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Date: October 31, 2022
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Your post is very important but not for the reasons you might think.
The Good News is, in your case you have done an excellent job identifying an important area of growth and communication.
Lots of people who have not grown through their Social Awareness phase continue to use material from their teens and get EXACTLY the pattern you describe.
Human Intimacy NEEDS to be expressed on all Four Planes of Human Existence.
a.) Physical…..no explanation necessary
b.) Emotional……and I DONT mean “emotionally-charged behavior”. I mean the expression, understanding and acceptance for the feeling engendered by recognizing the traits in oneself and one's SO. Each and every one of us longs to be affirmed for how and why we are who we are. I did NOT say “acknowledged” or “validated”….thats the next step. Affirmations are communications we give ourselves and others encouraging the attitudes they bring to life. Women bring variant traits to men, which is how Affirmation becomes so important. Both men and women need this.
c.)Intellectual…… NOW we can talk about acknowledgement and validation since these are Cognitions and generally reflect on Outcomes relative to intentions. If emotion is regarding the persons “how and why”, Intellectual is validating the Way we are and how that brings good into our lives. Self-determination and autonomy, or independent thinking along with critical thinking are all indications a partner can hold their own and be a productive part of a bond and need to recognized for their qualities.
d.)Spiritual……..and I am NOT talking about going to church, although…oddly….. that could be one aspect. Our Spiritual plane is the keeper of our Beliefs the way our Intellect is the keeper of our thoughts and our Emotional plane the keeper of our feelings. Using intuition we seek to accept those views or positions for which we have no Concrete facts. If we had facts we'd be using our Intellect. Sometimes we have to take things at face-value and risk…..kinda like a high-wire act without the net. Our intuition helps us reduce the risk by weighing the value of a position without any actual evidence.
OK…..n ow I get down out of my pulpit.
Mr OP, you have a partner who would probably understand what I have written above with no problem. You, on the other hand may be scratching your head. Thats OK….you have the rest of your life to figure it out.
One Word of Advice:
Until you figure out and accept that your partner is doing all the right things that you need to learn….at least do your best to be a gracious “receiver”, ok? Nothing kills good intentions faster than Ingratitude. FWIW.
Sir/Ma'am, cam girls are loyal to themselves only. have to say it's your fault for trying to get with a cam girl
Did you not read her comments of what she said? And why she said it? Don't start a joke if you can't handle the response and she's willing to say that she might have been mean or hurtful and apologize to him even though she wasn't really in the wrong. Context matter.
To be fair being a single parent at this time of the year will be manic. Loads of stuff going on at schools, Christmas parties and organise their gifts etc. From what you’ve said, it seems like she’s keen, so trust that she maybe is just really busy and overwhelmed being a single parent.
I guess it depends on where home is located but could you do shorter hauls and be home several nights a week. I got a friend who does the same thing but he also brokers on the side to make extra money. Some weeks he’s so busy brokering that his truck doesn’t move. It also depends on if you want to save your marriage. That last question is something only you can answer
It definitely requires an agreement from both, she is in the wrong to just quit without even asking your opinion. It's a dual household, not just hers. Having a child requires A LOT of planning. If you're in an area that isn't cheap (which from the sounds of your post it isnt), then both need ti work up until the absolute last day she can take maternity leave. Even if her job doesn't offer it, every state offers some form of leave that she can apply for to help somewhat with income from her.
I would nip this now, unless she is having a difficult pregnancy, she should still be working. As men yes, we don't know what it's like but if there are no complications she's capable of working and should. Talk to her now about this and just let her know that 1) she should've at least discussed her intention to quit before she did because that requires input from both of you, 2) what is her reason for quitting if she's not having a difficult pregnancy and 3) if she's dead set on being unemployed now, you two need to establish a time table for her to return to work (average maternity leave is about 2 months post birth). You need to set time frames now and hold her to it so she can't take advantage of you because if you allow this, you're going to really be in trouble after the child is born.
I can’t remember exactly the reasons it happens. I think it is due to the way the trauma can affect victims that puts them in a vulnerable position where they can be taken advantage of again but would have to research it to remember more accurately.
My step-dad got me one for Christmas a few years ago. And it was a lifesaver when I had an electrical issue in my new car and had to jump it so that I could drive it to the dealer.
