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? Hello love come and play with me in my room would you dare ? @Goal Anal , ¡¡ [Multi Goal]
Date: October 24, 2022
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Lots of people have had a FWB at some point. It was before you knew her so it really shouldn’t matter. What she did before she met you is her business. She doesn’t have to disclose every hookup. It’s not like she lied to you about it. She didn’t do anything wrong.
ONLY exception is if you are saving yourself for marriage and looking for a partner who is doing the same. If it’s a beliefs thing I could see the point of view and obviously in that case she would’ve lied but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case
Have you both talked about each others sexual past? Was she promiscuous before and she’s trying to change her habits? Are you sure you and her have been mutually exclusive throughout your relationship. Not trying to plant a seed but she may be getting that need met somewhere else.
Has there been any weird behaviors from her: not answering late at night or going to bed earlier than usual at times? Any close male friends that may be closer than you think?
Just giving you some things to consider as it’s very abnormal to abstain that long while in a relationship. Maybe she is the unicorn but I’d wager she’s not
Does he “function” when you exchange favors?
Let me guess. You’re white.
A lot of false equivalences being made here. Having a degree does not = smart and not having one does not equal dumb or uninformed.
I know many very smart people without degrees – well read and open minded. I also know some truly stupid people with degrees.
I have a BA(Hons) and an MSc – I was just as intelligent before but now I know more about my chosen academic subjects, that's all.
People sometimes equate having their heads filled with the personal life views and political views of their professors makes them more knowledgeable. It doesn't, just indoctrinated. Especially if those views don't pertain directly to that professor's area of academic expertise.
People are downvoting you but you're not wrong. She went digging and found something she didn't want to see and then made it his problem. I know it isn't easy for her to see her bf with another woman but it happened consensually before they were dating. It was a stupid mistake of OP to forget to delete the video but it's kind of cruel and way out of line for her to call him disgusting for having a sexual past.
My brother gave my spirited away and it’s one of my favorite movies
Men don't have a delayed reaction. Many women break-up silently and then delay saying it out loud. They typically wrestle with the idea of breaking up for a long time. Then they create distance in the relationship while collecting a list of grievances against their partner. By the time they actually end the relationship they are relieved to be free and have already mourned the end.
Sorry but I think you are overreacting, please don't worry about it.
And then what? Also I can’t I’m locked into my rental contract for a year
and have brown eyes… what color eyes would he like you to have, let me guess, blue – disgusting.
He didn’t call me a c**t, but he knows his behaviour isn’t right otherwise he wouldn’t be worried about me talking to my mum about how I feel and parts of our relationship. I guess you’ve answered my point about the arguments and how he turns it around on me and how it’s my fault or picks apart perhaps a ‘look’ or if I’ve said something in the wrong tone because I was doing something else at the time
What you're feeling is pretty normal, given what happened. It's hard to imagine a scenario in which that friend wouldn't want to sleep with you gf again and even harder to perceive all of the things he does with her as not being an effort to keep the door open for himself.
The big thing is that you trust your gf and understand none of this is the fault of anyone. The only way for you to work through it is to continue to trust her. In time, she may spend less time with him as she spends more time with you naturally. You don't have to dig any deeper or set any hard discussions on the table.
Trapping someone into parenthood is NEVER okay. But as far as a paternity test goes, if you're demanding one… are you planning on paying for that? Because it's insanely expensive, about $2000 from what I understand. Also getting a paternity test while she's still pregnant is even more expensive, not to mention really painful for her. I understand why you want one but you don't get to make those sorts of demands without 1) offering to pay for it, and 2) allowing her to do it in a way that's comfortable/not painful. Be reasonable.
Maybe instead of spending money on gifts, you spend it on a good therapist. Honey, you need to get out of this crazy relationship for good.
I feel trapped in this relationship I quit everything to be with him. This vacation was awhile ago actually but has constantly been on my mind and disgusted me. I understand if it’s night time both parties consenting and nobody around. We’ve done it before (at his request). Nowadays it feels like he wants nothing more than a bang maid. Guess I learned the hard way don’t move in too fast with somebody even if they seemed great
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I know it is weird. I am from a different country and for me, it is not weird. In our culture word of the month amongst family is enough and they gave me money and said if they ever need it I will give them back and I agreed.
I haven’t seen anyone else say this, but I think you should not only tell your friend about the abusive behavior you experienced, preferably in a nicely organized list like you posted here, but I would let the ex know the same list. If he is an overall decent person, he may not understand how abusive some of the things he did was, and he may want to seek help himself.  At the very least he will understand why these women friends in his life no longer want to associate with him.
