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Date: October 19, 2022
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Again, sounds like you need His And Hers Psychiatrists (I don't think that's a thing, but it should be).
You: PPD, Burnt out by being the only functioning adult in an otherwise loving home.
Him: ADHD at least, probably more, from what you're describing. If he's trying and failing, as opposed to not trying, it's probably chemical. Luckily there are doctors for that.
Does he get hyper-focused on weird things, like the history of hats in Turkey, but forget the laundry in the washing machine for 4 days? Does it seem like he can't fully control where his brain goes at any given moment? And do you believe him when he says he wants to change, but you both know full well that if he could, he would have by now?
Yeah, that's ADHD.
It's not fair to expect you to do everything because he can't do anything, that's how you got to be as much of a mess as you feel right now (on top of PPD). So, he needs to get to a psychiatrist and learn some strategies (and maybe get on some meds) so he can function and take the burden off of you.
This is a fair perspective, and a lot of people appear to agree with you that she should tell the other girl.
So so sorry girl. I’ve been there before and it is almost traumatizing. It shatters your trust not only in others, but in yourself. I’m not fully healed but I got back together again and I have an amazing man now that I met on Hinge after a few years of thinking I would literally never have sex again. So you will be ok, don’t feel like you need to move on right away and don’t shame yourself for anything. You opened your heart and trusted and did the right thing. You couldn’t of seen it coming or done anything differently. There is nothing wrong with you or how you’re feeling now. Feel the pain, process it, let yourself cry, be gentle with yourself as you heal.
Unfollow him and block him on social media. He sounds like a shit bf if he didn't take you out on a date. Find someone better
And also it's not like i don't mind footing the bill for takeout but the problem is that there are situations when either they don't cook ( normally i would cook myself but since the mostly pay for the food i decide to go with what they make it's actually my decision her because since they are paying for the food i don't want to seem rude) i order takeout or buy some snacks and since i most time use buy one get one free i order 2 but since we are three if i order 2 i have to order an extra one again. And when I am especially hungry i most often intend to eat both or save one for tomorrow but when i do that they take it as selfish. Ignoring the fact that most of the time i order takeout i ask if they want as well. I don't know what to do since i am currently feeling like i am a horrible person and i feel guilty every time this or any other disagreement takes place. Just to make clear again i am not completely innocent here i do do things that are wrong as well so i am not in the complete right but it just seems that when i do something I always have an intent behind it. And most of the time i don't i myself have issues with depression and anxiety since i was 15 when my dad left so I am not always thinking straight or rationally and there are times when I do things without thinking or a reason to it
This is my question. What exactly does he consider “fake” lube?
If he has a problem with non-natural lubes, coconut oil is a great option.
If he has a problem with manufactured lubricants in general, then that's simply the way your body works, and he needs to help you with foreplay to get you ready. If he doesn't want to spend the time getting you aroused, pay attention to that sentence.
He finds that taking the time to make you feel good and ready for sex is not important or worth his time.
This is a serious issue on his part that he either needs to grow up and learn to live with, or you need to recognize that he's going to continue seeking physical affection outside of your relationship because your body doesn't work the way HE wants it to. Please, find a guy who is willing to be patient and loves foreplay and enjoys taking his time to give you the pleasure you need. ❤️
Hey! Differences in a romantic relationship can easily shift from exciting and educational to detrimental and damaging. I think drinking, or the lack thereof, is a tricky one. Is she new to her sobriety? Or does she feel confident in her abilities to maneuver the world of social drinking without participating? It could be more harmful to her than you if you were to bring her out in those situations when she wasn't prepared. If you truly love her and respect the changes that she's making, then you might need to change your behaviors as well. Relationships are an effortful partnership, so it will require effort from both parties!
My guess is that he’s doing the old “Whoa is me, the grass is greener” whine, known as Mid-life crisis (though happens at all ages apparently).
He’s feeling locked in with responsibilities (long term relationship + two kids). Of course, he’s the one that made his life choices, created the life he has but God Forbid he take responsibility for his choices.
Before showing him the letter (yes, you have to confront him) figure out what YOU want. Do you want to deal with his juvenile arrested development and work through his emotional betrayal of you and your life together…
OR do you want to dump his whiny, selfish arse and find the fulfilling life your kids & you deserve.
Sadly everything you said is 100% true.
