It is technically cheating, you're still married, you still have your vows. A lot of people do it anyway, but I personally wouldn't be OK doing that myself…neither would I be OK reconciling with someone who did.
A lot of these comments talk about your current gf and what you should do to make her feel better, which is all good advice. However, I also have to say that (as long as it wasn't while you were with her or talking to her), it is not your fault. It's normal to be intimate with your partner and your ex was your partner at the time. It sucks it had to pan out this way, but you also need to ask yourself if this is the type of relationship you are ready for? Do you want to be with someone who will make you feel bad for every unintentional mistake? You trusted her enough to let her look through your phone with nothing to hide. A relationship is all about trust. You did what you can. You tried to comfort her and spoke your truth. Just know that her reaction does not always define the type of person you are. I'm sure she is trying the best she can too, but at this point her emotions are not a reflection of you. So give her and yourself some space.
I see a stunning lack of understanding that you allowing yourself to fly off the handle is something that any man would look at in disdain. People have bad days all the time, but imagine how you'd feel if you saw someone flying off the handle in a public place. Do you know how second hand embarrassment works? Do you understand that your actions in that book store drew all kinds of stares about how miserable a person you are to interact with? You wouldn't stand for a guy to start destroying merchandise in a store to show off “a side he has in him.” Just because you know of your own ability to be awful doesn't mean that you should feel comfortable expressing it.
As for the argument that followed, the main issue is that you didn't want to give him time to think about whether he wanted to move forward. You wanted that date to reassure yourself that he actually still wanted to be around you, you'd have done anything to just get him to say 'it's okay” once more, but you couldn't wait for it. And I wonder why he started to think himself inadequate or you inadequate. He wasn't allowed to make his own choices or process how he felt or even consider if he still wanted to be in a relationship. You just wanted to move forward at all costs, and he was like “well I'm certainly not ready so I'd better move on.”
If you learn anything its that your side you showed in the bookstore needs to never show itself ever again. It can exist in you, but showing it can never happen. And my second hope is that you learn about giving time and space when you fuck it up badly. People need time and space after a massive fuck up. Put yourself in those shoes before you start making demands as the party who fucked up.
When you live with a partner, bill splitting should not be automatically 50/50. That’s missing a lot of nuance – there are plenty of reasons why one can/should pay more than the other and it goes down to unique situations.
Your girlfriend is taking advantage of this concept – significantly. Depending on your individual financial situations, it could be perfectly reasonable for you to pay more than she does, but she’s taking it to the extreme and knocking the balance too far off.
I want you to think about why you even want a second date with him. Is his behavior on date one something that is attractive to you? Or do you just like the idea of a second date?
Don't do that to yourself. You're looking for some way to better accept what's happened here. Sometimes it's as simple as two people just enjoying each other's company more.
He is pushing to work through it and said he’ll do anytime that I want him to do to fix the situation. Including working on himself so he can be a better partner.
Cheating is crazy enough as it is, in my experience there’s always more to the story. You said they made out but let’s be serious, where does that usually lead to, just making out is enough to break your heart, she could be keeping more from you and you’re better off ghosting her
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We moved across the country when we were young and it was very hard on her. She didn’t make many friends, she was bullied, she ended up withdrawing into herself a great deal. This is the first man she ever really dated and I think it’s easier for her to believe absurdities than to not trust the first and only man she ever loved
Most of the time when a girl want a open relationship, she knows she can find sex easily, while her boyfriend would struggle. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
You hit it on the nail…compromises…if both of you can compromise I don't see why it wouldn't work…there is so much out there to learn and see and explore that I think you both can learn from each other and experience it together. Best of luck to the both of you…hope everything works out!!!
A great person would have a lot more empathy for his wife after something horrific happened to them.
You might not want to jump to divorce, and I'm sure you're dealing with a lot at the moment and just want to lean on the person you love, but please don't tell yourself there's any excuse for what your husband is doing to you right now. You've explained to him it would be traumatic to go through with the pregnancy and he wants you to do it anyway so he can gain something (a baby) for himself.
Lots of women seem unable to cum from piv from what I’ve read and only do it for the guy. So it sounds like many women could have a very fulfilling sexual relationship with “only” oral, petting and anal and just have piv a few times to make babies.
If you wank into a cup and do it with a turkey baster could you not technically even have a virgin birth?! I wouldn’t really classify it as being a virgin myself but within that belief system wouldn’t that be the absolute peak performance?
