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suck and spit on tits [100 tokens remaining]
Date: October 9, 2022
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i know a few people are saying not to tell her but its probably better she does know then she can make an informed decision of whether to move forward with him or not.
Hes not ur bestie hun, this was really scummy of him and im sorry hes put u in this situation. He could have just not told you but he couldn't handle the feelings of guilt and let this all out maybe hoping you'd save him or deny it happened if word got out.
please tell her, she deserves to know and he deserves to learn that actions have consequences.
Ask a friend for a place to stay for a month or book an Airbnb.
She goes out without me all the time with her friends several times a week. But she says on top of that, she needs to go alone to places specifically on days and hours when I am available
Downtown Toronto
See why I am confused. Your vanilla for wanting to spice things up and using toys? Like in porn they don't usually just do it missionary style. You can go to a sex therapist yourself and they presumably be more helpful.
She doesn't have a sister. I don't think saying that is suddenly gonna convince her. She's not dumb.
Maybe try to help someone else? With something, you're like, good at?
I'd plan on being out of town during these holidays (is your family near or far? A couples cruise for you all? Etc.) to give you time to get your MIL and FIL in to therapy (or at least meet with someone who can do an intervention with them on how truly dangerous their enabling behavior is and what a threat their son is, they're doing him no favors by shielding him from the consequences of his actions) and to come up with a plan with local police in case BIL goes crazy again. A restraining order and NC are definitely in order until you have irrefutable evidence that BIL has recognized he has a major problem and has gotten help for it. The danger this guy represents to you and your wife can't be over stated.
Yeah I just feel that sometimes a little reassurance couldn’t hurt but I’m not a women so I was just curious what women think.
Do you not see how absolutely objectifying your comment is as if women's bodies exist for you are natural desires to watch them
Ugh
that wouldn’t solve the more fundamental issue of husband being sneaky and defensive. if she contacts the other woman and gets good news, the question of cheating goes away but so does the chance of addressing the issue of him chatting with females in privacy. she should seek proof that he is not cheating but also expect that he contributes to this conclusion, not finding a workaround.
Op, your feelings are valid. Try going to therapy!! Hope it helps, good luck!
Yeah I think you’ve done your due diligence. It’s up to her to investigate or decide to turn a blind eye. You’ve given her some details and got it in her head to watch out. I don’t think you need to expose yourself or go any further if you don’t want to.
Leave and take the kids. Pure and simple she will never change and the abuse will bleed off on to the kids. Key thing you leave take the kids with you and start documenting the abuse in detail.
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”
Think about that quote next time someone disrespects or abuses you. Maybe write it down and put it somewhere you can see it.
You are teaching people that it's okay to disrespect and abuse you. That you'll accept their abuse and disrespect, and you'll come back for more, or stay for more abuse and disrespect.
The only way to prevent this from happening again is for you to work on yourself. Good luck.
Well, I mean it's not a huge sample. Honestly I'm super leary of strange men and don't really meet that many guys so it's just single digit experience. I've been with more girls than guys now. But I suppose I've seen enough penises to know what the average one looks and feels like.
And you know what? Average is nice! Small is fine! No penis at all also really does it for me big time. If I was building the perfect man from scratch would I give him a small dick? Well no probably not. It would be a meaty average probably. But I'd still rather be with a man who cared for me and who I cared for as well who could keep me coming all night with a small dick than a two pump chump with a nicer one who just finishes himself off and calls it a job well done.
Like don't get me wrong slapping people unprovoked is bad but like… there's a limit.
They’re vividly there for me now, I guess half of this was just to get this off my chest and see how others healed from similar experiences.
He's entitled to want sex more than once a month, and you have a hell of an ego on you to think that a man getting rejected that much won't eventually smarten up and move on to greener pastures (whether you stay married or not). Why do you think you aren't obligated to meet his needs?
Didn’t read your first post but I think it’s really silly of you to martyr yourself. You have to realise you did sacrifice something – the years you spent together, the years you would have spent together; a future that the two of you would have built with each other. Maybe this sacrifice isn’t necessarily voluntary because none of your own actions played a part in the breakdown of your marriage — the blame lies wholly on her — but you still lost out as a result of her actions.
You demand compensation for your time, emotions and trust.
