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Trust me, I know I could’ve done better! I tend to catastrophize things that really usually aren’t a big deal. But space I know is definitely the answer right now!
When you’re really attracted to someone and are in the talking stage, you never forget that they texted you because you are constantly checking your phone for their text. No matter how busy you are
So if I stop being impatient, should I continue to see this man? Is the problem that our timeline isn’t in sync? Or the face that he essentially deceived me, I should no longer trust him? I’m so confused.
For some, cheating brings out the bad girl in her and is exhilarating in her mind. Danger is fun, I definitely understand that. For her, getting caught, is no longer fun.
Just remember just because he’s used to living like this, doesn’t mean you have to accept it as well. Think of how long life is and it’s going to a very long and frustrated life if you stay with him. Wish you the best of luck though as I know it’s not easy.
That was a dumb thing to do. You had no good reason to message him and now your “soulmate” will be insecure thinking you haven't gotten over your ex (not matter what he says to you) all because you wanted to rub his face in your life? Sounds like you are still holding a torch for your ex which is sad because it also sounds like your current BF is quite awesome. If I was your current BF I would be really disappointed in you for connecting again with someone who abused you like that. You honestly should be a little ashamed as you've cast doubt in your good healthy relationship all so you could “report” to your ex for no good reason at all.
Why don’t you have a talk with your bf. Tell him how you feel that she’s his number one and what you wrote here, that she seems to be the first one he texts in the morning to everything else.
She claims to have not felt the touching and after finding out about it she feels it was inappropriate but doesn’t want to discuss it with her friend out of fear it will damage a friendship. You literally went from “if she is good with it all is good” to attacking her for saying she want’s ok with the touching. You also completely dismissed OPs feelings about the situation. You made yourself out to be a complete fool. Keep digging in.
Your mom has been bullying your wife for years. Of course your wife is going to be more sensitive and pick up on more of her veiled insults and behaviors than you. And instead of being a supportive husband you come along trying to explain away your moms bullying instead of being on your wife’s side.
Your wife isn’t sensitive. She’s a victim of your moms bullying. Trying to paint her as just being sensitive to “general annoying grandparent behavior” is you downplaying your moms inappropriate actions.
It sounds like you waited too long to address this issue. You let it fester and get worse so of course now your wife takes issue with you when you try to explain away your moms actions.
You have chosen your mother over your wife every time she bullied your wife and you didn’t say something. Every time you tried to downplay her actions, you chose her over your wife. Your wife tried to tell you what was going on and you refuse to see it for the problem that it is.
You’re in the wrong here. Even in your post you admit that your mom is subtle and that you don’t pick up on her behaviors, then turn around and say your wife is just sensitive. You’re blaming your wife when you mom is the problem.
I personally do not see your problem except that she lied (seeing your reaction now i understand why she said it as it was nothing she was proud of). I personally was always prude and had mostly long term relationships. What does it matter how many guys she slept with? Also she didnt have that amount of relationships but hook ups! You know how much hook ups suck??? (I had 1 and it was completely awful) Also you do not know why she had that many hook ups. Friends i know who where “party girls” and more easy for a certain time was usually some emotional baggage and then feeling insecure and worthless. That was their way to feel loved… they cried on my shoulder so often… I still dont get your reaction and judgement. Why ist that a problem for you? What are you insecurities?
Have you asked your sons? I'm with you on your question not necessarily being an accusation, but I also get how your husband could feel like it is if you've only asked him out of three possible witnesses.
Yeah like his buddy is at the club with other people, he's going to call his friend who isn't there to come help him look, OP 's just going to pay that cover charge?
I remember being 21 and dropping engineering to have more time with my gf. Listen medical school is gonna end your relationship most likely, very few can deal with living with a ghost, and medical school will make it seem like your never around. You should go to whichever medical school accepts you, unless you think your girlfriend is worth never becoming a doctor. It's a hard field and not everyone is cut out for it, and the idea of sacrificing everything for a girl who may decide after working long hours at JPMorgan that her coworker may be a better match for her and leave you anyway. It's better to not ever compromise your career when you are young or you will be doing yourself a disservice.
