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CUM + SQUIRT AND MAKE ME VERY HAPPY [978 tokens remaining]
Date: October 8, 2022
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I know it seems bad on her part maybe but truth is I was really being difficult. I wasn’t like loving Nazis or anything but I was a lot like Kanye is being now plus paranoid. I was just all over the place, paranoid and just constantly saying things I shouldn’t have been saying because my thought patterns were just all over the place.
This guy is a walking red flag. Who goes driving around for hours on end? You’re still young and can do so much better than this guy, he’s a chump. I know it can be hard to leave but once you do you’ll feel so much better and can live freely, taking care of yourself and you’ll find someone who will respect that.
Oh yeah drop em both cause what happens if you hit the dumps in the marriage. She going to go back and fuck him again? Yeah I rather run my shin against a steel bed bracket
playing games like this might actually push her into looking elsewhere. essentially making your fear come true. communicate, tell her that comment was concerning and disrespectful.
First, thank you for you response. I didn’t think you were brash in your post at all.
We’re currently exclusive. I guess I trust him more because he’s been honest with me about stuff he didn’t have to tell me. “I made out with this girl at the bar” or “I asked this girl to come home with me”, etc. he did it quite a bit in September and October while we were not exclusive.
He’s lied so much in our relationship. It’s sickening the amount of lies he’s told me: where he’s from, his military experience, to even sending nudes to a gay man for money and clothes.
My therapist says I’m towing the line of being a saint and being completely insane to let him back in my life. I’m really broken right now.
It was only that guy, until the next guy
What reason is there that sister has to come to OP? Why can’t OP go to sister? Sister does not have to be in OP and Husband’s home, therefore even the logic of “she has to be with her loved ones” doesn’t really excuse this, because husband has a right to feel safe and comfortable in his own home too.
If OP won’t take Sister to a hospital or other mental health facility, she should meet with Sister at Sister’s home or their parents’ home if parents allow it. That way, OP and Sister can still be together whilst husband can feel comfortable at his home.
To be very honest, I don’t find it likely that Husband would be this uncomfortable about sister’s presence if there wasn’t a big problem that occurred due to her behaviour, but even if she didn’t do anything big, I don’t think he is unreasonable for wanting to be comfortable in his own home and not wanting someone he doesn’t like showing up at his house, especially past midnight.
Thanks for the support, it does make me feel that way sometimes… like a dress up doll or porn star brought to real life.
Honestly, you come across as though she owes you sex which isn't the case (because nobody owes sex to anyone as general statement). She told you she was asexual (which is a valid sexuality) at the start of the relationship and she obviously feels like she has to keep doing stuff with you to keep you, because she loves you. Asexuality doesn't need to be fixed. It might be important to have a conversation about what is important in your relationship, you are both so young and breaking up while not the greatest feeling in the world at first might be better in the long run and help you both to grow into healthier relationships.
Honestly, you come across as though she owes you sex which isn't the case (because nobody owes sex to anyone as general statement). She told you she was asexual (which is a valid sexuality) at the start of the relationship and she obviously feels like she has to keep doing stuff with you to keep you, because she loves you. Asexuality doesn't need to be fixed. It might be important to have a conversation about what is important in your relationship, you are both so young and breaking up while not the greatest feeling in the world at first might be better in the long run and help you both to grow into healthier relationships.
He is hot for your mom. How can you not think about that. I would have a hard time with him being around your mom now
Contrary to what everyone will have you believe, not all men watch porn. If you aren't comfortable with it to the point you want to break up then that is your choice. Porn is a deal breaker for me.
It was a 5 person get together. My sister invited him because she loves him and she's just happy he's still alive.
If he wanted to date you, he would be dating you.
Your fantasy about the relationship is just that.
He is successful and driven. Notice, zero drive to get you.
Even if he was partly interested to try. You would be moving to him because he's still not mentioned the idea moving there and he's jobless. That doesn't sound like something you want.
Blood play is a legit BDSM kink, but it’s definitely at the extreme end of sadism. This sounds like you guys aren’t sexually compatible, if he’s bringing it up while knowing about your history. Also sounds like he’s selfish and inconsiderate.
