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Katy, 26 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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All men should be “Go getters,” being stagnant causes this very issue in marriage. The way your feeling is normal, and you need to be honest on how your feeling. Counseling helps, but let’s be honest, if you jump ship now you will be competing with younger women for that “go getter,” and marriage again is very unlikely. Speak with your husband and tell him exactly what you need to continue to be your best as his partner. He loves you so he might need this to get moving again.
okay thanks oh so much that really helps
She doesn’t belong to you because you had sex with her 2 years ago! If she fancies him and he fancies her they don’t need permission to get together.
Yes. Best advice. Remember this for any time you have a relationship issue: the best solution is always to snoop through your partner’s electronics rather than talking to them. It’s ok that it shows a total lack of respect/trust/adult thinking, because hey, you’re suspicious
Your first sentence – that is a textbook narcissist. You won’t know happiness with a narcissist.
Best response
And that's how they were able to get the extra 4 to 500 and the rest of the money's supposed to be for my expenses which I am using for
As someone who is LDS, and has dated outside my religion before, I've seen that interfaith relationships are possible, as long as they are founded on mutual respect for each other's beliefs.
This means that she respects your beliefs as an atheist, and you respect her beliefs as an LDS member (even if many people here say that we're a cult and that we believe crazy things. They are entitled to their opinions, but for you, as the person in a relationship with her, you need to take her beliefs as seriously as she does. Don't belittle or mock her, even if you think it's weird. And she should show the same seriousness and respect for your beliefs as well.)
If you're wanting this relationship to continue and lead towards marriage, have a serious conversation with her about what your life together would look like. Would you go with her to church? Would she set aside a Sunday (or other special day) to do something with you? If you have kids, how would you raise them? If she pays tithing to her church, you both would need to agree on if that money comes out of a combined financial account, or just out of her money?
I encourage you to learn more about her beliefs, not as a means of encouraging you to convert, but to help you understand what you would be attaching yourself to. And I also encourage her to learn about what you believe (or at least your values and what you hold dear).
I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
This isn't rocket science
Three children? All from the same woman? Was he single when you met him?
Unless everyone knows eachother, I don't understand why you would wanna be a side piece especially when he is bring upfront and is sort of telling you to back off by mentioning he is dating someone.
Love this last part!
Love this last part!
Just read it, it sounds to me like Paul was bullying OOP's husband at work.
Reality check; she doesn't care about your feelings. She only cares about her needs, and is manipulating you into being OK with it so she can keep you around as her emotional caretaker.
She's proposing bringing people into your bedroom where she already has past sexual history. She is also extremely disrespectful of your boundaries, and is using your own insecurities against you to get what she wants. If you fold now, she'll take advantage of you for the rest of your relationship
Take a hard-line stance; be honest about your boundaries, that you were never really into the idea of bringing another guy into the bedroom but were proceeding forward to try to keep her happy, and you now realize that violating your own personal boundaries for her sexual gratification is not something you can support. If she wants to do it, she's welcome to. Just not as your girlfriend.
If he’s threatening your life you need to go to the authorities
2-4 times a month? That's almost a dead bedroom.
What did you think would happen?
Seriously, what was your goal in telling him that?
The issue is not the dog or the Iranian yogurt
I love her, I know inside her is a very loving and caring person… she claims I’ve destroyed that person. She’s a good Mom and I don’t want to see our kids have to be split between parents. We do like to travel together and we like watching shows and movies together.. we don’t share a ton of common interests but that’s okay. Honestly I married her because she made me feel special and really loved. I miss that… and I miss her letting me be affectionate and loving with her. I mean the way she treats me you would think I was having an affair and beating her.. like she’s living in some type of Latin soap opera.. I have called her bad names in the past and now I will forever be a POS?
You say in the post that you want a monogamous relationship, but then persist in the comments that you're open. Have you ever had an open relationship before? It's easy to think that an open relationship is ideal so you can sleep with whoever you want, but when it comes time to put it into practice, it's not the same as what you imagine. There is always a risk for emotional attachment to take place with side partners.
It sounds to me like you enjoy the idea of an open relationship so you can have sex with others, but you're realizing now that an open relationship isn't that easy. It's not healthy for you to tell him that he can do what he wants, but you don't feel comfortable with it. In the end, it'll lead to resentment and pain and jealousy.
You have a husband problem on top of a MIL problem. If he is treating your poorly during the time in which he’s in contact with her, he’s being manipulated. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is awful to you 50% of the time?
Sit down with him and tell him it stops now. Tell him you will not be in a relationship with someone who thinks it’s okay to treat you badly when he’s in contact with his mother. Ultimatums are typically unhealthy, but from what you’ve written it seems necessary. Be prepared to stand by your words and leave him.
Fair but OP seems remorseful, wants to create space and understands that this is acceptable. In my experience people who play the victim card don't take accountability.
How you get them is how you lose them.
I mean, op's wife probably had no conception of how far niche fetishes can go. If you said niche fetish to me, I would probably think oh, feet, messy foods, bdsm, furries. I might not be thinking of more taboo gross things like scat and waterworks. I would really not be thinking of the truly hideous places “niche fetishes” can go like live animals, rape, snuff, children. She may have realized that the big grey area she didn't really put any thought into could actually be black as all hell.
Having seen the poo now which she didn't consider before, op's wife might be wondering how far has this man's career taken him and were there ethical limits. It's worth another conversation (assuming there actually were ethical limits).
She shouldn't have told any family about the poo though, that's unconscionable.
Remove him from your SM.
Send him an email saying that you don’t want contact with him outside of work. Tell him to stop using work time and resources to pressure you to spend time together outside of work. Tell him it was inappropriate to call you ‘beautiful’ and all commentary on your appearance needs to stop. Tell him that you will not discuss this in person. Don’t give him an explanation on why. You don’t owe him a personal relationship or an explanation. It’s not workplace age discrimination to decide you don’t want outside of work friendships.
If he argues via email, in person, or complains to others – document that via email and go to HR.
Keep in mind he probably has a history this. HR will probably just tell him to leave you alone. But if he’s faced complaints in the past actions will be more serious.
Sounds like she can't because she doesn't have the right visa yet. Totally Stuck.
Have you tried framing the issue as a health related one, and not about physical attraction? There's a lot of health problems (mental and physical) that are caused by obesity, and ideally her doctor should be discussing this with the two of you..
I know there are, which worries me. I don't want to be settled for but maybe that's the best I could get anyway. I love most things about him, he makes me laugh and he can be very caring. What I don't like is he's kept lots of secrets from me and has lied to me a lot throughout our relationship