You're leaving stuff out because people don’t break up over this one incident. It is a series of actions leading to the breakup. Again you're deflecting the other point I made.
Tell him gifting you something that he wants in the bedroom isn't a gift for you, its him trying to get a gift for himself. I agree with other comments as well sex stuff should be a spontaneous/casual gift you can give any day, unless otherwise requested special occasions and holiday gifts should be personality inspired
Oh sorry, I said it in thought, but didn’t write it down. By childish behavior I mean “I want xyz right here and right now, otherwise I’m gonna have a breakdown right here and it’s your fault”.
I’m up for any solution. In the end I’m trying to find a solution to how to prove her wrong in some things where I know I’m right. Solution which when I’m gonna present, I won’t be met with delusional facts from her side.
Yeah, all she misunderstood was that you were ok and willing to cheat on your wife with her. Why would you want someone like that to be your friend?? That actively shows that she IS a bad person.
You're genuinely fucking up big time if you choose to stay friends with this person. How about respect your wife's boundaries since she was hurt in all of this and is likely terrified that it's going to happen again. You're being incredibly unfair and inconsiderate toward your wife
While I applaud you for leaving your husband, you literally blew up your family with an affair. This is not 'stronger than ever'. You may be bolder in your decision making but this is not a stronger family resulting from your behaviour. You approached reddit because you felt guilty. You should feel guilty, you went about destroying your family all wrong instead of doing this in a way that causes the most problems for you. Have you been cheated on? do you think it is appropriate behaviour? Do you want to teach your children that cheating is acceptable?
Your wife is pressuring herself and projecting to others. Your mom's reaction was normal. Everyone who comes and see play structure for 3yo and she's not pregnant will have same reaction as your mom and call your wife crazy!
No other problems than willingly sacrificing his free time for an abusive job rather than spending time for the relationship. Expecting you to change things to suit him without taking your situation into account. That's not great, and wanting your partner to spend time with you is perfectly reasonable.
What was it about your boyfriend that made you decide to get together with him? Had you noticed that he was particularly expressionless before getting together?
Doesn't seem like she's actually working on anything, which is probably why she's not taken seriously. You are also not enforcing any boundaries because you say he can't be uninvited (which is what you should do), and you're seriously considering having your photographers edit around the literal clown.
He's not fucking Pennywise. You two are old enough to get married, so be adult enough to tell him and his enabling parents to knock this shit out. Hell, do get someone to kick him and the parents out if he does show up in anything other than proper attire.
They are saying “we will do the thing” and you two are acquiescing; if you're willing to bend on your wedding day, why would they ever believe you wouldn't bend every other day?
This shit is ridiculous, and you guys are part of the problem if you don't push back hard (since being diplomatic doesn't seem to be working).
I mean, Jesus, this man is 35 and still thinks being “the family clown” is a crown he should he proud of instead of deeply ashamed of. He's pathetic, and everyone (including your fiancee) who allows him to stomp around however he pleases is also an issue.
If anything, he may well be bluffing and getting off on your panic, knowing you're both unwilling to adult up and actually do something about this behavior, and he's creating chaos.
He's a problem, he's not funny, he's not cute, he's a 35 year old man, treat him as such – tell him “We are not discussing this issue again, this is the last time. You will not show up to our wedding in anything but appropriate attire, and if you do, you will be barred from entering, and anyone that agrees with you will also be told not to enter. If you don't want to be a grownup for one day, do us all a favor and don't even show up. That is all”
What happens to the SO if OP wasn't in the picture? Having a shoulder to lean on in tough times is nice but expecting money like that shows priorities.
OP is expected to be a sugar daddy, not a partner.
Maybe, im working on it. Often think im right and very concious about it, so i wanted to put it on here to get other perspectives
You're leaving stuff out because people don’t break up over this one incident. It is a series of actions leading to the breakup. Again you're deflecting the other point I made.
I can see why the relationship didn’t last
Tell him gifting you something that he wants in the bedroom isn't a gift for you, its him trying to get a gift for himself. I agree with other comments as well sex stuff should be a spontaneous/casual gift you can give any day, unless otherwise requested special occasions and holiday gifts should be personality inspired
Oh sorry, I said it in thought, but didn’t write it down. By childish behavior I mean “I want xyz right here and right now, otherwise I’m gonna have a breakdown right here and it’s your fault”.
I’m up for any solution. In the end I’m trying to find a solution to how to prove her wrong in some things where I know I’m right. Solution which when I’m gonna present, I won’t be met with delusional facts from her side.
She wanted me to meet her best friend on Saturday but because it’s someone new to meet I got scared and started saying I don’t want to meet her
Yeah, all she misunderstood was that you were ok and willing to cheat on your wife with her. Why would you want someone like that to be your friend?? That actively shows that she IS a bad person.
You're genuinely fucking up big time if you choose to stay friends with this person. How about respect your wife's boundaries since she was hurt in all of this and is likely terrified that it's going to happen again. You're being incredibly unfair and inconsiderate toward your wife
While I applaud you for leaving your husband, you literally blew up your family with an affair. This is not 'stronger than ever'. You may be bolder in your decision making but this is not a stronger family resulting from your behaviour. You approached reddit because you felt guilty. You should feel guilty, you went about destroying your family all wrong instead of doing this in a way that causes the most problems for you. Have you been cheated on? do you think it is appropriate behaviour? Do you want to teach your children that cheating is acceptable?
Your wife is pressuring herself and projecting to others. Your mom's reaction was normal. Everyone who comes and see play structure for 3yo and she's not pregnant will have same reaction as your mom and call your wife crazy!
No other problems than willingly sacrificing his free time for an abusive job rather than spending time for the relationship. Expecting you to change things to suit him without taking your situation into account. That's not great, and wanting your partner to spend time with you is perfectly reasonable.
This would be a deal breaker for me.
I doubt he will ever get over it tbh
What was it about your boyfriend that made you decide to get together with him? Had you noticed that he was particularly expressionless before getting together?
Doesn't seem like she's actually working on anything, which is probably why she's not taken seriously. You are also not enforcing any boundaries because you say he can't be uninvited (which is what you should do), and you're seriously considering having your photographers edit around the literal clown.
He's not fucking Pennywise. You two are old enough to get married, so be adult enough to tell him and his enabling parents to knock this shit out. Hell, do get someone to kick him and the parents out if he does show up in anything other than proper attire.
They are saying “we will do the thing” and you two are acquiescing; if you're willing to bend on your wedding day, why would they ever believe you wouldn't bend every other day?
This shit is ridiculous, and you guys are part of the problem if you don't push back hard (since being diplomatic doesn't seem to be working).
I mean, Jesus, this man is 35 and still thinks being “the family clown” is a crown he should he proud of instead of deeply ashamed of. He's pathetic, and everyone (including your fiancee) who allows him to stomp around however he pleases is also an issue.
If anything, he may well be bluffing and getting off on your panic, knowing you're both unwilling to adult up and actually do something about this behavior, and he's creating chaos.
He's a problem, he's not funny, he's not cute, he's a 35 year old man, treat him as such – tell him “We are not discussing this issue again, this is the last time. You will not show up to our wedding in anything but appropriate attire, and if you do, you will be barred from entering, and anyone that agrees with you will also be told not to enter. If you don't want to be a grownup for one day, do us all a favor and don't even show up. That is all”
What happens to the SO if OP wasn't in the picture? Having a shoulder to lean on in tough times is nice but expecting money like that shows priorities.
OP is expected to be a sugar daddy, not a partner.