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Languages: es,en,ru
Birth Date: 2000-11-25
Body Type: bodyTypeAthletic
Ethnicity: ethnicityLatino
Hair color: hairColorBlack
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Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: November 5, 2022
Talk to the hospital staff there about his problems and ask them to give him lots of resources to help him. Things like Alcoholics Anonymous groups are free, there is the men shelter, and there are other resources to help him and get clean and to recover himself.
Yeah but girlfriend def didn’t need to involve her mom and have her mom confront him about it. That’s also v weird especially given that they are likely well into adulthood and not fresh out of high school.
Not weird for her to complain or vent to others about it but def weird for mom to bring it up and then gf to reinforce mom getting in their business instead of shutting it down.
OP, I see both sides of this. For most people, what you are asking for is a lot/weird. I personally wouldn’t mind showering at night to be with someone I love if the reasons you outline are in fact true (and if this truly is your ONLY ask of your partner). Her “flaws” that you accept are also irrelevant to this. Don’t bring up her flaws to further justify your request.
This is an expectation you have and that’s fine. But if she’s not willing to meet it then you either need to end things or accept that she doesn’t want to shower at night. It’s really that simple.
You were on a break, Rachel.
So you would rather have it be non consensual than incestuous and consensual?
Continued…
When she gets back I speak to her about her trip and she mentions the night with NF, SF (school friend) and Jim. I ask if NF was there all night. He was. I’m now pissed again, she lied about him not being there over message.
Also the dinner was just P, NF and Jim. SF didn’t arrive till late and the other people never came at all. It was just her and the two guys from class.
At this point I feel pretty disrespected. The next day I tell her we need to go on a break so I can think things through. She cries a lot and it is a sad day, but it went about as well as could ever go.
I explain how this whole saga made me feel, how she didn’t behave in a way that respected my feelings and that she was deceptive. She didn’t agree and refused to see that she had done any wrong. She is adamant it is a platonic friendship and that I am stopping her forming a friendship.
So we take the break. But we still talk. We share custody of a dog so we keep in touch and it’s all pleasant. But I’m still thinking it through. We start to reconnect a bit but still haven’t come to an agreement on how things should’ve been handled.
Now towards the end of the year NF was coming to Sydney. The online class was having an alumni event and mostly the whole class would be there. I’d known this for a while.
Then on the day before the event as I ask how her day is I get a response “it’s good, NF just arrived in Sydney so I’m meeting him for coffee now.”
I’m even more pissed this time. After all I’ve said and now it’s a one on one coffee. Bear in mind the break we are on isn’t a single person break, it’s just a literal break and space from each other. This was clear to us both.
The next day she goes to the alumni event and they all end up at some house after partying or drinking etc. no idea what happened here. Just a night out I guess.
Anyway, after all of this we have been arguing for the last few weeks, debating the relationship as we cannot agree on this situation.
I believe that she should not have gone to meet the guy in another state after she knew I was uncomfortable, that she shouldn’t have lied about him being there and that she shouldn’t have met him for coffee.
She believes that she did no wrong. That our core values are not aligned. That I am making something out of nothing.
I was happy to let it slide and move past it if we could agree on how it should be handled in future.
I said that she should have skipped meeting in Melbourne, minimised the amount of messaging, and if she wanted to meet him that she could have done it with me when he came to our state later in the year. She offered no suggestions as she does not think she did any wrong.
My mind is all blurry and I’m not sure if I’ve written everything but it should suffice. To cap it off though there is one thing she said to me that has sat with me.
I asked her “why did you need to go and meet these people so badly when you knew I was uncomfortable with it.”
Her response – “I didn’t need to, I wanted to.”
She thinks that I ruined her trip, made her feel shit about making a friend and am controlling.
I’ve told her I am now considering the future of the relationship. Not sure how to feel on this one.
I cannot overstate how much I hate being single.
I have been told I text too much or seem needy but I feel like there’s a deeper issue where they can just sense that I’m not happy in life, and it’s unattractive.
I read the first part and immediatly thought about the second thing you wrote, you just confirmed it later on.
This is a problem for many people, i personally think most relationships only work, if the people in it can actually be happy alone. A relationship is an enhancement to your life and should not be a pillar you build your happiness on. This puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship and it shows in your behaviour from the start, as you said, you get clingy and stuff cause your happiness is bound to this other person and the relationship working out. Especially at the start of a relationship this can be too much for most people, they just want to get to know you and be low commitment and you are most likely suffocating them.
I think the first step is finding happiness without a relationship and then making the step into relationship territory. You should focus on why you are unhappy alone and what you crave in a relationship, that you cant get without?
yeah so in her words i make mean comments about her cat Socks. I might say something like “Socks is sooo bad, or Socks is stinky”. Playful teasing but I didnt know it was an issue with her until now. And she said she says the same thing to my pets, Apple and my dog. I wouldn't necessarily say its malicious behavior but if she's doing it to get back at me that cant be good right?