Never been in that position, but I'm not great with words either and getting some help doesn't sound like a bad idea. The feelings are still his. Just, the bot can come up with nicer words to express those feelings.
All you need to do is communicate to him how it makes you feel. If he cares he would stop or at least look at foot porn. But asking other woman to send fetish pics is not okay. You know what he’s doing with them. Next stop, let’s meet up and play footsies.
Info: did you see the email? Tbh it sounds like an unprofessional response from the prof but maybe that's how they are?
Also, you bf being broken over this is concerning. Without a clear allegation it should be a worry but not the end of the world. Unless he's not being honest and does know what this is about. Either way he'll know more after the administration meeting.
It's cheating. Been through this. He'll drain you with excuses trying to convince you it's not so and goes nowhere good for you. 0/10 would not recommend you continue this relationship with him.
I messaged the mods to ask for approval to share publicly cause I don’t want my post taken down. Till they respond, anyone who wants to know can dm me privately
Full disclosure, I’m a guy and I’m happily married. I tell you this for two reasons; I’m giving a guy’s perspective, and separately that I’m not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I digress.
I could honestly understand if he looked at images of girls he knows. And by “look” I’m including using them for reasons you don’t want to hear.
But saving images? Hundreds of them no less? For years? It’s not a question of it being stalkerish; it’s stalkerish and creepy. It’s an obsession.
Don’t allow her to make promises she can’t keep and surely don’t think that the behavior will get any better my ex started out the best man I ever dated and ended the worst I ever dated. It only took nine months for him to put me through emotional roller coaster hill and I loved him so I put up with it, hoping that it would get better turns out he was on cocaine and needed some help mentally because he started to get physically abusive and putting his hands on me and I had to slap him to get him straight so he would stop raging and holding my head and pushing it as hard as he could with his. Don’t let your relationship get to this point I know it’s going to hurt hell I’m going through it right now, but nothing is worse than loving somebody that’s not even anything more than a memory. She is now who she shows you she is you have to repeat that in your head daily I really hope the best for you.
Is that dependent on their location though (i.e. what state they reside in)? I’m genuinely asking because I’m not sure, and I’ve gotten the impression that if they’re in a red state and/or the South, that it may not be as easy as if they were in, say, California or somewhere that’s not in the “Bible Belt”.
TLDR: can OP get an abortion regardless of where they live in the U.S.?
If I like a show I've probably watched it with an ex because I really like the show. If I watched it with them it's because I think they'd like it and I want to share it with them. The previous ex's are irrelevant. He's interested in watching it with you because he thinks YOU'D like it, the last thing on his mind was probably his ex.
Reminds me of when everyone laughed at Arnold in Jingle All The Way cause he thought he could just go out and buy his kid the most popular toy the day before Christmas.
Nothing in this post explains the mother’s insistence on the FERPA. We can speculate that the mother is utterly insane or that the mother has genuine concerns about OP. OP is clearly having a hard time. We have no way of knowing if this is an ongoing issue or if it’s new & directly results from the FERPA incident. We have no way of knowing if all of OP’s problems are because of this mother or if there are other issues at play.
The mother repeatedly tells the OP she loves them. That the mother’s love doesn’t look like you or I think it should doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
I don’t suggest that OP smooth things over. I do suggest that OP not burn bridges today. People are really quick to tell others to cut their parents off- as if it means nothing. That’s an incredibly painful path to take. It may well be OP’s best move, but OP sounds really overwhelmed and in turmoil right now. That’s not a mindset that’s conducive to making life-altering decisions. OP stated that they’re interested in therapy, and taking time to unpack all of this is valuable.
You are anxious to presume quite a lot about me and my life. Remember that people can have similar experiences and come away with different life lessons. Time also has a way of altering one’s perspective.
I do hope you find a way to make peace with whatever it is keeps you so angry and vitriolic.
The issue isn’t which one is more exciting to attend. The issue is that you worked tirelessly towards a goal that you expressed was important to you, and she isn’t willing to prioritize that. Relationships sometimes call for BIG sacrifices (I’m talking like changing careers, moving across states to help take care of sick in-laws, making enormous efforts to provide for your children, etc). If she’s not willing to miss a CONCERT for you, she’s not a keeper. She’s either not invested in you, or needs to mature past the selfish stage of early adulthood. That’s just my honest take.
I’m scared to ask for child support because if he won’t give me money now I doubt he will then. How do I formally evict him? I’ve told him calmly that our relationship isn’t working and about how I feel, I’ve told him to leave and he says he’s not going to leave.
Your husband has an addiction. Treated the same as any other addiction. If it’s negatively affected your life and it’s going to negatively affect your baby, then he needs to get it under control or you’re gonna leave. You can’t control what he does, only he can. You can control what YOU do. Your choices are to either make it clear to him that this is unacceptable, let him make a choice, and then you follow through with the consequences of his choice (leaving him). Or you can get over it and deal with it.