I'd find it impossible to continue with this woman. It's not about insecurities or anything like that, this is just massively disrespectful and emasculating. I've not been married before, but I wouldn't accept this shit from a GF, let alone a wife.
Your self esteem has just started eating itself.. Don't let it disappear all together by accepting shite like this.
This is signs she is a sociopath, do you really want to test her boundaries and find out who or what will be her next victim. She sounds like she needs serious mental health help, run now!
The size of a tuna can??? I wish. The way you’re supposed to measure, and maybe I messed this up, is by wrapping a measuring tape around it. Everyone thinks its by using a ruler, but no, the total girth is 6 inches.
this is a VERY weird scenario, because while you aren’t official, it’s really kinda weird he felt the need to hide it and lie.
considering the fact you’re not official, the fact he was looking at those images etc etc isn’t really a concern. he’s a guy, you guys aren’t exclusive, you can’t really control what he does.
however, if he’s willing to lie despite all that… that, my friend, is the red flag you’re looking for. all things considered there really shouldn’t be anything to lie about, and the fact he did shows that trustworthiness might be in question. i’d bring it up with him again, honestly; gently, and probably don’t push it all immediately, just drop a “i did some digging, found a thing, and i want to talk about it soon before we label ourselves”. if you push and he gets defensive, continuing to push immediately without the ability to cool down can cause any logic there may be to be overshadowed by emotion on both sides
That last line did for me. Get away from him. He is controlling and toxic. This will not be a good relationship for you and it's only just started. That man has some serious issues, and you don't need some guy in your life telling you what you can and can not do. Especially since he can do what ever he wants and does not respect you at all.
I’m not mad, I can honestly say after reading the initial comment, I did not see the word “again”.
Subtract that word and this situation is applicable to both genders is all I was saying.
I’m not mad over Reddit downvotes.
Regardless of this Op need to block this guy asap and move to her parents. This is one of the most brutal ways to have someone break up with you and just call it a “break”.
She said no and told him to stop. Legs don’t need to be open. What an AH move pressing a rape victim survivor for more details and openly victim blaming. Do better.
I mean he said he was sad about them not having sex it didn’t exactly say he was throwing himself at her. If a woman didn’t want sex a lot of people would tell her not to have sex if she didn’t want to but when it’s a man he’s “denying her”… maybe he was having trouble feeling desired etc by her? We don’t know. They should def do counseling together.
Went through a similar thing. It sucks when they put you down a lower rank on their priority list.
They may feel comfortable with it that way. But in the end, this may not be the way you want to be loved.
It's going to drive you insane, and when you start begging for a little quality time they'll make you feel bad about it for feeling like you do.
The truth is, you need that quality time. And having several days not calling each other and delayed responds is making you feel like the bond between you two is tearing apart.
You're not crazy. You're trying to protect the very thing you hold dear.
I understand you went into it with the best of intentions, but that doesn't make it okay. Her friends are right.
And let's be honest here, all of us probably got plastered a few times in our late teens / early twenties. It's what happens. It doesn't automatically make you an alcoholic. I went to university with people who'd deliberately set out to get drunk most weekends; they're now perfectly normal, well-adjusted members of society with families etc.
Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes and learn from them.
Lmao it's sending him notifications because he has it installed but hasn't opened it in a few days. The app has that feature that can't be turned off unless you turn off all notifications. So to sum it up he has it installed and the app is sending him notifications so he engages more.
OP, in the last 1-2 years, you’ve posted about your gf disliking your body and autism, so much so she doesn’t want sex or to be naked with you, about her anger and how you feel unsafe, about not being able to talk after an awkward sexual encounter with a friend… What exactly are you trying to salvage? And even if you could fix these problems, you do not have the time to do so.
You’re either in this marriage or you’re not. His debt is your debt and your debt is his (in most cases*). Money is money – I’m (f) very independent, and my wife is too – we each pay the same amount into a joint account to pay bills, but then have our own spending money. When I was broke, she paid my savings so I could spend some money on stuff. When she was broke, I gave her money to spend and save. It’s household money, and isn’t fungible.
He’s supported you while you were unemployed, but you don’t want to help clear the student debt? The quicker you clear it, the less it costs and the less of a hold money issues will have on your marriage.
Stop asking for divorce every time you’re mad – you’re showing a serious lack of commitment. I’d have said yes after the second request. It just shouldn’t be your go to argument.