Get out of there!
That would ve scared the absolute shit out of me
This isn't applicable to the sub. You're asking for moral judgement, not advice. Please take this to AITA or something.
No she aint, as a matter of fact she being modest. I hired a PI. What she is leaving out, is that she's also a sex worker. And a stripper.. they're only verified by the pi but by some of the fellas also. And her count on the people she's cheated with… She's acting like a nun. 3…phhh. Ma y the first 3 months of the relationship. I talked with one of her FWB. Black dude from her area. Dude didn't know how I was. He thought I was a census researcher. Wasn't to difficult to steer the Convo in the direction that would be beneficial for me to know what was really going on. It was so easy to go fishing once I found out. And what's the number for provided. So to answer your question she wasn't bragging. She was being modest…
It sounds like your niece doesn’t want to play the violin. Is there a way for her to drop that class or play another instrument? Maybe you can talk to her music teacher and together find how why she always forgets it. There is something going on since this happens constantly. Why does she have to bring it home every night? Can she leave it at school? Try to get to the bottom of the problem but she has to know you won’t be bringing it at lunch.
Your abusive mother is NOT her family. This is a boundary you get to set and she should respect it. The fact that she isn't is a huge red flag and I feel like this will lead to a warranted ultimatum…your mom or you.
Just get a paternity test at the hospital when the baby is born. You can’t tell what color the eyes will be for a few weeks anyway. But what about your sons? Did he say the same thing about them or does he just have something against daughters?
Why?
Why do you still have anxieties and insecurities?
What happened?
BREAK UP WITH HIM.
Then it sounds like she knew specifically that it would be a problem for you
I understand a conversation but I still wouldn’t trust him. He threw his pregnant wife out and fucked multiple women on someone else’s words. DAMN. BETRAYAL.
Does she have a sister who can keep a secret?
Tell him that in this delicate time, it's immediate family only. At a future, more festive time he will be invited.
Your family is 100% right, and here's what it sounds like to me.
Men who are in their 40's are half-way through or nearly half-way their working years, and have been adults for two decades. They are expected to have made a certain amount of progress in life financially, professionally, common-sense-wise, life-skill wise, and just in general have their life somewhat together. And while everyone hits rough spots, some people are in their forties and have NEVER figured out how to adult.
A together, independant woman in her 30's or 40's who's got their act together would not date your boyfriend. We don't expect a man to pay for us, but he sure as hell better be able to take care of himself. We are not his mother, we don't need to be covering his bills, covering his day to day expenses or keeping track of his money for him. He's had two decades to figure out how to live within his means and progress on a career path- and not necessarily white collar- do you know how much tradesmen who have 20 years of experience can make, or really charismatic bartenders? If he has to bum money from a kid half his age, because she's more capable of taking care of herself at 25 than he is at 40, he has failed at getting his life together.
And at 40, he should already be thinking about how to plan for retirement. 401k's, IRA's, other investments, paying off property if he can…something. It sounds like he's done none of that, and his only plan is to date/marry someone so much younger that they will keep working through his retirement and take care of him.
And then there's the effort- you're struggling, AND RAISING A KID, and still helping him out financially and he can't bother to pick you up, or got to you? You help pay his bills, and he can't thank you by covering your lunch once in a while? Does he take you anywhere, or meet you at work and just spend his money on himself drinking? Why is a man who can't afford bills or to buy his girlfriend a slice of pizza paying 30-40+ dollars on himself to drink at a bar? Any man who is only supporting himself, who takes money from a struggling single mother, is a massive piece of shit for that alone.
You haven't even said anything about this here, but I bet he doesn't keep up his living space either, does he? He lets you do chores when you come over, doesn't cook for you or himself, etc. I bet he makes you feel good by saying how much he appreciates it when you pick up all the basic adult functioning he should be doing and just seems miserably incompetent at, doesn't he?
All of that is why women his age won't date him. We know that someone who has gotten to 40 and lives like they're sixteen is never going to mature enough to be a good partner. He might be pleasant company, a funny person to have a conversation with, etc. But a partner is someone who walks side by side with you and you deal with life together. It's not someone who hides behind you and reaches into your pockets so they don't have to deal with life.
