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1. Having an unwell partner doesn’t mean your own needs disappear, nor are your needs less important simply because you are not also unwell.

   Being a good partner doesn’t mean just being okay with whatever the hell they throw your way, and it definitely doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine when it isn’t.

   Actually, I would say that pretending things are fine when they’re not is being a bad partner to your boyfriend (in addition to being a bad friend to yourself).

   We’ve all heard that relationships are based on trust. That doesn’t just mean trusting them not to cheat or whatever, it also — more so even — means trusting that they’re being up front with you about what’s working and not working, about what they need from you and whether they’re getting what they need, about whether they’re truly happy in the relationship or just going through the motions.

   Wouldn’t you be devastated if your boyfriend had been secretly miserable with you for months but never said anything? Wouldn’t that feel like a betrayal of some sort?

   I’m not saying this make you feel bad! I get why you’re reluctant to speak up and why his depression feels like a reason to stay silent.

   But I’m telling you it isn’t. You entered this relationship because you liked what it felt like to be his girlfriend. You no longer like what it feels like to be his girlfriend.

   Maybe he can change that, and maybe it’s beyond his ability to be a good partner right now. But you’ll never know if you don’t bring him into the conversation.

   It is okay to end a relationship that isn’t making you happy and isn’t meeting your needs. Even if the other person is depressed.

   Starting a relationship doesn’t obligate you to stay in it no matter what — especially when you’ve only really just started dating. This isn’t a rough patch in the middle of a decades-long relationship; this is ⅔ of the entire time you’ve been together.

   You have to take care of yourself. Don’t be a martyr. So far, this relationship has been a brief blip of good times followed by six months of unhappiness.

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