I do think so too. Thank you
do you value her as a friend? If you can get over the fact that she is not a viable romantic partner and is a regular person then congrats, you’ve made a new friend! Perhaps even a friend who can introduce you to other women you may be romantically interested in, or give good advice. If you feel like you’re still romantically interested then it’s probably best to cut it off
…you don't. He's almost 30 and is treating a place where he's a guest as his own place regarding being messy and not cleaning up. It's indicative of a lack of respect. And adhering to love languages fits in the same category. It may not be instinctual to him, but once it's mentioned it's on him to decide if it's worth doing to him or not in order to ensure you're happy within the context of the relationship and he's not. Flowers can be ordered to be delivered (yes they can be expensive but still) , compliments can be texted or said over video chat as well as in person.
As far as asking for what you want, up to a point that is the mature thing. Your love languages are not intrinsic to everyone and just because you mention being interested in things doesn't mean you necessarily want said thing gifted to you as an act of love. The issue I see is that he promised to get them for you and failed to get them.
I guess my advice is be prepared for him to fail again but have a discussion about your love languages and how you want to receive love. The cleaning thing doesn't really need to be brought up again since he's a grown man staying at a home that's not his but just to put everything on the table have that chat as well. And if things don't change you know where his priorities lie. I understand the seasonal depression thing, but as someone with depression who is dating someone with depression, neither of us were obligated to stay with the other if their manifestations of depression became too much. We're understanding of our situation, but we also know that as the depressive, it's not their responsibility to do EVERYTHING just because we're in a funk/low period and that we ought to do what we can which includes telling our partner when we're in the mood, letting them know if/how best to help, and still doing basic things. I guess I'd be more understanding if things your situation seemed like a partnership or things were longer and didn't seem indicative of future issues/patterns
Mine is mostly food and random memes.
See I would agree with that idea, but OP's girlfriend still hasn't even gotten him a Christmas gift yet.
Honestly, you’ve just got to make as best of a judgment call as possible. You’re the only one who can analyze everything from your gfs past, how you communicate, etc. She might have not felt it, but after she found out the dude’s hand was on her waist it should have been something she wanted to address with you and make sure you both are on the same page with how you handled it, how she feels about the situation, and what the expectations are moving forward.
Correct! Be open, kind and polite.
Make a discord group and invite them all except for him.
Hangout with them without him.
Basically just do the same and exclude him? Why let him decide whether you can interact with them or not?
Are you talking about the phone itself or the airtime bill.
If you gave your girlfriend a phone for xmas it is your responsibility to pay for the device monthly fee. You don't really go
Here's your Christmas present which you're paying for
Seeing each other for 6 months dating for 2* so I wouldn’t “skip the label” lol but thank you you’re right and I agree it’s pretty shitty of me.
I agree that many men view women as objects for their sexual pleasure. I also know tonnes of women who can enjoy porn without viewing men as sexual objects.
The problem in this instance isn’t porn, it’s the type of porn that’s being consumed. Lots of amateur and female focussed porn represents porn in a much more realistic way. Perhaps it’s the case the men are more likely to watch the unrealistic, misogynistic, over produced porn, whereas women might be more likely to watch realistic porn with actual foreplay?
If all one’s watching is women getting gang fucked or even just sex between a man and a woman where no foreplay happens for the woman and she just gets fucked without being warmed up, then of course a guy will likely start to view a woman as merely a sexual object.
Perhaps in this sense the porn industry needs a shake up and men need to wise up to the affects their chosen misogynistic porn choices are having on their sex lives, but porn certainly shouldn’t be banned or viewed as entirely negative when so many people (pretty much all women I know who watch it) can enjoy it in healthy moderation and without it ruining their sex lives.
In fact, some female pleasure oriented porn can be incredibly empowering for women, and could certainly teach men a thing or two about female sexuality.
To conclude that porn is an evil because a certain sector of the industry promotes an unrealistic, harmful ideal and affects the way some men view women would be like saying weed should be outlawed and is entirely bad because some people can’t enjoy it in moderation without it negatively affecting their lives and altering their brain chemistry. This totally ignores the many benefits weed provides.
The negative effects of the porn industry is definitively an important conversation, but the discourse should be centred around why most porn has historically been influenced by the male gaze, and young people need to be educated that this representation is a totally fictionalised version of sexuality. Porn absolutely could feature more realistic healthy representations of sex. This could be great for all involved. Saying it’s all bad seems puritanical to me.