At 25, you're USED to people not having their shit together. Because you all are just getting started in life. People may still not quite have launched, may not be very established in their careers (especially with COVID) . Some people are still in school if they're going to an advanced degree, or worked for a couple of years first. They haven't been out of their parent's homes very long in many cases, and planning and finances aren't as important to them because they have forty+ years to work on that. So his attitudes, and lack of any resources, and inability to fully function as an adult looks the same as how a lot of your peers in their early twenties function. The difference is, that in ten years, 95% of them will have significantly matured, will have an understanding of why hard work, planning, saving, self-sufficiency, cleaning and all the other normal adult needs are important, and will be able to take care of themselves, and any kids they have, and be able to count on their partner to be a support when they need it, and vice versa.
He's never going to do that. He's never going to not leech off your financial security. He's never going to hold himself responsible for taking care of himself. He's never going to invest in a partner because he has nothing to invest. If you stay with him, you're either going to outgrow him, and find that you wasted ten years worth of opportunity, financial earning capacity, energy and emotion on a giant child who will not meet your needs once you proceed past the life stage you're in now, or he's going to so socially stunt you that you end up in the same boat, and then realize when you're sixty five all the money and time you should have spent on your retirement went to his, and now you have nothing to take care of yourself.
The other thing I am going to ask is what do you mean about him being super nice? Is he just pleasant and laid back, or were you just overwhelmed with how complimentary he was of you all the time? Did he tell you things really early on like “I've never met anyone like you” and “You're so special, no one else is like you,” which are amazing compliments to receive…but not when you barely know each other and he has nothing to base them on. Did he say I love you early on, talk about marriage early on, make you feel early on like you were much further along in the relationship than you would be at that stage normally?
If some or all of the above is “Yes,” that's love bombing. That's what a social predator does in order to overwhelm someone inexperienced or vulnerable with positive emotions, to they can manipulate them into doing ridiculous things like paying their bills or accepting they do nothing for you ever.
One more set of asks. Does he try to make you more intertwined, like suggesting you get on the same phone plan, move in, etc.? Do you think of him as such a good listener about your problems with other people, but then always find that he's much more offended on your behalf than you are, and maybe quick to say “you deserve better than that. You should cut out their toxicity” or something similar? Has he started talking about how living someplace else would be amazing one day…someplace far from your support network? Has he had difficulty getting along with your friends, and blamed in on them. Does he ever try to tell you not to wear something because he doesn't like it, or not order a food at a restaurant you want because he doesn't want it on the table. Has he made small, seemingly harmless demands like never wearing your hair a certain way, or not wearing a certain color of underwear which on one hand he totally has no right to do, but on the other seems so minor that you feel compelled to give in because it's not worth the fight?
If he's doing these kinds of things, that IS him laying the groundwork to control you. Often guys that age choose younger women specifically because they think due to lack of experience, you will be easy to control. If they're good, they make you think it was your idea to distance yourself from people, or that they're helping you by keeping you from doing certain things. It's all a trap so that they can sink their claws in deep, and make it hard to leave once you start to wake up.
What if he never responds but doesn’t have her email blocked? She asked if he was married and he didn’t respond.
I understand you have no positive feelings. I was just trying to explain why your mother's feelings could be different than yours.
Are you hearing me say to get some stable psychiatric care? Or was this just a rant and you really don't want advice?
You love the character she has created.
She has created this relationship in which she is manipulative and tries to control you through these lies to not question them, because she claims she’s been suicidal. So, she garners sympathy and concern.
You have not actually met this person irl. I know you said you have seen her kids, but how? Obviously not person, but a random pic? Anything can be fabricated. Honestly if you have not met her irl, how do you know it’s even a woman? You could be being catfished.
Are you sure you want to salvage this relationship? He’s obsessive over your attention and abusive to wait staff. How long before he gets comfortable with you and he starts treating you the same way he treats strangers? I’m glad he’s in therapy, but I can’t imagine he’s telling his therapist all of this to work on personally.
Keep in mind, that OP is going to portray her husband as poorly as possible in order to justify her own horrendous behavior. SHE'S the one who is horrible. SHE's the one who is screwing over her own kids. And SHE's the one looking for excuses as to why she's awful.