That other comment asking why you decided to try and have a baby? It was harsh, but true. It sounds like you made a choice to make a massive life change, and to do all of the things that go along with it (not smoking, drinking, thinking about your future with a baby in the house) and you just hoped he would decide to grow up when you made those choices. Well, he’s not and you need to do something about it. He’s already being disrespectful of you. He WILL smoke in the house when the baby is around. He WILL continue to get mad when you “don’t leave so he can smoke” and avoid social gatherings where he can’t. He will make excuses the child’s entire life that will prioritize when and how he can smoke if he doesn’t take action to fix it. It will effect your relationship and your child. And even if he agreed to (lied to you about) stopping while you are pregnant, he def thinks this is temporary and not thinking about the literal human you will be responsible for in less than 9 months.
This is coming from someone who LOVES to smoke weed and drink and go out and have fun and do whatever I want that’s the REASON I don’t want to try and have kids because you have to change all that. That’s what you do when you have kids. You make sacrifices from your own personal life for their benefit. For him, it’s smoking and being present and respectful of you. For you, it might have to be your relationship.
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Always a good idea to get tested, regardless. And just because you THOUGHT you had good communication, doesn’t mean you did. So if you want to dig more into what happened to find a lesson to learn from, that’s where you’ll get the most bang for your buck.
Ask yourself this question: Why have feelings for someone who agreed to lunch, made up a dentist appointment and then fucked off and hung out with other people? Is that the kind of person worthy of your feelings? She messed you about, that's not a person worth pursuing.
EVEN if you give her all the benefits of the many doubts. Let's say she genuinely had a dentist appointment and had to cancel with you, then the dentist appointment gets cancelled so she hangs out with friends because she figured you wouldn't be around. She still went radio silent, ball was in her court and she went silent.
She's not worth your head space, go fishing elsewhere if you can.
Drunk or not, alcohol is not an excuse to not be who you are. I.e. a faithful man or wan is faithful regardless of if they are drunk or not. People with weak moral use consumption of alcohol as an excuse or scapegoat. If I were in your spot, I would let him knows that you expect to the same out of him whether he is drunk or not. I.e. if you expect him not to cheat when sober, he shouldnt do it drunk.
Never leave anyone behind on a hike, if you turn the corner and they aren’t there, wait a few then go look for them. You don’t drive off when part of the group is still out on the hike.
You asked your BF to go on a hike with you. You then spend all the time talking to his friend, not him, and actually separate yourself from your BF.
So yes you ditched him. Sure he was being an arse for some of the time, but your actions as a GF leave a lot to be desired as well, not to mention your actions as a hiking partner.
So to answer your question at the end, yes leave him. He deserves someone better than you.
Reddit is US dominated, and the US is deeply conservative, even the people who don't consider themselves conservative often are in ways they're simply not aware of, because certain attitudes are so normalised. The attitude to marriage is a good example.
These comments all blow me away, like they literally can't conceive of any goal other than marriage for a couple once they've been together for 5 years or so. It's so alien to me.
Hardly anyone I've known in my life gets married this quickly in a long-term relationship, and heaps of people never get married at all, which is pretty normal. I'm in Australia.
So a man's g-spot is located in his anus, it's the prostate gland! Stimulation in this area can give some absolutely phenomenal orgasms for men. So he's probably interested in pursuing that part of his sexuality with you, which is a really beautiful thing when you think about it! That means your husband trusts you enough to put himself in a very compromising situation in order to get that stimulation needed to get that f****** fantastic orgasm! Honestly, I think it's beautiful and in every good relationship, sexual or otherwise, communication is key. And what is a key part of communication? Coming in with an open mind and heart… I mean he came to you with a sexual fantasy and now you're contemplating leaving him… Come on. You're better than this.
You can open a conversation on rehabilitation and say “you mentioned you’ve been to prison, has that given you an insight into rehabilitation?” and see where the conversation leads you
I'd start strategically. I'd start spending nights away from home. Rent a room or get a hotel. Gradually she'll learn that she can get through a night without you. And then a few nights. She'll call and text, of course, which you can take or ignore, and answer when you want.
Oh, dear. My brother was engaged to a woman like this. Twice. Same woman. They had been high school sweethearts.
Not only did she refuse to move from the small town she grew up in, she wanted my brother to go to work for her father, and to live in her grandparents’ house after they died. The grandparents’ house was next door to her parents house.
They finally called the engagement off after two years of trying to reconcile their life goals. My brother stayed in the military and is enjoying traveling all over the place. He is married to a lovely woman who also enjoys traveling.
She is still in the same town, married, living next door to her parents, teaching at the same elementary school she attended as a child.
There is no better or worse situation here. Just very different goals.
I think you need to have a serious conversation where you make it clear that moving away is not a whim, it is something you are very serious about. And that if moving is not something she can agree to, then the best thing would be for the two of you to split up, so you can find partners who share your goals. I would expect to come out of this discussion as a single person.
She is 31. If she wants kids, it would be a kindness to break up with her now, so she has time to find someone compatible to have kids with.