Sent her a text saying you’re done and not to bother contacting you. Then tell everyone she was cheating, because she was and she will lie about it.
No, please don't, you deserve to be happy!
Not sure the point of this question, but, me. I still ‘go down’ on him more.
I am not. Just far too much experience with a lot of tough stuff.
Thanks. I guess I needed reassurance that I wasn’t in denial or something ?
Cheating can be tantamount to manslaughter depending on their actions.. A cheater can spread a potentially fatal sexually transmitted disease to a trusting partner. To think otherwise is irresponsible.
I'm neurodivergent and have experienced issues my whole life despite very very heavy masking. My career path has been offices with older women and I've been bullied over and over again. My psychologist told me about some of the studies you're referencing, as well as just general info that many NTs detect the subtle differences and go in on it. At my current office, some of the women gossiped about me for bringing in baked goods, for example. It's ridiculous.
One would assume a porn free relationship would involve both people not watching porn. He thinks what’s good for the gander is not good for the goose, and is lying to his friend to shame and pressure you alone in giving up porn.
Should this really be forgiven? His behavior and reaction to a relatively minor problem was, quite frankly, frightening. He was so angry that he gave himself a migraine and started vomiting? Over you not wanting to cause discord in your home over how the dishes were washed?
I understand that he's gone through some things in his past and suffers from a mental health condition, but that does not excuse how he spoke to you, nor does it mean that you have to subject yourself to his explosive, scary behavior and his abuse.
Quite literally, cash out.
I can personally say I've seen well over 100 posts on here this year of people in your exact situation, and I can comfortably say less 5% are happy they stayed.
I only say less than 5% because I haven't scrolled through all the updated ones, but I have seen 0 where it wasn't emotionally taxing to even be proximal to the cheater, even if they wanted to stay.
You have a clause. You literally lose nothing except the woman herself. If she's really worth overlooking this….
My only suggestion that isn't leaving would be to confront her with the evidence, tell her she signs a new agreement acknowledging she broke the old one.
Give her a set frame of time (2 months, 6 months, a week, whatever you want) to provide tangible proof she's grown from her misdeed to your satisfaction, and you reserve the right to invoke the clause on the old agreement at any point if you feel you cant stay in the relationship.
Tangible being: reading books on infidelity from both sides on a psychological level. Attending therapy specifically to discover the root cause of her choice to damage your relationship. Then, after she's learned what caused this in her to attent couples therapy so she can learn to be a better communicator going forward.
Another thing I like to recommend is offloading a single domestic task you dont like doing. Dishes, trash, yardwork, whatever. Eventually, if you ever hit a point where forgiveness has been given completely, you can share the task again, and it will be an unspoken milestone that you both can reflect on as a turning point.
Tldr: You should leave. But if you dont or just want to try, make jer sign an agreement that the previous clause can be invoked for her actions at any time going forward. Then, make her do the hard work of discovering why she did this and learning how to avoid doing it again.
You were asked a question, gave an objective answer and were massively downvoted. Lmao this sub sometimes
i dont really know why she does but she just continually does it and it hurts every single time. do you have any suggestions of anything i could say or should i just kinda sit around and wait and hope for the best?
No might be there, it IS completely unreasonable and selfish
Please get to couples therapy with a well vetted couples therapist. You especially need to sort some stuff out and may need individual as well. Good luck.
And what new stuff did he tell you yesterday?
Anyway dump him
It’s different. Women don’t categorize men into two distinct types and say they prefer one or the other. Your girlfriend might mention she likes some features offhandedly because she knows you in particular don’t care, and if that works for you two, that’s great. But if men were divided into “pecs” and “arms” and she said, “Your chest is gross. I prefer guys with big arms. You should work out more,” all time time, it would probably sting quite a bit.
It all starts with listening to your body and conscious eating. Eat very slowly, and don't do anything else while eating – focus on how your body feels and don't distract yourself with any screens. Drink plenty of water before eating.
You do not need to cut out foods you like completely – just eat less of them or adjust them slightly. Use less (or none) oil in cooking, add more veg to your portion instead of carbs (literally just adjusting the ratio of the stuff on your plate).
Focus on whole foods and not processed. If you want something fried, get an air fryer instead of dunking the stuff in oil etc etc. … its these small changes that go a long way to ensure you'll stick to the change. If you drastically change everyhting youll be miserable and fall back (been there done that).