*psa – this doesn’t apply if you’re in danger of being financially abused
Absolutely not. No way in hell would my husband go stay in the same hotel room with another woman. I trust him, but im also human and know shit tends to happen on business trips with alcohol involved and judgement being obscured.
Have you been in therapy since your adoption? It might be good to reach out to a psychologist to discuss your childhood trauma. Sometimes memories and feelings that have caused us harm, we push down, and then they explode in undesirable ways upon those we love.
In the meantime, let her know that she is your mom (if you feel that way) and that you do love her and that you’re sorry for your words and reaction.
It’s not about “getting it in” it’s about turning you on. Your muscles will naturally relax the more excited you get. Also, stressing about sex can make it more challenging. Arousal is not just about being “wet” it about your body gettin ready. There is lots of good literature about foreplay and intimacy online.
My dad always makes jokes about that because he has the spare key. But if I were to take the car could my mother not call the police on me? Since she's supposed to be in the car with me when I drive. She says I need to have a licensed driver with me which is her but I don't know if any of this is true because I never got told from the insurance company myself it came from my mother's mouth.
Girl, WTH stop making excuses for this guy. His behavior is unacceptable, full stop. It will go on for as long as you stick around to take it. People like that aren't “fixable” he'll just get worse and worse.
Hmm.. I think there is some growing up to do here still.
There is a reason why people say “Leave your work at work.”
Additionally, if your job is taking such a mental toll on you where you need hours to decompress at home… then it's time for a new job. No job is worth that mental state.
A part of a healthy relationship is trying your best to be excited to see your partner, feeding them positive energy, trying your best to be happy. And if outside forces are making that a challenge, then it may be good to change those outside forces.
If you're regularly bringing home negative energy… even though its not directed towards your partner, you're still feeding the relationship negativity.
Of course, we will have our off days… but if every day is an off day, that needs to be addressed.
Personally, I think the two of you could learn independently what a functioning healthy relationship looks like.
Yeah, it definitely doesn't feel like I have a great life with her cause I value sex as 50% of the relationship. My reasoning behind that might be a little flawed. I say 50% because I don't share that with anyone else. I love my best friend and my family just just as much, if not more, than her on the day to day but like I said, the difference between my best friend or my family is the intimate part of the relationship that I only share with her. At least in my eyes, that's the biggest difference between those relationships, and that's why I value that part so highly.
OP it js incredibly common for domestic violence to first manifest during pregnancy. That’s why women are routinely asked at maternity appointments if they are experiencing DV. Please call a DV advice line as soon as you are on your own and able to do so safely. The behaviour is likely to escalate.
It's funny because you'd think dating another woman would somehow make it easier to decode each other's shit. Bt no. We still end up confused af!
Maybe do the quiz like many are saying bt also just simply sit her down tell her u honestly love her and genuinely want to have a happy relationship with her so she should maybe write down what she would like more from u if she can't verbalize it without feeling shy or uncomfortable. And ask her to elaborate on it.
I'm like that. I can put my ideas and thoughts down alot easier than i could possibly say it because sometimes ur just afraid ur partner is gonna take something u say wrong or u get tongue tied and it comes out in all the worst ways.
The funny part is, when you dump him, he's going to be so surprised. He has no idea how manipulative his behavior is. You've definitely got your “stuff” together. Find a guy who appreciates that in you.
You aren’t trapped. I know it may feel that way, but you are not. You built a life with her, sure, but you can also walk away and build a new one on your own. It’ll be tough at first and it’s probably gonna hurt like hell, but you’ll be much better off for it in the end. Start talking to a good divorce lawyer and get away from her ASAP if you’re planning on leaving.
I can’t tell you why she came clean now, but I assume it is because you caught her messaging him and a little bit of guilt crept up and got the best of her. Not guilt for betraying you but more like guilt/shame for doing a bad thing, yknow? My ex and I were able to talk about his serial cheating months after the breakup and he cited guilt for doing a shitty thing as his main reason for coming clean, but admitted he never felt any guilt for hurting me.
No? If an adult can’t have an important albeit uncomfortable convo with their spouse, they are failing their duties as a partner. Just because she doesn’t like it does not mean she can refuse to discuss things or ever have disagreements.
How would you feel if your partner avoided any disagreement by immediately being ill and ignored your concerns?
No? If an adult can’t have an important albeit uncomfortable convo with their spouse, they are failing their duties as a partner. Just because she doesn’t like it does not mean she can refuse to discuss things or ever have disagreements.