He's 35, of course you're not going to be able to teach him hygiene at this age!
Your description of him grossed me out, and I'm not the one having to see and smell him. I cannot even understand why on earth are you still with him, how are you able to sleep with him, let along have sex with him? I wouldn't even want to be in the same room with him.
It's a lost cause, because he doesn't even realize how disgusting he is being and how his lack of hygiene is a problem for himself, first and foremost, and then for everyone around him. Not accepting that he has a problem means that he won't put any effort into changing his ways.
I am guessing the wife didn’t know either. The problem with pushing people into heterosexuality at a young age and conservatism. Could have saved a lot of issues. Though she sounds like a bad partner in general.
In fact, I think the easiest rule-of-thumb to define “cheating” is to think of things you wouldn't be willing to tell your SO.
Are you out there banging a ton of dudes, but your husband and you are explicitly polyamorous and he'd be totally cool hearing about it? Not cheating.
Did you kiss one person — without tongue — but you and your spouse have pretty clear boundaries and this transgresses those boundaries, so you hide it from them? That's cheating.
Note that the first example is way more sexual and explicit than the second — the dominant consideration is whether you feel the need to hide it from your spouse. If you do, that's a really bad sign.
OP is inconsistent as hell. She's trying to come up with the best, most acceptable answers she can – even if they contradict the next comment she makes.
See my post above this. Similar situation happened to me. You handled it well man. Don’t let that guy around again. When people show you who they are believe them. Hopefully you can get on the same page with your girl.
Where do your kids fit into all of this? Is it fair to them that mom is having this off-again on-again relationship with a bi-polar pseudo BF, dealing with troubled step sibling and an overall dysfunctional household?
I would break off the relationship and just focus on providing a stable and loving home for your own kids.
He needs to work on his own mental health issues and do what's in the best interest of his kids.
Ok, install it first yourself to see how it works. Then specifically ask him to give phone/device and if he isn't auto logged to give you password. Something like that.
You need to talk to him. There is a good reason why he’s reluctant to take your relationship further unfortunately none us here know exactly what that is. I promise it’s not anything you’re doing wrong or else he wouldn’t be dating you at all
This sounds a lot like what my sister went through with her now husband. He was born into a religious family and was just programmed into believing that sex = hell unless married.
This is pretty gross and controlling on your girlfriend's part. I'd end it with her. You don't deserve to be miserable and it's only going to get worse before it gets better (if it ever gets better). Jealousy is natural, demanding that your partner stop being friends with everyone of the opposite sex is not. Run away friend, find someone else who will appreciate and trust you more.
This is indicative of his reaction to other minor inconveniences for your benefit in the future. That’s his prerogative, but it’s also yours to break up over it.
I don’t think it’s wrong for people to watch porn and definitely don’t consider it cheating.
But you feel that way, and that’s what’s important here. Your feelings are VALID and if there is something your partner is doing in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, it’s reasonable that it’s on the table for discussion.
That’s the real relationship issue. It’s important that you guys can sit down and talk about it in a calm and mature manner, but I will try to prepare you: it may just not be a compatible relationship. If you feel one way about a sexual act and he feels another way about it—it’s not that either of you are wrong it’s that you’re not compatible if it’s important to him to watch porn and it’s important to you that he not watch porn.
What worries me a little more, is when you say you don’t fit into his sexual preferences. What does that mean, exactly? I would want to explore that statement a lot more to understand what’s problematic in your relationship.
She doesn’t get to choose when she wants to be friends with me or my friends. This situation is crappy man. She talks to me 24/7 about her issues and I listen, I drive hours to see her buy her ice cream let her cry. But damn she just using my friend cos she’s bored and wants to talk crap than get advice
Ok. So, throw away the empty ice cream carton, accept that the calories will take some effort to burn off and move forward with your plan. You can't change the past, only how much you let it affect you. Put him behind you and move forward.
If you're even considering this you're setting yourself up for disaster. Not to mention the life of the child that you'd be ruining. “July last year” was only seven months ago, aka about half the time you'd need to date someone to even think about moving in with them (and at least four times less than you'd need to build a relationship solid enough to bring a kid into). This woman is a silly person who's panicking over something that most women experience at some point (a missed period, which is definitely not “early menopause” if she's only 21). Don't be so dumb that you participate in this insanity. You're obviously not ready for a baby. So don't make a baby.
This man isn't a little toxic, he's incredibly toxic. The insecurity issues run deep to the point of needing professional help, which you can not provide. He is not ready to be in a relationship.
How is it fair for her to always demand oral and never return the favor?
Making 'demands' of a partner is not fair but I also don't think it's fair to consider sexual acts as 'favours'. You should only ever be doing what you want to do. It would also be reasonable for OP to not perform oral sex if he did not enjoy it…
Let the bf get over his own insecurities. He is a big boy. He should be supporting you. Not trying to limit you.