The good news is this: her new flame will quickly burn out. He'll tire of her and go chase after some other married woman and she'll be treated like the pariah she is by family and friends.
Sounds like healthy reasons to end it.
They don’t want you for the right reasons either. You already left the relationship emotionally if you stopped caring.
Time to move on and find someone that wants the same things
Thats a red flag to me. If she said “I refuse to be with anyone else in any way, shape or form until we know where are relationship will go”, thats one thing, but she clearly did not.
BTW: does your family know what happened? In addition, what did her family say to you after they found out?
Fake and literally gay
The point is not getting someone to agree with you. The point is helping the both of you to see that you are both on the same team and that both of your concerns and actions are driven by the same goal: building a happy and healthy family/committed relationship. If she does not see you as an equal partner in this, she will not meet you halfway. If YOU do not see her as an equal partner, you will resent her and continue to dismiss her and nothing will get resolved.
Is it possible that he thinks you don't want to get married again because the last time ended in divorce?
If you’re hoping for a romantic interest to form then I think it’s kinda not nice to hide your appearance. Otherwise just tell her you’re only interested in being pen-pals.
I also don’t understand all of the affirming comments dying on the hill that he’s still in love with the ex.
Maybe he is, or maybe he’s just feeling the type of deep remorse and guilt that only some of the worst wrongs can result in and this is his method of restitution. His guilt is probably compounded by the fact that she was pregnant with their child and so he wants to make sure that child and their mother is taken care of when not in his custody. Providing a stable housing situation for them is the LEAST he can do in his mind.
She is externalizing her guilt and shame for enjoying this. I have heard religious girls call masturbation “raping myself”. That's what happens when you take our deepest urge and call it evil. The shame and self-hatred go deep.
She has probably ruined sex for you now too, just like other people did for her. Hopefully you can bounce back. But a false rape accusation is extremely dangerous. She could repeat this to others and ruin your reputation for life. She could even report it to the cops. It might be worth recording your conversations about this, or texting about it so you have her messages explaining what really happened.
I’m more shocked that she wants to marry him a second time! Like what! Also the fact that she thought he would magically quit smoking as soon as they get married is laughable. Girl you don’t have kids! You are not tied to this man! Get out and let him live freely with his gay lover.
Get out of there before she gets you in real trouble. Falsely accusing rape isn’t a something you should just brush off. Get ahead of it if you can, just in case she’s going to tell other people.
Reread your own post and ask yourself how compatible you are with this woman. Monogamous people do not to well trying to date polys. You both have different life styles and different things. Trying to keep this relationship will involve you regularly stomaching her in the arms of other men,romancing them, making love to them, intimate times. She won’t care how hurt you are, and even if she does care and stops, she will just resent you and eventually dump you.
Just be an adult and break up with her! It’s not that hard. Just sit her down and say “I’m really sorry but this relationship isn’t working for me anymore and I want to break up.” Don’t make it about the bedroom because she might try to get you to work on things. Just be clear, say you care for her and you valued your time together, but you are no longer in love and the relationship is over.
Just tell him he looks “small” today.
Reading both the original post and update, your current BF has the emotional maturity of a college frat boy. He also exhibits signs of narcissism, especially with language like “you ruined my night, why would you allow drama like that and people like this in our space”. Instinctively, a normal, emotionally matured and well adjusted person's reaction would be to ask if you're OK and help you re-compose yourself. They wouldn't use their severe jealousy as an opportunity to yell at, humiliate and trash their partners in front of guests in a social setting. You're 26 and likely looking for someone to build a potential future with. Be thankful that he showed you his colors so early on, that news about your ex was both a curse and a blessing. No sane person would react that way, a long term relationship with that would do you no good. I would also not be surprised if his emotional immaturity morphs into escalatory patterns of gaslighting and emotional abuse. I'm not one to answer every post with a “just break up”, but here the flags are blood red. I'd say run for the hills friend haha.
lol. Well there's always someone having a nosy around on someone's old stuff… I randomly see people on FB I didn't know I had, and have a nosy. But she didn't cite a mum like that, or anything.