People want respect and kindness but barely give it.
We don't see people online as actual people in reality
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He showed you. What kind of idiot videotapes himself getting a blowjob??! I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you, but consider yourself lucky you found out so soon before you wasted your life with him.
Well, he blocked me on there too. I just thought he actually cared. Guess not and he probably has a wife at home anyway
I was only able to invite 3 people to my uni graduation, so I invited my parents and my now ex husband. I was the only one of my generation in both mom and dads family so it was a BIG DEAL, or so I thought.
They didn’t show up because I was married now, and it wasn’t important to them. My husband didn’t want me to go to uni at all as that meant I had more schooling than him (he quit in Grade 10) so in the end I was there accepting my awards and diploma with no one to see it. Oh well…
Your gf may not be you gf forever. Maybe your parents or even grandparents would love to go instead.
Believe his ACTIONS, not these words he’s manipulating you with.
Also, dump him. You’ll find way better people out there who you won’t NEED to ask us about. 🙂
Trickle truth. Look it up.
so like trying to gain control?
First of all OP, let me attempt to calm a potential existential crisis for you. Being attracted to a trans woman does not make you gay. You were attracted to her because of her feminine qualities regardless of the genitalia that she has and you should try your best to cherish that fact regardless of your decision.
My advice is to tread slowly and carefully, but not to reject this idea outright. You obviously have very deep feelings for her, deep enough that it sounds like you'll always wonder to yourself what could have become of this attraction.
And, should you decide this won't work for you, that's okay but be gentle and be kind and make it about your attractions and not about who she is as a person. Nobody, especially this girl, wants you to feel pressured into something you don't want to do.
The fact that you have been dating for six years and he still isn't ready to move to the next step is a huge red flag. Take ot fr someone who knows from experience.
Years ago, I was in a similar situation. I started dating a guy in my early 20s. It was a long distance relationship. We lived 30min to an hour away from each other most of the time, save for the year and a half where we lived 8 hours apart. That was tough. I was in college and then grad school. He was working. We dated for nearly 6 years. He was a nice guy, but also didn't want me to move in with him. We broke it off shortly after I graduated, and though it was a tough breakup, I am so glad that we didn't stay together because two years later I met the man who is now my husband and I am very happy.
Here is what I learned: a man who is really into you and wants you there in his life will make it known early on. You won't have to guess. He won't leave you hanging on, wondering what his intentions are, and whether you have a future with him. The right person for you will make it clear, and will not be afraid to have a life with you.
Honesty, the guy you're with now sounds like he isn't as into you as you are with him. Don't waste your time. You're still young. Life is too short to waste it on someone who isn't going to be there with you in the long haul.
Sorry you're going through this.
There is no way to talk to her about this without her feeling worse about herself and more depressed. You’re terrified it will crush her, it will.
There is nothing wrong with being fearful for your partners health and caring, and it’s also okay and human to have preferences. However, bringing up not being sexually attracted to her anymore is not a route I would take, I would focus on the health aspect and her feeling better.
“Have you had a follow up with your doctor? I love you so much and I’m concerned for you, you seem even more down lately, and I know mental health can make it difficult to to take any steps forward for your physical health. Would it help you if I went with you for moral support? We are in this together, your health and happiness are top priority for me”
My advice is to seek a therapist and talk to them and ask how to communicate your concerns with your partner.
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You can’t get narcissism genetically. Narcissism is a defense mechanism caused by chronic emotional trauma (emotional neglect is a form of trauma, being spoiled is a form of emotional neglect) during development.
The genetic component is that some people are more biologically predisposed to developing that personality pathology.
Like two people under the same childhood circumstances might develop different mental disorders, and what they develop is genetic, but the reason it ever comes out was the environment.
So yeah, as long as your husband doesn’t emotionally abuse/neglect your kids they won’t turn into narcissists.
the fact they think their partner must be sleeping w other men for literally no reason is trauma based but that trauma also has aspects of homophobia to it
OK so from what I can see there are a couple of things here.
