Who said I was ignoring advice? I literally said in other comments that I’m grateful for all the advice, and that people are right. I was just too stupid to see it cause he was my first
Divorce your wife. You made a lifelong commitment to her which included not having intimacy with someone else. It's pretty basic as a request. You don't HAVE to act on your desires for others, you simply WANT to. Plenty of people don't ever cheat regardless of having attraction for others. Divorce your wife because you don't respect her feelings enough to care about hurting them. If you cheat, it'll be a much nastier Divorce. If you want to keep your wife, then go get some therapy and learn some self control.
It sounds like he's taken it to heart, to learn and correct, he cares so he speaks, he's considering your point of view, he trusts you with that weight of a topic.
Maybe look at it as you can have confidence he won't fuel your trauma because of his past. Keep taking it out slowly
Thank you for your comment, I'm definitely far from perfect but I'm trying with the best of my ability. I know his self-esteem is his responsibility (as mine is for me too) but when he's confident he seems happier and I just want that for him. 🙂
I'll definitely continue to compliment! Whenever something like that stops for me, I tend to over-analyze why it stopped and if it was something I did and ect.
My boyfriend actually told me about over a year ago or so that when I was dismissive of compliments that it hurt him a bit. Now I always try to thank him for his compliments, be playful about it or I tell him that I appreciate the compliment but at the current point in time I don't feel very attractive to myself. Sometimes he thanks me for compliments too but he hesitates and it's very obvious that he doesn't really believe my words. It doesn't hurt me that he doesn't believe my compliments because I've been in his shoes and understand that it's difficult to believe those words.
I've talked with him and asked him how I can support him but he doesn't really know. I do encourage him to call a warmline we have access to and he does call sometimes, but regular therapy is a bit more difficult bc of his work schedule. I've been on the look out for therapy that's open a bit later than most officers for him but with not much luck.
Also I'm really glad you were able to build your self-esteem back up!
Well, we truly are just friends (or were friends). Think of a good co-parenting relationship: exes with mutual respect for one another that have a friendly rapport. I would have concerns too if my significant other was talking to an ex if they still had feelings, but it's not like we have feelings or flirt. Nothing has happened to justify the concerns, so my theory is she's insecure. And it doesn't sit right with me considering she barely knows him and is demanding that he lose a very close friend with years of history. Just wanted to clarify
Advice: tell them you're a selfish ah who lied to them for months to see if being in a relationship might not suck. That you wanted to cure the gaping hole in your psyche by literally succubusing out of them.
Sorry if this comes off as rude. I’m M26 with a little practice, and sometimes bad happenstances find their way. It’s hard to accept that it may happen, harder when it does, and hardest when you want to move on. Good luck.
oh so he wouldn't have to hide smoking crystal meth from you? Like i said, if he snuck someone into your house and is lying about it, he is the stupidest man alive, and you should go find someone else
I mean if you don’t need to drink and arnt binge drinking it’s not a problem.
I have a cocktail or a beer after work with some chips and either FaceTime my parents, or brothers, or another friend group. It’s nice to sit down and relax, have a snack, a drink, and talk to people about your day.
I don’t need to drink, i can go days without drinking, but I dunno I enjoy a beer, or a Manhattan, or a margarita.
Understand this, if you are honest, and it hurts someone, I don’t consider that, “you hurting someone“ I consider that someone getting hurt by the truth. Now, if you lie to someone that is definitely considered, “you hurting someone“ does that make sense? You are both still so young this may not even be the person you are going to end up with. At the end of the day honesty is always the best policy even if she gets hurt for now, she will respect you in the end for being honest, and be hurt less than she would, by being lied to. That’s just my two. Cents.
Each type of loan is different. I don’t remember the specifics of my undergrad loans, but for my grad school ones I got all the money put into my account and the beginning of each quarter and then I was responsible for paying for my tuition and books directly. I think I ended up with about $2k extra per quarter.
OP could absolutely be getting student loans that help with her living expenses.
BOTH of you need to be given antibiotics for UTI's , if your partner doesn't get treated too you'll just keep getting it, its the same with yeast infections
I’m old enough to be your grandmother. I say go for it! Have a backup plan to leave if it doesn’t work out. Let your friends know where you’re at. Use birth control. Have fun. Be safe.