Move in with the friend. JFC people of the opposite sex can live together and not be having sex. Like what on earth. Does he expect you to walk around in just a skimpy tee and panties and the dude to just go around in boxers?
There's a hell of a lot that people say and do the complete opposite.
A good friend of mine had his wife want to divorce him because they both agreed they didn't want children at the start of the relationship, they got married and she changed her mind, he didn't. Long story she left him
Shit hits the fan real quick.
I think it's a really dumb boundary, I've known women who can go decades without sex. Men usually can't.
It's kind of selfish for her to impose such a massive boundary on the relationship, and I think he should have ran for the hills the moment she brought it up
You can throw your toddler tantrum and try spin this a million different ways in your head… It won't change the fact that you're wrong, your brother is right, you no longer have a girlfriend and it's all your fault.
I don’t think going to a meal with opposite sex is a big deal, but I think confiding relationship issues with the sex you are attracted to is dangerous territory. Not always, but can lead to a closer relationship, emotional support can lead to emotional affairs. I would feel very weird about my husband going to lunch with a female friend and talking about our relationship. I think he would feel strange if the roles were reversed.
But at-least she is being honest and open about it. It could be completely fine! Why can’t you both go to advice him? You could be his friend, no?
No I'm not. You are putting words in my mouth. I just told you exactly what my point is; sexual coercion is not rape. Rape and sexual coercion are both forms of sexual assault, meaning they're in the same category of crime but that does not make them the same thing.
You're looking at old stuff and trying to make the connection on the current day with how she felt back then. So much could have changed.
Sex drives change for 10 billion reasons. Sure,.you could be bad in bed, and she just isn't interested or maybe she had an idea of sex and it just wasn't what she wanted, she was a virgin before. And who knows, maybe physically her sex drive is going down with time. That happens too.
Regardless, you've betrayed her trust and hurt yourself, and the only way you can deal with it essentially is to out yourself to her, and hope she doesn't leave your ass, or learn to get over it.
You could try to improve the sex life by talking to her and seeing what she wants, but the other stuff, you're kinda screwed
People verbally “consent” to sex under duress, or under the threat of violence all the time, and that consent is not genuine. PIV intercourse under coercion is legally considered rape.
If this group is one that promotes losing weight in a healthy way and you want to do it, go ahead and don't mind her opinions on it.
Like others have said, she sounds like she is jealous and scared of being the larger person and is taking it out on you without communicating what is actually going on. The fact that she laughed at you when you shared an idea of how to improve your life instead of supporting you is not okay at all. She is belittling you and what you want to do, that is not okay regardless of what this is about.
If she had a concern for your well-being and thought this group maybe was promoting unhealthy ideologies about weight loss then sure, I can see why she is not straight up supportive but even then: she needs to share with you what she feels in a healthy conversation where you also get to share your own opinions in a comfortable way, instead of belittling you.
Go join that group if you want and good luck on your journey!
It's not called a double standard if you're a male, it's called failing to meet expectation
Just saying guys… stick to porn… it doesn't have any personal work to be done
Thanks. But I am a guy btw.
Never been in that position, but I'm not great with words either and getting some help doesn't sound like a bad idea. The feelings are still his. Just, the bot can come up with nicer words to express those feelings.
i feel terrible for the dude, honestly what the fuck
lol you gotta call police even if they don’t do anything first they will have bro on record when it happens later they can put charges on him
Wow I took a lot at his post history and yikes. He's been trying to break up with her for like a year. Just do it already.
Do you have any good friends that you consider humble and kind of want to be more like?
Just go to work. You don't need his permission. And I hope to God you have seperate finances.
All you need to do is communicate to him how it makes you feel. If he cares he would stop or at least look at foot porn. But asking other woman to send fetish pics is not okay. You know what he’s doing with them. Next stop, let’s meet up and play footsies.
Info: did you see the email? Tbh it sounds like an unprofessional response from the prof but maybe that's how they are?
Also, you bf being broken over this is concerning. Without a clear allegation it should be a worry but not the end of the world. Unless he's not being honest and does know what this is about. Either way he'll know more after the administration meeting.
It's cheating. Been through this. He'll drain you with excuses trying to convince you it's not so and goes nowhere good for you. 0/10 would not recommend you continue this relationship with him.
I messaged the mods to ask for approval to share publicly cause I don’t want my post taken down. Till they respond, anyone who wants to know can dm me privately
Full disclosure, I’m a guy and I’m happily married. I tell you this for two reasons; I’m giving a guy’s perspective, and separately that I’m not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I digress.
I could honestly understand if he looked at images of girls he knows. And by “look” I’m including using them for reasons you don’t want to hear.
But saving images? Hundreds of them no less? For years? It’s not a question of it being stalkerish; it’s stalkerish and creepy. It’s an obsession.