I love it. It was very thoughtful and it made me happy to know that he cared. I get that it might be an odd gift, but unless your wife is a terrible person, it's coming from a place of love and caring.
I think your gut is right op. I'm betting she also is a diff person when she thinks she won't get caught. Be careful
…are you religious or something? This all sounds wacky to me.
You're still young. You can find someone better who better aligns with your beliefs and values.
My dear dude,
You better take initiative and break it off with her. Dont be emotional about it. Just tell her you dont want to be with her anymore under these circumstances. A girl who is in love with you doesnt do that to you. She lost attraction to you. I wouldnt be sure if shes seeing someone else, but she sure doesnt want to see you.
Just tell her its over and thank her for the shared time, then move on. Dont cry in front of her, dont text her. Just move on.
My bet is she will be reaching out again, just be polite, but dont share any details. She wants to break up without consequence right now. Which is shitty and immature.
Turn the tables. Lead her out of the relationship she doesnt value.
They're competent adults (I assume). As you say, they have the resources to leave immediately if they wanted. But they don't want to. They're not putting anyone other than themselves in danger. So that's the end of it.
People make decisions that make no sense from the outside all the time. They still have the right to make those decisions and have them respected.
You realize he is not the right guy for you.
She has however said that if the roles were reversed and he wanted to do the same thing with a female friend she’d have no issue
He sounds like he went along with being series and marriage and he continues to go along. He's making no real effort to move this relationship to the next level. He won't have an adult conversation about where he sees this going or a timeline. He's getting pressure from his mother. I feel like you're just an action item on a list that he feels he needs to tick the boxes on. I honestly think it's time to cut bait. You can keep going with a relationship that is at a dead end, especially if you want a big family.
When someone does something thoughtful for you that doesn't land – whether it's a gift you don't like, or arranging for a sitter so the two of you can spend time together – you should be gracious about declining. It doesn't sound like you were, and you hurt her feelings. I'm absolutely not saying you should have had sex when you didn't want to, but it sounds like you were unkind in the manner you declined. “No, where's my sandwich” was an unkind way to reject your wife. “I'm tired right now, I'd rather eat. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of getting a sitter so we can spend time together” would probably not have made your wife want to sleep in another room.
Honestly the PE and her being so horribly disrespectful feel almost separate issues. Not only did she laugh at something she KNOWS you are insecure about, when you expressed upset about this it turned into you comforting her????
The PE does sound like something you need to discuss with a Dr if you've done all the “home remedies” you can and are still suffering, but honestly this would make me rethink my whole relationship if she's willing to disrespect you so aggressively
you seem to misconstruing my point – she essentially got mad or upset (“ruining her morning”) that he didn’t instantaneously accept her apology after she laughed during him trying to open albeit it being a bad time to so – yet he’s been consoling her, apologising to her for the rest of the time. she gave a half assed apology and is putting all blame onto him and now wanting consoled. this is A1 gaslighting.
I would not consider dating a man like this seriously…
When the relationship begins like this, it usually doesn't end well. He has already broken your trust and he didn't even apologise for his actions, he tried to brush it off with excuses. Then he spoke negatively about the other woman saying he didn't even have feelings for her- therefore, he might be a fuckboi who sleeps with anyone willing and has an impulsive nature.
I would downgrade this man into “fling” until further notice, if he shows remorse and proves to be trustworthy then you might elevate him again into relationship status, but I would no longer consider a man like this relationship material.
Your husband is a disrespectful creep who wants to know how you own sister is getting banged. He should be out
It sounds like he's negging you. A guy who stalked and harassed me said similar things, said I “wasn't girlfriend material”, and said it in such a way that implied I had to seriously beat myself down to live up to his expectations, and prove myself “worthy” of his “affection”.
Marriage is big, but it sounds like “not prepared” means he hasn't beaten down your self-confidence and self-worth enough yet to make you into a good little subservient wifey.
“Why do you think you're wife material?” – Because you're deserving of a loving, wholesome and nourishing relationship, and if getting married and being a wife is important to you, OP, don't settle for less. He's telling you he won't marry you – believe him.
You deserve better, OP.
He's afraid the vibrator will be better than him. Go buy one and tell him to get over it. A toy can't replace the real thing.
Check your girls phone
He absolutely has a crush on her. Which is harmless enough unless she is reciprocating and feels the same way. Then, it's at least an emotional affair.
