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Date: November 5, 2022
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What they meant was 'did you deserve it?'
Which is a particularly effective but awful way to communicate your total lack of empathy
huh? I have no idea what you are saying
But if people did that we wouldn’t need this sub.
You're putting him on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect I guarantee he's lacking in many areas. You can definitely find somebody who makes you laugh/smile more, who earns more money, who is taller/better fashion/more romantic/etc
Tell him you need regular reassurance/compliments from his end. Either way don't fear the eventual breakup, just try and learn something about yourself so you're better prepared for your next relationship which will be an improvement as you better understand what you're after.
The standard “It’s not you, it’s me” speech seems appropriate.
So after 8 years he still wants to party every weekend, hang around with other people and treats you like an afterthought?
By now you should have a proper defined relationship and yet he’s acting like a single man
The fact he won’t even slightly appear interested at something that is important to you says to me that you deserve more
Think it’s time to accept this relationship is over and move on
Sounds like an absence of compassion, man. She’s clearly suffering—you think she wants those symptoms? You need to help her get help if it’s too much on your own before bailing. I know you’re not married, but “in sickness and in health” and all…
It’s okay if her unchecked mental health is too much for you and you need out of the relationship. It’s not okay to blame it on her and shame her for it. If you care about her, let alone love her, show some softness and tell her you care about her mental health and point her towards the help she needs. Ask her or your people for support on that, too.
We've been together 8 months and he proposed… How can i accept marriage having never met his kids?
OP should watch “Womb”
Wednesday would never accept a half assed apology
sounds like your next date should be at a swimming pool. Just make sure to time it right so that the piranhas are as hungry as possible.
THANK YOU. Exactly what went thru my mind!
Then this partnership has no future. Long term relationships are founded upon finding solutions with each other towards common problems. That's what people mean when they say “marriage is work”. You find things that work for both of you. Sometimes it takes personal growth, or compromise, or discipline.
What is her reason given for shooting it down?
yeah sorry he is allowed to have friends.
and you are allowed to know about what goes on in his life including the people he knows and freqently socializes with. If not the exact detail of every private conversation and interaction.
asking where he suddenly picked up another woman he is that close to how he knows her and stuff is not out of line
I feel really bad for you. I am the same, I put loads of effort in and really enjoy giving someone something that makes them feel valued, they've never had before, they gets lots of use out of and really enjoy. My bfs excuse atm is “you're just good at this I'm not.”
I dont really think it's a good enough excuse. This year at Christmas I don't want to do gifts. I've went to being a student and working part time, don't have tons of free money and would rather spend it on things I do want now. Rather than all on him and getting not much back in terms of effort from him.
I've hinted at it but not brought it up properly with him. Going to do that this week. Then when I'm better off financially again, I can go back to gifting. But I'm setting realistic expectations and stuff with him on it. My bf will try to change things and work harder if I point something out usually, and I know he really doesn't want to feel like I've been let down by stuff. So I do think talking about it will genuinely help.
I would absolutely sit your bf down and have a serious chat. I wouldn't just say 'it hurt you didn't buy me anything bar a throwaway £20 gift.' Then expect it to just be better next time. If you think he cares, loves you and does improve you need to fully communicate your expectations. I would also do a quick read up on love languages as I do think they are relevant here.
You need to tell him it didn't just hurt you, you love giving gifts and putting effort in but now it's making you feel like you don't want to, because you feel stupid spending so much on him when he's not returning the same amount of care and effort for you. But even then not wanting to is making you resentful because you actually do want to give him stuff, you just want the same in return. Then you need to tell him roughly what you want to do for him, and what you expect from him. Tell him in terms of cost, in terms of events/dates that are important, and in terms of effort.
See where both your priorities and standards are here, if you match, if you can compromise on some things and if you're going to be happy with the outcome before you just immediately jump ship.
He should’ve respected your boundaries but instead he lied about it. Idc what any one else in the comments say about the “9%” or whatever it’s perfectly reasonable of you to not want a guy who watches porn. Do whatever you feel is right which sadly might be to break up with him.
I’m Italian and I always sauce my noodles. Regardless if my partner made me food I’d be grateful and eat it.
Divorce
Don't listen to the armchair doctors on reddit. “BUPRENORPHINE-NALXONE THERAPY IN PAIN MANAGEMENT” research this article and it'll give you some insight.