Don’t allow her to make promises she can’t keep and surely don’t think that the behavior will get any better my ex started out the best man I ever dated and ended the worst I ever dated. It only took nine months for him to put me through emotional roller coaster hill and I loved him so I put up with it, hoping that it would get better turns out he was on cocaine and needed some help mentally because he started to get physically abusive and putting his hands on me and I had to slap him to get him straight so he would stop raging and holding my head and pushing it as hard as he could with his. Don’t let your relationship get to this point I know it’s going to hurt hell I’m going through it right now, but nothing is worse than loving somebody that’s not even anything more than a memory. She is now who she shows you she is you have to repeat that in your head daily I really hope the best for you.
Is that dependent on their location though (i.e. what state they reside in)? I’m genuinely asking because I’m not sure, and I’ve gotten the impression that if they’re in a red state and/or the South, that it may not be as easy as if they were in, say, California or somewhere that’s not in the “Bible Belt”.
TLDR: can OP get an abortion regardless of where they live in the U.S.?
If I like a show I've probably watched it with an ex because I really like the show. If I watched it with them it's because I think they'd like it and I want to share it with them. The previous ex's are irrelevant. He's interested in watching it with you because he thinks YOU'D like it, the last thing on his mind was probably his ex.
The man likes the show he likes.
You're right. I hate that I make him feel this way. I have to leave him alone. Thank you for reminding of me that.
You make less money so he values and respects you less. This is awful for you and you seem cool w it.
I get both of those in different forms for pain disorders
Reminds me of when everyone laughed at Arnold in Jingle All The Way cause he thought he could just go out and buy his kid the most popular toy the day before Christmas.
Did you intend to be quite so aggressive?
Nothing in this post explains the mother’s insistence on the FERPA. We can speculate that the mother is utterly insane or that the mother has genuine concerns about OP. OP is clearly having a hard time. We have no way of knowing if this is an ongoing issue or if it’s new & directly results from the FERPA incident. We have no way of knowing if all of OP’s problems are because of this mother or if there are other issues at play.
The mother repeatedly tells the OP she loves them. That the mother’s love doesn’t look like you or I think it should doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
I don’t suggest that OP smooth things over. I do suggest that OP not burn bridges today. People are really quick to tell others to cut their parents off- as if it means nothing. That’s an incredibly painful path to take. It may well be OP’s best move, but OP sounds really overwhelmed and in turmoil right now. That’s not a mindset that’s conducive to making life-altering decisions. OP stated that they’re interested in therapy, and taking time to unpack all of this is valuable.
You are anxious to presume quite a lot about me and my life. Remember that people can have similar experiences and come away with different life lessons. Time also has a way of altering one’s perspective.
I do hope you find a way to make peace with whatever it is keeps you so angry and vitriolic.
The issue isn’t which one is more exciting to attend. The issue is that you worked tirelessly towards a goal that you expressed was important to you, and she isn’t willing to prioritize that. Relationships sometimes call for BIG sacrifices (I’m talking like changing careers, moving across states to help take care of sick in-laws, making enormous efforts to provide for your children, etc). If she’s not willing to miss a CONCERT for you, she’s not a keeper. She’s either not invested in you, or needs to mature past the selfish stage of early adulthood. That’s just my honest take.
Fuck that. Leave him!!!
I’m scared to ask for child support because if he won’t give me money now I doubt he will then. How do I formally evict him? I’ve told him calmly that our relationship isn’t working and about how I feel, I’ve told him to leave and he says he’s not going to leave.
OP, this is not advice for you, this person wants to justify their own bad relationship. Your response was perfectly valid.
Your husband has an addiction. Treated the same as any other addiction. If it’s negatively affected your life and it’s going to negatively affect your baby, then he needs to get it under control or you’re gonna leave. You can’t control what he does, only he can. You can control what YOU do. Your choices are to either make it clear to him that this is unacceptable, let him make a choice, and then you follow through with the consequences of his choice (leaving him). Or you can get over it and deal with it.
That other comment asking why you decided to try and have a baby? It was harsh, but true. It sounds like you made a choice to make a massive life change, and to do all of the things that go along with it (not smoking, drinking, thinking about your future with a baby in the house) and you just hoped he would decide to grow up when you made those choices. Well, he’s not and you need to do something about it. He’s already being disrespectful of you. He WILL smoke in the house when the baby is around. He WILL continue to get mad when you “don’t leave so he can smoke” and avoid social gatherings where he can’t. He will make excuses the child’s entire life that will prioritize when and how he can smoke if he doesn’t take action to fix it. It will effect your relationship and your child. And even if he agreed to (lied to you about) stopping while you are pregnant, he def thinks this is temporary and not thinking about the literal human you will be responsible for in less than 9 months.
This is coming from someone who LOVES to smoke weed and drink and go out and have fun and do whatever I want that’s the REASON I don’t want to try and have kids because you have to change all that. That’s what you do when you have kids. You make sacrifices from your own personal life for their benefit. For him, it’s smoking and being present and respectful of you. For you, it might have to be your relationship.
She didn’t start that relationship after you broke up.
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Always a good idea to get tested, regardless. And just because you THOUGHT you had good communication, doesn’t mean you did. So if you want to dig more into what happened to find a lesson to learn from, that’s where you’ll get the most bang for your buck.
