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Date: November 25, 2022
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He financially abusing you as well. He should never have control over YOUR money. He’s done this to make you completely depend on him for financial stability. So you can’t leave him without extreme difficulty. You need to get your own account and you need to have your money put into that account. Call 800.799.SAFE (7233). They may be able to help you. I hope you get out from under him.
Thank you for the quality/less aggressive advice.
Everyone else has got their pitchforks out and have been cherry-picking from my posts, so I greatly appreciate some ideas as to how to approach this.
Subconscious events don't present in the normal ways, sometimes they don't become obvious until a trigger event. It's not to say that's exactly what's going on. Just something to ponder about.
Something a therapist suggested to me might help. Get a piece of paper or a notebook. Empty your mind but the question you look to answer, in your case you could try, “Is there something I'm feeling that is preventing me from engaging in sexual relations?” Use your non dominant hand, it doesn't matter how it looks, that's not the point. Let it free flow. Just write what feels right. A picture. A word. A sentence. Let it move naturally. Try a few times in a comfortable and safe space, wherever that is.
See what comes out and reflect on how it made you feel to write it. You never know what might come up. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything you want to know.
Don't ask him to have sex again. He has been clear what his Boundary is. It doesn't matter what you want.
Please work on your mental health more. It doesn't matter if other people are not telling you the right words. I couldn't afford mental health counselors so I started reading at the library and online.
Find some people that seem to be HEALTHY in the ways you want to be healthy and find out what they do. You will find that most do not have all the physical belongings in the world.
Find another outlet for your love and affection. You are putting too much pressure on one guy. You give the impression that if he was in town you would be smothering him. People who are being smothered leave.
Time for you to start making more friends.
If you really love this guy then he deserves to have you at 100%. Take advantage of this distance and time to work on yourself. He is not going to fix you. It is not his job in any relationship to fix his partner.
Your partners role in a relationship is NOT that of fixing your mental health. You need to bring the healthiest version of you to any relationship.
What you are dealing with right now is “hormones” you need to read up about them. The role of hormones in your life is to help you fixate and attract a mate. Your words sound obsessive, and not entirely healthy, which sounds like hormones.
Please stop making excuses why you cannot fix your mental health. Saying that a therapist told you that you cannot have been SA because you were in a relationship is not the example you think it is. IT TELLS US THAT YOU CAN FIGURE OUT THAT A THERAPIST IS GIVING YOU BAD ADVICE. SO CHANGE THERAPISTS. Don't change to any therapist, it just means find a better one. You give the impression that you will keep talking and talking about the same thing so that eventually you can play “gotcha” with a therapist so you hear what you want –
sometimes you need to listen to understand, rather than listen in getting ready to reply. Stop replying to everything… listen to understand.
I pay $115 and I don't carry insurance.
Only if you have a prenup. If not then it became matrimonial property as soon as you started paying anything towards the bills and upkeep.
Totally understandable why this would hurt you deeply.
Im sure you gf trusts you and she isn’t doing this because she thinks you’re an abuser.
From a woman’s perspective, we are taught to be cautious and wary of every man we encounter. It is true that you really never know someone. I don’t think she thinks you are abusive rn but there are PLENTY of instances in which someone turns out abusive or violent and people say “oh you never would have guessed. He seemed so nice, charming, calm, etc.”
This doesn’t seem personal and honestly going to therapy is a good thing haha. But her best friend just went through a hugely traumatic event and that surely has effected you gf, seeing it first hand. Think about seeing your friend go through something like that and tell me if you’d start to think about taking precautions. Maybe you wouldn’t, but like I said women are taught since birth to watch out and be vigilant for stuff like this.
Again- totally understand why you are hurt. Totally up to you if you want to break up with her. I just think this isn’t personal.
I did reception for a happy ending back in the day. These hot construction workers used to come in. We used to call it GFE. I always wanted every detail cause it was so surprising. I guess they mostly like to make out and talk about each other’s problems. Then they would give money for bills and car problems and go back to work. It seemed normal to the young ladies offering the service and they seemed to prefer those clients over old guys. But sometimes the old guys were fucked up. Just remember you’re paying for a fantasy and when you’re ready for more, move on. All these girls had boyfriends. Including myself. Hope a little insight helps.
He's not a rapist, it was a complicated situation that I'm still figuring out.
Brooo, you said you were done, why are you still commenting? Do you need to have the last word, alright here. This is my last reply, you can reply once more to get the last one.
Well, tell me what I’m missing.