Yeah well, heroin is pretty electric and exciting. As is cocaine. Neither are sustainable. Roller coasters are tons of fun, but you can't live on one. Love is a lot more than crazy flings.
U don’t come to strangers to dictate her boundary. Whether she is right or wrong? What the fuck.
If she doesn’t like it. STOP DOING IT. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. UR WIFE DOES NOT NEED TO BE JUSTIFIED IN THIS REQUEST. like are u serious
I get it gross – I really do – but only 4 times in 7yrs?? Girl, you need to chill. If you ever have kids this will happen A LOT and in the big picture- is so not worth getting worked up about.
I don’t know why he’s ignoring your requests either. That sounds frustrating. Does he do this with everyone or you specifically? Or women and not men?
I think it’s fine to tell him you don’t see a future with him if he doesn’t change his behavior. Ask him if he’s willing to try a communication exercise. When you make a request as in the examples you gave, he repeats back to you what he thought you said. You then reply that’s right, that’s what I meant, or, say no, that’s not what I meant and clarify or restate. Rinse and repeat. Good luck!
No, the other commenter had it right. Pay what the courts require and directly buy anything what his kid might need. The kid's needs come first. No way is mom going to be able to afford a decent life for the child on $700/mo plus welfare and minimum child support.
Outraged is weird, but I do think he’s justified in being uncomfortable with it. It’s a weird thought to know someone else has shared your personal space- let alone with a partner. Why didn’t YOU sleep on the couch?
I can only speak to your part in this, because you’re the one that’s posting and all you can do is look at the situation (any situation) from your part in order to identify where you need to learn and grow. So the main thing you need to admit to yourself is that you were never really her friend. Everything you were doing was because you were trying to get with her. Then you threw a tantrum because you felt all the things you were doing entitled you to her and she picked someone else. Now you feel like a fool because everything you did didn’t work and you’re taking it out on her. Overall, regardless of how you’re doing tying yo spin it, she never betrayed the friendship she thought she had with you. You betrayed it in the sense that you never really were her friend.
I probably don't even know them and I would happily be on clown watch. Let that dunbass try to get past me, I'll tackle him to the ground and ensure he chips a tooth while I'm at it.
I don't think destroying your progeny is ever “for the best.” This is something you'll both regret for the rest of your lives. Do you think you would regret having the child?
You've never seen each other and person and wonder why you are having mixed signals about entering a physical relationship? Well, it's hard to do that without actual physical contact/meeting irl.
How long is the distance between both of you? You are not being catfished, right??
Being kind and giving him a timeline. Text him that it’s over and that if he contacts you again you will go to the police for harassment. Block him on everything and FOLLOW THROUGH. Do not give this pos a chance to suck you back into the abuse and if you stay or go back he WILL get worse.
This post screams insecurity and immaturity. You cannot control your girlfriend. You either trust her to spend time with other people and not cheat, or you don’t. And if you don’t have that trust then you shouldn’t be dating.
you need to realize that it’s totally normal and healthy for guys and girls to be friends. unless she has given you a reason not to trust her, your jealously and controlling manner are going to push her away quickly.
Your husband is blatantly trying to manipulate you. His PTSD claims are BS, and an insult to people who actually have that disorder. He is an entitled man who is upset he didn't get anything shiny because he's only interested in money. It has nothing to do with being from different cultures. He's an ass…that's universal.
He sounds exhausting, you've posted about him multiple times already. Why are you still with someone who is so manipulative? Your family dislikes him and I can see why.
You don't put up with this PTSD lie, you tell him he needs therapy or you make a decision if you can live with a man who is this petty and toxic.
I really like this approach. Our marriage comes first. I want to attribute her behaviour to wanting attention and a thrill and nothing more. I understand that marriages lose a spark after a decade but she should be honest with me and not go hbehind my back
Ive been waxed before and first off yes a hard on is common and uncontrollable and their's nothing sexy ab it. But I have never came close to cumming. Not even a little bit. Everyone is different and maybe you have a new found pain kink but honestly that's a bit concerning. Were you thinking kinky thoughts about this lady? Either way that's probably a story you should have kept to yourself.