And poof! He DELETS his account
And poof! He DELETS his account
Once upon a time, it wasn't cheating unless you had sex.
Might want to start paying attention to what goes around in your house. Get cameras and look for clues. His reaction was definitely too aggressive and almost guilty
And poof! He DELETS his account
The reason why I struggle to speak up is I think because throughout my life whenever I spoke up I was met with punishment I think this is a me issue as well
I just worry she's going to be using those general statements on me if I speak up
I'm asking for advice to see if I'm the one who's crazy here because sometimes looking inward I'm a bit blind
Thank you for saying that I was worried that my perspective was sexist. I don't think it is but for some reason the attitude online isn't usually a healthy one and it's full of general sweep and statements
It’s not your place to tell someone else to have a termination, that’s overstepping hugely.
I get this, I really do, which is why I don't want to speak with her because I know it'll just make her angry.
But I also feel like it's more of a violation to selfishly produce life you quite literally cannot support just because you want to.
It's funny, pro-life and pro-choice people meet in the middle when it comes to this situation. Pro-life people just want the baby born, but don't care about what comes after, and pro-choice people want the baby born because it's the person's right to chose so, but also don't care about what comes after the child is born.
Girl you OPENLY told him you don’t know if you would abort if an accident happened. How is that “not trusting you”??
So yesterday you told him to be softer with you and not treat you like a mate, then the next day he texts I love you. I'd say he's trying to do exactly what you asked. Be softer with you and treat you less like a mate.
To her, getting sexual release from someone else is cheating. It's sexual and involves someone outside the relationship against a partner's wishes – Isn'tthat cheating?
OP is looking for confirmation that “oh but if the roles were reversed nobody would say anything!!”
he has no where else to go if I ask him to move out, he can't afford to get a place of his own
That's his problem to solve. Tell him you are done (be prepared for the insane reaction to him being “blindsided” by your unwillingness to stay married), and tell him he has 30 days to find a place to be.
I dunno. You have been SO THOROUGHLY DOWNVOTED INTO OBLIVION, maybe you should care. Every one of your comments implies that a person has an obligation to inform their partner what they are doing and where they are going at all times. Only extremely controlling (and often abusive) people have that expectation. You're wrong. Don't be controlling.
End the relationship. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Like I said already, unless it's a pattern of behaviour my suggestion is to leave it and not address it. It's apparently a one off, people make mistakes, what is to be gained by taking to her about it?
He lied to you for three years and he abandoned his previous wife because she got sick. If you marry him just pray the gods you don't get sick or he'll do the same to you.
Looks like you welcomed another man child in your life the day you had your baby. He sounds insanely selfish that as soon as the relationship is not about him, he is off. A baby needs you and it sounds like he resents that he is not numero uno
this reminds me of that war
Btw you’re a solid 10. I don’t care what he says 🙂
seems like you want her to change. People rarely change especially in relationships. She's a great person – but that doesn't mean she's the right life long partner for you.
You needed to be more specific. He probably thought it was an awesome plan to propose on his birthday while you had friends around.
Dump her. Tell the landlord what happened & ask for help. Let you out of the lease? Help you find a roommate? Find a roommate on your own.
You don't want this to negatively affect your relationship? My friend. Too late.
This is complete bullshit. Your girlfriend & her girl friends are trying to see how many guys they can pull? And these girls are not going to tell their boyfriends until after the contest ends because they know their boyfriends aren’t going to like it and will try to stop them.
This is just totally shitty behavior. It’s disrespectful to the boyfriends and you. This isn’t the way that 2; year olds should behave. You’re sure these girls aren’t still in high school?
Ask your girlfriend would feel if the situation were reversed. Would she like it if you and your friends were trying to do the same thing?
I’ve read an old post on one of the infidelity subs about a woman who was married and a nurse who ended up cheating on her husband with a janitor at the hospital. It turned out the janitor and two other janitors were competing to see who could bed the most nurses. She threw away her marriage and was duped into sleeping with a POS. She regretted that decision.
Lol I said something similar to him.
People are given one year to heal from a gunshot wound. Why do we push women after birth? You don’t know what happen to her body or how the labor went. If she had third or fourth degree tearing, it’s going to easily take months to heal.
If you trust him, what exactly do you think is going to happen? If you think he's going to sleep with this woman while he's away, then you don't actually trust him.
I would be concerned given that your partner and your uncle are closer in age than you and your partner.