It's definitely not abnormal to still be hurt by something like this long-term. I've mentioned this millions of times in this sub, but being cheated on can traumatize people. She may have been traumatized by it, and she honestly might need to seek therapy to try to help her.
Neither of you are the problem here. You are two different people who feel two different kinds of ways. I wouldn't say it's a problem at all that she gets hurt when she remembers that she was cheated on. That doesn't mean she has feelings for her ex. That means that she was hurt by a betrayal that happened to her. I've been deeply hurt by others in the past, and while it doesn't cloud my daily thought, sometimes it'll pop up in my memory, and I will become sad about it again.
I know people who have been cheated on in past relationships but are now in loving relationships. Occasionally, they still remember the pain of being cheated on, and some are so paranoid about it happening again because it hurt them so badly. Painful things in the past commonly still hurt people in the future.
Now, again, if it's something that is overcoming her daily, then she likely needs to really seek therapy to help her cope with the trauma
To answer this question of yours specifically… because that is who he is as a person. He doesn't take “no” as an answer. He badgers and badgers until he gets his way. You are STILL his f-buddy, so, why stop if he could actually wear you down and get it?
Want it to stop? Cut him off and cut him out. Let him go badger some other f-buddy for it if you don't wish to oblige his fantasy.
My close friend moved with her now husband to Colorado before moving back to California to pursue college for her career, they did long distance and made it work. It’s feasible.
Also, look into trade schools for dental hygiene. It will be faster
I have never seen anyone break up and be together for longer than a yeah, it usually doesn't workout. She didn't really do anything wrong during the “Breakup” because she was single, but being so close to someone you previously hooked up with would be a huge dealbreaker to me regardless, I don't find her behavior respectful to your relationship, so rather to force someone to change or cut people out, I simply wouldn't bother dating them.
(1) stop talking to her, I know you’re probably lonely and will want to message her again (been there done that) but you need to block her and cut all contact period. (2) cancel the gym membership or just go whenever you want regardless of her. (3) let this be a lesson learned to not get walked all over on.
It's literally happens everytime I've given head. I don't get it. But yes. I do feel like I should probably bring that up again now.
And yes, the lack of backbone is a huge, no for me. Specially since he’s retracting everything he ‘demanded’ now and saying his friends convinced him to say it. .. he is 32. So it either means he had no backbone, or he’s been lying to me about being satisfied, and both really p me off equally.
This can be a stressful situation. I believe you joining him at first could add to the stress. You’d be in pain, worrying about your dog for every time back and forth. I’d probably gently explain that I wouldn’t be joining him while she still lives. (I’m sorry this sounds so harsh), but when the funeral is planned, I’d join in the end.
When my grandpa was terminally ill, my partner and I did it this way. He couldn’t leave because of work. He joined me in the end and I don’t love him any less for it.
it's definitely not just proximity for why were friends, for me. firstly, I do love him as my brother, and closest sibling. but I'm also friends with him too, we like a lot of the same things, we share a lot of friends. I like to spend time with Alex, I love hanging out with him, but just us.
might ask our older brother to check to see if Alex will meet me, since I think my number may be blocked by now
You’ve made the suggestion. You have other advice here also so now it’s a case of speaking to him about seeing a urologist or you then need to decide if you’re happy to stay and accept he doesn’t want to fix anything or move on. You can’t force him to do this.
I'm with you. The “if I were to cheat…” Bit in the middle of his rant really jumped out at me. I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have never had that sort of thought in my life.
I am not only deeply monogamous, but incredibly happy in my relationship. I'm the sort of happy that he claims he is (but I don't talk about him in the weird way OP does his wife…”my incredible wife, cuberstalked her”???) And if my partner was suddenly acting like this, I would be sitting him down, trying to get to the bottom of it, and trying to see how I can calm those fears…not saying “yeah, but if I did cheat, it wouldn't be with that person”. Cause not only would I never think about who I would or wouldn't cheat with, as cheating isn't on the table in any conceivable way, but it obviously would only add fuel to the fire.
It's definitely not abnormal to still be hurt by something like this long-term. I've mentioned this millions of times in this sub, but being cheated on can traumatize people. She may have been traumatized by it, and she honestly might need to seek therapy to try to help her.