The best way to get the answer you need is to be direct. “Hey, do you remember that house warming party you went to? Was it your ex’s? I’m feeling hurt because you ommited that it was your ex, and you just called her a friend. In the future I need you to be more transparent so I feel reassured”
just because it’s animated that it doesn’t affect those who watch it.
It doesn't affect your boyfriend. It affects you because you don't like it.
You are aware that men are also sexualized in this kind of medium as well, correct? It isn't just women, but the majority of people don't see it that way, it's a vocal minority that dislike that kind of media.
I enjoy shows for what they are, an unrealistic view on life or something entirely made up.
Out of all the things that are unrealistic in anime, it's always the boobs. It's never the consistent and unrealistic physique of men, or the large anime eyes, or the tentacles, or the dog that can speak fluent English. Always. Boobs.
he's not right. your reasons alone are more than valid.
It made me feel a way to be honest. That’s the last thing on my mind.
What is the compromise? That you can drink?
I find it controlling. I would find it unattractive in my partner to dictate what I can and cant do, as long as it's in moderation. I might make an exception in he were in recovery because my doing drugs might entice him to.
I would stop seeing him, and not let him tell you something like “you picked weed over me?” No, you picked freedom of choice over him.
He orobably wants a girlfriend that will kiss him
However his reaction is just madness. Run away OP.
You need to leave. He hit you. You don't hit the people you love.
Can you please start formatting your posts? They are becoming impossible to digest.
So, I smoked cigarettes, wife spoke to me about it, I don’t smoke.
This has nothing to do with my point.
To be clear, If you get into a relationship with someone, and you’re aware of the habits they have, you don’t have the right to change someone.
You do have the right to discuss it.
You don’t have the right to demand they do something about it.
You do have the right to leave.
I would say that if your partner thought weed was okay, but agreed his use was too much, he could of easily compromised on how often, how much, or doing it socially, etc, and you would of still felt better with that compromise than his current use.
You didn’t tell him he couldn’t anymore, did you?
Because if you did, you were a manipulative and controlling person, and your lucky he loved you enough to put up with that, even though his life might be improved in your eyes, he may hold resentment for the fact you did that.
However if you did indeed communicate, then, you don’t need to worry because it was an agreed middle ground, right?
See the difference?
As for changing the game late into the relationship, I’m sure you’ve heard horror stories where people have got to a specific level of commitment with someone and then changed rapidly.
Asking someone to change rapidly, is the same thing.
Thats gross
Well, I agree. Not sure why I’m getting downvoted for sharing my personal experience?
My boyfriend is good man who phrases things in an off or simplistic way.
He may be trying to say that he loves you because you have him chance, you didn’t leave just because it was hard or inconvenient for you to stay. When he says “she’s special because she stuck around….”
& when he says “I love how much you love me” that sounds to me like he’s trying to say “I love that you care so deeply about me, even though I’m not good at showing you how much I love you.”
We all have different ways of expressing our feelings with my boyfriend he calls me “little/guiding star” because I apparently got him through a very dark time in his like. Or he says things like “if you think I’m with you because you’re beautiful you’re mistaken” which his hilarious way of saying “I love you for who you are. My love for you goes beyond your physical beauty.”
Meanwhile I put googley eyes on the trash can I puke in when I’m sick & name it after him because they’re both always there when I need them & they’ve both seen me at my worst but stay anyway
I have been doing that for 6 months. At best I will be told to go back on medication from my experience.
It varies from person to person. Some people almost never have to visit the dentist and just cleaning their teeth is enough to keep them healthy and clean.
Ever since I found out about the length of time since he’s been to the dentist, the thought of kissing him seriously turns me off. I think it’s kind of given me the ick
Why? Does he have a bad breath or something? You understand that going to the dentist is not an obligatory thing for everyone, right? This thread is somewhat baffling to me, because you never actualyl said anything bad about his dental hygiene. Just that he doesn't go to the dentist…which is fine.
Yes, tell your dad. Just say you want to have an open relationship with him, and you don’t like keeping secrets from him like your stepmom suggests. Now that you’ve moved out, you’re not afraid of repercussions from her anymore, and you just want to have an honest father/child relationship with him going forward.
So since you want to begin as you mean to go on, you want to tell him the whole story about what happened to the dog. And then tell him what you told us.
