I have been / am in the same boat as you. I ended up just having to move out despite the arguments – she wasn’t happy but realised that I was doing it regardless so either she got over it or we argued forever more. She still reminds me to pray and sends me Bible verses every day lol but she’s accepted that I live with my partner and whatever happens, happens. Took a long while though unfortunately
I'll try to take a look into it. Unfortunately I'm not sure if he's financially capable of doing so but I think I could support him with using free services like betterhelp for his own personal therapist for now.
We're definitely in the “we're doing okay but we want to do better” phase and just recognizing human differences in the both of us. Couple's therapy has been on my mind for awhile but I think when he's in a better financial place as well as getting used to therapy more I'll bring that up.
Unless she's ready to walk, she will put up with what's thrown at her. You can tell her to do things that help with her confidence and self esteem so she actually sees her self worth. That way she grows her mental strength to make a decision.
I'm not presuming anything here but some people really struggle to see the logic of the situation. There standards are so low, they settle. They are trauma bonded or have other issues like abandonment. It's not easy walking away because they see being single as something really scary.
Keep talking to her and checking in. Offer her an exit if she ever feels like she's in danger or unsafe.
I totally get that tbh. I guess the situation just turned out in a bad light as didn't think I'd join as I was already in bed, but he always likes it when we play OW together and he was happy I wanted to join, but also in that moment he realized he's gotta come up with something to back up what he previously said. Still a bit of a shitty situation…
If you consolidate debt, then it will become community debt because you consolidated it (presumably) after the wedding. So many goalposts to navigate on this situation. I would walk away until she sorted herself out.
I understand and thank you for your compassion. I always try to see the best of a person and maybe I placed this person somewhere they didn’t belong. From a few of the comments here I’ll take your advice and be classy about it. Just seeing them both pretty much everyday is a recurring nightmare, I wake up most nights as I have some tonight trying to analyse it in my head. The best part is, you can’t analyse an affair or what happens within it !! Thanks again
The bitch just you to fuck your self when silence would have sufficed. When someone reveals themselves as a total asshole, blocking them Is a necessity.
There is no scenario in which this ends well for you at all. I'm glad you came here to ask before trying this with your wife, hopefully you'll come to your senses and let it go. If you want to be open to other people clearly your wife is not a compatible partner for that lifestyle so you need to gauge how important this is for you. But do not try to get an insecure woman watch you fuck another woman, I can't even begin to understand how you think this is going to go…
Dude coming from a married woman. I would prefer my husband to sit me down and speak openly with me if I'm doing something that made him unhappy or uncomfortable. If you can't do that with ur best friend who ur spending ur whole damn life with wtf can u? U know..
My ex did this our entire 10 year relationship. It’s an insecurity that he needs to work out himself. Don’t become his punching bag, leave him now before you get in too deep and it becomes harder
Oh but you know she's not gonna leave any woman that has this little respect for themselves to allow this for so long and then having her husbands bf move in…
Yeah she's not going anywhere. Gonna pop in earphones and clean the kitchen like a good little wife while her hubby and the bf “work out”
Jesus people really are just showing me the world is going down the drain with what they allow. How is this normal?
“You are going to blow up this relationship because of your insecurity” is such a ridiculous thing to say to someone whose partner literally admitted they want to sleep with someone else. Why are you making her sound like she’s making an issue out of nothing and is being unreasonable?
Has she expressed any discomfort? If so, maybe the reason she doesn’t want to go longer than that is because of that discomfort. An hour is a really long time! I’d suggest talking to her and seeing if perhaps she is also unsatisfied, and see if you can meet in the middle.
If long sessions are uncomfy physically, can you try taking breaks and doing oral, or using a lot of lube?
If she isn’t getting turned on enough to want sex for that long, what are some ways both of you could work towards properly arousing her?
If you struggle with death grip and thats why it takes so long to finish, can you take steps on your end to fix that?
If none of the above helps, and she still doesn’t want sex more than once a week: would she be okay with still being sexual without penetration (like hand stuff, or oral, or even just being present and dirty talking while you both get yourselves off) more often on non-sex days?
Compromise is possible. You just both have to realize that you both have a responsibility to compromise, communicate, and prioritize each other.
Are references not a thing where you are? Surely he needed to wait for a reference from current employers to be requested and received by the potential new employer before a formal offer of the job is provided? I've always known the first offers mention “dependent on references”. It's why we don't all leave our jobs in this fashion, as satisfying as it would be!
I’m a romantic and moved in with my husband after being together for about a week. We met at work when we were 20, were friends for a couple months and just fell hard for each other. We’re 35 now, married with 2 kids and I’m still crazy about him, he’s my forever crush. We both grew up without much support and had plenty of unresolved issues that created a pretty codependent relationship but we always had enough respect and care for the other to work together to grow separately as individuals and together as a family unit. I don’t know where I’m going with this other than being a supporter of finding your person and experiencing the beauty of sharing life together. I’d just advice to work on sharing an even load of household responsibilities and talking through the everyday life issues as they come and don’t get into a habit of needing to always be right/have it your way and visa versa. Also support each other in being your own people.
preference is preference. we all have them. some like em thick some like em skinny. you do you. Racism would only be if you prefer to date this kind of woman because other woman of other ethnicity's are less than these woman.
