As others have said, this is technically rape. I understand how you might be unsure whether you indicated consent after she persisted, but that is really not the issue here.
In terms of how you should handle it, I would text her and very gently say, “Hey… you know how you sat on my [dick/whatever term you use] the other night. Did you see that I had the condom in my hand before you did that? Just wondering lol.” If she says she didn’t, then say, “Oh, I thought you would have realised that’s what I was trying to do, put a condom on. You know I only want to have protected sex, right?”
Phrase it so it looks like you’re just clarifying that you only want to use condoms. But also keep those messages and discuss it with a doctor (and potentially a sexual assault counsellor) and decide what you want to do with this evidence.
Whatever you do, don’t accuse her of rape, and don’t indicate that you felt violated until you’ve got some sort of admission (in text) about what actually happened. You need that evidence to back you up in whatever you decide to do about it.
The only pro I have is that he's generally very nice to me (lots of compliments and hugs etc).. But apparently he's a completely different person around my back.. 🙁
Start documenting everything if you plan to leave. Also start either having groceries delivered or doing a in-store pick up. Get a chore chart for the kids because even if you leave they'll have to have some type of responsibility when you aren't around or when home with you since no once person can do everything. If you do plan to divorce don't tell her till you have papers in your hands. You might even want to look into getting some cameras put up in a few places just in case she tries to make up lies specially with her sister giving her awful “advice”.
He feels loved when you cook for him because then he doesn't have to do it. He doesn't respect the work you do, he doesn't respect your job, and he doesn't seem to respect your feelings or time.
But he feels loooooved when you cook for him, and hey make me a sammich everyday for lunch while you're at it. Cuz you love me.
He's a manipulative asshole. What exactly does she do to show you how much he loves you?
Best thing to do is not mention anything to her but maybe install a spy camera somewhere and then ask you husband casually what he did during the day. If he gets all jumpy and defensive he is most likly hiding something he doesn’t want you to know.
We don’t know your past relationships so saying this is your healthiest doesn’t mean much. But base on what you said, if he’s not an asshole he’s incredible delusional.
Not really, saying “we need to start working on this and making progress because I know this is an issue I can’t live with forever, but I’m still willing to work on it now” is different than an ultimatum which is effectively “make this dramatic change right now or we’re done”
OP he's not coming back. Just put a lock of his hair in a zippy bag and move on.
Seriously though you're incompatible. You deserve better than a partner who looks down on you.
As others have said, this is technically rape. I understand how you might be unsure whether you indicated consent after she persisted, but that is really not the issue here.
In terms of how you should handle it, I would text her and very gently say, “Hey… you know how you sat on my [dick/whatever term you use] the other night. Did you see that I had the condom in my hand before you did that? Just wondering lol.” If she says she didn’t, then say, “Oh, I thought you would have realised that’s what I was trying to do, put a condom on. You know I only want to have protected sex, right?”
Phrase it so it looks like you’re just clarifying that you only want to use condoms. But also keep those messages and discuss it with a doctor (and potentially a sexual assault counsellor) and decide what you want to do with this evidence.
Whatever you do, don’t accuse her of rape, and don’t indicate that you felt violated until you’ve got some sort of admission (in text) about what actually happened. You need that evidence to back you up in whatever you decide to do about it.
The only pro I have is that he's generally very nice to me (lots of compliments and hugs etc).. But apparently he's a completely different person around my back.. 🙁
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it
Start documenting everything if you plan to leave. Also start either having groceries delivered or doing a in-store pick up. Get a chore chart for the kids because even if you leave they'll have to have some type of responsibility when you aren't around or when home with you since no once person can do everything. If you do plan to divorce don't tell her till you have papers in your hands. You might even want to look into getting some cameras put up in a few places just in case she tries to make up lies specially with her sister giving her awful “advice”.
He feels loved when you cook for him because then he doesn't have to do it. He doesn't respect the work you do, he doesn't respect your job, and he doesn't seem to respect your feelings or time.
But he feels loooooved when you cook for him, and hey make me a sammich everyday for lunch while you're at it. Cuz you love me.
He's a manipulative asshole. What exactly does she do to show you how much he loves you?
Best thing to do is not mention anything to her but maybe install a spy camera somewhere and then ask you husband casually what he did during the day. If he gets all jumpy and defensive he is most likly hiding something he doesn’t want you to know.
He could have a health issue.
We don’t know your past relationships so saying this is your healthiest doesn’t mean much. But base on what you said, if he’s not an asshole he’s incredible delusional.
Not really, saying “we need to start working on this and making progress because I know this is an issue I can’t live with forever, but I’m still willing to work on it now” is different than an ultimatum which is effectively “make this dramatic change right now or we’re done”