She's only twenty. So all of this trauma has happened fairly recently. She is most likely simply not ready for a relationship that includes sex.
Leaving aside the fact that I don't think you should be pursuing people that young anyway, for your sake and theirs, all you can do is keep communication open.
Rather than just asking regularly if sex will be on the table soon, maybe ask for a monthly check in on where the relationship is at, where you both see it going, and whether moving forward is possible. Understand though, it may be quite a while before she's ready. You have to decide how long you're ok with waiting and move on if you reach your limit.
Yes, and the reason is that “it's hard for me to do those things.” I'm not asking for them to initiate the whole thing, I know self-starting is hard. But if I'm doing most of the work, I don't think a conversation is too much to ask for.
If you value your self worth in any capacity whatsoever, you leave. You know it. I know it. Everyone here knows it. This man will not change. The fact that he’s trying to make you feel like you’re having an overreaction by thinking this is cheating (by implying he doesn’t see a problem with it) is a recipe for him committing other behavior in the future (where he is cheating) but try to get a pass because you didn’t spell it out in black and white.
You’re only 24. You have so much time left to find a partner that has everything you value that also will not drag your trust through the dirt.
Staying is an absolute guarantee of wasting more of your time. Life is too short to be treated like shit by someone that supposedly cares about you.
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Not directly like I should have. He has been having some family related issues and I never want to « rub » my mostly healthy family dynamic in his face but it needs addressed
Closure.
Understand that closure is a game for chumps. It's an excuse to keep oneself artificially “stuck.”
I see this as a code word for fears of disengagement and fears of being alone.
Face your fears and disengage. Then accept that being single isn't the worst thing in the world.
You're asking her for permission and approval to grieve the relationship, move on with your life, and drop her in the dumpster behind your house.
The hell do you need your ex-girlfriend's permission or approval to grieve?
Accept that life doesn't usually offer satisfaction or a Disney-style ending. Sometimes it does but usually it doesn't. Life is ugly, brutish, and short. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
I told him he could go home whenever he wanted.
I told him ‘Stay for another 20 minutes, make an effort’. This was at 4 in the morning.
So… he COULDN'T leave whenever he wanted lol Don't say things you don't mean and then be upset about it after when someone takes you to your word.
I think the definition is quite clear, its OP's description of the former g/f that's murky. I also think what everyone needs to know is whether or not the brother is actually chasing underage and pre-pubescent children or not. A young looking 18yo is a very different kettle of fish from an actual 13yo.
I have to agree with the other sentiments on this page. Splitting housing expenses in proportion to income is what is fair. How she spends or saves her disposable income is another matter entirely.
I think you both should just be responsible for your own respective properties. Combining incomes and sharing properties can be a discussion once there is a marriage engagement. If there are no plans to get married, then why bother complicating things?
How would you feel if you wasted another 3 years being absolutely miserable by “making lemonade” when you can take that time mourn the relationship, reflect on what you learned, and find someone who respects you?
I'm so sorry dude, but they're not just friends. I don't know why you're so worried about these other guys when it's your actual girlfriend here who is the issue. She's the one in a relationship and sh*tting on it, not them.
This “best friend” more likely has been her long distance side piece. Now that he's moved close to her, she's making him her real life dude. There's a reason she's never let you meet him. It's the same reason you weren't invited on this trip. If they're such good friends, he would want to know who you are. I'd bet this guy doesn't even know you exist. Also, you don't find it odd he's inviting his friends on this trip, but you, her boyfriend of 5 years, weren't even invited? I mean, it looks like you're going to see this play out, but it's not these dudes fault, it's hers. You can't be mad at them if she's the one making herself available.
That’s good. A very firm plan is what is needed. And you knowing ahead of time what YOU will do in each situation will help you to actually do it when the time comes.
I hope he gets his head out of his ass.
My husband let his mother abuse me. And I begged him to step in. But he refused until the threat of divorce was there. He finally did, but the damage was already done.
Things ended for other reasons. But this was a big tipping point for me.
If she were qualified and registered with her professional body this would be an ethics violation and she should be struck off.
All I'm thinking is:
She went through your stuff?
She went. Through your STUFF?
SHE WENT THROUGH YOUR STUFF?
