9r reassurance and a 32yo should be mature enough to recognise that. My question is this – why are you marrying someone who can't go more than a few days without mentioning his ex when they broke up more than 3 years ago?? That's a serious hang-up.
I'm not saying break up or never get married, but personally I wouldn't be walking down the aisle until he agrees to go talk to a counsellor about how to move past this anger. It's not fair to be constantly dumping that on you or healthy for him to expend so much mental energy living in/being angry about the past.
You and your future therapist should have fun exploring that dynamic
While i can understand where your partner and hey children are coming from here's what i will say as the dd child out:
It sucks to knows everything that my dad and siblings did together when i wasn't there. It hurt and always made me feel left out.
Do i think it could be different here because you maintain more communication, possibly. But like you said, you don't lie to her. If she asks you'll answer. But if it's bed time anyway, it doesn't matter. Those phone calls are probably more about her anyway
Your relationship moved way too fast. It majorly sucks that she got you to move in with her and is already going to move away. I find that HIGHLY inconsiderate behaviour for her to agree for you to do that and still consider NYU. If NYU was a consideration, she should have communicated that and waited until after hearing back to have you move in or not. Are you sure she’s the right person for you???
In the words of Nikki Giovanni “We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on; we are embracing our mourning.” It is OK to cry. It's not fair what happened to you or her.
There's another issue between A and me. I updated the post. A is my ex's collegues.
Your husband is nuts. For your health and safety you need to get out from under his thumb.