It is naive to think that there hasn't been a physical affair between them. I understand he wants to live in this safe bubble of ” I didn't ACTUALLY go through with it” but they both have repeatedly lied to you.
We went to my moms for Christmas and they were right next to each other the whole time. Basically their bodies were touching the entire Christmas party. He didn’t once stand by my side but by hers. I told him how disrespectful my family said it was.
Screw what they SAY, watch what they DO. You have seen with your own eyes their inappropriate connection. They don't even care to hide it in front of your entire family?? Acting like this AFTER you've gotten back together?? IMAGINE how they act when no one is watching. They think they are smarter than everyone, especially you.
I would keep her at an arm distance and play nice for the kids but no relationship
Really? Not even her boss? Her doctor? It’s either a lie or she’s a criminal.
Parties don’t have to mean cheating, sexual assault, or whatever else negative on your mind. It’s also possible to simply have fun, leave, and go home without incident.
I don’t want to sit here and say you’re “wrong” for feeling this way. You feel how you feel. It’s not exactly a crazy or uncommon insecurity, but at the end of the day, that’s what it is; an insecurity.
Relationships come down to trust. If you can’t trust your partner then what are you even doing? From there comes the lie most people tell themselves; “I trust my partner, I just don’t trust [other people].” You need to understand that your partner has the agency to say no if someone were to make a move. Unless we’re talking about the extreme scenario, which could certainly happen, but you can’t have a mindset where that’s something that’s a guarantee to happen. It isn’t.
But you can’t tell her not to go. That would absolutely be controlling. You can certainly tell her how you feel, but you can’t except constant reassurance either. As for long distance, you two need to figure out how to make it work together and set expectations. Good luck.
Oh by the way, I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
From what I understand she really is doing therapy, it's not like she's half assing it. She also goes on antidepressants and is getting treatment, but from what I can tell it's not working greatly. Also I am unsure if she would want to go into a psychiatric hospital, but that could be a last resort.
I have stayed at home with them for a couple months before, it wasn’t that bad. Between taking care of them and getting chores done I still had free time during naps and after bed time. I’m not out of touch at all, I’ve done it myself.
My parents have seen it too. She asked them to come over and watch the kids so she could get things done, but she just sat on her phone the whole time.
You both needto sit down and discuss what each of you want from a living arrangement that will satify both of you.
Some couples may each like independent spaces where they can have downtime, do hobbies, etc.
Once you know what to look for in a residence, look for one together and make it an enjoyable process and find the right home.
I hate to tell ya something bud ?️??❤️??
Yeah I answered very few people until I got locked out. I don't know most the answers I got.
Exactly. Nothing like lying to make your actions seem less reckless.
You spelled ex GF wrong. Seriously, it didn’t get better from here and you need to put on some good boots and kick her to the curb. Don’t try to figure out this nonsense, just move. “You’re entitled to your feelings but that shit is crazy so this isn’t going to work out. It was nice knowing you.”
Yes, totally meant to edit before I posted. Definitely did not call me a slur
Needing reassurance isn’t his problem. How he’s handling himself is.
What do you mean by this exactly? OP said he's been the best boyfriend she could think of having. Like, in your opinion, how should he have approached this?
How is he not looking for stability? He has both financially and emotionally supported OP for a time, helped where he could, and inspired her to be a better person through the relationship. Are these not acts of someone who wants this relationship to succeed?
Because you can't focus on asking for the test in this situation since he has every right to ask for one. He maybe could have brought it up in a better way but it's already an uncomfortable question to ask in our society for no good reason. It breaches less trust in the relationship than asking to have access to a partner's phone, and that is common in many relationships. Asking for a test is only seen in such a bad way because men are often overly vilified in our society.
He started it by demanding a paternity test in the fictional case of a pregnancy.
or testicular cancer.
Y’all we know virtually nothing about this girl. We know she sleeps a lot. The differential dx list is a bajillion things.
Hilariously accurate
Has she explained whats changed her mind? Maybe her friends have shamed sex workers and she sees them in a different way now?
This was my exact thought. How could she consent if she was wasted?
It’s not normal at all for anyone to flip out over a pillow. Replace pillow with cat, dog, or child… how would you feel if she told you to get rid of any of those? I can’t stress to you just how not normal all this is and frankly you need to have an exit strategy in place and consider divorce.
You both want to be together. Supposedly. But. What’s with you playing martyr and saying there’s too much baggage? He doesn’t think so and you are the one that went elsewhere. Do you really want to stay with him? I think the too much baggage line is bs because he’s okay with it. To the boyfriend. She’s not your housekeeper. Do your share. Also create a life outside of this relationship. She can’t be your everything. This could work. I suggest couples therapy which can only help.
