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Date: December 30, 2022
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if someone put a diaper in my food that would be the last time i accepted food from them
That would be a deal breaker for me. You will have such different values.
The kid will eventually grow up. If you keep deferring going to work, it will be harder and harder to find something that will make you feel happy and fulfilled. It’s great that you have found a lovely family dynamic, but if you keep putting yourself last, you might eventually come to resent or at least regret that. Find a job, it doesn’t have to be full time, but you should have something that is just for you.
Adding to the comments here already- abusive people dont just jump to their apex right away. First its gonna be fighting, then yelling, then physicality tests the waters. If you dont show there are consequences, they get worse and regular.
In case it isnt clear- YOU.NEED.TO.LEAVE.NOW. I PROMISE YOU there is NOTHING this person is bringing to the table that you cant find elsewhere with someone who isnt going to treat you like shit.
What ill add that hasnt been stated is you need to be methodical in how you get out. You live together, so you need to take stock of what you own that has value. Wait for a time you know she’ll be gone for a bit (like work hours) get your shit and take it somewhere safe. Talk to your landlord and let them know the situation. Sometimes a good landlord will let you bop out of a lease in an extreme situation. Regardless, not getting a deposit back is better than getting hurt.
Once youre out, dont tell her where you went and block her on anything you can. Warn where you work, relatives, etc. that she is not allowed near you. This all might sound extreme, but people like this can and will find a way to come at you wherever they can.
This sucks and no one should go through it but it is infinitely better than going through whatever new fresh abuse shes cooking up for you.
This is a HUGE NO. DIVORSE immediately and get yourself tested for STD.
the anxiousness mostly comes from never seeing a post on here about porn addiction where the relationship is saved
Buy her some underwear you like as a gift
Your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Nobody is ever fully ready to have a kid, but he's got one now, and so he needs to deal with that. He can either own up to the responsibility of being a full-time parent or he can figure out the responsibility of peaceful coparenting and act like a part-time parent.
You seem to believe that your romantic relationship is all about what your boyfriend wants, but what about what you want? What kind of relationship do you actually want?
If your boyfriend can't give you the relationship you want, then you need to call it quits. He can move out and still maintain a perfectly fine and healthy relationship with your son, but do you really think your romantic relationship won't suffer when he basically abandons you so he can “feel like a young adult again”? He already is a young adult, he's just a young adult with a kid.
Yep. And IMO someone that hates any category of people (gender, race etc) is going to turn out badly. But especially somebody who hates your entire demographic “except you, you're cool.”
I have a pattern of being with men who lie and cheat, he does neither and I’ve been blinded by how much I trust him, and we have fun. But I can see that he still has a lot in common with the other men in that he’s not emotionally available. Strange to think about. And you’re right, I appreciate it.
Sounds like he already does…. I'd be gone quick
Okay, so my “pretend its just winter fat” idea was definitely a stupid one as I misread the initial weeks in your post and thought it said 12 and not 21 (so thats like 7 months right? So no real way to hide that size of a belly…).
You are going to want to break it to your ex qs soon as possible, and without your fiancee there though (as it wpuld be obvious beforw you could explain and wouldnt be tactful).
Tell her that your fiancee is pregnant and visible and wanted to give her, your ex, a heads up as it would essentially, unintentionally, be a pregnancy announcement due to this being her first public appearance showing. You wanted her to know so it wouldnr blind side her at the event (this could include if attention is drawn towards your fiancee during the event/excitement is on her and since its a company event, as the co-owner too who helped plan it, you could also understand jf she would be upset with that aspect too).
She may say she js fine with it or become defensive if you bring up the fertility issues/seem to make it about that and then it could cause her insecurities to flare up if she has/had them. Then that could cause issues/resentment.
Fertility issues and trauma are a delicate topic and unfortunately you could try to go at this as tactfully as possible and she could still have a very negative reaction. Doing stuff before rhe banquet would be the nicer thing to do but dont be afraid to be firm if she or others try to guilt trip your fiancee into not going because it would be “rubbing it in your exs face”/bad to do a “pregnancy reveal” at an event she also hosts (but tbh unless you verbally announce a pregnacy but instead just show up reallt pregnant, thats not an announcement but just people being observant).
