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Date: November 6, 2022
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What you have going there is a competition, not a friendship. Also from your second example (last week) it seems you give as good as you get in the undercutting and deriding area.
I really think you need to spend less time with her and more time with other people. When conversations become toxic, it's time to dial them back.
I salute your high aspirations and wish you all the success in the world.
Thats my point. Just because a dude asks for someone to do his laundry and cook doesnt mean hes lookin for a mommy or a maid.
The thing is that he has stood up to her before, and she's smacked him, called him wicked, and makes him feel like it's all his fault. It's absolutely not his fault, and it's not fair to tell him to stand up to her when she beats him down every time. He needs a safe escape, not for something to make things worse by standing up to her, like I did. He stood up to her tonight, and it seemed to make everything worse.
As someone who has experienced the agony of infidelity firsthand, I don't care if I've been with someone for a decade, they make one “joke” like that and it's over.
People are far too willing to put up with blatant disrespect and emotional abuse in their relationships. There's no joke here. Jokes have a punchline. Just saying “Lol, what if I cheat on you babe?” is not a joke.
We were just friends for the first 5 Years. We were online friends actually whom met through a video game. We both had someone for most of the friendship. Then when I was 25 I was broken up with and so was he.. We moved from there. It's not like that at all. We just happened to really like each other after a while of being single and talking.
She gave you three reasons and you ignored them. Maybe respect your partner and trust her when she tells you something, even if you wouldn’t be the same.
Happened with me too. Dont chase. Let it be , i chased nothing mattered then too. Better focus on yourself. If he wants to he will make it right on his own.
Right? I was just about to say this, welcome to the team lol
You can try vices to mask the pain but it’s still there just
Be careful, you know this can turn real ugly. She sounds unstable. If you are serious about your moral code then you need to maintain it. Otherwise you will loose respect for yourself for the rest of your life over a few moments of meaningless sex. That's just you, but then who knows what complicated turmoil could unfold. Listen to your gut, back off and put her in her place.
If you go back to him, then yes YTA.
It’s already cheating my guy, you’re hiding it from your gf for a reason.
This relationship is killing your joy. Love isn’t enough: please don’t stay.
Why the fuck are you still with him? You don’t even like him!
Just break up ffs.
Yeah but I wish he was more ambitious in general. All he looks forward to on the weekends is unwinding with some beers, and I’m the one that pushes him with his goals, pushes him to meet certain deadlines he has etc I think I just wish I had a more ambitious partner in general
Looks like you’re on the sideline, the side chick while him and the ex figure their shit out…
If she really has shitty personality, he’s probably waiting for her to grow up..
He’s basically settling for you, while something better comes along..
Also – you may not be the prettiest person in the world, but your partner should think you are the prettiest to him.. not compared to his ex.. ew.
And to everyone – leave your fucking exes out of your lives, like damn.. it’s called an ex for a reason.. why let them be an issue in your new life?!
If your love fades over a superficial reason, your love was never that deep or true to begin with, and in that case, you'd be doing them a favor.
Let her be mad ?♂️
He cheated on her to perfect match.
It's indoctrination, and can be heavy.
It may be hard to imagine, but a lot of the people we in the US see as foreigners and might be a bit racist to will return the favor, and to a super concerning degree. Autonomy and self respect mean very little when you grow up under a value system that gets close to eugenics and segregation
Probably always forget that lyric is followed up with “yeah, only if she's 5'3″” which means those measurements look thicker on her than if she were taller.
Your the definition of ignorance is bliss if you really believe that
Lol sure
Bring another woman into the picture for you
She cant bear to see you with someone else with her own eyes. She is feeling sick but will feel like dating again soon.
At first i thought you caught your wife buying gifts for other guys from the title,turns out you didnt really like the gift haha,well there is no other way than to talk to your wife,otherwise she is going to buy thingz like that every year.
Feels like at this point, you can not. She has to see it again on her own.