High expectations. There is nothing wrong with high expectations when it comes to how you want someone to love and treat you. But in terms of how you want your life to unfold I would probably call that more ” desire for control”. The 'sad' fact is that no matter what people do they can't control their lives. I live in a pretty religious area which you might also find helpful as they share the desire to wait for sex until after marriage etc, but that still hasn't stopped people from having kids out of wedlock, or divorce from happening. You can't control it. Maybe it's worth expanding your media you consume to incorporate romantic stories with a broader range of scenarios, like single mothers finding love, or you know? That might be able to give you a deeper appreciation for real love, which is a mixture of friendship and care. Love is an action.
You might benefit from going to therapy. There you can kind of has out what is most important to you. What are your boundaries, what are you flexible on and what are you dead set against. From there you have a framework that you can work from. The good thing is that you are quite young and you are in a great place to operate with those values in mind. I imagine there are others in the same boat as you. Hope isn't lost, you're just young and figuring stuff out.
For me, when I went to therapy to talk about love in relationships, we hashed out the ten most important qualities in my dream partner. Then we set some guidelines. When dating, having 5 of these qualities is a necessity before I'll even date. 7 is minimum for relationship. 8-10 is an immediate keeper/big giant green flags (most people don't have ten btw). If you're working towards finding a marriage prospect or wondering whether to push your boundaries and further pursue someone this may help . In particular, qualities you might find important are “serious relationship/oriented” and “romantic”. I have found my absolute perfect partner. He is not 100% what I would have picked but he is everything to me and I feel like I live a charmed life with him, because he Ticks my boxes. Keep in mind that real things can be much better than imagined things.
And then I also hashed out three most important words/themes for a relationship that are of utmost importance to me. Number one for me is “safety”. Because I have had bad experiences. Yours may be something else.
You might want to do something similar.
Good luck OP, you're under no obligation to “follow through” if you don't actually want to get with anyone, if I was you though I would try practicing being very blunt with people because it's a really good tool for filtering them out.
How often do you check her search history? Major alarm bells. “This is an ongoing problem.” What is an ongoing problem exactly? You snooping on her? I don't snoop on my husband. I'm too busy being an adult and looking up weird stuff myself. ?
If you're sure about contributing financially and the other ways of contributing don't satisfy you then you need to put your foot down about it. It shouldn't only be his decision how you contribute.
I suffer from anxiety and PTSD, I know what it feels like when your brain picks on something and then runs amok with it ? Just take a deep breath and tell your brain to go fuck itself next time, you know what's up ? You're welcome, now enjoy the time with your man and your baby ?
You need him to push additional buttons? Is this a shitpost?
No, it’s just irritating because I want to swim for my physical and mental health and he’s annoying me into getting his way
You are so right. I am going to confront him tonight. I need to have respect for myself first.
He is an ex for a reason, don't forget that. You are both too young for a relationship. You both need to find yourselves and explore before you settle down.
For example, you may want to go to college or a trade school. He may want to go to a different school, you will either be in different places or one of you will have to compromise on your dream.
Build your life first, go have adventures, meet and try out new partners before you decide to settle down.
That would make me question even more why she is reaching out now (maybe guy she was with left her since it wasn’t his and she now needs $$ for support) which she is completely entitled to. Honestly wishing you a happy ending, as it sounds like you were upfront with your current on sleeping with someone else and possibly being the father. Here is hoping the baby mama is as decent and this can be a relatively happy ending
You saw something that didn’t belong to you and decided without permission to read his private writings, then judged his private writings, and then forced him to destroy his private writings all because you saw it on the bottom shelf.
He always shows you the writings he wants you to read, if he didn’t show you this then it wasn’t for you.
You snooped.
Lmao you can’t be this dumb. This has to be a troll post ?
That's a very good question. Maybe I will ask when the subject comes up next.
No actual pieces of tooth iirc. It’s been a while and I can’t really find the post anymore (Boru but it was mentioned in a comment soz didn’t save it). He didn’t brush his teeth, that was clear and I remember that vividly.
This has got to be rage bait no fucking way do people like you exist in real life.
No matter how bad things look or feel for you now, it will likely be worse if you stay in this marriage. She is showing you openly that she has no respect for you and your relationship. You deserve a life where you are happy and to be with someone who values you and treats you with respect as an absolute minimum. I hope you can find strength to do what you know in your heart is best.
This a troll post 100%
Why are you wasting time on someone who doesn't respect you?
Oh girl. I've only ever known one person who was in a relationship like that. Her ex boyfriend is now married to a man.