Imo I would potentially go at it as a heads up about how your fiancee is pregnant, is very visible and not many people know so her pregnancy could distrupt the event briefly (if its potentially structured like speeches or awards at a certain point and if people see righr before and some get excited/take longer to seat themselves, etc, otherwise the “distrupt event” wouldnt really be anything harmful besides people fixating on your wife for awhile in excitement, which objectively isn't harmful) and would be an unintentional pregnancy announcement (and if she tries to say your wife shoulf stay home, say this wasnt a negotiation if she is coming or not to the banquet but a courtesy heads up on possible stuff that could happen/your fiancee being pregnant).
There is also the possibility if she is spiteful or petty (but idk her so you would be best to judge if this is a possibility, especially if she doesnt like your fiancee or you know she got jealous at other pregnant women, like angry jealous/envious not just a “,I wish that were me” but jf she was like “thats unfair, they dont deserve it, etc” or if she took the fertility issues/anger out on you verbally) that she could potentially announce it on social media after you talk to her.
So there js also the aspect that you might want to consider announcing it on social media BEFORE confronting her.
Not only would it then be yours snd your fiancees announcement for certian but also give your ex time to see the post (if she follows you still, if not or even to be on the safe side after posting the announcement tell her as well and just say your fiancee is visibly pregnant, you two kept it from a lot of people but wantrd to announce it before the banquet so it didnt blindside everyone AT the banquet, snd wanted to let her know directly in case she didnt see the post as you didnt want her also getting blind sided by it)
Then let the convo go from there but it may not go well regardless and could cause tension/drama at the banquet (or even social media) dependinf on the social circles that get involved.
(Also I used wife for your fiancee in some of the paragraphs because I kept putting wife by accident and I feel forgot to correct some, so incase I missed correctinf any I wanted to clarify that so no confusion. I refered to your ex only as ex and possibly ex wife once)
Good luck and I hope your fiancee has a healthy rest of her pregnancy and you rwo have a healthy and happy baby 🙂
Usually I say just move on, but in your particular case I think it would be ok to reach out in a few months or so.
Oh boy, this could potentially be bad for ya bud.
In America you can be charged for back child support etc. I’m pretty sure.
Not sure if it’s the same everywhere.
Also you definitely have rights to the child if you want to be in the child’s life. I personally would.
Women think they have all the power and they do have a lot.
I can’t imagine a world where I don’t fully embrace being a father.
We have a family friend who went through a psychotic break. It took heroic efforts on the part of her adult children to get her the help she needed. She is so grateful now she is back to being herself. She feels guilty for the 2 years she caused pain to her loved ones while she was untreated. I honor her courage. She is a great person and her children are grateful she is back. They were definitely traumatized by her psychotic actions- but they love her and only want her to be healthy and happy. I appreciate she is honest about her regrets- but she is a good person and we love her so much. It’s reassuring that you take responsibility for your actions and own what you did. That’s the most important step. With that you have the ability to make things better in the future with serious attention to maintaining your mental health. It seems like you might benefit from a support group of others coping with similar issues? You could ask your therapist if they know of any in your area. I’m wishing you patience and compassion for yourself and your loved ones.
Yeah.. tried .. been there.. it’s just specially hard this exact date
It's not my choice whether she stays or leaves, and I have repeatedly stressed in in my previous and current comments on this post and the prior that she needs to prioritize her well-being and should consider leaving if it would be best for her.
Let's be real here, she's an 18 year old in love, she isn't going to take anything other than the advice that encourages her to work on it. Especially from someone identified on here as a professional.
Actually I think this very accurately describes a traumatic response. He could not vocalize a reason because he was too panicked/dissociated/etc to really understand what was happening.
He didn't care about sharing a joyful experience with you surrounding the first snowfall. That is heart-breaking and very telling. I'd love to share in the joy of that kind of memorable event with someone I care about. You deserve better. He isn't even treating you as a kind friend, let alone a boyfriend.