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Nah, super sketchy and thats fucked up if she really wanted to be together with you to have done that the day prior. That just tells me that she did it then decided to pull a 180 to try and get you back.
Cut your losses and move on
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Both my parents became much better parents when they divorced. We should stop calling divorced families broken homes and look at them as evolving families! Expanding the love of the family. While the transition will be challenging for a kid (more so as they get older and this would happen), they can understand that while mom and dad love each other, they realized their relationship does not work and mom and dad could be better parents apart! With a good coparenting relationship it’s then fine 🙂
Added bonus that your child learns that it’s good to prioritize themselves too and that not all relationships must last forever.
My dude. It was a ONS. Not even remotely in the realm of grooming.
You guys are EXs.. you’re a booty call.
I would have her end it tbh
Why hasnt he told them? If hes spending two whole weeks in his family home on a holiday he isnt estranged- and thatd be the only acceptable reason why he hasnt. Id say culture except sleeping under the same roof as his ex kinda throws out that theory
You literally are because you are saying if she was on meds she'd be great for you. She barely knows you – being on a grand total of four dates is hardly enough time to fully suss a person out and regardless, it's likely not even about you. If she has anxiety, that's not something about you yet here you are making it about you.
I'm sorry you have to learn this way OP, but your boyfriend is guy number 21 who has taken advantage of you.
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Have you told your wife that you would like her to stay or did you tell her that it's alright to still go? Or haven't you said anything at all?
This sounds like one of those stories where the OP has some expectations but either doesn't manage to convey them to his wife or even tells her to do the complete opposite of what he wants her to do.
People aren't mindreaders. Not even your wife.
He’s literally said things like the only person he cares about in life is me, literally begged me to forgive him, and we do have a wonderful relationship aside from this. He says the only reason he thinks he does it is for some kind of ridiculous validation.
If she feels like a fish out of water where you guys are, can you guys send her back to South Asia, get her a place to stay over there closer to family, help pay for her monthly bills then visit occasionally with husband and your family?
Totally know about this cultural issue. And yeah, my relationship with my parents can be considered 'toxic. But since my parents are older (much older than yours, OP), we've (my husband and I) decided that we want them to live with us once they have to (right now, they'd rather not lol, they live in their own home, etc).
Per my suggestion above, the reason I mention it is because my mother said she was considering going back 'home' to her home country (although she's not a citizen over there anymore) and live in one of those 'old homes'/apartments, she said, she's priced it and she thought she could afford it with her pension. If that's what she chooses, of course, we'll also supply her monthly living.
I really feel for you. I had a similar situation with my mother (schizophrenic, manic depressive, hard to live with, antisocial, manipulative and single). She expected my brother or I to stay home and care for her. We're not from a background where that would be appropriate culturally, either. So yeah I get what you're going through (except yours is an order worse because of the fact that her desire is fairly normal for your cultural background).
For the people suggesting “get her mh help”. Its not that easy in the UK, especially with the lack of infrastructure. There isn't just someone you can call for help when someone isn't in immediate crisis. The entire mental and social care system is on its knees. Not to mention the fast that UK psychology is woefully inequipped to deal with women of OPs mother's age and background (there's shit loads of research on how SA women are incorrectly treated by the mental health system).
I know it's hard OP, but I think you know the likely outcome (your mother being very upset with you). If she's open to it I would encourage her to join some classes, hobbies, groups so that she has more in her life that you and your sibling. But I understand that can be difficult to enact.
Sorry you're going through this!
It's a paternity test. It tests paternity. He wants proof the baby is his… ergo…
Are you really worried about your husband cheating on you? I feel like the anxiety you feel about your husband cheating is kinda bullshit. He doesn't seem like a ladies man at all. Is the lack of sex just on your husband or are you losing attraction to him? Your husband is the opposite of your father. I think you have some regret being in a long-term relationship so early in life and wished you met your husband maybe later on in life. Now that you're getting married, you won't have the chance of traveling or maybe meet other men. Do you crave a competent, confident and assertive man to sweep you off your feet? Talk to your husband about your issues and tell him he needs to make some changes. If not leave him if you want to explore life more.