Neither of you are the problem here. You are two different people who feel two different kinds of ways. I wouldn't say it's a problem at all that she gets hurt when she remembers that she was cheated on. That doesn't mean she has feelings for her ex. That means that she was hurt by a betrayal that happened to her. I've been deeply hurt by others in the past, and while it doesn't cloud my daily thought, sometimes it'll pop up in my memory, and I will become sad about it again.
I know people who have been cheated on in past relationships but are now in loving relationships. Occasionally, they still remember the pain of being cheated on, and some are so paranoid about it happening again because it hurt them so badly. Painful things in the past commonly still hurt people in the future.
Now, again, if it's something that is overcoming her daily, then she likely needs to really seek therapy to help her cope with the trauma
Stripper for me but not for thee?
I think she’s also leaving out the part where she’s 16 and not 22. What adult speaks like that?
As a fellow brick just accept him, eventually he will crack but dont force it.
Why wont he take no for an anwer?
To answer this question of yours specifically… because that is who he is as a person. He doesn't take “no” as an answer. He badgers and badgers until he gets his way. You are STILL his f-buddy, so, why stop if he could actually wear you down and get it?
Want it to stop? Cut him off and cut him out. Let him go badger some other f-buddy for it if you don't wish to oblige his fantasy.
Absolutely not.
My close friend moved with her now husband to Colorado before moving back to California to pursue college for her career, they did long distance and made it work. It’s feasible.
Also, look into trade schools for dental hygiene. It will be faster
I have never seen anyone break up and be together for longer than a yeah, it usually doesn't workout. She didn't really do anything wrong during the “Breakup” because she was single, but being so close to someone you previously hooked up with would be a huge dealbreaker to me regardless, I don't find her behavior respectful to your relationship, so rather to force someone to change or cut people out, I simply wouldn't bother dating them.
Hit the nail on the head
(1) stop talking to her, I know you’re probably lonely and will want to message her again (been there done that) but you need to block her and cut all contact period. (2) cancel the gym membership or just go whenever you want regardless of her. (3) let this be a lesson learned to not get walked all over on.
It's literally happens everytime I've given head. I don't get it. But yes. I do feel like I should probably bring that up again now.
And yes, the lack of backbone is a huge, no for me. Specially since he’s retracting everything he ‘demanded’ now and saying his friends convinced him to say it. .. he is 32. So it either means he had no backbone, or he’s been lying to me about being satisfied, and both really p me off equally.
You know they meant in context to this post.
This can be a stressful situation. I believe you joining him at first could add to the stress. You’d be in pain, worrying about your dog for every time back and forth. I’d probably gently explain that I wouldn’t be joining him while she still lives. (I’m sorry this sounds so harsh), but when the funeral is planned, I’d join in the end.
When my grandpa was terminally ill, my partner and I did it this way. He couldn’t leave because of work. He joined me in the end and I don’t love him any less for it.
it's definitely not just proximity for why were friends, for me. firstly, I do love him as my brother, and closest sibling. but I'm also friends with him too, we like a lot of the same things, we share a lot of friends. I like to spend time with Alex, I love hanging out with him, but just us.
might ask our older brother to check to see if Alex will meet me, since I think my number may be blocked by now
You’ve made the suggestion. You have other advice here also so now it’s a case of speaking to him about seeing a urologist or you then need to decide if you’re happy to stay and accept he doesn’t want to fix anything or move on. You can’t force him to do this.
I'm with you. The “if I were to cheat…” Bit in the middle of his rant really jumped out at me. I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have never had that sort of thought in my life.
I am not only deeply monogamous, but incredibly happy in my relationship. I'm the sort of happy that he claims he is (but I don't talk about him in the weird way OP does his wife…”my incredible wife, cuberstalked her”???) And if my partner was suddenly acting like this, I would be sitting him down, trying to get to the bottom of it, and trying to see how I can calm those fears…not saying “yeah, but if I did cheat, it wouldn't be with that person”. Cause not only would I never think about who I would or wouldn't cheat with, as cheating isn't on the table in any conceivable way, but it obviously would only add fuel to the fire.
There's something off here.
INFO
Exactly what is he wanting to wear?