He was being abusive and I thought I was done with the relationship. But he’s made some serious changes and so have I, but I don’t know how to make him hurt less
I’ve heard IUDs are pretty legit when it comes to birth control , I don’t think you have anything to worry about …… unless you packing a W12 engine down there and move it, you guys should be good. Enjoy ✌?
You move on. Love isn’t enough, if you can’t trust your partner then it will never work
We're calling you dense because your pedophile boyfriend behaved like a pedophile, continues to seek out underage women, and confessed to being a pedophile.
He has showed you with his words AND actions who he is. If you're just going to ignore all of that, either you're a troll, or you're dense as hell
Did you sign and NDA for this new gig? If so that trumps his feelings. I mean he's welcome to read the NDA and see if there is a husband exemption.
Well that would be a blow to their ego, that their little guys don't work.
Ya I mean, I don’t think I was clear about that in my post but we did have an romantic attachment for some time. We decided to not date and preserve the friendship but it was hard. I have thought about him a lot over the years. Just for full transparency. It’s why I feel guilty.
Thank you for your advice.
Have you considered that maybe he just didn’t like what you made and is too nice to tell you to your face? Take the hint lol.
How dare you consider it proper to be in the presence of penis!!!! /s
His boundary is absurd. So are your edits. He seems insecure at best, dangerous at his worst.
This is not the dude for you.
Yea. Just saying.
Nothing you have remotely experienced first hand.
you should edit the post to say you quit smoking 3 weeks ago (or whenever it was) because “we even tried this thing where I just don't smoke and I washed all the clothes I was wearing” sounds like you did laundry and then didn't have a cigarette after.
This man speaks wisdom. Apply for a job in Skagway Alaska for the summer, it’s fun, cool people , fun shit to do and lots of single lady’s.
This man speaks wisdom. Apply for a job in Skagway Alaska for the summer, it’s fun, cool people , fun shit to do and lots of single lady’s.
This man speaks wisdom. Apply for a job in Skagway Alaska for the summer, it’s fun, cool people , fun shit to do and lots of single lady’s.
You're too young to be stuck in a marriage like this. Even with talking and therapy, your husband will likely never change or if he does change, it will be for a few weeks and then go back to his old ways.
You deserve a loving, equal, respectful relationship, and it's out there.
Your husband is controlling you. Every time you disagree with him he does that to hurt you and make you agree with him to not fight anymore. I bet that if you say divorce is on the table someone will freak out that his tools are not working anymore.
“Wtf did I do wrong?”
You started a relationship with an asshole.
Please, consider what you might lose for getting out of this “Boring Relationship”.
Confront him with this, open up, talk/communicate.
Additional note, loss of libido could be related to multiple things doesn't necessarily means you're no longer attracted to that person. As you know Sex is responsible for many positive sides and hormones in a Relationship.
Again, communicate, try couples therapy, don't give over a few dry months.
Unless he miss treated you in anyway, I recommend you try what I suggested, wish you the best of luck.
You and your sister are assholes
Better partner
I think only one can soothe me is the woman who hates bigger dicks and loves and lust for smaller. Exactly opposite of what I've faced. Do they exist?
If your relationship is weak at this time and you’re omitting details to your wife it does seem a bit sus. I can’t say if it’s emotional cheating or not, but your wife has a good point. If you were honest about it and took a risk from the get go it wouldn’t seem as suspicious.
If you’re texting her everyday but struggling to feel close to your wife, there is something going on there in my opinion. Your true motivations are sometimes sneaky it’s all about the subconscious and all that. Have you guys considered couples counseling?
On the other hand! You are also right! You should not have to cut this woman out completely. It is not truly a full blown emotional affair from the way you’ve described it and having friends outside of your marriage is so important. I think the bigger issue here is you not being honest in general. I think you might be emotionally dependent on the connection but if there’s no physical attraction then it’s platonic, if that makes sense.
There is the potential to compromise here, both parties have to feel validated. Good luck to you guys.
Exactly this. For once OP girl u give me faith in humanity. Too many people undervalue themselves and stay with people like this.
He thought he could emotionally manipulate you into staying in his submissive Little fuck bubble of just being there for him when he wanted sex and that you would be so hard up for him that u would never actually leave if he didn't respect u.
