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Jade Koi, 20 y.o.
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Date: December 8, 2022
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replying to your edit; that’s kinda how i feel. but it wasn’t always this way, it just kinda developed as time went on. i feel as though i’m the only person in their life.
Based on the information provided, it was pretty deserved. She probably thinks you lust over this woman and of course is going to be jealous. Same way I'd bet you'd be jealous if you thought she was lusting after other men. But you guys clearly haven't discussed boundaries yet ?♀️
I would agree with the above posts that your wife needs a lot of help from a psychologist and that you did go as well.
You mentioned earlier that you're worried about ruining your children's lives because you've had family divorce trauma in your childhood. Please see a psychologist who can help you sort out all of this complex trauma so that you don't pass it onto your children. And know that remaining in a relationship with this woman will teach your children it's ok to let people abuse you if they say that they love you. Is that a lesson you want them to learn? If not you need to get all of you out of this situation and into therapy. I don't know how old your children are, but staying in this abusive situation is the worst thing you could do for them and for yourself.
For all of you, please go to a psychologist to help you with your past, and to help you with the guilt of leaving this abusive situation and for strength to stay away.
This actually helped me a lot thank you very much. I won’t be doing that
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This could be potentially dangerous for her, seriously. It's not about her cheating or them trying to convince her to cheat or them hitting on her… it's about them potentially HURTING her. If her best friend falls asleep, how does she know that these guys are going to respect her body? Not everybody is a safe person even if that's how they appear.
thank you so much for this response. i do tend to ghost people instead of talking things out, just seems easier. But ur absolutely right, ignoring him would just upset me more.
Has he improved? Or has he just not been put into a situation where he needs to control himself?
Tell him to go suck rocks!! If he loved you and cared about you, he would have been there every day and encouraging you to get better. He didn't, he walked away and he's a superficial douchebag. Keep doing what you are doing for YOU not him or anybody else. He only cares about how you look and nothing else.
She has no support system readily available to her for a temporary amount of time. You can't relate to the experience of having someone else's mental illness destroy your life. You take the support you can get.
What does your getting mad at him accomplish? If he was asleep he cannot control involuntary muscle movement. Getting mad serves no purpose. So, no, you shouldn't have gotten mad at him for involuntary muscle movement while he was unconscious.
…unless you don't think it was an accident…
If he’s behaving like this at 2 mos in when most people are on their best behavior, he doesn’t see an issue with it and who knows how much worse it could get?
Also, what on earth kind of conflict is occurring at 2 mos in that you need to be apologizing?
This doesn’t sound healthy to me (44F) at all. I’d let someone raise their voice to me once. Twice and I’d be done .
Don't forget about what happens when parents get older. In some families, it's expected that their children have them move in. Or take over the family business, farm, etc.
Will he go along to some therapy sessions with you?
This.
And I would like to point out you two could put on the table the discussion of possiblely being in a sexually open relationship if you want this relationship to continue, not emotionally but physically so you are able to have your needs met sexually if not with her. You could essentially have a friends with benefits or even nix the friends part and they just be someone you can safely hookup with here and there. You could look into meeting someone who is aromantic but sexually active as a potential sexual partner, ot may make your partner feel more comfortable with the idea as there would be no chance for emotional cheating happening if that is a worry on her part.
“I miss my old girlfriend who did so much for me.” Well she misses her old boyfriend who brought more of a stable income.
She shouldn’t have to ask you to help out more. You should already be doing more because that’s what sharing a home is about. If it’s 50/50 finances, than it’s 50/50 household. Or better yet, you as a good boyfriend knowing she has serious health issues that are impacting her wellbeing and her finances should be taking on more just to take some of the weight off her shoulders. Why a 24 year old needs to hear that from reddit is beyond me.
Not that much, though. She fucked up big time somewhere. Whether it was choice in degree or choice in institution.
Is your best friend more important, or is your wife more important?
You lied to your wife. You did this to yourself, mate. Next time, don't lie to the woman you're supposed to spend your life with.
How long did you date before marriage?
You can swear on the internet. Now let me buy you a cab ride so we can get married
I think fighting is strategic to stop the conversation about his employment. I can't stand someone who lies about important things. I would never be able to trust them because I know they are liars. He has been lying for years now. I would lose respect for this man.
The other concern is someone who is 36 years old and hasn't worked for so long. If he was in school full time or something I might be able to let that slide. I wouldn't want to be with someone in their mid 30s who doesn't work and lives off their parents?
Some people don't mind taking care of a significant other financially. I would never do that myself. I want a partner, someone who will share the responsibilities of making a home and life together.
You have found two very important red flags here. Either of them is enough to end the relationship. I would really consider if this man fits in with what you want for your future.
Thanks for remembering haha. No- but this one has slept with every single one of his friends but has not snagged him so not sure if that has anything to do with it. Truthfully she shouldn’t have been allowed at the wedding.
That sounds really good. I’d like to know before… yes.
Going on three months and he says that you're moving too fast and isn't ready for a serious relationship? cmon. Dating these days is just weird.
Perhaps he is genuine about taking it slow or perhaps he is just stringing you along, enjoying the ride, and then he will break it off with no drama and he will pull the whole “I don't think I'm ready for a relationship” and then move to the next one.
If he feels sad and hurt about you seeing someone else, then tell him you deserve to know what you are to each other now. Seeing someone for more than three months is more than enough time to know whether you want to be with him and you've been spending A LOT of time. He should know by now. If he is still uncertain, drop him. Don't waste your time.