All because he couldn't make mashed potatoes right..
Man I hope I don't run into someone willing to go nuts about such a small thing.
Let him live his life. I think it was good that you did this as there was a lot you needed to learn for yourself that you might never have known otherwise. Now you know how those “head over heels” feelings are just that – feelings. They are fleeting, they pass, and they are not actually indicative of a real connection. Knowing that deep down is a great life experience that will serve you very well in future relationships.
But you've already left your ex for another man. That relationship is damaged. Don't restart a relationship with that context, it's just not worth it. Take your lessons and move forward in life, and find someone with who you can start with a blank slate.
I agree with this. I also wouldn't marry a 30-something only making $30k. I get that life is hard, but it's just not where I'm at financially and I don't want to subsidize someone else's life.
But at the same time, I'd just not be with that person. I wouldn't make the ridiculous demands he's making or make anyone feel bad. And if shit happened and my SO loses their job, of course I'd pick up the slack.
It's one thing to have financial expectations when you're considering marriage, it's a whole nother to make demands of an SO who can't meet those expectations.
This man is finding all the excuses under the sun not to be with you and moving the goal posts at all times.
He is dictating his terms of marriage to you, think about what your terms are for him. The things that bother me here are… He’s forcing you to prove your worth in qualifications and salary but is still forcing you into the stereo typical feminine role of home maker and mother so you will be working a full time job and a FULL TIME job with no pay and holidays (motherhood) while he’s earning 60K a year, that isn’t an even distribution of work load.
He is avoiding difficult conversations – huge no no for me. My husband dislikes hashing out hypotheticals but you becoming unemployed during marriage is quite likely to happen, it could happen to him as well.
He was interested and then he wasn't, that's normal. Just lost feelings or whatever.
Talk to him about if there are special occasions when you can stay out later together. Come to agreement about what time you will leave. Both compromise and stick to it.
Ultimately you'll just have to accept that he isn't a late night kind of guy. He is who he is. And you are who you are. This is just one thing you don't have in common.
I think its better he leaves before falling asleep and embarrassing you though.
What’s stopping me is him being real onboard with casual.
I’d like to continue getting to know him. But what am I even supposed to be asking?
My newest text was going to be this but it’s terrible:
We are going to Aspen tomorrow to snowboard. Have you been there? . Technically I was told I couldn’t do any sport for the next two months lol
That said, I did just survive two weeks surfing so maybe I’ll get lucky.
Shame you’re missing the season this year…”
Do not at all try again with this man, op, he's inane
2nd and 3rd paragraph arent faux pas, in fact, a Michelin restaurant usually accommodates any requests, except for a1 or ketchup, on occasion.
The 4th one is a faux pas; although sharing a dish as an appetizer isnt horrid, if you ask the server to have it brought that way… And maybe don't spoon feed it.
… My GF is sommelier and manages a high end Mich restaurant, her 3rd in her 25 yr career
Have you seen them meet in person or just what he told you she acts like?
Have you seen them meet in person or just what he told you she acts like?
Honestly, red flags ? i would definitely not get her a new ring. Her request is incredibly entitled, rude and classless. I think you might want to really think about whether you want to marry someone that is so shallow and materialistic.
I’d rethink marrying someone who demands a more expensive ring.
You would be . Don't engage her ,don't even acknowledge she's there.
I'm sorry you have been feeling like that, but the correct thing to do was breakup if you are unhappy. You have every right to be upset at everything he has done, but you should/ should've moved on. You are in the wrong for talking to someone else behind his back. You've disrespected him by cheating, he's disrespected you by meeting up and spending the day, to then say he won't forgive you. This relationship is pretty much over.