He doesn't and he wont. He's mad now because he lost his little sextoy. Sorry for my wording bt thats how men like him think. He probably will apologize and then jst treat u the same way after getting what he wants again.
Find yourself a man that actually wants to be with you for more than just your body and convenience. You deserve better and I'm glad you know it. ?
Oh but really tell your friends to stfu. If they feel you are that heartless they can go date his dumbass then.
Right? I dont get the point.
In all honesty, you two do not match well. I don’t say this to be mean, but you’ve been together for such a short time. Yes 1.5 years is a long-term relationship but for a (should be) lifetime partnership it’s not long yet. And you couldn’t even make it this far without bumps and even a break up.
You should be in the rose colored glasses stage of your relationship. I mean, you’re not even engaged. That’s even pre-honeymoon-stage! And it’s already rocky! What if stress is added to this?!? Wedding planning, finances, mortgages, KIDS!!! OMG, you can’t handle her when you only had a little alcohol without yelling at her, despite by your own accord being a calm person.
So to sum it up: she drives you nuts and makes you uncomfortable with her contact to exes and she can’t accept your smoking and disapproval of her social circle. And all that already before boring routine and stress are added to the mix. Do you REALLY believe your relationship is strong enough for everyday life?!?
And to answer your question: you should under no circumstances EVER pursue her right now. If she really meant the breakup, then you just seem like the annoying ex. If she however DID only act out of anger, then you pestering her now will only make it worse. Let her cool down and approach you. But honestly… if that’s the case, would you even want a future wife who potentially throws away your whole relationship at the slightest conflict instead of talking it out? Do you really want your life to be like that? Every fight ending in her “breaking up“ and you caving and purchasing her?
So to repeat my original statement: you 2 are so NOT a match. Sorry op… good luck though!
The edits are HILARIOUS ? Your wife thinks you’re a creep, and the internet agrees. So you double down and tell us we are who made it weird? Ahahaha!
No, when she fails to pay report fraud to your CC then file a police report. Document the theft and act accordingly.
I agree
Finally a poster who is smart and sees the bigger image and values herself! You go, OP! I married into a not so nice family but what’s different than you and I is that my husband sticks up for me every time. He’s also completely backed off from them because of it. You deserve someone who sticks up for you.
He is a POS. Have nothing to do with him. He is cheating on his girlfriend. He would cheat on you. He is using for side piece.
Have some self-respect and do not go after people in relationships.
I'd maybe start scaling back on what you're doing for him, and starting to spend more time at your own place. You're basically paying to live at 2 separate places. If he can't trust you with a key, how seriously is he really taking the relationship? Maybe take a step back for now and stop doing wifey things for someone who told you that they don't trust you. Especially if he can't even give a reason as to why he doesn't trust you, but “wants to marry you”.
Even if he didn't want to open the relationship, you two aren't compatible, and he has no trust in you – reading your journal is a haaaaard boundary line for me, I'd have gone all scorched earth on him immediately, and I know that because I have done in the past. Add to that the fact that he wants to sleep with other people, but won't let you do the same (you know he won't actually let you by his use of the word “tolerate”, and when I say “let you”, I mean he will make it as awkward and difficult as possible, whining at you and trying to manipulate you out of seeing anyone and claiming you are hurting him, and what you are doing is “different”), and this is no longer a relationship, this is some kind of prison sentence.
If she’s that miserable, then you two need to go your separate ways so she can live that life.
I prefer open relationships & non monogamy personally so this is not me judging it. But I can say for sure that if you are not in this and want this just as much as she does and force yourself to go through it, you will regret it.
Women often have decent luck with open relationships & you think you can make yourself be ok with it now, but how will you feel when she has dates through the week & you’re at home knowing she’s having dinner & sex with a new fresh exciting situation? It can be challenging for some that DO enjoy this dynamic so imagine how that’ll feel to you, who doesn’t even want it?
I’ve had great success with open relationships but that’s because I navigate it from a place of want with partners that enjoy it just as much.
It does not work when both people are not all in.
you are setting yourself up for a miserable time. not worth it.