How would you feel if your partner avoided any disagreement by immediately being ill and ignored your concerns?
Do your thing. Just as it’s not your job to atone for the sins of his girlfriends past, it’s not your job to manage his insecurities.
The most you can do is be up front and honest, don’t start lying about perfectly normal interactions with coworkers because you’re afraid of his response.
Reassure him that you love him, but don’t get involved in defending and justifying that you’re a normal human person who interacts with friends and colleagues.
If he can’t deal with it, this probably isn’t going to work out.
Well, it's not a good look to hide a secret child from your gf of 3 years. I'm sorry you are going though all this.
This is who he is. A man who would not step up to help his existing child and who ghosts the mother. I know that the miscarriage was traumatic but you now get the chance to re-evaluate the man you are with. And you should.
One of my greatest lessons in life has been something that my mum tried to teach me my entire life. When you lie whether it takes two seconds or 10 years, the truth will always come out. It took me 29 years to learn that after countless lies came back and haunted me. Now is your time to learn that lesson. Be honest, be accountable and don’t lie again. It’s never worth it.
That's a lot of 'I's. “I don't know how I could live.” You're saying that her being assaulted would upset YOU. You don't say a word about how it would affect her. You need to come clean to yourself that assaulting her wasn't for her own good, it was for yours.
And stop insulting people for no reason. Calling me a morron will only make you look stupid. The fact you even point this out as an option is sickening.
I wonder how long ago she checked out. If you just noticed it it’s probably has been a long while. When was the last time she complained? When was the last time she demanded anything relationship wise? What were her old concerns? That should give you a good time line and an angle of approach. Start doing that one thing she’s asked/complained about and see if she perks up. If not, she’s probably seriously checked out of this relationship.
It seems to me you don’t understand the point of the person you are responding to. They shared that they have waxed at times when they didn’t intend to have sex. I have also done that. Used to maintain a Brazilian wax regularly when I was not even sexually active. Waxing is a form of grooming, it’s not a stretch to flippantly call it a “style” in a comment.
What’s weird though, is that you jumped immediately to “gaslighting” on such a stupid issue.
what you will not do, another man will be happy to. you wasted her time for 6 months. leave her alone so the other guy can give her what she wants. do you think women sit around and wait for you like npcs until you decide you want to date them? turning down other men for what….a glorified booty call?
We agreed not sleep with anyone until we got a divorce just in case we worked it out.
Unless you both agreed to something it is most definitely cheating. How could it not be?
It is technically cheating, you're still married, you still have your vows. A lot of people do it anyway, but I personally wouldn't be OK doing that myself…neither would I be OK reconciling with someone who did.
Good luck.
I’m embarrassed to say it but yes. I made out with someone at a bar.
I’m embarrassed to say it but yes. I made out with someone at a bar.
A lot of these comments talk about your current gf and what you should do to make her feel better, which is all good advice. However, I also have to say that (as long as it wasn't while you were with her or talking to her), it is not your fault. It's normal to be intimate with your partner and your ex was your partner at the time. It sucks it had to pan out this way, but you also need to ask yourself if this is the type of relationship you are ready for? Do you want to be with someone who will make you feel bad for every unintentional mistake? You trusted her enough to let her look through your phone with nothing to hide. A relationship is all about trust. You did what you can. You tried to comfort her and spoke your truth. Just know that her reaction does not always define the type of person you are. I'm sure she is trying the best she can too, but at this point her emotions are not a reflection of you. So give her and yourself some space.
I see a stunning lack of understanding that you allowing yourself to fly off the handle is something that any man would look at in disdain. People have bad days all the time, but imagine how you'd feel if you saw someone flying off the handle in a public place. Do you know how second hand embarrassment works? Do you understand that your actions in that book store drew all kinds of stares about how miserable a person you are to interact with? You wouldn't stand for a guy to start destroying merchandise in a store to show off “a side he has in him.” Just because you know of your own ability to be awful doesn't mean that you should feel comfortable expressing it.
As for the argument that followed, the main issue is that you didn't want to give him time to think about whether he wanted to move forward. You wanted that date to reassure yourself that he actually still wanted to be around you, you'd have done anything to just get him to say 'it's okay” once more, but you couldn't wait for it. And I wonder why he started to think himself inadequate or you inadequate. He wasn't allowed to make his own choices or process how he felt or even consider if he still wanted to be in a relationship. You just wanted to move forward at all costs, and he was like “well I'm certainly not ready so I'd better move on.”