The thing about being in a toxic relationship, is that biology plays a very real and big role in our emotions. The most loving, passionate connected sex I had with my ex was after we fought and almost broke up. Yes, there’s passion, and honestly, it hurts to remember it, because in the moment it felt so good and so real. But it was toxic. It wasn’t real. We were just fuelled by hormones and were high off the ups and downs.
I completely understand your feeling hurt. I think you need to talk to him. My ex was still in love with his high school gf our whole relationship, and that grief still has a hold on me a little. I don’t know that I could offer an objective perspective right now, but I do hope you can work it out. It sounds like the things he does appreciate about you are very important to him, and there’s nothing wrong with being stable.
This is textbook depression. I think some meds, exercise and doing whatever random things you connect with as you research depression will shift your view on your life and future dramatically for the better!!
These are very clear red flags. I don't agree that they don't sound extreme.
Don't wait for him to physically hurt one of you to decide he's got anger and self control issues. He's already hurt you emotionally. The intimidation is enough.
You've already been downvoted hard fwiw, however it's relevant to add that in this thread you are the only commenter defining this hypothetical scenario as younger woman/ older man. Every other commenter, outside of those referring to the OP's story, wrote in gender neutral terms.
This is something innate to your world view that is to be worked on.
Your boyfriend already thinks you are too American. He will continue to try and change you to fit his preference.
Imagine if the situation was reversed, you dated him in America and told him he is too Korean xD
Turning down sex is normal, and as you get older it'll become more and more common. It's nothing that you're doing wrong, but people just aren't always in the mood for sex.
Without proof it's hard. But I would tell him he crossed a boundary and if he wants her then he needs to go. I would also tell him that you don't want her around your child when your not home, tell him that her coming over without you being there is a deal breaker. I would also set up nanny cams, so that you can watch from your phone anytime
No. He set her up to feel uncomfortable saying no, and she obviously did. That is not cool.
Have you told your wife that you're at the end of your rope? That without any constructive help on her part you are thinking about ending this marriage?
I think I'd sit down calmly and try to have a serious mature conversation with her. Tell her you're lost and hurting and you don't know what else to try. Tell her how much it affects you to not be able to hug her or have any intimacy on that level (I'd leave the sex out for now, you have much bigger issues to tackle first)
I think I'd probably circle back around to couples counseling. I'd to explain that you find benefits from your therapy. And how you hope it can help you find better communication. Because it doesn't sound like you two are effectively communicating your needs. I might ultimately tell her it's a condition of your two remaining married.
You mentioned your wife has seen doctors but didn't like them. Has she talked about the possibility of PPD?
So far the only feedback you've mentioned from her is that the housework may be unfair. Can you come up with a chore delegation? What concrete steps does she want you to take in regards to household chores? This could be a real factor. How do you set up chores now? Who does what?
Having to raise a child as isolated as she is I can absolutely see how it could be a huge factor if she feels she is also having to parent you and clean up after you. That can kill attraction for sure.
I also noticed you say your wife doesn't “believe” in a lot of things. Therapy. The gym. Etc. What does that mean? Does she seriously think that working out at a gym doesn't equate to improved fitness? Does she think therapy and psychology is a quack science? Or is this something she says more hyperbolically?
Also your wife used to do sex work. Now it sounds like she enjoyed her job but there can be a lot of toxicity in sex work. Is there possible baggage from this? That could obviously be impacting intimacy.
Honestly, you dodged a massive bullet
Ew at the age difference of the dad and mistress… Why are men like this? ?♀️
You should definitely move out if you break up with her, assuming you can afford to do so. Personally, my guess is that she wants you to stay so you can keep paying part of the rent, but that’s just a guess.
His disability doesn’t remove him from the same responsibilities that everyone has.
Who said he doesn’t deserve to date?
I said he wasn’t in a position to date. Just like any other broke guy. That’s part of dating responsibility.
You are the one blaming. The reason he is broke is actually irrelevant because the result is the same.