She's not trying to help you she's trying to help herself feel better because she feels inferior to you. See? I know all her secrets cause I read some psychology stuff. Fucking hell, she's a liability. Report her. She thinks that having a diagnosis and being TREATED for mental health means you're not okay. Wtf?
He is completely understanding like it’s whatever to him, I have a higher libido then he does, Thankyou for your comment
Giving a few justifications of why you smell like perfume is not the same as denying. Did you know you smelled like women's perfume? What were these justifications you gave her?
Why were you going home three hours into your shift, instead of doing whatever after you finished your shift? That's pretty suspicious to me.
Threatening divorce “to see if she cares” is a massive mind game and power play. Why the fuck would you think that was appropriate? You could have tried marriage/couple's counseling first.
When did you guys get married and how long did you know each other beforehand? You two sound like god-damned children.
He’s giving you your answer.
You don't need to speak Japanese to get in to JET, unless she's going for a CIR position.
If she does get in, you shouldn't need to stay behind – JET pays for the airfare and gets you all set up.
I don’t know based on that story what he thinks he went through but regardless that’s weird petty behavior.
Tell her get out
?
It sounds like the cat is near the end of its life. When I first met my girlfriend, her family was giving their 20 year old cat intervenous water feedings. This is what some people do.
No she's a woman not a man so not generally bragging about that. Gives you some information though about the kind of person he is and what sex means to him. In many ways that's more disturbing to me
To be honest. I'm not sure what the point of this post is.
It is what it is. And it has always been what it is. You're weak and rather go thru the headgames, the arguments and snooping than being a grownup with standards.
I mean. Welcome to your life with him where the past is the present and will be the future.
At least he's making money…..?
All this boils down to you don't want to be alone. Or do you want to admit that you chose wrong and stayed with the mistake.
I wouldn't say anything to him cuz what's the point? Just ignore it. And go on with your relationship.
Being in love (romantically) can not last a lifetime unless, like Romeo and Juliet you two have tragically short lives.
Romance is the beginning of a relationship and is generally induced by hormones and the wonderful chemicals that your body produces to induce you to have sex and procreate. It can last for several years, but not for much longer than that.
Love is more of a psychological state which includes RESPECT above all else, but also caring, a measure of understanding for the other through sympathy and empathy, patience, consideration, an ability to commit oneself to a relationship with another person and many other psychological factors. That relationship of love requires good communication ability, self awareness, and an ability to admit one's mistakes and weaknesses. It also requires some understanding of the the weaknesses and faults of others and a lot, LOTS of tolerance. And self control. And even more tolerance. A sense of humor helps a lot too. And this is only a partial list.
Being in love will come and go during the course of many year relationship if the couple searches for the romance that was there at the beginning and reignites it. But that takes some effort. Love is something that two people will develop or not. And that takes lots more effort. Divorce happens most often when two people were in love but never found love for each other. The being in love ends, and then the relationship ends because they thought only being in love is necessary for a relationship. Too bad for them and any kids they have.
So fall in love first but look for the personal qualities that show a person can love.
Wish you the best and best of luck.
The way my head snapped around when he said that ??
MFer, you stupid? Probably should call her your ex-gf ??♀️
Living with someone who you know as an adult is a big adjustment. Much more so when you are a kid and have hardly spent any time together. Going from “they have met a few times” to him being a parental figure in your living space is not going to be the fun time you think it is. I certainly hope you are prepared for the kids feelings about a practical stranger telling them what to do. Not to mention your feelings if you disagree on how to deal with something.
I can assure you divorce is very real, and I have a feeling you’re on your way to finding out firsthand
Women are people- not a weird subspecies.
It sounds like you are saying hot people can be ego-centric. PEOPLE. Men and women both do this…. But it’s not like every hot person does…. And it’s not like uglier people can’t also be ego centric.
It’s not one or the other….it’s not “hot or can talk”…There’s no “side to lean to”.
I’m honestly shocked that youre 28 and have this mindset.
Getting a good ol’ gummin never hurt no one
And what did your girlfriend tell him when he tried that on with her? She ostensibly tried to set a boundary with her, and his response was to blow off her request. A girlfriend with pure motivations would have been pissed and repeated the request with a lot more expletives and character reprimands.
Sounds like the next step is for both of you to confront him at the same time.
We bought them together.