It seems like you’re putting a lot of your self value on whether or not she has sex with you. You have made sex a chore for her to fulfill your ego. Of course she’s exhausted. She’s carrying the entire emotional weight of this relationship and you have made zero effort to alleviate it. You have continuously tried to drink from her empty cup without asking her how can you refill it.
Get a massage, pedicure, or do something else instead of demanding her to fill your love language. You’re a grown adult. Take care of your own emotional needs for once. And if you’re half way of a decent human, you would figure out how you’re not taking care of her emotional needs. A house cleaner can clean a house. You’re not a f* hero because you know how to pick up a broom or wash dishes.
JFC, poor woman. I’m exhausted for her that she’s resorted to opening up the marriage because you’ve put too much emotional demand on her. Grow up, or at least give her the decency of freedom from this exhausting marriage.
I like her boobs. (Not to be offensive or anything) I don’t find giant boobs attractive. I think B-C are where it’s at, even if I ended up with stupid DDs after 5 kids. Meh.
Send her flowers, dress up and take her to a nice dinner. No expectations …just two old friends catching up and enjoying each other's company and celebrating her Birthday. I always do things with class and you should too.
I think it’s ridiculous to expect a partner to delete/block people and I’d have walked away if someone told me to do so. But he agreed to your request. So now take that info as you will—his words don’t match his actions.
There, only you are in love, she is not, for that reason, she does not respect you for 7 years and she does not know if she wants to marry you, good for you, because that is not a good relationship
I have been / am in the same boat as you. I ended up just having to move out despite the arguments – she wasn’t happy but realised that I was doing it regardless so either she got over it or we argued forever more. She still reminds me to pray and sends me Bible verses every day lol but she’s accepted that I live with my partner and whatever happens, happens. Took a long while though unfortunately
I'll try to take a look into it. Unfortunately I'm not sure if he's financially capable of doing so but I think I could support him with using free services like betterhelp for his own personal therapist for now.
We're definitely in the “we're doing okay but we want to do better” phase and just recognizing human differences in the both of us. Couple's therapy has been on my mind for awhile but I think when he's in a better financial place as well as getting used to therapy more I'll bring that up.
i also dont wannna just hang w my ex i really wanna talk but without scaring him ya know
Unless she's ready to walk, she will put up with what's thrown at her. You can tell her to do things that help with her confidence and self esteem so she actually sees her self worth. That way she grows her mental strength to make a decision.
I'm not presuming anything here but some people really struggle to see the logic of the situation. There standards are so low, they settle. They are trauma bonded or have other issues like abandonment. It's not easy walking away because they see being single as something really scary.
Keep talking to her and checking in. Offer her an exit if she ever feels like she's in danger or unsafe.
No don’t respond. You’ve let her know it’s happening. You don’t have to prove anything and it’s risky for you.
You’ve done the important bit.
I totally get that tbh. I guess the situation just turned out in a bad light as didn't think I'd join as I was already in bed, but he always likes it when we play OW together and he was happy I wanted to join, but also in that moment he realized he's gotta come up with something to back up what he previously said. Still a bit of a shitty situation…
Ahh i see, haha well you know what I mean now
Thank you, I like that message
Maybe work on the homophobia first
If you consolidate debt, then it will become community debt because you consolidated it (presumably) after the wedding. So many goalposts to navigate on this situation. I would walk away until she sorted herself out.
She is NEVER going to contact me again. I know for sure.
But I wanted to give a one last try to get her back.
yeah workplace is not the correct way, but I don't have any other option
I understand and thank you for your compassion. I always try to see the best of a person and maybe I placed this person somewhere they didn’t belong. From a few of the comments here I’ll take your advice and be classy about it. Just seeing them both pretty much everyday is a recurring nightmare, I wake up most nights as I have some tonight trying to analyse it in my head. The best part is, you can’t analyse an affair or what happens within it !! Thanks again
It's the smell. My partner has that response as well, tough I've never brought panties over lol
It's based on a book. Lol I don't know what it's about but I know I'm not like that lol.
No she hasn’t cheated on me. I’m gonna go talk to her now.
The bitch just you to fuck your self when silence would have sufficed. When someone reveals themselves as a total asshole, blocking them Is a necessity.
I know they do, but men are not happy about it, especially if they not cheated, and this lost of trust, like here, will most times end a relationship
There is no scenario in which this ends well for you at all. I'm glad you came here to ask before trying this with your wife, hopefully you'll come to your senses and let it go. If you want to be open to other people clearly your wife is not a compatible partner for that lifestyle so you need to gauge how important this is for you. But do not try to get an insecure woman watch you fuck another woman, I can't even begin to understand how you think this is going to go…
Dude coming from a married woman. I would prefer my husband to sit me down and speak openly with me if I'm doing something that made him unhappy or uncomfortable. If you can't do that with ur best friend who ur spending ur whole damn life with wtf can u? U know..