“You can't do certain things as you please” she cut her hair, what even is this reaction. Only abusive people would act this controlling over a fucking haircut
I had just started dating my now husband when my health started to suddenly decline, and doctors didn't know why. Four months later, I was diagnosed with cancer, and he refused to leave my side. I tried to break up with him, and he wouldn't let me because he knew why I was doing it. He got me through all of it without a second thought on his part, and we will be married 7 years in October.
Let her decide for herself what she wants. Love can be a huge motivation to help get you through. I couldn't have done it without my husband and I am grateful for him every single day.
My sister is this woman. Like literally. Children from different dads, no reliable job, extremely beautiful. Guess what? None of her relationships last and she bounces from man to man using her looks and hoping she finally finds security. I love her kids and I can tell you this has had a deep impact in their lives having men come and go. Don’t be a part of this, please
It seems like you’re starting to develop feelings for your friend, because you’re thinking a lot about her and worried that she doesn’t want to spend time with you/talk to you/bang anymore. If I were you and the person I was seeing treated me this way, i’d pull away completely. If she was playing hard to get and actually cared, she’d come back. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t care, and she used you for a while to help herself get over her ex. I hope she didn’t future fake you or give you the impression that there would be something more between you, because that’s shitty. I’d cut her off.
Thank you ❤️
It does help a lot! He actually did tell me his family once brought up that he may have adhd since he’s been like that as a kid. I guess we have to find something in the middle. Thank you!
Don't respond. Just block him.
I know of another couple with a similar age gap (late 30s/early 50s), who got married even though they knew that they weren't on the same page with children.
The older one had 2 daughters from a previous marriage, who were in their late teens at the beginning of the relationship. Their stance was “I'm done, I did the whole newborn thing. I did the 4am wakeup on weekends for sport. The picking up at 2am when they got drunk at their mates place. Been there, done that, don't want to do it all over again. I am TIRED”.
The younger one wanted children. They wanted all of those things.
They got married about 5 years ago and officially separated last month. A major factor was the building resentment over the children issue.
I’m not sure him wanting to try again means he liked it but at least it shows he wants to make her happy. He probably hopes to like it so he can continue making her happy. At least I hope so.
Companies governments etc need to stop being cheap bastards and getting people thier own rooms in general. Not just because of the appearance of impropriety but people snore, some people watch the TV late at night or eat chips at 3am, other people get up to piss 20 times, some people need the alarm to go off four times other people are light sleepers.
Ok I get when space is at a premium like an off shore oil rig people have to share.
Did anything just before she started this behaviour? Seems like something triggered her.
If you're happy to let a guy waste his life on a cheater then that's fine but don't pretend that you're doing it to protect yourself or if you are just come out straight and say you're a coward
Also don't act like you're against cheating like you have done in other comments whilst desperately trying to convince op to not speak up.
People like you are a cheater's best friend, you're inaction is covering for them, the women in that cheater's sub you mentioned fucking love you
So OP should be punished for her husbands insecurities? Just bc OPs friend is basically forced to open her marriage, this must mean that by way of being friends OP is going to turn into a cheater?! That's a hell of a logic. These are people in their 30s. We're not talking about a bunch of kids sitting around playing spin the bottle at a party
There isn't much you can do. If she insists on going, then she will go.
I suggest that you support a trip of perhaps 30 days. Since you have a good support network, that should be doable. But if she doesn't agree to come back at the end of that time, then I think that means she's abandoning the family, and you should file for full custody of your daughter. I suggest making those terms clear before she goes. She should also be aware that all financial support ends at the 30 day mark as well. If you have a joint bank account, take half of the money out of it at that point, and put it into an account at a different bank, in your name only. Then stop putting any money in the joint account after that.
Maybe your wife is exhausted, and is having a midlife crisis, and needs a few weeks to be an individual rather than a mommy. That's understandable, I think. But any more than that, and she is crossing a bridge of no return.
