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Date: October 9, 2022
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I could understand you staying and trying to wait it out if it was just a health condition. But she is literally telling you that she has no emotional attachment and feels no love for you. In sickness and in health is one thing …but emotionally devoid of any love or affection is a whole different situation. Don't feel guilty for wanting to leave.
I think you should look around and positions open near you even if you don’t end up applying. I really liked being a dishwasher at Panera because people didn’t really talk to me and it’s a pretty simple concept, wash the dishes and stack them.
I wouldn’t really recommend working for Panera in general but a dishwashing position might fit what you’re looking for
You know the answer to your question and want confirmation from others 😉
You can end this relationship, don't be scared.
You don’t owe her anything. Divorce her and take custody of your daughter, since you’re the only one working it may he easier. Your wife needs to start looking for a job, even if it is part-time. And may be make a better choice in partner. She has a child and chooses to be with a 20-year old who still lives with his parents, how pathetic.
No it's not at all. It's more the act of refusing to go to the dr, dentist, take medicine when sick, etc etc etc….he's got issues with people in positions of authority I think? It's hard to tell. Or at least caregivers for damn sure. Anytime I try to initiate a care task he gets super uptight. Doesn't ever want to feel weak or vulnerable maybe?? Hm…more to talk about in therapy I think, just typing this out is helping me see the bigger picture lol
I've actually told my girlfriend the same thing. I should be the only one to see you naked whether male or female. It's just a boundary that I stand very firm on. You may not see it as a big deal, but he does and I would too. Even if others here don't agree.
What kind of knowledge?
I'm also worried about her new baby, even if she is medicated there is still a chance (albeit small) of passing the virus onto your child, 25% chance if she isn't medicated.
It seems she has a pattern of recklessness and putting other people at risk.
I guess I would take my GF home before letting her close down bar and bring him home.
Just saying
Sounds like an unreliable and untrustworthy asshole honestly
If you met a 30 year old woman, would you be ready to marry her and have kids in the next 2 years? Because that’s likely what many ~30 year old women want. And they probably think they’re not gonna get that from you.
She's depressed! Get her a therapist, hire a cleaning person, and talk to your wife! Ask her how she's feeling! Ask her if she's in pain! Get her to a doctor and make sure everything okay, and all her levels are normal. Endometriosis can be so debilitating. A full hysterectomy is a very serious procedure Also, if she's going through early menopause, that can be bad, too. It doesn't seem as if you care what she's going through – because you don't know because you haven't asked. You seem more concerned about what's going on with you. What about her? What happened to in sickness and in health?
Please be kind to her and yourself and be honest, communicate and break up with her. What you’re currently doing is cruel. Your normalizing being treated poorly by someone that’s supposed to care for her. You don’t know now but you’re doing her such an incredible disservice.
Call and say “hi, I need to talk to you- we grew a lot together and I’ll cherish our time together but this relatives isnt working out for me. I would like to break up, I’ll always care about you, hope you’ll be well, etc etc” and then end it for goodness sake.
How do you deal with her? You get rid of her. It's as simple as that. You are entitled to dump people who watched children being victimized and brutalized; especially when they have no remorse and see themself as the victim.
“Novel experience”. So obvious.
Its strange. She says he is her best friend. This poor guy has been so beat down over the years he doesn't know which way is up. ALL of her actions say she despises this dude. Her parents do as well. 18 years. If there is a silver lining, last night was the final nail in the coffin. He won't be able to get over her moaning and orgasm with women in public when he hasn't been able to coax that emotion out of her in near two decades. So this marriage is a wrap, they may not realize it yet. Then she can go on with her life as a lesbian and hopefully he can find someone who at least respects him. The only question left to answer is their co parenting situation. Maybe they can be civil towards each other for their children's sake.
Truly! I'm amazed how many cradle-snatching groomers are out there. It's scary.
I mean, if I'm in her position and you told me these excuses, I'd cut it off too (for context, I'm a guy and I'm happily married, so I'm not coming at this just blindly defending or representing women).
The first time, you're telling me that you're telling me that you're irresponsible and allowed yourself to fall behind knowing we had a date planned. Even further than not, if you have a late date, shopping shouldn't impact it. But whatever, we could let that go if you make an effort to reschedule. Sometimes shit happens.
You do exactly that, awesome. Now, if you had a reservation and then she told you about last minute OT, fair enough. That's on her. Still, you decided to cancel on her behalf when you could have altered plans to something open later. Regardless, nothing changes because here we are, so my original advice remains the same.
This seems like a precursor to something more physical the next time he does not approve of your behavior.
Instead of just going on facetime and talk, why not have game night? Then you'll get the emotional intimacy and bonding you need and he gets to do something he likes to wind down, playing games. Or you can FaceTime while cooking dinner together?
Tbh it's a bit weird that he's clingy irl but not when he's away from you. I'd dig into that deeper. What makes your presence unwanted, from hanging out to doing sexual things, when he's away? But your presence is welcomed once/occasionally twice a month when he visits?
Look, LDR is suuuppper tough, so you and him need to communicate to make it run smoothly.