Divorce him and marry someone who wants to sex you up. Don't let this situation destroy your self worth. Your husband wouldn't want to fuck ANY woman. He's deeply in denial, which is sad, but that is not your fault nor is it your problem.
Along with therapy, I guess also could try do this, do I just:
“Hey, can I hop along with you and your friends?”
Along with therapy, I guess also could try do this, do I just:
“Hey, can I hop along with you and your friends?”
Along with therapy, I guess also could try do this, do I just:
“Hey, can I hop along with you and your friends?”
You need to adult up on this one. The only thing keeping her around is a fear of confrontation. Tell her you overheard and you are sorry she feels that way. Continue by saying out of respect for her and yourself you are breaking it off.
It’s going to be the hardest thing you have ever done but not as hard as continuing To live a lie
It's not the fault of people with mental disabilities that the US welfare system is shit. There are tons of non-physical disabilities that can prevent people from being able to work enough to earn a living, from intellectual disabilities to schizophrenia to autism to depression, and all of them are just as deserving of benefits as any physical disability. It sucks that you guys have a terrible system that denies benefits to people who really need them, but other disabled people are in no way “part of the problem”.
Sounds like y’all need a third party to talk with
Pretty much, like I've increased how often I shaved because I know my partner prefers me clean shaven over me looking scruffy.
Like, it's not a big deal so I really don't get why some people get so offended that their partners have preferences over our styles. As long as it's nothing major and not time consuming, why not make your partner happy?
You gotta wrap up the pork and be sure to tie it off!
That's not a little “oopsie” and to go unnoticed for 2 yrs, I d be upset af too,especially if this is a serious relation with plans of a future. Not saying it was handled properly, but I too sometimes use laughter and jokes to suppress anger and anxiety in some situations.
“I’m not attracted to you, I don’t want to suck your dick, I don’t want to fuck you”
I mean that's pretty crystal clear, I don't know what you expect randoms on Reddit to tell you when she's already spelled it out extremely bluntly.
finished all laundry
Finished all his laundry.
Honestly it just sounds like OP is grasping at straws to make herself look better.
Your girlfriend should be happy and excited for you! This is not a normal nor supportive reaction. The fact that she can’t get behind you over a job you’re striving to land shows some selfishness and immaturity on her part. It’s only a few hours away, not half way around the world. Go to that interview and let her figure out her own shit.
I recently got my dream position which requires a commute and although more money, less hours to start. Guess what my boyfriend did? He volunteered to pick up a few shifts at his old job yo cover the monitory difference. He also gets up before me cause he’s naturally an early riser, he packs me a lunch and cleans off/warms up my car. This is what a supportive partner does.
As a 27f married to a narcissist/alcoholic/pathological liar… You have created an environment where he feels like lying is the only way to keep the peace. You say his friends force him. Unless they are tying him down and forcing him to drink there is no force. He wants to drink with the boys. Every time he drank you threw a fit. You blew up his phone worried when you knew he was out drinking and probably wouldn't respond. You asked a question because you assumed something and then tried to prove he was lying by facetiming (tired can look drunk btw). You are digging your heels in that he is lying about being drunk when you hung up on him assuming so based on a middle of the night face time. And regardless of if he was drunk or not he safely got home via taxi and was cleaning up to go to bed. You have now created an environment in the relationship that he feels like if he drinks one beer or if he gets hammered he has to hide it. A grown ass man feels like he has no freedom to enjoy a pass time that you have not given any indication he shouldn't do. It doesn't sound like he NEEDS to drink but that he wants to do it socially. It sounds like he is responsible when he does over indulge and your issue you are throwing a fit over is that he isn't keeping you updated with a play by play. While worrying for someone is justifiable, blowing up every time someone does something is not ok and it creates a hostile relationship dynamic. He is 29. If he wants to drink and not txt you he is welcome to. Your not married. Your not engaged. you don't live together. When he comes and goes or if he is drinking is not your problem… If he shows no markers for being irresponsible or addicted to it then He should be allowed a night out with the boys with out his GF blowing up his phone if he doesn't give a play by play…
Why the fuck are you engaged after only 7 months are you okay???
It is not the same at all. If you are limiting (genuinely limiting) your lime playing to a couple of hours a week, and you do spend time with her doing things, then she is being unreasonable.