That is a bunch of weight to gain in two years that seems more evident of a possible depression or mental health issue. Happy, well-settled people normally do not put on 3-4 pounds a month consistently. Calorie consumption must have taken a huge uptick. Cutting out exercise is not enough to gain weight- You say nothing of her physical activity except she does no more sports.
I would be honest with her that you are worried and concerned about her health because it is a significant amount weight (50% o her body she gained). Explain it is has impacted your sex life because she lacks mobility and ability to be like she used to be (which is weird because although she is big, she is not that big but whatever… this is what you are claiming here)
If she cries, let her cry. Do not get distracted from the message. Acknowledge this is painful for her to discuss and is painful for you to bring it up. HOwever, if you want this to work, you need to offer her support and understanding. Tell her you want to be part of the solution to getting healthier. I would not bring up lack of sexual desire at this point as the last thing she needs is to know that she turns you off.
This of course assumes you are in for the long haul and are yourself open to making changes in yourself throughout your relationship.
3 months and all these issues is a massive concern without the issue of him ignoring your sexual boundary. You know that you have to end this relationship. If this feels normal for you to be treated this badly then you also need therapy before dating again.
Hun. I was in a similar relationship he is NOT going to change and this will only get worse. Best thing for you and your mental health is to find someone who wants to be with you. Who puts in effort and is considerate. All the things this man is not.
Abduction and rape play is only ok when both parties are informed and have consented beforehand. His “joke” was that he would severely traumatize you, rape you, and than propose???
Catholic Church believes that human life beings at the moment of conception. During IVF procedure there are many embryos created and they are injected into uterus a few at the time because not all of them will successfully implant in the woman's womb (they technically can but it's very improbable).
They are often all 'used' because it usually takes a couple of tries to get a pregnancy during IVF. However when it's successfull at first attempt, you're left with embryos that are just kept frozen. Church has an issue with that and believes it's not moral.
Moreover, Church believes that the conception should take place inside the woman's body, not in a lab.
You're exactly right, that's why a lot of young people stay away from telling their partners they love them so soon. Falling for someone can just mean she's IN love, or starting to. It's not the same as loving someone, for a lot of people.
i don’t and i’m not gonna go through over 100 comments just to get every piece of information. if you want anyone to understand the full picture, then you need to put all the important info in the original post. you’re getting upset bc i don’t have all the info, but who’s fault is that? yours.
You've been together for FIVE years. If she seriously wants you to get a background check, she can run one herself. Employers do it all the time. As far as therapy, if she's asking you to go, she should as well. Yes, women are usually abused more. But, when men are abused, it's often more difficult because women can easily flip the script and act like the victim.
You sound just like me if this was happening to another person. I know i sound dumb but u know there is this little hope that i try to hang on to just because he wants to change and do better. Can he though?
So finding those messages didnt surprise Jack or Elena, they just were like “oh I guess we were flirting”? This whole thing just feels like a writing exercise, either way leave the past in the past. Are you expecting to divorce your wife and Elena come running back into your arms because “it was all a mistake!” Her husband died, she doesnt need a college bf weaseling his way back into her life. At some point bro your wife has become the love of your life when youve spent more time with her and had kids then a flind you had in college.
Wow! This is an incredible flashback. I was 37 and my wife was 24 when we started dating. Her 2 year-old couldn't stand me to the point where he pitched a fit in restaurants when we went out to dinner and a manager even once asked us to leave ass soon as possible. He was extremely jealous of her attention. We discovered was that he was okay if was alone with him. We played and he was a normal 2 year-old. It was just when I was near her that he became a little monster. He no doube picked up on our affection for each other and regarded it as a threat.
It almost broke us up until he calmed down some, and when we moved in together he gradually got used to me. It will happen. It just takes time and it's incredibly difficult sometimes. Your fiancé, especially, is going to need a lot of patience, which at his age he should have.
I'm not sure what country you're from, but are there no free mental health services where you are? Or any help lines where he can call and talk to someone?
If those aren't an option, could you maybe buy your boyfriend a journal where he can write down these rants where he can get it out without it dragging you down? Or maybe suggest an online support group on FB.