From the post I just got the impression she just didn't like it. Often people are convinced others care more than they really do. Okay, people do nosy – but often it's just a mild curiosity. Not real judgement either way, and even if it is, what does it matter when it's not their life?
Imo an obsessive mum would be a “warning” on her side. I just fall on the opinion that we can't change other people's history. A fb post or two from 7 whole years ago doesn't make a difference. Obsessive family members aside.
I mean, she clearly wants you to find someone else. If she’s normally a reasonable and supportive person, I’d ask her why.
Okay I think I'll text him, hopefully he wants to hang out again, but if he doesn't then I'll at least know and I can move on. Thank you so much! Your advice gave me much confidence!
Happy cake day!
How is that being insecure/controlling? I just gave her some Criticism, she gives me some pointers on what to wear and I try and listen, but when it’s reversed, I’m the bad guy? ?
Society: Men, you need to show more emotion for the sake of your mental health
Men: uhh..ok
Society: Eww, no, not like that!
I'm sorry that she seems to be put off. Hopefully things will normalise if that's what you want. Arguably you should be with someone who'll always be supportive because in this relationship you might always find yourself burying your emotions deep down until you have a heart attack, nervous breakdown or chronic ulcers.
He had some good medical arguments
No, he didn't, he's just good at sounding plausible.
Vasectomies are a magnitude less serious/impactful/prone to complications than tubal ligations. Thats just fact.
Lmao this is fake af. Otherwise my 5 year old son has more awareness and spine than you my dude.
Take the trash out, or enjoy tasting someone else’s potential kids for the rest of your life ?♂️
Maybe find a new sugar daddy and cut your losses? (He’s almost twice your age, pay for your own ski trips to Aspen or whatever)
He is in the picture, and she told me that she would be okay sleeping next to him naked as well but it hasn't happened because they don't live together.
Look, I'll be blunt, your ex wanted a cock sleeve, you were willing to oblige, you also cheated on your partner for 3 whole years, so it could be one of two reasons.
Either he tried to help you with your relationship issues because he wanted to bang but liked you being in a relationship with someone else as it meant he got what he wanted without ever having to make a commitment or do any of the boring day to day stuff that relationships involve or he spent 3 years fucking you behind your boyfriends back and doesn't want to be with a woman who'd treat another human being like absolute dog shit.
Either way, you're both horrible human beings.
Wow, in posting this I wasn’t sure what could come out of it, but even after a sleepless night, you all have really helped reaffirm what I already know and feel in my heart. It shatters me to my core but as some of you said, it’s much better to do it now than to be legally bound to him and then have to go through a nasty divorce or worse yet, something happen that involves my children. They are and have always been my number 1 priority.
I guess it’s time to plan a party? I may take a day to get more important things lined up and then address it. The other side of this is financially I’m tapped out, all of my savings went into this wedding. I’ll have to figure out how to make money for a deposit on a rental now bc unfortunately our home is solely in his name. I’ll figure it out.
Thank you all so much.
OP, do you have feelings for your bestie? It’s hard enough to navigate your own feelings and then to contend with the changing dynamic of your little trio can be harder yet. Talk to your brother and bestie and tell them you’re feeling left out. If they still ignore you, it might be time to take a step back and get busy with your own life and find other friends. You got this.
Or I don’t feel the need to sell myself to a random stranger on the internet? Please have a good day.
I don’t care if it takes 4 hours, you are not entitled to smoke in someone else’s home. Regardless of the circumstances. Do you not get that??
(OP stated in another comment that it wasn’t their shared home he smoked in. It was his girlfriend’s, and he doesn’t live there).
You don't stop her. You leave her. She WANTS to have sex with this guy and she's playing chicken with you.