He doesn't want a dog. He has told you multiple times that he doesn't want a dog. Stop trying to pressure him/expecting him to be okay with getting a dog. He will not change and it's not okay for you to repeatedly ask hoping he will eventually say yes
True
For everyone saying side chick, any suggestions on how to officially confirm?? Should I ask to check his phone? It would suck to break up if thats not true and its just that he’s inexperienced or something… Also, if I cant find anything incriminating, any suggestions on what to say to him?
I'd say you are most definitely the side chick and he has made that very clear to you and is not hiding it at all. You're the side chick to his family. You aren't his priority, you're an option. He gets regular sex with very little effort. He has you back-burnered and is not pretending otherwise. When you do finally beg him into acquiescing, you get a 'fine, if i have to' type of response from him.
Look at this realistically. He is deeply, deeply enmeshed in his family life. Even if he did bring you into the fold, you realize you and your relationship with him would always take a backseat to his relationship with his family, right? That isn't changing. His family life is his priority and that will always come first. You were his 'first-ever girlfriend' at what – 28ish? He still lives at home at 31? He heavily resists bringing you around family? He either knows they won't like you/approve of you and he is putting that off (because then he would have to break up with you and lose his once-a-week sex) or he doesn't see you as 'bring her home to mom and dad' material.
It just seems like you are begging this guy to be in a relationship with you. He doesn't seem too terribly enthused to be with you, to make you an integrated part of his life, to share his happiness about his relationship with those he is close to. From the way you describe it, he sounds overall quite reluctant to conduct a relationship with you. I'm not sure what it is that has you begging for his crumbs.
I feel like small town people would probably be less likely to care or actively confront people over an age gap though? That’s been my experience at least.
I feel like small town people would probably be less likely to care or actively confront people over an age gap though? That’s been my experience at least.
You have no business dating when you can't even set appropriate boundaries with your parents.
GOD DAMM, I hope BF presses charges.
This, oh so much this. Dating cops is statistically more dangerous (for you) than any other profession.
I’m not here to kink shame but dating a cop is a great way to get beat up by your partner.
I may get hate for this from some, however…
Your graduation is a huge achievement, the culmination of many years of very hard work, long hours and potentially even blood, sweat and tears.
A wedding, whilst a fun party for those involved, isn't actually an achievement. People get married all the time, and half of them get divorced. You don't even need a wedding to have a marriage.
So I actually think it's pretty darn weird that rather than celebrate your actual achievement, your family not only would rather enjoy your brother's party, but also want you to forego celebrating your achievement to go to your brother's party.
Go to your graduation and cross that stage with huge amounts of pride. You've earned it.
I don’t know why you moved in with him knowing this about him.
Is there an empty room in the house that all of his stuff can go into?
Else. Set a timer and tackle it with him for 30’min at a time for a few hours each day til it’s put away.
Thank you! How exactly do you recommend I communicate that while still offering my support?
You should tell her mother maybe then she’ll realize that for most normal people sleeping together with someone else when your both naked and in committed relationships isn’t as normal as she thinks it is. And yes that would be a deal breaker for me more than just a deal breaker I’d say she needs help. Why are you sleeping with your mother significant other while naked? Yeah go ahead and just tell her mom-and you may wanna break up with her along the way. Cause in my book that’s way to close to cheating.
Allocate time where he can lay with you until you fall asleep or set certain nights aside without him playing. Doesn’t sound like too big of an issue, but maybe find something that is yours. Something you can envelope on nights he is gaming.
Just because it’s not an “office” doesn’t mean y’all shouldn’t still behave in a professional manner.
DIVORCE ?
Your wife just asked for an open marriage. And you know who she wants to date.
Look for a lawyer you are about to be cheated on or you have been cheated on for months now
He doesn't sound ready for a full relationship, TBH. Relationships are so much more than sex, and numbers of partners and knowledge based on porn aren't what make a good lover. His attention should be on you and what happens between you.
The porn guys watch has nothing to do with real life. If he's watching this in private, away from your mother so what. It's trivial so do you really want to potentially be the cause of a major split between them? It's not your place unless he's gone the wrong side of child pornography.
Fair reasoning.
Why though? Why do you care if she has an ex on social? You know what women like, dudes who are completely trusting and comfortable. Deleting someone on social won’t stop a guy from hitting on your wife if he wants to. But you not caring and being confident would be an attractive thing. You can’t prevent people from cheating, it’s not your job to minimise the chances. It’s your job to be a trusting and loving partner. I don’t block a girl I dated if there’s no hard feelings or never terrible happened and I have the same expectations for her. You can care for an ex as a person and see on their social media that the person is doing okay.
Not worrying about this shit is absolute bliss and women find it attractive, jealousy not so much. This sub is full of insecure people who enjoy drama and overreact. I would literally just laugh if some goofball tried to pursue my wife in front of me. Good luck buddy.
I don’t think it’s that weird for your wife to say nothing til you asked. It’s just kinda awkward and I’d be afraid of sounding vain by being like oh he only sat here cause he’s obsessed with me.
I seriously don’t understand people thinking your wife was shady. If she’s beautiful and a catch she’d probably have to tell you evet week about some creeper. Don’t let insecure Redditors ruin your relationship. This is nothing. The best thing you could do is treat him like a buddy, that’s the best way to let him know you don’t even see him as a threat