If those things don't work, you might just have to stop him on bad days and say “Babe, I love you. But right now I don't have the mental capacity to help you feel better about this. Could we talk about it another time?”
Why bother? Just DTMF already and move on. You have been in a completely unsatisfying relationship for a year now, and all you’ve got from it is a “boyfriend” who ignores what you want, vacations solo, and publicly humiliates you (but is nice to you privately, presumably when he’s trying to spend intimate time with you). Odds are high he cheats on you when he’s doing solo weekends with his friends. Show some self confidence – “I can do better, and I don’t owe ANYONE, including HIM, an explanation.” – and Dump Him Already.
I don’t disagree, it seems to have become toxic. I’m a very soft hearted person and I’m kind of in disbelief that he doesn’t care about how I am from my hospital admission. I’m struggling to block him and make that final move. But I also know this just isn’t working as a friendship the way it is.
Politely ask if she’d like to go hang out on a day you’re both free. Go get drinks or have a meal or just go for a walk and broach the topic while you’re together.
She may see no issue with what’s she’s doing, I don’t know your situation but it may be her first relationship and that’s why her and her gf are being so intense as that’s how it was with my first serious relationship. Like I said if she sees no issue with her behaviour then she will probably just continue putting all her energy into her gf and if so, take this as an opportunity to branch out.
Maybe strengthen some other friendships that you have or try to make some new ones at school/work. She’s not really prioritising you as it is so maybe it’d be good to start not prioritising her as much.
No, I spent the whole time putting up with his shit. Being broken up with and then brought back all of a sudden because I was needed. I spent this whole time juggling back university, work and government shit. I spent this time worrying while having my worries diminished because his was much more. I spent this whole time feeling guilty I came to him for the 2 days I didn’t have a place of my own to stay at that I let him sexually traumatise me
I did not live with him because I had no place to go. I struggled to earn money to pay my own rent, but he “wanted” me there. You might see this one way because of a short recap of what went on. And maybe I in fact did not word things correctly because my parents kicked me out for me to follow what they wanted in regards to studies, independence, work, etc., besides my relationship. But I wasn’t with him for the convenience
The woman I am dating has a similar issue with tearing that makes it almost impossible for us to have sex.
Its good and all that you want to have more sex but you should respect your boyfriends boundaries. Asking others to convince him to get surgery so you can have more sex is not really that empathetic. Its his body and if he is too scared to fix this problem nobody should force him.
Probably knew it would be a problem and held off until the last minute. Even if it was the last minute, she is allowed to make her own decision. Definitely both communicate and have a plan going in and a plan to get out.
15 min is not that long of a commute if it keeps the peace.
If you say so
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It got really bad. I guess I found it weird since I don’t have a relationship with her and I haven’t seen her since I was 18 and I’m now 25
Yes this abuse both verbal and physical.
I would break up with you for writing that entire post as one long run on sentence with no punctuation
Trust me, I know I could’ve done better! I tend to catastrophize things that really usually aren’t a big deal. But space I know is definitely the answer right now!
Ok
When you’re really attracted to someone and are in the talking stage, you never forget that they texted you because you are constantly checking your phone for their text. No matter how busy you are
Your friend is disgusting, I hope he sues her.
So if I stop being impatient, should I continue to see this man? Is the problem that our timeline isn’t in sync? Or the face that he essentially deceived me, I should no longer trust him? I’m so confused.
She's hitting the puppy. It's in this thread.
Maybe this, maybe that. To hell with her and her head games while this poor creature is being neglected, yelled at, hit and abused.
And, I don't care about their marriage. I care about the abused animal.
Unfortunately, looks like you don't deserve more than 20% of her attention!
Why do you want someone that doesn't want you?
Why did you block her if you love her? To hurt her, to hurt yourself or to forget her and move on?
Try loving and wanting yourself! Once you love yourself, others will love you too!
For some, cheating brings out the bad girl in her and is exhilarating in her mind. Danger is fun, I definitely understand that. For her, getting caught, is no longer fun.
Just remember just because he’s used to living like this, doesn’t mean you have to accept it as well. Think of how long life is and it’s going to a very long and frustrated life if you stay with him. Wish you the best of luck though as I know it’s not easy.