If you learn anything its that your side you showed in the bookstore needs to never show itself ever again. It can exist in you, but showing it can never happen. And my second hope is that you learn about giving time and space when you fuck it up badly. People need time and space after a massive fuck up. Put yourself in those shoes before you start making demands as the party who fucked up.
I used to work in financial aid and I second this! They will help you find the resources you need!
When you live with a partner, bill splitting should not be automatically 50/50. That’s missing a lot of nuance – there are plenty of reasons why one can/should pay more than the other and it goes down to unique situations.
Your girlfriend is taking advantage of this concept – significantly. Depending on your individual financial situations, it could be perfectly reasonable for you to pay more than she does, but she’s taking it to the extreme and knocking the balance too far off.
I want you to think about why you even want a second date with him. Is his behavior on date one something that is attractive to you? Or do you just like the idea of a second date?
She shouldn’t have to ask if she goes to the club?
Don't do that to yourself. You're looking for some way to better accept what's happened here. Sometimes it's as simple as two people just enjoying each other's company more.
How does he treat the waitstaff?
He is pushing to work through it and said he’ll do anytime that I want him to do to fix the situation. Including working on himself so he can be a better partner.
Bro save what's your she want to leave then leave her she is gone
So this has been going on since school started??
Okay. One more time. And I'll even emphasize the part you keep ignoring, so you can't ignore it this time.
And mobile deposits require a front and back picture and don't let you access photos already on your phone's camera roll
She said that she heard a rumour that her sister fucked her ex so she thought I was fucking her sister so she said it incase she was being hurt.
Cheating is crazy enough as it is, in my experience there’s always more to the story. You said they made out but let’s be serious, where does that usually lead to, just making out is enough to break your heart, she could be keeping more from you and you’re better off ghosting her
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“Because I know how I act when I’m blackout drunk, despite the fact I can’t control my behaviour or alcohol addiction.”
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Get a lawyer, get child support.
We moved across the country when we were young and it was very hard on her. She didn’t make many friends, she was bullied, she ended up withdrawing into herself a great deal. This is the first man she ever really dated and I think it’s easier for her to believe absurdities than to not trust the first and only man she ever loved
Must be exhausting being with someone who's wrong all the time
Most of the time when a girl want a open relationship, she knows she can find sex easily, while her boyfriend would struggle. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
You hit it on the nail…compromises…if both of you can compromise I don't see why it wouldn't work…there is so much out there to learn and see and explore that I think you both can learn from each other and experience it together. Best of luck to the both of you…hope everything works out!!!
I'd leave personally ?♀️
Because he's in a relationship and trying to keep the door open. Pls, block him and move on.
One solution: Buy a black out curtain to hang over his door frame.
He can leave the door open, cats can get out and you can turn the light on, the noise is on him.
Just use your words and talk to him
Dump him. No one should waste any time with a misogynist.
Dump him. No one should waste any time with a misogynist.
He doesn’t like you either, he likes having sex. Run away.
A great person would have a lot more empathy for his wife after something horrific happened to them.
You might not want to jump to divorce, and I'm sure you're dealing with a lot at the moment and just want to lean on the person you love, but please don't tell yourself there's any excuse for what your husband is doing to you right now. You've explained to him it would be traumatic to go through with the pregnancy and he wants you to do it anyway so he can gain something (a baby) for himself.
Lots of women seem unable to cum from piv from what I’ve read and only do it for the guy. So it sounds like many women could have a very fulfilling sexual relationship with “only” oral, petting and anal and just have piv a few times to make babies.
If you wank into a cup and do it with a turkey baster could you not technically even have a virgin birth?! I wouldn’t really classify it as being a virgin myself but within that belief system wouldn’t that be the absolute peak performance?
i posted about successfully not engaging with someone who was triggering me
and about wanting to make up for my bad behaviour to my friends, from when i was previously limerent.
nice try tho 😛
I'd find it impossible to continue with this woman. It's not about insecurities or anything like that, this is just massively disrespectful and emasculating. I've not been married before, but I wouldn't accept this shit from a GF, let alone a wife.
Your self esteem has just started eating itself.. Don't let it disappear all together by accepting shite like this.
This is signs she is a sociopath, do you really want to test her boundaries and find out who or what will be her next victim. She sounds like she needs serious mental health help, run now!
