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Let, ’s have fun together?Join me? Favorite vibes 69-101-201-501? [777 tokens remaining]
Date: October 24, 2022
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Nobody’s forcing her to stay
What heatdeathtoall said is very true. I made this mistake and paid dearly for it. Please don’r do the same. I went through something very similar as you. I loved every minute we spent together and had absolutely no doubt that he did too. I didn’t meet him until I was 35. I had dated others prior to him and married once and divorced and never, ever felt the connection as I did with him. One day, he decided he wanted to break up. He gave no reason other than telling me he was a coward to which I had no idea what he was talking about or referring to and he turned around and left. I literally felt like I could barely breathe. The shock, pain and no closure or reasoning got to me. I tried reaching out to him for some type of explanation and it was the worst thing I could have done to myself. He was horribly cold and said horribly mean things to me when I could not help but cry and then he hung up on me. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I still have to distract myself if it crosses my mind to this day because it still stings and will bring tears to my eyes if I don’t. I would not wish that pain on anyone. Do not try to reach out to him under any circumstance. Do not speak to him again or allow him back in your life under any circumstance. He had the audacity to take away your right to make your own decision of whether you would’ve wanted to go to dinner and spend a nice evening or even another minute of your time with him knowing he was going to dump you. That is his character. It does not change. If he reaches back out to you, no matter how convincing he tries to sound with his “reasons” and “apologies”, just know he is trying to use you again to make himself feel better and possibly hoping you will open the door to allow him to do the same all over again. Don’t do that to yourself. I haven’t had to face that yet and it’s been 7 years since it happened so don’t know that I ever will, but I know how I will protect myself if it does because he hurt me in a way I didn’t know was possible and I hurt myself by trying to gain closure. So, please don’t do that. I am so sorry that you are hurting like you are right now. I wish I could hug you and you could cry or scream or whatever on my shoulder for hours if needed. You will get better. You will be stronger. You will be more cautious and take more time before letting someone else close or spend that much time with you in a short period. You did nothing wrong, it was just an unfortunate lesson but will help protect you going forward if use it as learning experience. I am sending you lots of love and light and please know that this will get better. Allow yourself time to grieve and do whatever brings you comfort. And if still have a hard time, please take others advice regarding therapy to help get through the grief and sort through your feelings
Nah, not a doormat. The piece of shit stuck underneath a boot.
Maybe she's pregnant or getting married
or bi… or pan. There's more sexualities than straight or gay. He's exploring – again – no way excusing his actions he should be held accountable for cheating BUT DO NOT ASSUME SOMEONES SEXUALITY
I just got reassurance I posted this because I wasn’t home so I didn’t have to worry about hiding this post out anything we were on the phone and she was talking about not sleeping while we were on call and it upset me so I left the call and said to her over text “I love you, goodnight please try and sleep and if you don’t I just don’t know… I can’t deal with this right now.” And she didn’t respond but we talked about it this morning and we are going to start trying for her to sleep together
There are 2 separate issues here
feelings and resentments she has about your sex life
Might be legit, talk it out
feelings she has about the content of your dreams
Thats a hard no. Most neurologists say dreams are probably a byproduct of the brains maintenance tasks and your gf is WAY too old to be pulling the stereotypical “mad with you because dream” schtick.
He doesn’t get to decide for you what’s best for you. That’s your decision to make. In a relationship if one person wants to break up, that’s all it takes. You don’t have to have a consensus.
If you live with him then make a plan. Call a friend or family member and let them know you’re coming to stay with them. Tell them the situation and ask for support. The. While your boyfriend is out or asleep, pack a bag of stuff that you need for at least a week, maybe two.
From here I would likely leave and go to where I’m staying because he’s being so insistent and telling you ‘no’ when you try to break up with him, I’d leave without talking to him face to face. Then when he calls and asks where you are you don’t tell him. You just tell him that you’re breaking up with him. That it’s your decision to make and that you don’t need to be saved. Tell him you’re going no contact with him for the next week or two and then you’ll be by with some friends/family to pick up some more of your stuff.
Don’t let sunken cost fallacy keep you in this ridiculous relationship. He sound’s insufferable, life is too short to put up with that.
Is this really how you want to live the rest of your life together? Like yeah y’all have a past, but is this the future you want?
telling someone you don't want to work on it is difficult i guess and makes me feel ignorant. but ya youre right.