Yep u were correct.
Ouch. That really hit home. (Not to say that's a bad thing)
That was a dumb thing to do. You had no good reason to message him and now your “soulmate” will be insecure thinking you haven't gotten over your ex (not matter what he says to you) all because you wanted to rub his face in your life? Sounds like you are still holding a torch for your ex which is sad because it also sounds like your current BF is quite awesome. If I was your current BF I would be really disappointed in you for connecting again with someone who abused you like that. You honestly should be a little ashamed as you've cast doubt in your good healthy relationship all so you could “report” to your ex for no good reason at all.
You may want to remind him that uh, you get to sleep with other men too during this break…
WTH.
Tell him that if he'd rather sleep with other people then you guys should just break up for good. Permanently.
Why don’t you have a talk with your bf. Tell him how you feel that she’s his number one and what you wrote here, that she seems to be the first one he texts in the morning to everything else.
What kind of dumb things do you friends say that would upset your wife? Are they things … about your wife? Or about other women?
She claims to have not felt the touching and after finding out about it she feels it was inappropriate but doesn’t want to discuss it with her friend out of fear it will damage a friendship. You literally went from “if she is good with it all is good” to attacking her for saying she want’s ok with the touching. You also completely dismissed OPs feelings about the situation. You made yourself out to be a complete fool. Keep digging in.
Tarot card reading – facepalm
Tarot card reading via tiktok – palm hits wall behind head, through skull.
Your mom has been bullying your wife for years. Of course your wife is going to be more sensitive and pick up on more of her veiled insults and behaviors than you. And instead of being a supportive husband you come along trying to explain away your moms bullying instead of being on your wife’s side.
Your wife isn’t sensitive. She’s a victim of your moms bullying. Trying to paint her as just being sensitive to “general annoying grandparent behavior” is you downplaying your moms inappropriate actions.
It sounds like you waited too long to address this issue. You let it fester and get worse so of course now your wife takes issue with you when you try to explain away your moms actions.
You have chosen your mother over your wife every time she bullied your wife and you didn’t say something. Every time you tried to downplay her actions, you chose her over your wife. Your wife tried to tell you what was going on and you refuse to see it for the problem that it is.
You’re in the wrong here. Even in your post you admit that your mom is subtle and that you don’t pick up on her behaviors, then turn around and say your wife is just sensitive. You’re blaming your wife when you mom is the problem.
It’s hard to find a time where she’s serious but I’ll try. Thank you
Well don’t go drowning yourself in pity now.
Do you want friends? Have you ever had a job? Con workers can turn to friends.
So can class mates. Do you have hobbies? Start just BSing with people.
Treat conversations as an opportunity to learn about someone else. Ask them some questions. Where are you from? What are you in school for?
Anxiety sucks I grew up as a very anxious kid and I still have a little but you have to put yourself out there.
Instead of tearin’ in your beer, make an effort to talk to people, learn a new hobby, or skill.
It’s up to you to find something interesting in the world around you.
You can make friends. I believe in you.
I personally do not see your problem except that she lied (seeing your reaction now i understand why she said it as it was nothing she was proud of). I personally was always prude and had mostly long term relationships. What does it matter how many guys she slept with? Also she didnt have that amount of relationships but hook ups! You know how much hook ups suck??? (I had 1 and it was completely awful) Also you do not know why she had that many hook ups. Friends i know who where “party girls” and more easy for a certain time was usually some emotional baggage and then feeling insecure and worthless. That was their way to feel loved… they cried on my shoulder so often… I still dont get your reaction and judgement. Why ist that a problem for you? What are you insecurities?
Have you asked your sons? I'm with you on your question not necessarily being an accusation, but I also get how your husband could feel like it is if you've only asked him out of three possible witnesses.
I truly wonder why you’re single, you sound like a gem.
Yeah like his buddy is at the club with other people, he's going to call his friend who isn't there to come help him look, OP 's just going to pay that cover charge?
Doesn't make sense.