Crazy she thought that would be OK.
btw – im getting comment notifications for this post and cannot see any of them. ugh. not sure why
Idk if you’ll see this. Based on your responses I can see alcohol isn’t/wasn’t the main issue, but obviously getting drunk can lead back to pills, etc. so your ex has some good reasons to be worried. I’m more worried about the gf’s reaction. If she knows the history between y’all than she should have been more understanding. It was asking for a brief moment to not have alcohol around to cause issues with your children’s mom. That’s a reasonable expectation, her response would bug me. If she loves you, she’d get why hiding the trulys for a little bit is best for everyone.
You don’t see it because he is so sweet and tells you he doesn’t mind it and your so mature. That’s all things he is saying to make you comfortable with it
Same!! My husband grew up in a household with shouting and verbal and physical abuse. Not once has he ever used that as an excuse for shitty behavior.
I mean he used to get bottles broken over his head. And he has never so much as raises his voice to me.
U can't excuse bad behavior and ontop of it not even wanting to address that behavior and getting defensive when its pointed out like he didn't so anyone wrong..
That's just messed up and it won't get better. U can say it only started recently as much as u want OP. But it's gonna continue. How much is gonna be enough?
When u lost all ur friends and sit in a corner everyday crying because he's on a shouting rant again because u asked to have a normal conversation about ur relationship?
She told me that my dad approached her and asked if he was Anna. He then introduced himself as my dad, and told her that I was at home boasting about my multiple relationships. I doubt someone would come up to her, and introduce himself as my dad.
1) Already you don't trust her so what is there “save” about this relationship?
2) She wants to “open” the relationship. If that is a deal-breaker for you, then you should end things because it's pretty obvious that if she isn't already cheating, she's wishing to as she's re-living her idea of the 'good old days'.
3) She argues with you that you're the one at fault for violating her privacy while completely ignoring the real problem here! Then she says it's an “old” video from college which, considering she's only 24yo, wasn't all that long ago! This isn't something from her distant past (2-3 decades ago), but something from just a couple of years ago!
As you seem appalled by this behavior and you don't seem down with her idea of an “open relationship”, then it's time to pull the plug on this relationship and break up with her now. There's no point dragging it out. Tell her this relationship is not what you're looking for long-term and you both should move on to find partners better-suited to your long-term objectives.
Not really any agreement and my idea of being woken up with sex witch was mentioned is like morning snuggles, kisses, etc. also just kinda hurt by it all. It was so weird he couldn’t even get hard and when I first asked him what he was doing he lied. He’s now calling and texting me I love you’s ( he never does that) and it just happened late last night like we went back to bed after this or he did atleast. There’s a lot more info that adds up and complicates things I just don’t want to be found out I’m sorry.
Done ✅ next date on Friday
He probably doesn’t see you the same way you see him. You are probably just another friend. I am sure if he doesn’t have you coming over to fix his computer, he will try to get another friend from that circle to come over. I suggest just not attaching so much priority to expectations of which friends are going to do what, especially busy adults. Put him in your box of just “friends@ and don’t bother going out of your way for him or take some time to distance yourself from him.
My wife is on the pill and her libido is responsive. I will go up to her and kiss her lips and neck, fondle her bum and caress he. If she isn’t getting wound up in 5-10 minutes she will let me know.
We went from sex every 4 months to 2 twice a week. I try about 4 times a week. We have an agreement that I can try whenever I want.
I know her from before, when we were kids, so we're not total strangers, but yeah, I 100% agree with what you're saying.
I thought asking for a date in such a way would be too direct, so thanks for saying it to me, it helps out a bunch 🙂
And i'll only work here for a short while longer, so finding another job is a plan anyway haha, thanks again though.