Just eat her out until she's clearly satisfied before you focus on yourself.
Your friends are right on this one.
Ask yourself this question: Why have feelings for someone who agreed to lunch, made up a dentist appointment and then fucked off and hung out with other people? Is that the kind of person worthy of your feelings? She messed you about, that's not a person worth pursuing.
EVEN if you give her all the benefits of the many doubts. Let's say she genuinely had a dentist appointment and had to cancel with you, then the dentist appointment gets cancelled so she hangs out with friends because she figured you wouldn't be around. She still went radio silent, ball was in her court and she went silent.
She's not worth your head space, go fishing elsewhere if you can.
He gave you permission to post on your profile. He didn’t say anything about leaving it up on his.
Drunk or not, alcohol is not an excuse to not be who you are. I.e. a faithful man or wan is faithful regardless of if they are drunk or not. People with weak moral use consumption of alcohol as an excuse or scapegoat. If I were in your spot, I would let him knows that you expect to the same out of him whether he is drunk or not. I.e. if you expect him not to cheat when sober, he shouldnt do it drunk.
Never leave anyone behind on a hike, if you turn the corner and they aren’t there, wait a few then go look for them. You don’t drive off when part of the group is still out on the hike.
You asked your BF to go on a hike with you. You then spend all the time talking to his friend, not him, and actually separate yourself from your BF.
So yes you ditched him. Sure he was being an arse for some of the time, but your actions as a GF leave a lot to be desired as well, not to mention your actions as a hiking partner.
So to answer your question at the end, yes leave him. He deserves someone better than you.
Reddit is US dominated, and the US is deeply conservative, even the people who don't consider themselves conservative often are in ways they're simply not aware of, because certain attitudes are so normalised. The attitude to marriage is a good example.
These comments all blow me away, like they literally can't conceive of any goal other than marriage for a couple once they've been together for 5 years or so. It's so alien to me.
Hardly anyone I've known in my life gets married this quickly in a long-term relationship, and heaps of people never get married at all, which is pretty normal. I'm in Australia.
Don't be with someone who keeps you on a conquest list, there's much better guys out there for you
So a man's g-spot is located in his anus, it's the prostate gland! Stimulation in this area can give some absolutely phenomenal orgasms for men. So he's probably interested in pursuing that part of his sexuality with you, which is a really beautiful thing when you think about it! That means your husband trusts you enough to put himself in a very compromising situation in order to get that stimulation needed to get that f****** fantastic orgasm! Honestly, I think it's beautiful and in every good relationship, sexual or otherwise, communication is key. And what is a key part of communication? Coming in with an open mind and heart… I mean he came to you with a sexual fantasy and now you're contemplating leaving him… Come on. You're better than this.
You can open a conversation on rehabilitation and say “you mentioned you’ve been to prison, has that given you an insight into rehabilitation?” and see where the conversation leads you
I wouldn't. You still need to live your own life. Maybe find a way to spend more time each week, even if it's just an added Zoom call.
I'd start strategically. I'd start spending nights away from home. Rent a room or get a hotel. Gradually she'll learn that she can get through a night without you. And then a few nights. She'll call and text, of course, which you can take or ignore, and answer when you want.
Police, police, police.
Oh, dear. My brother was engaged to a woman like this. Twice. Same woman. They had been high school sweethearts.
Not only did she refuse to move from the small town she grew up in, she wanted my brother to go to work for her father, and to live in her grandparents’ house after they died. The grandparents’ house was next door to her parents house.
They finally called the engagement off after two years of trying to reconcile their life goals. My brother stayed in the military and is enjoying traveling all over the place. He is married to a lovely woman who also enjoys traveling.
She is still in the same town, married, living next door to her parents, teaching at the same elementary school she attended as a child.
There is no better or worse situation here. Just very different goals.
I think you need to have a serious conversation where you make it clear that moving away is not a whim, it is something you are very serious about. And that if moving is not something she can agree to, then the best thing would be for the two of you to split up, so you can find partners who share your goals. I would expect to come out of this discussion as a single person.
She is 31. If she wants kids, it would be a kindness to break up with her now, so she has time to find someone compatible to have kids with.
He's 35, of course you're not going to be able to teach him hygiene at this age!
Your description of him grossed me out, and I'm not the one having to see and smell him. I cannot even understand why on earth are you still with him, how are you able to sleep with him, let along have sex with him? I wouldn't even want to be in the same room with him.
It's a lost cause, because he doesn't even realize how disgusting he is being and how his lack of hygiene is a problem for himself, first and foremost, and then for everyone around him. Not accepting that he has a problem means that he won't put any effort into changing his ways.
I am guessing the wife didn’t know either. The problem with pushing people into heterosexuality at a young age and conservatism. Could have saved a lot of issues. Though she sounds like a bad partner in general.
You're being to nice about it and at the end of this the one who is going to hurt thr most is your son.