Try a conversation first. Don’t bring up the phone snooping and whatnot. Just a “Hey, I’m not comfortable with how much time you’re spending with your ex.” Talk about it openly. Ask her if she can spend less time with him – or perhaps even stop being friends outside of absolutely necessary conversation. You can even ask if you can see her phone and if she’s willing to share those conversations.
If that goes south maybe it’s time for the breakup talk. But sometimes people really do form close friendships with exes. Or she might not feel something but the ex might be doing so. That happens too.
I'm of 2 minds about your question. It seems important to you that you share mutual interests with your partner.
And yet. It's just something I find true in a lot of long-term relationships that are successful? Is that both partners have their own hobbies and interests. Often times this don't overlap much with their partners. Partners develop mutual interests collectively by spending time together and doing things like going out together and having kids and all of that plus more. But if. my wife doesn't give a crap about my favorite baseball team? That has to be OK with me. Because it is never going to change.
it's weird. Because if you are married to someone you need spaces to be apart. While when you are dating, especially long distance, you need to have as much common ground as possible. That's my observation. I hope it helps you.
Don't give in easily. For once try to take a hard stance and see what he has to say and do first before jumping the gun to give him another chance. You may be a softie but there comes a time you have to let it go and be a hardass for a change.
This guy is not husband material. You’re only 22, you have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste any more time with a guy who doesn’t care about you. As you will know better than some your age, things can happen – injury, death, illness. Would this guy stand by you if you came home injured or missing a limb? In his own words – he just forgets about you! Even though you’re sending him money.
You guys sound very.. young.
Cringey af. Is it cheating though? No, but it is a level of disrespectful I wouldnt tolerate
Who said I was ignoring advice? I literally said in other comments that I’m grateful for all the advice, and that people are right. I was just too stupid to see it cause he was my first
Divorce your wife. You made a lifelong commitment to her which included not having intimacy with someone else. It's pretty basic as a request. You don't HAVE to act on your desires for others, you simply WANT to. Plenty of people don't ever cheat regardless of having attraction for others. Divorce your wife because you don't respect her feelings enough to care about hurting them. If you cheat, it'll be a much nastier Divorce. If you want to keep your wife, then go get some therapy and learn some self control.
thank you so much, love ❤️
He told you to fuck off. There's your answer. Dump him.
It sounds like he's taken it to heart, to learn and correct, he cares so he speaks, he's considering your point of view, he trusts you with that weight of a topic.
Maybe look at it as you can have confidence he won't fuel your trauma because of his past. Keep taking it out slowly
48 whole hours of looking after your own children! Wow, you absolute hero.
Thank you for your comment, I'm definitely far from perfect but I'm trying with the best of my ability. I know his self-esteem is his responsibility (as mine is for me too) but when he's confident he seems happier and I just want that for him. 🙂
I'll definitely continue to compliment! Whenever something like that stops for me, I tend to over-analyze why it stopped and if it was something I did and ect.
My boyfriend actually told me about over a year ago or so that when I was dismissive of compliments that it hurt him a bit. Now I always try to thank him for his compliments, be playful about it or I tell him that I appreciate the compliment but at the current point in time I don't feel very attractive to myself. Sometimes he thanks me for compliments too but he hesitates and it's very obvious that he doesn't really believe my words. It doesn't hurt me that he doesn't believe my compliments because I've been in his shoes and understand that it's difficult to believe those words.
I've talked with him and asked him how I can support him but he doesn't really know. I do encourage him to call a warmline we have access to and he does call sometimes, but regular therapy is a bit more difficult bc of his work schedule. I've been on the look out for therapy that's open a bit later than most officers for him but with not much luck.
Also I'm really glad you were able to build your self-esteem back up!
What do they say about it
Well, we truly are just friends (or were friends). Think of a good co-parenting relationship: exes with mutual respect for one another that have a friendly rapport. I would have concerns too if my significant other was talking to an ex if they still had feelings, but it's not like we have feelings or flirt. Nothing has happened to justify the concerns, so my theory is she's insecure. And it doesn't sit right with me considering she barely knows him and is demanding that he lose a very close friend with years of history. Just wanted to clarify
John Oliver's YouTube video about mlm
Do you really need to ask what you should do? Wow! ???