You are naïve. It didn't work out with the side chick. Take him back and he will grow comfortable amd take advantage of your weakness (he will interpret it that way) and do it again. Sorry
Woa… the first part of the post sounded bad, but the last part is even worse. This makes me scared to go back in the dating world…
I feel like since you're married you should try really hard to make it work and try to go to couple councelling. And if she refuses, tell her plainly, and clearly, that you're thinking of ending things because of how instagram is changing her.
Have some respect for yourself and dump his cheating ass
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If she's spending outside her means, I'd see a problem. However, if she's still able to pay her bills, she's welcome to spend her money how she likes.
You can always talk about how things may change once you get married but if you can't come to an agreement about shared finances, you can always keep your bank accounts seperate.
sounds like you need to have a serious talk with each of them about this – and probably not together.
btw, just because someone is asexual doesn’t mean they don’t have romantic feelings or desire. i’ve also known asexuals who had sex, but didn’t crave it and mostly did it because they enjoy giving pleasure to someone else. i’m js it’s a spectrum and if there’s something between them it actually doesn’t mean he was lying about that.
Just put a msg in that folder for him
20 is extremely young to get married. It’s completely normal for you to be anxious and scared of feeling stuck or losing your identity. Do you really want to marry a partner that you can’t bring these feelings up to? You should want to be with someone you can trust with your true feelings and emotions. I don’t think you should go along with the wedding, just because you can’t bring these feelings up with your partner. Also, I really don’t think that it’s a good sign for marriage that you’ve only been dating 14 months, yet have had extreme lows where you’ve almost broken up. The first year of a relationship should be fairly smooth sailing. Having fights where you’re nearly breaking up within the first year is not be a sign that you should be thinking about marriage. Also, from the things you say about your partner, he seems really controlling and there’s a lot of red flags with him, imo. You’re a lot younger and less experienced than him, you have to guard yourself from being roped into something that you don’t want. You’ve got good intuition recognizing your fears, but you have to honestly ask yourself why you feel these things. Is it something about him or the way he makes you feel that you’re picking up on? Or is it just cold feet? It sounds like you’ve got good reason to be worried about marrying this man.
Your friendship is over. Be honest with yourself, you confessed with the hope he would leave his wife for you. You have this fantasy that was never going to become real no matter what you did. There is no fixing this. Just get help from a therapist and move on with your life.
Personally I wouldn't. I get that yall get along better now but id rather make an effort to see him more often than live with my parents again.
This is the only valid response I've seen.
my first thought also
I’m glad she did that. Find someone your age not someone almost a decade away from you. She should still explore her youth
As long as it was safe and consensual, no I don’t.
On the surface, all of this is thin grounds for what is a very serious accusation.
But here is why you aren’t in the wrong:
He lied.
How? By omission.
If things were so casual as he says, he would have said, “hey honey, X was here today and we went for a workout.” Or “hey honey, X was in our room for (insert mundane reason)”.
The fact that he didn’t disclose information to you because he understood you would, at the very least, have some follow-up questions means he is very capable of lying to you.. and that erodes trust very quickly.
Now, add in a pinch of gaslighting and the dismissal of your concerns, and you have yourself a situation.
The circumstances are explainable. His reaction is suspicious.
Now, even if he hasn’t cheated, is his behavior acceptable?
If a co-worker gave you the same flimsy excuses, you’d add them onto your shitlist so fast and NOT support them at work.
Why would you accept it from him? The person who is supposed to have your back?
But its my first relationship and i dont know how normal fights are in a couple.
Does it matter? You are wearing it – just get it insured. It isn't that expensive.
Swallow nothing. Don't finish in his mouth. Make him cum all over himself. Just leave him there the second he's finished. Stop enabling juvenile behavior with the reward that is getting you to swallow and finish him and he'll learn quick.
Yeah that guy is abusive. GTFO as fast as possible.
> so she can share the company hr
Honestly, I wouldn't recommend going to HR. HR protects the organization, and not the employee. I suggest going to a good employment lawyer instead.
“Every since that day, he acts as if I agreed into being his sneak-around lil thing-thing”.
Well I’m glad you’re being unfairly favored. You really seem competent.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that another human is conventionally attractive.
I trust him so much but I really can't help but feel like there's so many better girls out there for him.
This is a self-esteem problem, and it sounds like you'd really benefit from some sort of therapy.
No we haven’t, they live states away. They just think that it would be better for us to date in person because we are lease likely to break up and it hurts them to not be there for me in person.
So you’ve discussed if he’d want kids with whoever he marries (which won’t be you) basically? Wow, deep conversations about your relationship status.