The size of a tuna can??? I wish. The way you’re supposed to measure, and maybe I messed this up, is by wrapping a measuring tape around it. Everyone thinks its by using a ruler, but no, the total girth is 6 inches.
this is a VERY weird scenario, because while you aren’t official, it’s really kinda weird he felt the need to hide it and lie.
considering the fact you’re not official, the fact he was looking at those images etc etc isn’t really a concern. he’s a guy, you guys aren’t exclusive, you can’t really control what he does.
however, if he’s willing to lie despite all that… that, my friend, is the red flag you’re looking for. all things considered there really shouldn’t be anything to lie about, and the fact he did shows that trustworthiness might be in question. i’d bring it up with him again, honestly; gently, and probably don’t push it all immediately, just drop a “i did some digging, found a thing, and i want to talk about it soon before we label ourselves”. if you push and he gets defensive, continuing to push immediately without the ability to cool down can cause any logic there may be to be overshadowed by emotion on both sides
If she cheated on you dump her. If you stay with her, you’re letting her know that you accept her cheating on you and you’re OK with it.
Yeah, that coupled with the “facts vs feelings” stuff basically told me that op's bf has gotten into alt right manosphere BS
Oh, are you hoping the people will provide some major revelation? Sounds like you're just whining
That last line did for me. Get away from him. He is controlling and toxic. This will not be a good relationship for you and it's only just started. That man has some serious issues, and you don't need some guy in your life telling you what you can and can not do. Especially since he can do what ever he wants and does not respect you at all.
I’m not mad, I can honestly say after reading the initial comment, I did not see the word “again”.
Subtract that word and this situation is applicable to both genders is all I was saying.
I’m not mad over Reddit downvotes.
Regardless of this Op need to block this guy asap and move to her parents. This is one of the most brutal ways to have someone break up with you and just call it a “break”.
That dude deserves all the karma coming his way
She said no and told him to stop. Legs don’t need to be open. What an AH move pressing a rape victim survivor for more details and openly victim blaming. Do better.
She frequently sleeps with others without your knowledge?
I mean he said he was sad about them not having sex it didn’t exactly say he was throwing himself at her. If a woman didn’t want sex a lot of people would tell her not to have sex if she didn’t want to but when it’s a man he’s “denying her”… maybe he was having trouble feeling desired etc by her? We don’t know. They should def do counseling together.
Went through a similar thing. It sucks when they put you down a lower rank on their priority list.
They may feel comfortable with it that way. But in the end, this may not be the way you want to be loved.
It's going to drive you insane, and when you start begging for a little quality time they'll make you feel bad about it for feeling like you do.
The truth is, you need that quality time. And having several days not calling each other and delayed responds is making you feel like the bond between you two is tearing apart.
You're not crazy. You're trying to protect the very thing you hold dear.
Sorry, but you are controlling.
I understand you went into it with the best of intentions, but that doesn't make it okay. Her friends are right.
And let's be honest here, all of us probably got plastered a few times in our late teens / early twenties. It's what happens. It doesn't automatically make you an alcoholic. I went to university with people who'd deliberately set out to get drunk most weekends; they're now perfectly normal, well-adjusted members of society with families etc.
Sometimes you just have to let people make their own mistakes and learn from them.
Lmao it's sending him notifications because he has it installed but hasn't opened it in a few days. The app has that feature that can't be turned off unless you turn off all notifications. So to sum it up he has it installed and the app is sending him notifications so he engages more.
I work online remotely
OP, in the last 1-2 years, you’ve posted about your gf disliking your body and autism, so much so she doesn’t want sex or to be naked with you, about her anger and how you feel unsafe, about not being able to talk after an awkward sexual encounter with a friend… What exactly are you trying to salvage? And even if you could fix these problems, you do not have the time to do so.
Sounds like she was done with you when she installed the dating apps. People don't put a dating app on their phone to only chat.
Go on, what else has he been doing for you? What have you been putting on the table except trash talk his choices?
You’re either in this marriage or you’re not. His debt is your debt and your debt is his (in most cases*). Money is money – I’m (f) very independent, and my wife is too – we each pay the same amount into a joint account to pay bills, but then have our own spending money. When I was broke, she paid my savings so I could spend some money on stuff. When she was broke, I gave her money to spend and save. It’s household money, and isn’t fungible.
He’s supported you while you were unemployed, but you don’t want to help clear the student debt? The quicker you clear it, the less it costs and the less of a hold money issues will have on your marriage.
Stop asking for divorce every time you’re mad – you’re showing a serious lack of commitment. I’d have said yes after the second request. It just shouldn’t be your go to argument.