SCORCH THE MF-ING EARTH on their petty and greedy butts, and keep it rocking.
Again fuck you and the horse you rode in on
This whole ordeal about hating women started while we were in quarantine.
What happened during quarantine? Binge watching the wrong YouTube channels or maybe a fling that went the wrong way?
Anyway, if he hates women with a passion, I would advise you to give him a wide berth. You will find out that he doesn't hate women that much.
In fact, I think the easiest rule-of-thumb to define “cheating” is to think of things you wouldn't be willing to tell your SO.
Are you out there banging a ton of dudes, but your husband and you are explicitly polyamorous and he'd be totally cool hearing about it? Not cheating.
Did you kiss one person — without tongue — but you and your spouse have pretty clear boundaries and this transgresses those boundaries, so you hide it from them? That's cheating.
Note that the first example is way more sexual and explicit than the second — the dominant consideration is whether you feel the need to hide it from your spouse. If you do, that's a really bad sign.
OP is inconsistent as hell. She's trying to come up with the best, most acceptable answers she can – even if they contradict the next comment she makes.
So I have lived in different areas and moved because of work. I can say that having family around is important, having support is important.
The fact that he doesn't discuss things but you end up fighting and arguing because it his way or the highway is not a great relationship dynamic.
Practically can you work and have the children full time? What are the pros and cons here.
Can you move and make it work? That is the question.
See my post above this. Similar situation happened to me. You handled it well man. Don’t let that guy around again. When people show you who they are believe them. Hopefully you can get on the same page with your girl.
Please respect her choice for no premarital sex. DO NOT convince her or push her for sex. If you cant handle it, the best way is to break up.
Where do your kids fit into all of this? Is it fair to them that mom is having this off-again on-again relationship with a bi-polar pseudo BF, dealing with troubled step sibling and an overall dysfunctional household?
I would break off the relationship and just focus on providing a stable and loving home for your own kids.
He needs to work on his own mental health issues and do what's in the best interest of his kids.
He wants to sleep with Alyssa.
Dude
Does your dad restrict where your mum goes?
If not, then why not meet your mum outside, go for a coffee or lunch? Or invite her round to your place?
yeah. That’s mostly why I felt upset about not spending his birthday with him.
withholding truth is the same as lying
Never mind I found it.
Ok, install it first yourself to see how it works. Then specifically ask him to give phone/device and if he isn't auto logged to give you password. Something like that.
Anyone could be irked, but his choice is to lash out at you.
You need to talk to him. There is a good reason why he’s reluctant to take your relationship further unfortunately none us here know exactly what that is. I promise it’s not anything you’re doing wrong or else he wouldn’t be dating you at all
This sounds a lot like what my sister went through with her now husband. He was born into a religious family and was just programmed into believing that sex = hell unless married.
That’s never going to change. This is who he is. You need to move on from this loser.
This is pretty gross and controlling on your girlfriend's part. I'd end it with her. You don't deserve to be miserable and it's only going to get worse before it gets better (if it ever gets better). Jealousy is natural, demanding that your partner stop being friends with everyone of the opposite sex is not. Run away friend, find someone else who will appreciate and trust you more.
This is indicative of his reaction to other minor inconveniences for your benefit in the future. That’s his prerogative, but it’s also yours to break up over it.
Keep it vague. She doesn't need to know
???????????????
“No” is a complete sentence.
It doesnt mean much if you're willing to sacrifice your life for someone, until you hear their voice. Is your life that worthless.
I don’t think it’s wrong for people to watch porn and definitely don’t consider it cheating.
But you feel that way, and that’s what’s important here. Your feelings are VALID and if there is something your partner is doing in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, it’s reasonable that it’s on the table for discussion.
That’s the real relationship issue. It’s important that you guys can sit down and talk about it in a calm and mature manner, but I will try to prepare you: it may just not be a compatible relationship. If you feel one way about a sexual act and he feels another way about it—it’s not that either of you are wrong it’s that you’re not compatible if it’s important to him to watch porn and it’s important to you that he not watch porn.
What worries me a little more, is when you say you don’t fit into his sexual preferences. What does that mean, exactly? I would want to explore that statement a lot more to understand what’s problematic in your relationship.
Definitely not true, isn't an instant thing. And it's all people, no one's brains are fully developed until mid to late 20s.
She doesn’t get to choose when she wants to be friends with me or my friends. This situation is crappy man. She talks to me 24/7 about her issues and I listen, I drive hours to see her buy her ice cream let her cry. But damn she just using my friend cos she’s bored and wants to talk crap than get advice
TIL “half again” is a thing, and it makes perfect sense. Fuck you “one-and-a-half-times”
Ok. So, throw away the empty ice cream carton, accept that the calories will take some effort to burn off and move forward with your plan. You can't change the past, only how much you let it affect you. Put him behind you and move forward.