I remember being 21 and dropping engineering to have more time with my gf. Listen medical school is gonna end your relationship most likely, very few can deal with living with a ghost, and medical school will make it seem like your never around. You should go to whichever medical school accepts you, unless you think your girlfriend is worth never becoming a doctor. It's a hard field and not everyone is cut out for it, and the idea of sacrificing everything for a girl who may decide after working long hours at JPMorgan that her coworker may be a better match for her and leave you anyway. It's better to not ever compromise your career when you are young or you will be doing yourself a disservice.
That is a bunch of weight to gain in two years that seems more evident of a possible depression or mental health issue. Happy, well-settled people normally do not put on 3-4 pounds a month consistently. Calorie consumption must have taken a huge uptick. Cutting out exercise is not enough to gain weight- You say nothing of her physical activity except she does no more sports.
I would be honest with her that you are worried and concerned about her health because it is a significant amount weight (50% o her body she gained). Explain it is has impacted your sex life because she lacks mobility and ability to be like she used to be (which is weird because although she is big, she is not that big but whatever… this is what you are claiming here)
If she cries, let her cry. Do not get distracted from the message. Acknowledge this is painful for her to discuss and is painful for you to bring it up. HOwever, if you want this to work, you need to offer her support and understanding. Tell her you want to be part of the solution to getting healthier. I would not bring up lack of sexual desire at this point as the last thing she needs is to know that she turns you off.
This of course assumes you are in for the long haul and are yourself open to making changes in yourself throughout your relationship.
3 months and all these issues is a massive concern without the issue of him ignoring your sexual boundary. You know that you have to end this relationship. If this feels normal for you to be treated this badly then you also need therapy before dating again.
This guy sounds like a dipshit and you’re ignoring a lot of red flags. It’s been just three months. Get out while the gettin’s good.
Hun. I was in a similar relationship he is NOT going to change and this will only get worse. Best thing for you and your mental health is to find someone who wants to be with you. Who puts in effort and is considerate. All the things this man is not.
Abduction and rape play is only ok when both parties are informed and have consented beforehand. His “joke” was that he would severely traumatize you, rape you, and than propose???
Leave
Catholic Church believes that human life beings at the moment of conception. During IVF procedure there are many embryos created and they are injected into uterus a few at the time because not all of them will successfully implant in the woman's womb (they technically can but it's very improbable).
They are often all 'used' because it usually takes a couple of tries to get a pregnancy during IVF. However when it's successfull at first attempt, you're left with embryos that are just kept frozen. Church has an issue with that and believes it's not moral.
Moreover, Church believes that the conception should take place inside the woman's body, not in a lab.
You're exactly right, that's why a lot of young people stay away from telling their partners they love them so soon. Falling for someone can just mean she's IN love, or starting to. It's not the same as loving someone, for a lot of people.
side eye
I’m just saying, it starts with you. Learn to manage it better and maybe it would be beneficial not having that extra stressor on the relationship
i don’t and i’m not gonna go through over 100 comments just to get every piece of information. if you want anyone to understand the full picture, then you need to put all the important info in the original post. you’re getting upset bc i don’t have all the info, but who’s fault is that? yours.
You've been together for FIVE years. If she seriously wants you to get a background check, she can run one herself. Employers do it all the time. As far as therapy, if she's asking you to go, she should as well. Yes, women are usually abused more. But, when men are abused, it's often more difficult because women can easily flip the script and act like the victim.
You sound just like me if this was happening to another person. I know i sound dumb but u know there is this little hope that i try to hang on to just because he wants to change and do better. Can he though?
So finding those messages didnt surprise Jack or Elena, they just were like “oh I guess we were flirting”? This whole thing just feels like a writing exercise, either way leave the past in the past. Are you expecting to divorce your wife and Elena come running back into your arms because “it was all a mistake!” Her husband died, she doesnt need a college bf weaseling his way back into her life. At some point bro your wife has become the love of your life when youve spent more time with her and had kids then a flind you had in college.
Has this happened more than once and if so with what frequency?
Wow! This is an incredible flashback. I was 37 and my wife was 24 when we started dating. Her 2 year-old couldn't stand me to the point where he pitched a fit in restaurants when we went out to dinner and a manager even once asked us to leave ass soon as possible. He was extremely jealous of her attention. We discovered was that he was okay if was alone with him. We played and he was a normal 2 year-old. It was just when I was near her that he became a little monster. He no doube picked up on our affection for each other and regarded it as a threat.