Sorry, but he is POS. Break up. Do not take his disrespect
Well she had been seeing a therapist and was on medication, i dont plan on going any further with the other girl and she doesnt either but the feelings are strong, and im scared of what could happen, Especially when she is everything i want in a woman, with my girl i try and motovate her, i tell her to just grt through it, i tell her everyone has to do shit they dont want to do , gotta hustle and get to the money, stuff like that, maybe i come off as an ass but i came from nothing, i have been on my own since i met her in high school, parents left me and i been on my own , she had it good and i tell her that if i can make it out of that and get to where i am now then theres no reason she can do it too, i been through alot and sometimes i have no sypathy for people who had it good and complain about there life.. i just want to see her win , but she makes it hard sometimes when she doesnt put in 100% effort
I'd say unless you actually find something to tie this feeling to (an action, or something he says) you could probably chalk these up as intrusive thoughts that aren't necessarily reflective of reality.
It's human nature to focus on the negative, and it's up to ourselves to use logic and determine whether those feelings have merit or not.
At least he was honest. What an idiot.
Personally, that would be it for me. The constant pushing and pressure does nothing but show that he doesn't actually care about you or respecting your decision.
It's fine to want something, it's not okay to manipulate to get it and that's what he's doing. It's a guilt trip so you give in. What a scumbag, who even wants to have sex with someone who clearly and repeatedly has said they don't want to. Disgusting.
Kick him to the curb.
Breathe.
You are only two months in.
Your 12-hour turn around window for a reply isn’t so bad as you texted him before going to bed. For all you know he didn’t see your message until the next day.
The key thing here is that you are both communicating with one another.
He’s 26 and has just gotten out of an 8-year relationship. So he was in a relationship since he was a baby adult at 18. Yet, he’s slept with 40 guys? That does sound a bit odd. I’m assuming that they had an open relationship.
My decision to continue would be based on if they had an open relationship or if he was a cheater.
Obviously if he was a cheater, he’s should be written off as a possible partner.
I’m also curious about the age gap between him and his ex. What was traumatic about the relationship? All rhetorical questions for you to think about. From the subtext of your post, I get the vibe that there was some type of power dyanamic going on. Also, that the break-up was recent. I also suspect something wasn’t copacetic regarding his promiscuity.
All his actions seem as if though he is on the level with you. You Faced Time while he was on vacation, he listened well enough to you to buy presents that are specific to your personality, he hasn’t pressured you to have sex until you are ready, his call to you for support during his cat’s illness, shows that he is in tune with you as an individual.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he truly does need you to go slowly. Prior to you mentioning that he had past relationship trauma, I suspected so.
As you both are hitting mutual busy periods, this helps with the taking it slow bit.
If I were in your shoes, I would continue. You know that he isn’t with you to hit it and quit it as he is perfectly fine waiting to have sex until you are ready. After your concern about posting the pic, he didn’t blow you off but was able to express where his head and heart is at given his recent break up. He wasn’t angry but set up his own boundaries.
So his reaction pretty much has shown me that he can communicate well. He didn’t ghost, have a tantrum, give you silent treatment.
He’s basically shown that he’s willing to build a solid foundation to build.
As it is only two months in this is a good start, further time will show you if it is just talk. Actions accompanied with talk will verify his truthfulness.
So breathe and keep dating.
Most newlyweds who have been married three months are spending the majority of their free time together because they are focused on building and strengthening their relationship as a couple. You seem to be more focused on building up your social life away from your husband. Did you fall in love with him as a person? Or with the dinners, vacations, and other perks of being with a financially stable executive and assumed that would be what marriage to him would be like? Maybe your husband also assumed that marriage would provide him with more about what he loved about you during your courtship.
Food is your husband’s love language, and your cooking may have been what attracted him. Now you are giving it away to others rather than to him. If you don’t enjoy cooking dinner for your husband, spend of few hours prepping a week’s food so he gets what he perceives as a nightly home-cooked meal. This will make him feel nurtured without your feeling you are wasting your time.
Finally, you need to do some really deep thinking about whether you want to be married or whether you want to focus on your friends, business, and expanding social life. Many people can balance all this — but your focus appears to be more narrow — on work and friends. It’s great that things are going good for you, but you seem indifferent to your husband’s misery. Yes, refusing to buy groceries looks like he is having a hissy fit, but it got your attention.
Were you able to confirm who he was talking to at the time looking at calls history?
If he refuses you access, or has “accidejtally” deleted it means it's likely not a prank, but cheating.
Totally reasonable. Come on. Leave now .
Your husband is a cat thief and an asshole.