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Date: October 23, 2022
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That could be manipulative on her part and a strategy to avoid the discussion. She could also legitimately be feeling attacked. Ask her how you should approach this if she feels this way every time or perhaps seeing a couples counselor would help.
She sounds ugly
I think you should re-read that second to last paragraph that you wrote for yourself. Really digest what you wrote there. . . and trust your gut.
She is an ex for a reason. Be polite and just let her know – she said some stuff that made you think, and it would be better just to be a part. Then thank her and move on. No drama no finger pointing nothing of the sort.
Chances are she’s BS’ing you dude, but you get to decide what is acceptable for you. Have you seen all the messages or requested a timeline for their activity? I mean, the fact she didn’t come to you before this and confided in another man is a pretty major red flag. Just make sure you’re able to think about this and work through this logically.
You gave her your word in good faith. When you thought she was acting in good faith.
She was not acting in good faith.
You no longer owe it to her or to yourself to keep your word, here.
After reading, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling down on yourself. I would flat out disregard most of the comments in this thread unless you want to be derailed by complete anonymous usernames who will project back your own sentiments and confirm any biases you have.
I have one question: what do you see in your wife? So far, the main thing you love about her is how superior she is to everyone else. That is the only thing you focused on in that entire post.
Your wife may value you for your looks—but you value her for her knowledge (and to a large extent her social status, economic background, academic credentials).
You may think you value her out of love, because loving someone for their brains sounds better than loving them for their looks.
But if you’ve been together for so long, with someone who sounds very superficial, then you are in it for superficial reasons yourself.
It sounds like you’ve been feeling unhappy, but also doubt. A lot of doubt. You express doubt over the validity of your wife’s feelings about you. But what I’m getting is you are doubting yourself, and it’s not your wife who is responsible for making you doubt yourself—perhaps part of the reason you chose your wife is because she made you feel good about yourself.
…you are insecure as well. I am a woman who had a male roommate before – it wasn't a big deal. If my boyfriend had a female roommate it also wouldn't be a big deal.
Your fiance's reaction is…strange. Trust your uneasiness and start digging.
Yeah, OP. Fuck what you were going through. You should've done this very well thought out thing instead. How dare you be your own person and not pander to guests you didn't invite over?