It almost broke us up until he calmed down some, and when we moved in together he gradually got used to me. It will happen. It just takes time and it's incredibly difficult sometimes. Your fiancé, especially, is going to need a lot of patience, which at his age he should have.
There ARE plenty of people who don’t want to be with single parents. And you know what? They just don’t date single parents!
You husband chose to be a stepdad, but he’s honestly not the biggest monster here. YOU are.
I'm not sure what country you're from, but are there no free mental health services where you are? Or any help lines where he can call and talk to someone?
If those aren't an option, could you maybe buy your boyfriend a journal where he can write down these rants where he can get it out without it dragging you down? Or maybe suggest an online support group on FB.
If those things don't work, you might just have to stop him on bad days and say “Babe, I love you. But right now I don't have the mental capacity to help you feel better about this. Could we talk about it another time?”
I'm not sure if any of that helps, but I hope so!
Please call a sexual assault helpline in your area and get some local advice on how best to navigate GETTING AWAY from him.
He IS raping you. You do NOT owe him sex.
Why bother? Just DTMF already and move on. You have been in a completely unsatisfying relationship for a year now, and all you’ve got from it is a “boyfriend” who ignores what you want, vacations solo, and publicly humiliates you (but is nice to you privately, presumably when he’s trying to spend intimate time with you). Odds are high he cheats on you when he’s doing solo weekends with his friends. Show some self confidence – “I can do better, and I don’t owe ANYONE, including HIM, an explanation.” – and Dump Him Already.
I don’t disagree, it seems to have become toxic. I’m a very soft hearted person and I’m kind of in disbelief that he doesn’t care about how I am from my hospital admission. I’m struggling to block him and make that final move. But I also know this just isn’t working as a friendship the way it is.
Politely ask if she’d like to go hang out on a day you’re both free. Go get drinks or have a meal or just go for a walk and broach the topic while you’re together.
She may see no issue with what’s she’s doing, I don’t know your situation but it may be her first relationship and that’s why her and her gf are being so intense as that’s how it was with my first serious relationship. Like I said if she sees no issue with her behaviour then she will probably just continue putting all her energy into her gf and if so, take this as an opportunity to branch out.
Maybe strengthen some other friendships that you have or try to make some new ones at school/work. She’s not really prioritising you as it is so maybe it’d be good to start not prioritising her as much.
It is cheating. I’d get yourself tested for STDs and
you can’t be possibly bisexual
No, I spent the whole time putting up with his shit. Being broken up with and then brought back all of a sudden because I was needed. I spent this whole time juggling back university, work and government shit. I spent this time worrying while having my worries diminished because his was much more. I spent this whole time feeling guilty I came to him for the 2 days I didn’t have a place of my own to stay at that I let him sexually traumatise me
I did not live with him because I had no place to go. I struggled to earn money to pay my own rent, but he “wanted” me there. You might see this one way because of a short recap of what went on. And maybe I in fact did not word things correctly because my parents kicked me out for me to follow what they wanted in regards to studies, independence, work, etc., besides my relationship. But I wasn’t with him for the convenience
The woman I am dating has a similar issue with tearing that makes it almost impossible for us to have sex.
Its good and all that you want to have more sex but you should respect your boyfriends boundaries. Asking others to convince him to get surgery so you can have more sex is not really that empathetic. Its his body and if he is too scared to fix this problem nobody should force him.
Ehm dude she chose him over you, wake up
Probably knew it would be a problem and held off until the last minute. Even if it was the last minute, she is allowed to make her own decision. Definitely both communicate and have a plan going in and a plan to get out.
15 min is not that long of a commute if it keeps the peace.
This wasn‘t a hyperbole but a comparison, wise guy. Plus you got downvoted and it has a reason.
Dude, don’t accept abuse like that. Contact a divorce lawyer and a therapist to help you realize that you’re stuck in a dangerous situation.
Not to be rude or diagnose someone, but does your man has a dash of the ‘tism??
The last time I did literally begged him to stay and promised it won't happened again. This time around it was a mistake that I'm ready to forget.