Did this guy pass grade 1 science about the physics of how you have to stir the water to get something to dissolve?
That was the only thing I could come up with.
That was the only thing I could come up with.
He’s too immature to have children with at this time and may be forever. No partner should be able to comment on your body and put conditions of their love on what you weigh.
He said they had no kids or assets so it was easy to split.
This to me, if these are his words, are him conveying “marriage” without saying it (who says assets when you break up with someone) and thats a red flag. Its like a trickle truth
Um, you skipped right over the “I came over here for one reason only.” That right there tells you exactly what you mean to him.
Also , peeing I. The shower? Indefensible. That shouldn’t be a boundary. Just like not shitting in the kitchen sink isn’t a boundary.
I’m guessing you put up with a lot of idiocy from this guy, and you don’t even see how awful he is.
No, you should not move in with him.
So, you don't have an unbiased source?
You should not believe her. Period.
As a response to what the other guy said, this is fine.
But the other part of OP's story is that he's creating his own unsafe environment with OP. He's breaking her legs of agency and demanding that she responds the way he thinks is right.
Even if he is right, he's effectively telling her that she has to prove that she's a trustworthy person by hitting the right check marks in the wake of a stressful situation. That's also super uncool and might arguably be worse than the harassment. At least her situation with her boss was a one-off that can be forgotten with the right response. But her BF is making her feel unlovable if she gets the response wrong.
I know this because I did it to my ex. She has an abusive BD and I showed her why it was important to respond in certain ways, record everything, etc. She failed in every single circumstance and I couldn't understand why. She was setting herself up to lose parts of her daughter to a monster because of her failures in strategy.
Was I right to think that her responses needed to be different, better? Yes. Was I right to think that she was failing? Yes. But when I expressed things to her, it made her feel more like a broken object. It's tough but the responsibility of a partner is to guide each other in disciplines and in safety. OP's bf is valuing his opinion over her current feelings of safety.
Please listen to everything everyone is advisimg you here. He is escalating. He will eventually do the very thing he threatens you with.
You need to make a plan to safely escape this abusive marriage.
Why won't he apologize???
Because there is more abuse coming your way. He isn't sorry because he meant everything he did and said.
While this is true, it does not always work out.
In my case, it didn’t, and we then had to go through ivf.
My partner knew on the first date that they wanted to marry me. And I felt the same. It's been 5 years. If you don't know if you want to be with them for the rest of your lives, just leave. You are wasting her time, and she deserves to find someone who shares the same goals and needs for commitment.
There’s porn and there’s leaked and deep fake stuff. Your bf doesn’t care that the porn he specifically searches for isn’t completely consensual. Your bf doesn’t care that the porn he watches upsets you. He promises to change, but doesn’t make an effort to change.
Your bf doesn’t respect those women or you. He just cares about getting his rocks off. It’s up to you if you want to stay with a guy like that.
Okay, soo…you‘re autistic? Her boyfriend is not or did I just miss something….
They came by took his license plate they prolly didn’t know which houses door to knock on so they called him his ringer wasn’t on then they left…..I could see how it was just a prank but I feel like everybody should know each other before doing stuff like that…..
If a man disrespects my “no” then he doesn't deserve a place in my life. Period.
Dude… people have sex. Why let a scar get you down?
You're with her now. She's happy? She's comfortable around you? She enjoys sex with you?
If you answer yes to those, then who cares?
Not nearly enough information to get any real advice.
I’m going to need a source on that.
It doesn’t sound like you are for sure about anything on this. That means that every suspicion you have is speculation at best.
Is there something else that’s going on that’s leading you to draw these conclusions?
I'm not saying this is what's happening in this situation, but some people with this situation get really good at masking in public, and then absolutely fall apart when they get home. Spending so much effort pretending to be normal and resisting their dysfunctions takes up so much energy that there's just nothing left, and faced between the people that will fire them and the people that they're in a committed relationship with, they'll choose to hide who they really are from the people who will fire them. A lot of the time they just think that they're being their true self around their partners, and don't realize how badly they're treating people they love.
I don't know if that's what's happening with OP's boyfriend. I'm just saying that 22 is young enough that this might only be rising to the forefront, and if he's telling the truth and he's had these issues his whole life and his doctor hasn't been able to help him, then he needs therapy and to go in a new direction, because these issues are only going to get worse for him and for her.
Abusive people typically keep their partners invested with a push/pull dynamic where they are abusive and then later very kind and apologetic or affectionate. It sucks you in.