If you need to have your partner initiate sex with you to not get mad at them and treat them like crap you're not mature enough for a mairrage. He's getting angry and pissy with her like her saying yes when he wants sex isn't enough. Why? He wants the sex, he can have the sex whenever he wants. Making her feel like she has to initiate when she doesn't even want it is gross and rapey. Do you want her to set a reminder in her phone “8:30 go ask your husband if he wants to fuck” how goddamn dehumanizing
Where are you? Bc I bet you've misunderstood the law.
“I dont have feelings for him but I might marry him and have kids. I’m gonna ask Reddit to decide for me”. You sound mentally disturbed. Leave this poor man alone and get professional help. Yuck.
At this point I would be contacting a divorce lawyer. Even if nothing physical has happened there is emotional cheating and a likelihood of physical cheating in the future if it hasn’t already happened (which I very much suspect it has). The trust is broken and from what I’m getting it’s not likely you will give it back which isn’t fair on either of you. Don’t blow up, act normally over the next few days while you get your affairs in order and get the evidence together. Wether that’s getting ahold of his phone and getting copies of any message they have sent, or just taking what you have. Or if you really want to (and have the money) consider getting a private investigator to get evidence. It really depends on what you want, if you want a clean break and to just end things take what you already have and get a divorce, if you want to make a case for more (ie take everything) get more evidence.
It’s not up to him. If ypu don’t want this, tell him no and to stop asking you.
Jfc. This was exhausting to read. I had a good night sleep and after this I’m ready for a nap.
I don’t think I put as much effort into my work, that I’m being paid for, as you do to track your husband’s location. Even if their relationship is innocent, he’s still lying about it all the freaking time.
Stop chasing “the proof”. You’re not relationship police or court. You developed an obsessive need to track his every move. You threw his work phone in the toilet. Is this who you want to be? Is this the relationship you want?
I did
He's wanting the wife that stays home and who does everything for their husband. A 1950's type of wife whose sole function is to cater to their husband.
This is a common kink honestly, he’s just pushing for it way too hard before she’s ready.
He is doing it out of a sense of obligation. Guys break their neck trying to get sex, then when they get, they don’t want it anymore. Sad reality of hundreds of thousands of relationships
Half your post is pushing off responsibility for your fuck up. It was the alcohol, she encouraged you to go for it, it’s retribution… dude she should not forgive you. Anyone deserves better, than a partner like you.
You decided to listen to her drunk instructions instead of the sober ones???
Shame on you. Unless you learn to take responsibility for your actions you will only ever be the toxicity in other people’s life.
Stop thinking. You are the only entertainment that man needs right now, sis. Save seeing the sights and adventures for when y'all are bored and feel like it. He should feel like he's coming home and the same for when you visit him. Y'all are still a couple, not relatives, he ain't come for the nights out or the hiking trips. If he's invested, it's literally only because of you, guys that like you are really easygoing if you are. Being in your very essence is enough. Make sure to treat him like a regular boyfriend.
Your sex drive can be treated by either visiting a doctor or finding what turns you into the wildcat that only comes alive when it's worth it. Don't be afraid to find out what burns you up while he's not there so you're not mentally blocked by his presence. Watch love stories, porn, or near-porn videos, most of a woman's sex drive is her mentality. If you aren't feeling it mentally, you're just doing it for the other person even when it feels good, but not all the time. Idc how comfortable we are with someone, we will never be truly vulnerable in their presence, hell we can't even do it for ourselves lots of times. Find what brings out your woman, your sexy, we all have it but we need to feel safe enough with somebody to do it. After you're first heartbreak and you're emotional detach from sex and love, we only drive real pleasure by feeling desired, in whatever form that may be. This is why younger folks and older married folks are the most active in the sexually free communities. Women aren't men, men aren't women, biology won't allow it. There are some that aren't the norm, so I'm not saying always, but if people are actually being honest it's definitely most. Find your connection within yourself and you'll get more comfortable being able to voice what works because you'll have a stronger knowledge and your carnal instincts to guide you. You just won't be able to help it.
I'm not looking to call it off
You said it's a hill you're willing to die on, bro.