You’ll find many GFs will find ways to remove you from your hobbies and interests. The question is, can she be ok with these other things. If not, time to move on.
You handled this pretty well all things considered. You guys will be stronger for it. Wish you the best of luck and congratulations on your wedding.
Yep
That’s colorism… don’t deal with that bs. It’s rude and you’re young and should be thinking about what makes you feel good when with someone … you don’t need to waste your youth on bullshit. Move on.
Perhaps he enjoys your relationship just as it is with just the two of you in it and sees no need to invite the state into it.
Move out. I know, it sounds dramatic, but that's what you need to do, not come to Reddit to vent.
That’s beautifully put, and actually sums up everything I’ve been trying to put into words. And honestly I did think about the strain for sure, being away from everyone and having to put all my trust in her While feeling uneasy just makes everything hard. Like I could definitely see it improving our life and giving us options we haven’t had but definitely need to have those hard conversations in order to feel that stability.
sounds like you guys have different morals and values. not all immigrants are the same, not all families are the same. there are many cultures in which it is normal & expected to take care of the family, especially your parents as they did for you. he has the right to do this with his money. talk to him about it before you guys get married and allow him to make the decision of what he wants to do after, however i highly doubt you’ll be around for much longer after that. sounds like his family & culture take care of their blood first, and thats a good thing and you shouldn’t be looking down upon them
You basically told her, “I see you as fuck toy but not worthy of a relationship”
Google 40% of all cops. He may retaliate against you or her. Clearly he already has fucking problems. Glad these are the types of men “protecting and serving”.
Seriously though: the only good cop is an ex-cop. Ruin this man.
I know its an overused meme but, just gonna drome the gender-swapped post below, see how you would feel reading it.
I had my daughter at the age of 21 years old. Her mother passed away two years later. So it was me and my daughter against the world. When it came to my dating life, I haven't been so lucky. I did have some random hook-ups here and there and very short-term relationships throughout my daughter's childhood. In the beginning of my daughter's senior year, she brought a friend home. Let's call her Emma. She was basically at our house every other weekend. I was really happy because my daughter doesn't have a lot of friends. She usually keeps to herself. I really liked Emma as a person. She was a real sweet woman. We had have nice, short conversations whenever she was at our place. We exchanged number just in case. She would start sending me messages and jokes. I would respond back. My daughter didn't mind at all. After 4 months of coming to our house, Emma texts me she wants to meet up for coffee out of nowhere. I texted her if it was something urgent or about my daughter. She responded by saying it's something important. I was curious, so I decided to meet up with her. When I met up with her, she looked very nervous. I asked her what was the meeting about. She told me I can't tell my daughter about it. She then confessed to me that she was developing feelings for me. I was taken aback by this. I told her that while I was flattered, I had to think about my daughter. She pleaded with me to just give her a chance. It was so long that I found somebody interested in me like that. Emma was already 18 when she was introduced to me and she was a very beautiful woman. I said yes, but with the condition that it would be only casual dating and my daughter doesn't have to know about it. We met up the next week at her place. I told my daughter I was going out with my friends. After an hour into the date, we slept with each other. Then we promised to meet up in the close future. Our meetups became very frequents, and as such, our relationship grew stronger. I was beginning to fall in love with Emma. We learned more about each other. Emma was becoming my main source of joy. I wanted the weekend to start early just to be with Emma. It was hard for me to pay attention to anything else in my life. Looking back, it seems that my relationship with Emma had a negative effect on the relationship with my daughter. I had to come up with different excuses on why I wasn't around. I missed out on her soccer games. I think I really messed up when I missed her birthday dinner because I was with Emma. I told her that work held me up.
I can't quite imagine how the dude's parents feel, but the ages are pretty messed up, the “Max” most likely had no experience in relationships, as shown by him proposing so damn fast, and his immaturity with revealing to your son your relationship (you say it was an accident, I would say that there is no way in hell someone writes a full-on message and sends it without noticing which chat they are on).
You're for all intents and purposes a cradle robber and I hope your relationship with your new husband doesn't make it so your daughter follows your footsteps and marries somehow double her age just out of high school.
As for advice, do not attempt to amend your relationship, make no requests of your son, and listen to what he has to say or asks.
You will most likely not be able to fix the relationship, but you can give it some level of closure and that is better than nothing.
Also, recommend couples therapy and individual therapy for you to maybe figure out what led you to make such choices, and at least make the relationship you do have as healthy as possible.