*psa – this doesn’t apply if you’re in danger of being financially abused
Absolutely not. No way in hell would my husband go stay in the same hotel room with another woman. I trust him, but im also human and know shit tends to happen on business trips with alcohol involved and judgement being obscured.
Have you been in therapy since your adoption? It might be good to reach out to a psychologist to discuss your childhood trauma. Sometimes memories and feelings that have caused us harm, we push down, and then they explode in undesirable ways upon those we love.
In the meantime, let her know that she is your mom (if you feel that way) and that you do love her and that you’re sorry for your words and reaction.
Haha I study earth and planetary science at university so rocks are a pretty large part of that. I honestly just think they’re pretty most the time.
My friend does it as they have a genetic condition that is only in boys her and her husband have
IDK, she buys a boat? I'm going to let that slide.
It’s not about “getting it in” it’s about turning you on. Your muscles will naturally relax the more excited you get. Also, stressing about sex can make it more challenging. Arousal is not just about being “wet” it about your body gettin ready. There is lots of good literature about foreplay and intimacy online.
She's your ex. Live your life and stop worrying about her or what she thinks.
Says a lot about him. Is he like that in his business dealings too?
They are messing around together for sure. The question is really, are they serious or casual with each other?
My dad always makes jokes about that because he has the spare key. But if I were to take the car could my mother not call the police on me? Since she's supposed to be in the car with me when I drive. She says I need to have a licensed driver with me which is her but I don't know if any of this is true because I never got told from the insurance company myself it came from my mother's mouth.
-g-a-s-l-I-g-h-t-I-n-g ?
Girl, WTH stop making excuses for this guy. His behavior is unacceptable, full stop. It will go on for as long as you stick around to take it. People like that aren't “fixable” he'll just get worse and worse.
It sounds like you just outgrew each other. That’s pretty common in relationships that start in your early 20s. No ones at fault
Hmm.. I think there is some growing up to do here still.
There is a reason why people say “Leave your work at work.”
Additionally, if your job is taking such a mental toll on you where you need hours to decompress at home… then it's time for a new job. No job is worth that mental state.
A part of a healthy relationship is trying your best to be excited to see your partner, feeding them positive energy, trying your best to be happy. And if outside forces are making that a challenge, then it may be good to change those outside forces.
If you're regularly bringing home negative energy… even though its not directed towards your partner, you're still feeding the relationship negativity.
Of course, we will have our off days… but if every day is an off day, that needs to be addressed.
Personally, I think the two of you could learn independently what a functioning healthy relationship looks like.
Yeah, it definitely doesn't feel like I have a great life with her cause I value sex as 50% of the relationship. My reasoning behind that might be a little flawed. I say 50% because I don't share that with anyone else. I love my best friend and my family just just as much, if not more, than her on the day to day but like I said, the difference between my best friend or my family is the intimate part of the relationship that I only share with her. At least in my eyes, that's the biggest difference between those relationships, and that's why I value that part so highly.
OP it js incredibly common for domestic violence to first manifest during pregnancy. That’s why women are routinely asked at maternity appointments if they are experiencing DV. Please call a DV advice line as soon as you are on your own and able to do so safely. The behaviour is likely to escalate.
Tf are u supposed to know then. Lol
It's funny because you'd think dating another woman would somehow make it easier to decode each other's shit. Bt no. We still end up confused af!
Maybe do the quiz like many are saying bt also just simply sit her down tell her u honestly love her and genuinely want to have a happy relationship with her so she should maybe write down what she would like more from u if she can't verbalize it without feeling shy or uncomfortable. And ask her to elaborate on it.
I'm like that. I can put my ideas and thoughts down alot easier than i could possibly say it because sometimes ur just afraid ur partner is gonna take something u say wrong or u get tongue tied and it comes out in all the worst ways.
Bro just give up, it's not worth it.
This kind of thing will never leave you
The funny part is, when you dump him, he's going to be so surprised. He has no idea how manipulative his behavior is. You've definitely got your “stuff” together. Find a guy who appreciates that in you.
I can't imagine touching all over a married man in front of his wife and mother and then giving him my number. Bless her heart lmfao
You aren’t trapped. I know it may feel that way, but you are not. You built a life with her, sure, but you can also walk away and build a new one on your own. It’ll be tough at first and it’s probably gonna hurt like hell, but you’ll be much better off for it in the end. Start talking to a good divorce lawyer and get away from her ASAP if you’re planning on leaving.
