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liliithcarter chat
Date: October 5, 2022
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liliithcarter chat
I would use the “5 why's” technique. Basically, don't interject your opinion, echo her statement, paraphrase the question in different ways, like “I understand that you feel that babies shouldn't be separated from their mothers. What about the separation feel cruel?” Usually within 5 iterations of this, most people are able to recognize that they are being nonsensical. She's got to be the one to recognize her hangups.
Honestly, it feels like she's dealing with post partum depression. Have you thought about working with a doula? Often times, a doctor or a clinical settings can be overwhelming and feel threatening. A doula might be a better option. They are experienced birthing counselors that assist with during and post birth. They tend to be less intimidating and might offer your wife a more nurturing setting.
Doesn't really matter. The trust is gone. There is no recoveey from that. Anytime anything goes missing/is missplaced/is lost, that gnawing suspicion will chip away at the foundation of this relationship.
What does he want seen in legislation? Does he want his way to be legislated or is he happy for women to have the choice but he just thinks it shouldn’t happen ?
You have 1 life to live and that's it.
He hasn't had sex with you for the entire duration of this marriage, 6 years is a long to “not have an answer for you.”
Things will not change at all.
Either your husband is Asexual, or Homosexual. – Either of those 2 situations won't change.
Run, you deserve great sex and happiness.
Hello,
To address the issue of seeming like a user, I hear you. I know I have been lucky to have support while I have been floundering. Hopefully these points will clarify:
First – I've often brought up the idea of moving out before the full time work became a factor. But, he doesn't see how the relationship could work if I were to do this. He has insisted that although the timeline is less than ideal, he wants me to stay.
Second – I had the option to live with my parents, who actually live close to our current house. We have a very good relationship and I'd have lived rent free as long as I was employed.
I do hope he and I can have this conversation. I've already started spreadsheets organizing where I spend my finances each month and calculating averages that illustrate my contribution, and hope to update this again. I think it becomes a question of a) what proportion of our shared finances seem fair for me to take on (and do I have the funds to take care of this proportion?) – should it be 50/50, or is he okay being more of the breadwinner while I help out in other ways? and b) how do we factor expenses toward a house investment in the equation – do we just leave those out of the shared expenses entirely?
As for sharing the property ownership, is a good question about whether we could be equals. I think he's seeing his mom as an example, and his mom is not sharing the title with her new partner either. I am not particularly happy with this but I will confirm with him.
Thanks very much for your input!
Yup, I kind of got that. You don’t want to become too avoidant that it impacts your relationships with both parties. He definitely needs to be the one to say something or it’ll just come off as you being possessive/jealous. If she continues after it’s addressed by him, that’s when you get involved and also loop in her mom so that it doesn’t come off as cornering her.
I don’t think you’ve been together long enough to make a major move together, especially since you don’t live together yet. It’s a huge gamble for both of you
I care about him, but I don't feel like I should have to send him money just to make him interact with me, it just seems very….forced. the second point is a new perspective for me, thank you 🙂
Soon she might ask for threesome with other guys or she might ask for one time pass.It’s double edged sword to do that in marriage or long term relationship so it’s your decision at the end but be prepared to bite your ass
??♀️if the shoe fits. There are probably countless of other reasons she’s leaving you but you choosing to die in the hill of “it’s only one incident” after smoking 3 separate times in her home was likely the nail on the coffin for her
Right, we married within a month of dating… unfortunately.