If you're even considering this you're setting yourself up for disaster. Not to mention the life of the child that you'd be ruining. “July last year” was only seven months ago, aka about half the time you'd need to date someone to even think about moving in with them (and at least four times less than you'd need to build a relationship solid enough to bring a kid into). This woman is a silly person who's panicking over something that most women experience at some point (a missed period, which is definitely not “early menopause” if she's only 21). Don't be so dumb that you participate in this insanity. You're obviously not ready for a baby. So don't make a baby.
Respond that you're so glad he reached out.
You were feeling off and got a physical, the tests came back showing herpes and syphilis, and he and his wife both need to get checked out ASAP.
Then block him and move on with your life.
Finding out you're “the other woman” sucks, and I'm sorry you had to go through this.
This man isn't a little toxic, he's incredibly toxic. The insecurity issues run deep to the point of needing professional help, which you can not provide. He is not ready to be in a relationship.
How is it fair for her to always demand oral and never return the favor?
Making 'demands' of a partner is not fair but I also don't think it's fair to consider sexual acts as 'favours'. You should only ever be doing what you want to do. It would also be reasonable for OP to not perform oral sex if he did not enjoy it…
Let the bf get over his own insecurities. He is a big boy. He should be supporting you. Not trying to limit you.
Move in with the friend. JFC people of the opposite sex can live together and not be having sex. Like what on earth. Does he expect you to walk around in just a skimpy tee and panties and the dude to just go around in boxers?
Ethical porn is rarely free. So I'd be more supportive of paying for porn, if he was making sure it was from ethical sources.
But yeah $18k is ridiculous
Lmao okaaaay then go along with the shit you’ve made up in your head, Sybil.
Rooting for you OP. You are incredibly strong. It sounds like you have more brain cell in your thumb than this guy.
There's a hell of a lot that people say and do the complete opposite.
A good friend of mine had his wife want to divorce him because they both agreed they didn't want children at the start of the relationship, they got married and she changed her mind, he didn't. Long story she left him
Shit hits the fan real quick.
I think it's a really dumb boundary, I've known women who can go decades without sex. Men usually can't.
It's kind of selfish for her to impose such a massive boundary on the relationship, and I think he should have ran for the hills the moment she brought it up
Lol people that use it’s tradition when it suits them
I didn't read comments only posts.. hmm. Bizarre. Maybe it's a troll post?
You can throw your toddler tantrum and try spin this a million different ways in your head… It won't change the fact that you're wrong, your brother is right, you no longer have a girlfriend and it's all your fault.
But, sure, they cannot ask for advice through the phone ??
In biogenic terms, you're about as “related” to this person as you are any complete stranger you meet on the street in your parents home town.
You're way over thinking this.
I don’t think going to a meal with opposite sex is a big deal, but I think confiding relationship issues with the sex you are attracted to is dangerous territory. Not always, but can lead to a closer relationship, emotional support can lead to emotional affairs. I would feel very weird about my husband going to lunch with a female friend and talking about our relationship. I think he would feel strange if the roles were reversed.
But at-least she is being honest and open about it. It could be completely fine! Why can’t you both go to advice him? You could be his friend, no?
I’m just trying to explain the situation
Fishing for a compliment from your boyfriend is indeed wrong, smh/s
Dump him he will definitely cheat.
No I'm not. You are putting words in my mouth. I just told you exactly what my point is; sexual coercion is not rape. Rape and sexual coercion are both forms of sexual assault, meaning they're in the same category of crime but that does not make them the same thing.
You definitely screwed up on that one. Big time.
You're looking at old stuff and trying to make the connection on the current day with how she felt back then. So much could have changed.
Sex drives change for 10 billion reasons. Sure,.you could be bad in bed, and she just isn't interested or maybe she had an idea of sex and it just wasn't what she wanted, she was a virgin before. And who knows, maybe physically her sex drive is going down with time. That happens too.
Regardless, you've betrayed her trust and hurt yourself, and the only way you can deal with it essentially is to out yourself to her, and hope she doesn't leave your ass, or learn to get over it.
You could try to improve the sex life by talking to her and seeing what she wants, but the other stuff, you're kinda screwed
People verbally “consent” to sex under duress, or under the threat of violence all the time, and that consent is not genuine. PIV intercourse under coercion is legally considered rape.
Here are the dots: . .
Now connect them.
Have you brought it up yet?
Agreed. Its very important OP is clear about their budget.
No but this dick is
If this group is one that promotes losing weight in a healthy way and you want to do it, go ahead and don't mind her opinions on it.
Like others have said, she sounds like she is jealous and scared of being the larger person and is taking it out on you without communicating what is actually going on. The fact that she laughed at you when you shared an idea of how to improve your life instead of supporting you is not okay at all. She is belittling you and what you want to do, that is not okay regardless of what this is about.
If she had a concern for your well-being and thought this group maybe was promoting unhealthy ideologies about weight loss then sure, I can see why she is not straight up supportive but even then: she needs to share with you what she feels in a healthy conversation where you also get to share your own opinions in a comfortable way, instead of belittling you.
Go join that group if you want and good luck on your journey!