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Nahomy, 99 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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Leave him
Stfu. It's the husband, it doesn't matter who is talking in his ear, he did it regardless. Scum should be reported and be behind bars. Marital rape is a real thing OP, sorry it happened to you but you should definitely let an authority know.
he said that he felt i “cheated on him” because i supposedly “threathend him” . like????it makes no sense
BRUH
She's his stepmom
Isn’t it kinda rude to ask your partner to lie to you as well when you could just not ask a question for which there is not a good answer?
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In Europe huh? You do know that you’re talking about an entire continent right? Really? Show me proof where women over 35 are regularly having healthy babies please!
Like more going to the gym more often, increasing cardio and eating healthier
Communication is important here, as mentioned by other commenters. However I think its also important to understand that when you live with someone else it's going to be imperfect. The house won't be perfect or up to your standards because you live with a person who is different from you. If you can't be somewhat understanding of those differences then living with someone might not be for you. If the communicating with your significant other does not go well, you can also consider counseling to try to help. Good luck.
When I was a hairdresser in a really nice, upper middle class suburb, one day a few clients mentioned to me that they had received invites from another resident to a swinger party at their home. They were weirded out and thought it was funny that these people just kinda invited the whole neighborhood out of the blue to see who would show. Apparently a bunch of people actually went though. That house was really noisy and lively that night.
You pulled that out of nowhere . Yeesh.
I think that's too soon and you're right to put the brakes on. If it's not right for you, then it's not right. Marriage isn't something you should be pressured into.
The friend is more important break up. Everyone has different views and boundaries. He doesn’t believe in cuddling with friends and you do a lot of people don’t agree with their SO cuddling with friends but also a lot of people also don’t care. Y’all both have different values and views you want to cuddle with your friends and he doesn’t want you to.
Please firmly tell her to back off first. Tell her you are uncomfortable and she is not your psych. Give her a chance to stop this behavior before reporting her. If she doesn’t stop, by all means report her.
What happened to cause the breakup?
Breakups are hard, try keeping yourself occupied. See friends or family more, or new hobby etc its better to fill up your time than wallowing for too long
I think we're (more or less) on the same wavelength as well but where our differences in advice lie, are more down to us having different life experiences.
For example, whilst you mention that you have seen “miscommunication too often”, my experience has often been the opposite in life and rather than things being miscommunicated, I typically go astray when I don't actually read the writing that's there on the wall because I was brought up to do stuff like give people the benefit of the doubt (which is also so easily rationalized). So a big lesson I've had to learn in life, is not just looking out for the writing on the wall, but really mentally taking it onboard too (& acting on it).
“I think it's a little overkill to create a scenario of the husband escalating though”- This too is based in my personal experiences though. I've had to deal with some REALLY crazy nutcases in the past. Like, shit you would not believe actually happens to people IRL. So my lesson has been thoroughly learnt: Never put it past people to do anything.
An emotion like insecurity is obviously relatable, but the way the husband behaving is (IMO) already so extreme & abnormal, I do believe that things will escalate if the situation goes on unchecked for much longer. Being in a crazy relationship dynamic is like the frog in a boiling pan of water analogy; the full-blown crazy is never there when you first enter the pand (or otherwise you'd never enter the relationship to begin with!), but it builds up slowly over time and whilst you do know things are getting bad, you also get so conditioned to the abnormality that you don't act on things until they're at boiling point (its also common in such situations that you don't realize how crazy were exactly either until you're long gone out of the relationship).
(Based on my experience of dealing with crazy people), if I was this guy, I would actually genuinely be very worried for myself.
I'm amazed about how many who get harassed by phone calls will block numbers even when it ultimately doesn't help due to getting calls from other phone numbers.
Change your number. Don't just block.
Before you do that, let him know that your workplace will be reviewing the security footage and if he(or his family and friends) comes to your work place AGAIN and mess with your car again(even leaving notes on it) that you will call the police for a restraining order.
drop him. he’ll just hurt you more the longer you let him stay in your life
You break up. Being without remorse is not the same thing as being without guilt. You’re a terrible partner, and your excuses and justifications are pure bullshit. You need to improve yourself before getting into another monogamous relationship.