Go to your graduation. You put in so much hard work and time to get to that point. You deserve it.
To me, it almost sounds like a slowly developing manic episode, starting with the whole idea of a career change, and now progressing to this outburst
You won't wear it for the rest of your life if he never proposes.
I’m sorry. In any case, I would focus your energies on yourself and coming up with an exit plan rather than focusing your energy on her in any way. You can’t help her, she can only help herself
I didn’t have my kid until I was 31, had a stable career, house, and car with no debt other than my mortgage. It was still super hard having a baby. It totally changes your life in ways you can’t even imagine. You no longer get to put yourself first. Most people don’t talk about all the difficult parts. Please don’t have a baby at 18 years old. I know you feel like an adult right now but let me tell you, you will both do a lot more growing mentally, emotionally, and even physically over the next 10 years. By 31 I was a completely different person than I was at 18 and I think that’s pretty common.
I can appreciate those things, however this is not the case for her job. She does spend time sending emails and correspondence but it is definitely not on call. She has left mid day to go get a manicure or go to the mall. So definitely amounts to free time in this instance.
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Before I get into this, I’m new to actually posting on Reddit so I’m sorry if the formatting and stuff is wrong.
For some context, I am a survivor of csa and also sa that happened later in life. My boyfriend knows about this because I’ve never hid it from him.
We have an otherwise pretty healthy relationship aside from the fact that whenever I bring up anything to do with SA (including my own experiences) he always insists that the victim is at fault and ‘could have prevented it’. However much I try to explain what it’s like or the fact that I think the person committing the crime is the one at fault, he can never back down. He insists that unless the person is a young child, they could have done something to prevent it and therefore it’s the victims fault. As I’m sure a lot of you can imagine, it’s really hard for me to hear him talk like this. It really hurts me and makes it even harder for me to process and move on from my own life events. It also scares me, especially the fact that he’s talked about how he would enjoy committing such an act on someone he really hates. He’s assured me that he would never do that to me but I wanted to hear other peoples perspective. I can’t get him to change his mind and it makes me feel really unsafe. What can I do?
TDLR: boyfriend believes victims of sa are almost always at fault and has admitted he would enjoy committing it himself. What do I do?
And it's always “yeah they're the perfect partner except when they abuse me”
I’m sorry for ranting here but I just need to. Another girl likes him and she’s my close friend and he’s also in my friend group. Nobody even knows I like him. He hasn’t told either of us anything about his feelings but I just can’t get my hopes up.
the answer is because you are stupid
He's self aware but has yet to begin the work of deconstructing and examining his world views. That is developmentally appropriate for his age, as is having a relationship with someone who challenges those views. One way we grow as people is by forming close bonds with others who have different values than we were raised with. While he makes you aware that judgement for your appearance is a thing that happens, you are helping him realize that those judgements are based on criteria that not everyone share. He may have been trained to believe that appearances matter, but he also must realize that it should not dictate how we treat people.
You gotta think about two things. First think about all the good sides of your gf and the experience you had with her through out all those years together, just the good things. Second imagine that you ended everything with her and imagine the void you'll be in. And as they say you can't really value sth until you've lost it, so never take it for granted and instead appreciate it.
She gonna ride all the dick and then be all sad when she realizes that dick doesn't pay her bills
I’m all for friendships beyond our own genders. And it sounds like you are mature and supportive in general.
But this definitely seems sketch. Already being flirty, and hanging out WITHOUT you routinely? Assuming you weren’t even invited on this overnight trip they’re planning, that’s honestly really disrespectful of your gf. She already knows you’re getting weird vibes off this guy and she doesn’t care.
Nexxxxt.
Well if this isn't the pot calling the kettle black.
You partner is dating someone 10 years younger than her. She doesn't really have leg to stand on and is likely projecting her own pedophilia on you.
Watch shows you like, and dump the weirdo.
He is just with you conveniently for sex.
Violence maybe ?
He is just with you conveniently for sex.
WHAT THE HEEEEEEEELLLL OOOH MY GAWD NO WAY AY AYYYYY WHAT THE HEELLL
She didn't give that bit of truth for no reason, mate. Someone has found out, or the AP is pressuring her in some way. This is absolutely her minimising the affair, trickle-truthing you, and trying to get ahead of the facts.
There is more to come for, sure.
Are you engaging with or leading conversations or reliant on him doing that?
No girl its fs a possibility, thats another rsn why I ultimately made the decision to. I don’t think she would’ve shot him down because he said she gave him her number. Men operate very differently and I honestly can’t speculate, but we will see. ?
Go on road trips. Go on vacations alone.