My ex did this our entire 10 year relationship. It’s an insecurity that he needs to work out himself. Don’t become his punching bag, leave him now before you get in too deep and it becomes harder
Oh but you know she's not gonna leave any woman that has this little respect for themselves to allow this for so long and then having her husbands bf move in…
Yeah she's not going anywhere. Gonna pop in earphones and clean the kitchen like a good little wife while her hubby and the bf “work out”
Jesus people really are just showing me the world is going down the drain with what they allow. How is this normal?
He's gay honey!
“You are going to blow up this relationship because of your insecurity” is such a ridiculous thing to say to someone whose partner literally admitted they want to sleep with someone else. Why are you making her sound like she’s making an issue out of nothing and is being unreasonable?
OP is female. No DNA test needed there.
Her LEO family has probably committed worse crimes then you Dad.
Not silly. It is making you feel bad and your feelings are valid. Tell him to keep that shit to himself.
Has she expressed any discomfort? If so, maybe the reason she doesn’t want to go longer than that is because of that discomfort. An hour is a really long time! I’d suggest talking to her and seeing if perhaps she is also unsatisfied, and see if you can meet in the middle.
If long sessions are uncomfy physically, can you try taking breaks and doing oral, or using a lot of lube?
If she isn’t getting turned on enough to want sex for that long, what are some ways both of you could work towards properly arousing her?
If you struggle with death grip and thats why it takes so long to finish, can you take steps on your end to fix that?
If none of the above helps, and she still doesn’t want sex more than once a week: would she be okay with still being sexual without penetration (like hand stuff, or oral, or even just being present and dirty talking while you both get yourselves off) more often on non-sex days?
Compromise is possible. You just both have to realize that you both have a responsibility to compromise, communicate, and prioritize each other.
So you agree that sex is a fundamental part of having a relationship?
Are references not a thing where you are? Surely he needed to wait for a reference from current employers to be requested and received by the potential new employer before a formal offer of the job is provided? I've always known the first offers mention “dependent on references”. It's why we don't all leave our jobs in this fashion, as satisfying as it would be!
I’m a romantic and moved in with my husband after being together for about a week. We met at work when we were 20, were friends for a couple months and just fell hard for each other. We’re 35 now, married with 2 kids and I’m still crazy about him, he’s my forever crush. We both grew up without much support and had plenty of unresolved issues that created a pretty codependent relationship but we always had enough respect and care for the other to work together to grow separately as individuals and together as a family unit. I don’t know where I’m going with this other than being a supporter of finding your person and experiencing the beauty of sharing life together. I’d just advice to work on sharing an even load of household responsibilities and talking through the everyday life issues as they come and don’t get into a habit of needing to always be right/have it your way and visa versa. Also support each other in being your own people.
?
preference is preference. we all have them. some like em thick some like em skinny. you do you. Racism would only be if you prefer to date this kind of woman because other woman of other ethnicity's are less than these woman.
It seems like you’re putting a lot of your self value on whether or not she has sex with you. You have made sex a chore for her to fulfill your ego. Of course she’s exhausted. She’s carrying the entire emotional weight of this relationship and you have made zero effort to alleviate it. You have continuously tried to drink from her empty cup without asking her how can you refill it.
Get a massage, pedicure, or do something else instead of demanding her to fill your love language. You’re a grown adult. Take care of your own emotional needs for once. And if you’re half way of a decent human, you would figure out how you’re not taking care of her emotional needs. A house cleaner can clean a house. You’re not a f* hero because you know how to pick up a broom or wash dishes.
JFC, poor woman. I’m exhausted for her that she’s resorted to opening up the marriage because you’ve put too much emotional demand on her. Grow up, or at least give her the decency of freedom from this exhausting marriage.
I like her boobs. (Not to be offensive or anything) I don’t find giant boobs attractive. I think B-C are where it’s at, even if I ended up with stupid DDs after 5 kids. Meh.
Send her flowers, dress up and take her to a nice dinner. No expectations …just two old friends catching up and enjoying each other's company and celebrating her Birthday. I always do things with class and you should too.
By dumping him
Are you 14?
Bro I’m pretty sure this is rape.. she doesn’t want it and he’s applying pressure and planning it. It’s actually disgusting. I’d divorce immediately.
I think it’s ridiculous to expect a partner to delete/block people and I’d have walked away if someone told me to do so. But he agreed to your request. So now take that info as you will—his words don’t match his actions.
thank you! Appreciate the honesty, sometimes my overdramatic tendencies get the best of me lol
There, only you are in love, she is not, for that reason, she does not respect you for 7 years and she does not know if she wants to marry you, good for you, because that is not a good relationship