Except I don’t think OP has actually set any boundaries. She’s stated her displeasure with his behavior, but the word boundary implies that something happens when it’s crossed. Saying, “Mom, if you comment on my weight, I’ll end the conversation immediately” and then following through is really different from just saying, “Mom, I don’t like it when you comment on my weight,” during every conversation.
OP my advice is to actually set a boundary. “If you continue to private message her I’ll leave. If you continue to prioritize time with her over time with me I’ll leave. If you continue to lie and hide your interactions with her I’ll leave.”
She needs therapy or couplr counceling. If she doesn't agree then that is the end of it.
You can't force her to be proper partner so if she doesn't want to work on her issues you can only break up with her.
I'm sorry for your loss
There are few black and white areas when it comes to relationships, but an agreement on whether you want kids or not is essential. Otherwise one party either ends up resentful at not having children, or the other ends up with a child they didn't want.
This conversation should not be happening now. It should have happened 8 years ago.
There's no easy answer now, but at 37, he's understandably thinking that he is already going to be quite an old dad and he needs to get a move on. If you really don't want children then you may need to break up before he ends up resenting you.
If you are in the states, joint custody is a thing.
if we were face to face having this conversation I wouldn't have raised my voice even the slightest
That's called having a calm conversation. That would be expected.
and probably would have laughed at you a few times.
So you couldn't control your emotions and have a serious discussion. So much for self control. You made my point, yet again.
No. I am saying life is more complicated and her expectations have to be realistic to the life she chose. You still keep ignoring consequences of the choice you are advocating.
You go on and have the day you deserve now.
Thank you. You have a good day too.
He decided you were trapped and this is who he really is. Flowers are a cheap easy over the top gesture, it could have been the simplest form of love-bombing. Hopefully you didn’t sign away all your rights in the prenup
Focus on your own problems, in the short run. It would be too distracting to mess around in that other couple's business. Plus it might go south in ways you had not intended.
INFO: why are you with a man who treats you like dirt?
Should you say something? Yes. You should say “Good bye.”
OP, you’re awesome. The message you sent bob was awesome. Alice’s reaction to it was not so awesome, but I don’t think there’s a thing you need to do to change that. You were an absolute star, and I think you did the right thing. Good on ya!
How many hours a week does your wife currently get to knit quietly without the kids interrupting her? It sounds to me like you have a LOT more free time to do whatever you want with than most parents of young children I know. Would you say she has an equal number of hours a week that she gets to do with as she pleases?
How old are your kids?
It sounds like your wife is telling you that she’s exhausted and burnt out from being alone with the kids. It also sounds to me like you are trying to give her relief in the way that YOU would want it—trying to get her to go out and do things or pick up hobbies, when that has never been her. I would guess she just wants you to take over when you’re not working more often. You say you do that as often as you can, but…again, you spend WAY more time on personal hobbies than anyone I know was able to when they had a baby at home. 100% of the time you spend on hobbies is time your wife has to be responsible for two small children without support.
From what you’ve typed out here, it sounds like your wife is working much much longer hours than you are, frankly. And it doesn’t sound like you’re super aware of that. She’s being super passive aggressive in communicating with you, and you’re not being very direct with her either. You just note her frustration, and blindly guess as to what you should tweak without ever sitting down and having a tough conversation with her.
“Oh hey, wife's friend. Man, what a day at work. My head is killing me, I'm going to go lay down.”
Bam Done. You don't look like a weiner and everyone's content
Thank you for this ❤️
Ex-boyfriend***
People have to give up some things they LIKE when CHOOSE to have kids. She shouldn't give up her job because he likes bowling, but they both should've been prepared for sacrifices including a potential hit to one or both careers. Since he earns more, it makes sense the hit would be to hers. She could do something part time so she still brings in something and has more free time as well, or she can keep complaining and I guess hire people to take care of their kids way more often even though her schedule initially changed because of daycare not being viable.
I think what some people don't understand is that you literally don't have to have kids. They don't have to be your raison d'être, but if a few years of the focus being on them is too much, it sounds like… you didn't actually want kids at all.