Why do you need to know every time she talks to a person of the opposite sex? That sounds quite insecure and controlling.
If you don't have a problem with her watching porn, then why do you need to know every time she watches it?
Why were you talking badly about her friend- were you trying to control or dissuade that relationship?
Keep all this up, and you'll surely drive a massive wedge between the both of you that splits you in two for good..
So he forced you to cook and guilted you into shopping even though you are poorly. It’s like he has no empathy in his body. If he really did not want to cook by himself he could have ordered a take away. Is he this clueless normally?
I recommend you to move on from him. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you properly. This guy has issues you don't need. Let him sort himself out. You deserve better.
I’m a dad, and I’m on the same page as you. I can’t imagine cutting my kids off for wanting to have a relationship with their mom, if our marriage were to end. And while I think adultery is pretty awful, it doesn’t merit lifelong ostracism. I completely understand why OP’s mom wants no contact with OP’s dad, and I can understand her asking OP to not discuss his dad with her, but expecting OP to go NC with his dad is an unreasonable demand.
You would “stop respecting” your child for being unwilling or able to cut off their father because of your spite. Damn. That's cold as fuck.
First if it was an innocent interaction you would’ve told your fiancé first. The fact that you didn’t tell her “hey I’m gonna text your cousin it seems like she’s kind of needing a friend “ but that’s not what you did you went behind your back. then you had “silly plans “which I’m not sure what that means but it sounds like you’re creeping on a 20-year-old.
Does brain dead count?
Thanks, she's been going through allot recently so last thing I wanna put pressure on her but really dont wanna be one of thoes couples that split just over lack of sex, especially after all weve gone through.
Maybe if he really is “avoidant” then he's only with you because it's easier than breaking up? He's spent the last eight months trying to break up with you and your response is not to accept that but pressure him to stay.
What do you want to happen here? I can't tell without a lot more detail if he's completely non-commital, if you're a little too controlling, or somewhere in the middle of by those two, but the short of it all is that it's eight months in and he keeps trying to break up. What future do you think there is in repeatedly talking him out of it? He needs to want to be with you, not simply not be strong enough to walk away.
Smoking before or at work is extremely common
Could you do us a favour? If in any way you need help, can you ask? There is at least 1 person who will help you. But we’re talking Reddit! Consider 100 people helping you! I hope anyone and everyone realizes from Reddit that nobody is ever alone. And even though nobody agrees with you initially. So many people are willing to help out sorting your problems. Just realize that when you ask an opinion you will get one. And even when that opinion doesn’t align with what you hoped, people on here still want to help.
That's worse. So much worse. Don't date 16 year olds unless you are 15 -17 yourself.
This is sometimes how people start being pimped out… please run.
You ain’t wrong lol.
Huge red flags. I'd leave him.
I thought about all of these things, she has communicated today that I’ve apparently been “a cheap ass” with her since date 3 a year ago.
I think you need to start asking yourself why you need your wife. You are cleaning the house, doing grocery shopping and virtually everything else so why do you need her? I would ask her that question.
Thank you so much, I guess I’ve just always been so scared to say no or hurt someone’s feelings. Which is maybe why I’m so scared? I was in some bad situations where they made me feel bad if I didn’t want to do something and maybe I’m scared of that again. Thank you I needed to hear that
The lady boy porn is throwing me off and I feel like people who work with addicts often seem to be former addicts themselves. So just wondering what kind of trust level exist in your relationship
Tell her to try to grind out some div rivals wins before complaining about fifa. She'll really complain then.
There's nothing you can do. Accept his decision.
Have you asked about her at all?
Even if is for another thing, is still ungrateful. Is what is on her mind.
YTA
Because he’s a narcissist.
It's a niche kind of app so I'm not surprised you've never heard of it, I've only heard about it a few weeks ago. Do hope it works for you though and I'd love an update!
Ah, a waking app sounds good. Good luck.
Would you want her to raise your sons with that ideology? Her parents are just like yours no doubt, and she has what is called “internalized misogyny”. Misogyny doesn’t just hurt women, it hurts men too. I’m sure it’s the area you are living in that has this idea about “real men” as a prolific part of the culture, but it’s not healthy. You either need to get her some education from a therapist (try couples therapy – NOT a pastor!) or you need to leave. She will only get worse after marriage and when she becomes a mom. She may slap your kids too. It seems like a small issue now but it’s clearly a core part of her being and will reveal other related issues.