Can you go with him?
Advice: tell them you're a selfish ah who lied to them for months to see if being in a relationship might not suck. That you wanted to cure the gaping hole in your psyche by literally succubusing out of them.
You suck OP
Sorry if this comes off as rude. I’m M26 with a little practice, and sometimes bad happenstances find their way. It’s hard to accept that it may happen, harder when it does, and hardest when you want to move on. Good luck.
Sorry, I was really upset when I wrote the OP. but I actually asked him to stay, or more like assumed in my text and that just ruined everything.
oh so he wouldn't have to hide smoking crystal meth from you? Like i said, if he snuck someone into your house and is lying about it, he is the stupidest man alive, and you should go find someone else
Nah.
I mean if you don’t need to drink and arnt binge drinking it’s not a problem.
I have a cocktail or a beer after work with some chips and either FaceTime my parents, or brothers, or another friend group. It’s nice to sit down and relax, have a snack, a drink, and talk to people about your day.
I don’t need to drink, i can go days without drinking, but I dunno I enjoy a beer, or a Manhattan, or a margarita.
So you have agreed to be child free too?
Understand this, if you are honest, and it hurts someone, I don’t consider that, “you hurting someone“ I consider that someone getting hurt by the truth. Now, if you lie to someone that is definitely considered, “you hurting someone“ does that make sense? You are both still so young this may not even be the person you are going to end up with. At the end of the day honesty is always the best policy even if she gets hurt for now, she will respect you in the end for being honest, and be hurt less than she would, by being lied to. That’s just my two. Cents.
Dump that mother fucking asshole
Each type of loan is different. I don’t remember the specifics of my undergrad loans, but for my grad school ones I got all the money put into my account and the beginning of each quarter and then I was responsible for paying for my tuition and books directly. I think I ended up with about $2k extra per quarter.
OP could absolutely be getting student loans that help with her living expenses.
BOTH of you need to be given antibiotics for UTI's , if your partner doesn't get treated too you'll just keep getting it, its the same with yeast infections
How did you conclude you were sexually compatible without having sex?
I’m old enough to be your grandmother. I say go for it! Have a backup plan to leave if it doesn’t work out. Let your friends know where you’re at. Use birth control. Have fun. Be safe.
What country are you in? Perhaps that explains why you're not running the hell away???
Yeah well, heroin is pretty electric and exciting. As is cocaine. Neither are sustainable. Roller coasters are tons of fun, but you can't live on one. Love is a lot more than crazy flings.
Her telling u it is a problem MEANS IT A PROBLEM.
U don’t come to strangers to dictate her boundary. Whether she is right or wrong? What the fuck.
If she doesn’t like it. STOP DOING IT. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. UR WIFE DOES NOT NEED TO BE JUSTIFIED IN THIS REQUEST. like are u serious
Definitely not. An app can not send you notification if it’s not installed.
I get it gross – I really do – but only 4 times in 7yrs?? Girl, you need to chill. If you ever have kids this will happen A LOT and in the big picture- is so not worth getting worked up about.
Thank you! This was posted a while ago so I've managed to get her off tiktok thank god, her therapist recommended that as well for her
What the hell is a pedo mustache?
I don’t know why he’s ignoring your requests either. That sounds frustrating. Does he do this with everyone or you specifically? Or women and not men?
I think it’s fine to tell him you don’t see a future with him if he doesn’t change his behavior. Ask him if he’s willing to try a communication exercise. When you make a request as in the examples you gave, he repeats back to you what he thought you said. You then reply that’s right, that’s what I meant, or, say no, that’s not what I meant and clarify or restate. Rinse and repeat. Good luck!
Well played
Yep. It's a bitter and lazy baby mama, if you ask me. ?
only pay what the courts require
No, the other commenter had it right. Pay what the courts require and directly buy anything what his kid might need. The kid's needs come first. No way is mom going to be able to afford a decent life for the child on $700/mo plus welfare and minimum child support.
Outraged is weird, but I do think he’s justified in being uncomfortable with it. It’s a weird thought to know someone else has shared your personal space- let alone with a partner. Why didn’t YOU sleep on the couch?
Come on you are 24 you cant possibly be that dumb?