I can’t tell you why she came clean now, but I assume it is because you caught her messaging him and a little bit of guilt crept up and got the best of her. Not guilt for betraying you but more like guilt/shame for doing a bad thing, yknow? My ex and I were able to talk about his serial cheating months after the breakup and he cited guilt for doing a shitty thing as his main reason for coming clean, but admitted he never felt any guilt for hurting me.
With psychopaths, you are either an accomplice or a victim and accomplices eventually become victims.
My 2 cents
ALWAYS listen to your intuition
If theirs a will theirs a way
No? If an adult can’t have an important albeit uncomfortable convo with their spouse, they are failing their duties as a partner. Just because she doesn’t like it does not mean she can refuse to discuss things or ever have disagreements.
How would you feel if your partner avoided any disagreement by immediately being ill and ignored your concerns?
No? If an adult can’t have an important albeit uncomfortable convo with their spouse, they are failing their duties as a partner. Just because she doesn’t like it does not mean she can refuse to discuss things or ever have disagreements.
How would you feel if your partner avoided any disagreement by immediately being ill and ignored your concerns?
Thanks a lot ? for your advice
Do your thing. Just as it’s not your job to atone for the sins of his girlfriends past, it’s not your job to manage his insecurities.
The most you can do is be up front and honest, don’t start lying about perfectly normal interactions with coworkers because you’re afraid of his response.
Reassure him that you love him, but don’t get involved in defending and justifying that you’re a normal human person who interacts with friends and colleagues.
If he can’t deal with it, this probably isn’t going to work out.
No, we cannot help you. Reddit is not licensed to prescribe psychopharmaceuticals.
Well, it's not a good look to hide a secret child from your gf of 3 years. I'm sorry you are going though all this.
This is who he is. A man who would not step up to help his existing child and who ghosts the mother. I know that the miscarriage was traumatic but you now get the chance to re-evaluate the man you are with. And you should.
Best of luck on your love adventure 😉
One of my greatest lessons in life has been something that my mum tried to teach me my entire life. When you lie whether it takes two seconds or 10 years, the truth will always come out. It took me 29 years to learn that after countless lies came back and haunted me. Now is your time to learn that lesson. Be honest, be accountable and don’t lie again. It’s never worth it.
Yes! Let her wear it!!! As my dad says, “A baboon always shows his ass.” You don’t need to say or do anything.
That's a lot of 'I's. “I don't know how I could live.” You're saying that her being assaulted would upset YOU. You don't say a word about how it would affect her. You need to come clean to yourself that assaulting her wasn't for her own good, it was for yours.
And stop insulting people for no reason. Calling me a morron will only make you look stupid. The fact you even point this out as an option is sickening.
Hey guys, I'm stockholmed by a sexual predator, should I keep enabling him? /s
I wonder how long ago she checked out. If you just noticed it it’s probably has been a long while. When was the last time she complained? When was the last time she demanded anything relationship wise? What were her old concerns? That should give you a good time line and an angle of approach. Start doing that one thing she’s asked/complained about and see if she perks up. If not, she’s probably seriously checked out of this relationship.
It seems to me you don’t understand the point of the person you are responding to. They shared that they have waxed at times when they didn’t intend to have sex. I have also done that. Used to maintain a Brazilian wax regularly when I was not even sexually active. Waxing is a form of grooming, it’s not a stretch to flippantly call it a “style” in a comment.
What’s weird though, is that you jumped immediately to “gaslighting” on such a stupid issue.
Because having a actual conversation with her about her weight and his concerns for her health wouldn't be better?
He can't say they should work out together? Or ask her if he can help her with workouts then?
You know be a supportive partner? If you are so concerned about a partners health and well-being why do u need to be a dick about it?
I totally get that putting on alot of weight at once is concerning YES!
SO YOU TALK ABOUT THE ISSUE!
you don't constantly neg at them and make fucking degrading jokes to hurt someone's feeling you are supposedly so fucking concerned for.
When has this approach EVER been helpful or affective?
Please let me know!
How does this motivate her to actually work on her weight when she feels depressed and bad about herself?
A positive approach isn't a better option?
No he can just be a complete asshole and it's okay because he's being helpful?
Ok
what you will not do, another man will be happy to. you wasted her time for 6 months. leave her alone so the other guy can give her what she wants. do you think women sit around and wait for you like npcs until you decide you want to date them? turning down other men for what….a glorified booty call?