I just said this and didn’t even read your comment lmao
I just said this and didn’t even read your comment lmao
You are the one that made a mistake. You unknowingly slept with a married man. He knew he was married. He made a choice.
My friend said at least I caught it before she cheated, but having the intent is just as bad in my opinion. But who knows if she would have followed through.
Nah. He's using ADHD as an excuse. Source: I have ADHD and have enjoyed a sex life that catered to both partner's needs. He's being an asshole, and if you've already brought this to his attention without results, it's probably time to move on. Good luck, OP!
I'm gonna start off with the difference between preference and sexual orientation. What you have is a sexual orientation, not a preference. A preference implies that those other genitals (their sexual organs being the labia, vulva, clitoris and vagina) are an option, that you made a choice. A conscious choice on what you like and what you want and that it is an option but that if both are an option at the moment of choice you are likely to choose the other.
A sexual orientation is what you have. Their genitals are not an option for you. It is not compatible with you. They are not something you like or an active conscious choice you would willingly make w/o any form of interference (i.e emotional manipulation by means of emotional investment w/o the full information for fully informed consent). A sexual orientation is never a bad thing. You do not need to try or force yourself into something you just don't want or like. It is ok to have boundaries and have hard stops.
What they did is, to be blunt, remove your agencies. Remove your ability to have made a fully enthusiastic informed decision for where to invest your time and your emotions.
was scared that I would reject him.
And please for the love of god do not accept that as anything more then “it explains it but does not excuse it”. The decision was yours to make, not theirs and they made it for you.
They have a harsh lesson to learn about enthusiastic informed decisions and consent.
This would be a deal breaker for the majority of people. As well as the omission of important information.
One major thing I would advise is to never force yourself into a situation you are not comfortable with. It is ok to say no. It is ok to have and enforce these types of boundaries that directly involve your body and the choice of who to give access to your body to. If this means the relationship ends, then it ends. It is not fair to you in any means to have been placed in this situation. Maybe it could have been different had they told you on maybe date 1~3. But at this current stage there's no take-backs, no rewinds or do-overs. What's done is done.
???
First step is to talk to a social worker, because eventually you will also end up debilitated and then you'll both be screwed. If your wife is as incapacitated as you say she is then it's probably time for her to go live in a full time facility. Because no one person is able to handle everything.
You need therapy. You're fixated on something you can't change and that's not your friends faults, but you need to get over the relationship, not the friendships.
Oh you said I wasn’t overreacting so I thought u meant my anxiety was justified.
well, OP lives there too so you could say the same about her.
all she does is complain about the filth.
“I've decided to end our relationship. I'm breaking up with you. It hasnt been working for me for some time now and I don't believe that either of us could make the changes I feel that I need.”
Have your exit plan organised and if you can have a friend ready and waiting to pick you and help you leave right then it would be great. Take your important documents, sentimental and expensive items immediately, and move everything else out as soon as possible. Do NOT get draw into conversation; it only gives him opportunity to try to convince you that he can change or that you should stay. DO NOT feel you have to say anything more or justify this in any way, or “let him down gently” or talk more about it. Its better if you do not.
“I've decided to end our relationship. I'm breaking up with you. It hasnt been working for me for some time now and I don't believe that either of us could make the changes I feel that I need.”
Have your exit plan organised and if you can have a friend ready and waiting to pick you and help you leave right then it would be great. Take your important documents, sentimental and expensive items immediately, and move everything else out as soon as possible. Do NOT get draw into conversation; it only gives him opportunity to try to convince you that he can change or that you should stay. DO NOT feel you have to say anything more or justify this in any way, or “let him down gently” or talk more about it. Its better if you do not.
“I've decided to end our relationship. I'm breaking up with you. It hasnt been working for me for some time now and I don't believe that either of us could make the changes I feel that I need.”
Have your exit plan organised and if you can have a friend ready and waiting to pick you and help you leave right then it would be great. Take your important documents, sentimental and expensive items immediately, and move everything else out as soon as possible. Do NOT get draw into conversation; it only gives him opportunity to try to convince you that he can change or that you should stay. DO NOT feel you have to say anything more or justify this in any way, or “let him down gently” or talk more about it. Its better if you do not.