If you wake up and think about your game, go to work/study and when you come home you play until midnight every night, or spend your entire weekend playing, then your relationship is in trouble because you are obsessed with a game and have no time for her.
Only you know if you are a game addict and that's all you want to do.
Having said that, it is nothing like cheating, it's a different problem that is damaging your relationship and/or life.
So, if you only play a few hours a week and she says it's equal to cheating, she has never been cheated on. She is trying to say she wants more of your time. Again, only you know if you are giving her attention or if she is being dramatic and unreasonable/looking for a fight.
Do you feel like that changes my point?
You knew how she handles this. You rolled the dice anyway.
Actions speak way louder than words; it was definitely very obvious he wasn't lying.
Not going to comment on your specific situation, but there are also plenty of atheist Jews who still want to raise their kids Jewish. I’m an agnostic Jew, both my parents are atheist, and I was raised in a reform synagogue where plenty of regular attendees talk to the rabbis about how they don’t believe in god. It sounds like you don’t really understand how complex Judaism is, or what it means to be culturally Jewish. However, if you don’t want to convert, this is probably not the relationship for you.
Again, we will need to agree to disagree here. My boyfriend is not a creep. I made the comment initially as a joke and also as a woman thinking “damn how do I get mine to look like that in a deep v neck ?”. I understand your point, but that specifically isn’t where I see an issue in an my relationship. The initial comments were never upsetting and being a women myself, it was never something I would have said in ear shot of the waitress and risk her being uncomfortable. The issue was my boyfriend consistently making those jokes to ME for hours AFTER I told him I was done talking about if for the night.
Completely understand your side, just isn’t specifically the issue I’m looking to address. Thank you for your feedback though!
I think it’s more than just “we need to lie”. If my girlfriend asked me for a rating then my honest answer would be a 10.
Is that objective? Probably not, but that’s kind of the point. At some point you stop being very objective about your partner because you have rose tinted glasses on. The absence of those is concerning.
Seriously. I wish I’d left a relationship where I was repulsed earlier, instead I stuck it out for like two more years and I sincerely regret it. If the guy Grosses you out, it’s your body telling you no. Do yourself a favor.
Here is what you do, you open the door. No judgement, no pressure, it's her choice if she walks through it or chooses to stay.
I am a firm believer that 99% of open relationships that work started out that way during the dating phase.
Okay? So she realised she prefers a partner with different traits. What's the question here?
I am actually the guy she talks the most with. I know this cause we have that heart thingy on snap.
If you do tell her just say you went out on a date instead of going out with your friends. No need to tell her you slept with her if she isn’t in your life anymore.
Ma'am are you ok? You're his mother, not his girlfriend… you're jealous like a wife. That's so far from normal and a /justnoMIL in the making. Back off!
Flee for your life. Sorry OP for your tragedy but there is no way you deserve this.
The rule I follow is if you and your partner have different habits, that's not a big deal. E.g. he/she loves watching football and you couldn't care less.
A lifestyle difference is something that is much harder to reconcile. E.g. they always want to be out of the house, but you'd rather stay in. Differences in personality or belief are even harder to reconcile, because that is a lot of who you are as a person.
I think it's 100% valid to break up with someone over a fundamental difference in beliefs. What the OP is experiencing now is the honeymoon period of the relationship. Give it a few years, and she would likely be the victim of his political beliefs. Not to say he won't feel compatible either, but there's a strong difference between “he thinks lgbt people shouldn't exist” and “god she makes me care about people”.
And yet another deal breaker for my taste. This is exhausting. Maintaining a relationship is hard, requires continuous effort, etc. but it shouldn’t be this hard.
She’s pushy and wants to be always right, you crossed into petty territory. Have fun…
You already wrote it in the title: he won't cut her off. It may have been unintentional but you did write the truth. He did it repeatedly after you confronted him, he is fine with gaslighting you, he is fine with you feeling like shit. You just need to decide without picturing him or his face or all that you have been through if that is something you want in your life. And then you need to admit to yourself that he is not your best friend. Or even a distant friend.
Go to the school counselor and ask what you can do about school. Stop focusing on her and switch focus to working on yourself. Relationships come and go. If you think of her practice blocking those thoughts.
I'd find me a partner who was interested in having a mutual sex life with me, not just using me as a masturbatory aid. He needs therapy to deal with his porn addiction.
34M****** NOT 42. Sorry!