Don't drink your calories, and if possible, don't drink alcohol – that shit's heavy in calories.
And most importantly – there are a lot of guys who weightlift and aren't these chiselled sculptures. Weightlifting will help strengthen your joints, which in itself has a massive health benefit for you, even if you do stay the same weight – so don't let that number not going down discourage you. Even if you won't see the result on the scale, there is a benefit for your body still.
Have a proper workout regimen so each body part has a chance to recover for at least 2 days so you don't overwork yourself.
Then you have done what you could. If she doesn't want to change she won't. Don't fall for any short term behavioural improvements/promises, they will only last until she is comfortable again.
I still don't think you should do it in a restaurant, I think you will likely have a really long conversation with emotional breakdowns or you'll need multiple small ones dealing with how to separate. Either way it's probably going to be a woman crying in public that would have been expecting a lift home.
Are you fucking serious?
Depression can't be cured by “going on a walk.” Her doctor told her to be careful with exercise. The only weight she needs to lose is her shitty boyfriend.
Shouldn’t the babysitting been decided first?
To give a bit more insight, my disability affects mobility, coordination, and motor skills. When I first started developing symptoms, initially I just thought I had gotten clumsier and needed to be more careful because I kept having little accidents. For example, tripping over my own legs and feet, dropping things without meaning to, bumping or crashing into objects I thought I was clear of, and just all around becoming incredibly accident prone. Once it got more severe and progressed to a point where it was obvious to me that I wasn't just misjudging things, I began trying to discern the medical cause, but that took well over a year and things progressed to be so severe that I was hospitalized and bedridden before the diagnosis was reached. It was a dark time for me, and everyone was worried I wouldn't make it. Once I finally had a diagnosis and was able to access the right treatments and therapies, I recovered over time and now I'm able to live mostly independently with the help of medication, mobility aids, a service dog, and my husband. However, this is a progressive disability. I will have it the rest of my life. It will worsen with age and is expected to impact the longevity of my life, and because it is genetic, other members of the family could theoretically also present with the same disability.
Triss' accidents started small, but kept happening at a fairly consistent rate, with increasingly noticeable injuries. When she finally started reconnecting with the family, her calls and texts to each of us usually revolved around her venting about her most recent accident and her frustration that they just seemed to keep happening even though she swore she was trying her best to be careful.
Up until last week when everything came out, I thought I was the only one who had noticed the similarities, and I was concerned she might have the same disability as me. And it drove me mad when I would tell her she needed to see a neurologist just to be safe, and she would completely dismiss me. I didn't understand why she wasn't worried, because we had been close when I first developed my symptoms and went through my medical crisis, and we talked about it a lot. It didn't make sense to me how she could have the same symptoms I used to tell her about and always be frustrated about her accidents, and yet not somehow see they might be connected and that she should get checked out.
Now that everyone's been talking and putting things together, I know I'm not the only one that had mentioned that possibility to Triss. Other cousins have since told me they had similar concerns when Triss was calling to tell them about her previous accidents, and that Triss ignored their concerns as well. So given that information and what I saw her do at the baby shower, our best assumption is that she's been faking the accidents and telling everyone about them for attention this whole time – and given the seriousness of my condition, they feel bitter about the manipulation.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm mad and hurt about it too. What I went through was terrifying and I would never wish it on anyone. But mostly, I'm worried about why she would lie about that in the first place and what she might do to herself next. I want her to go to therapy and start being honest. I want her to know that she is loved and doesn't need to do shit like this to elicit a response.
But I'm in a pinch, because she refuses to hear it from me, and the others are being sticklers about Triss taking some accountability for her actions before they show concern or try to help. Some of them actually think this is all another part of the act and feel if they reach out to check in or show worry, they'll just be feeding into destructive attention seeking behavior on her part.
Thing is. If that came out later into dating. I’d question my decision making and who they were.
If you are willing to put aside major life beliefs, then you dont respect yourself. Never date garbage people who dont respect and care for other's rights
He should apologize along with long stem roses and a redo at a nice restaurant.
There should also be some takeaway lessons to learn here. Communication really IS key to strong healthy relationships. Stewing and festering does no good, not only ruins a good night or week and possibly wind up with egg on your face at the end of it all. He should have immediately asked about the phone and gauge her reaction to it.
Find a good divorce attorney, even if both agree to the divorce things can still get ugly…