This belongs in r/sadcringe
I can only speak to your part in this, because you’re the one that’s posting and all you can do is look at the situation (any situation) from your part in order to identify where you need to learn and grow. So the main thing you need to admit to yourself is that you were never really her friend. Everything you were doing was because you were trying to get with her. Then you threw a tantrum because you felt all the things you were doing entitled you to her and she picked someone else. Now you feel like a fool because everything you did didn’t work and you’re taking it out on her. Overall, regardless of how you’re doing tying yo spin it, she never betrayed the friendship she thought she had with you. You betrayed it in the sense that you never really were her friend.
You could say the same about the wedding. If it’s in their budget it’s not a problem.
I probably don't even know them and I would happily be on clown watch. Let that dunbass try to get past me, I'll tackle him to the ground and ensure he chips a tooth while I'm at it.
I don't think destroying your progeny is ever “for the best.” This is something you'll both regret for the rest of your lives. Do you think you would regret having the child?
This sounds like an incredibly toxic place to work. That email was beyond inappropriate. I’d focus on looking for somewhere else.
This is your brain on porn
I'm a virgin so Im not the expert on this but 19 and 22 isn't a big enough gap to be disgusting imo. Maybe that's just me tho
That's a little more extreme than what this guy did.
You've never seen each other and person and wonder why you are having mixed signals about entering a physical relationship? Well, it's hard to do that without actual physical contact/meeting irl.
How long is the distance between both of you? You are not being catfished, right??
She is trying to ‘soft quit’ your family. She wants out but she doesnt want the messiness or hurt that goes along with it.
Being kind and giving him a timeline. Text him that it’s over and that if he contacts you again you will go to the police for harassment. Block him on everything and FOLLOW THROUGH. Do not give this pos a chance to suck you back into the abuse and if you stay or go back he WILL get worse.
This post screams insecurity and immaturity. You cannot control your girlfriend. You either trust her to spend time with other people and not cheat, or you don’t. And if you don’t have that trust then you shouldn’t be dating.
if my BF acted like this, he’d be gone.
you need to realize that it’s totally normal and healthy for guys and girls to be friends. unless she has given you a reason not to trust her, your jealously and controlling manner are going to push her away quickly.
2 months only. We have not tho I plan to before trying it.
Your husband is blatantly trying to manipulate you. His PTSD claims are BS, and an insult to people who actually have that disorder. He is an entitled man who is upset he didn't get anything shiny because he's only interested in money. It has nothing to do with being from different cultures. He's an ass…that's universal.
He sounds exhausting, you've posted about him multiple times already. Why are you still with someone who is so manipulative? Your family dislikes him and I can see why.
You don't put up with this PTSD lie, you tell him he needs therapy or you make a decision if you can live with a man who is this petty and toxic.
I really like this approach. Our marriage comes first. I want to attribute her behaviour to wanting attention and a thrill and nothing more. I understand that marriages lose a spark after a decade but she should be honest with me and not go hbehind my back
Bad news for you. This isn't the first time she's had thr intent.
The assault isn't the issue. Your gf is self destructive and abusive to you.
The assault isn't the issue. Your gf is self destructive and abusive to you.
The assault isn't the issue. Your gf is self destructive and abusive to you.
Ive been waxed before and first off yes a hard on is common and uncontrollable and their's nothing sexy ab it. But I have never came close to cumming. Not even a little bit. Everyone is different and maybe you have a new found pain kink but honestly that's a bit concerning. Were you thinking kinky thoughts about this lady? Either way that's probably a story you should have kept to yourself.
Try a conversation first. Don’t bring up the phone snooping and whatnot. Just a “Hey, I’m not comfortable with how much time you’re spending with your ex.” Talk about it openly. Ask her if she can spend less time with him – or perhaps even stop being friends outside of absolutely necessary conversation. You can even ask if you can see her phone and if she’s willing to share those conversations.
If that goes south maybe it’s time for the breakup talk. But sometimes people really do form close friendships with exes. Or she might not feel something but the ex might be doing so. That happens too.
UpdateMe!
I want her to know that I’m sorry. I’m not expecting her to forgive me….
I'm of 2 minds about your question. It seems important to you that you share mutual interests with your partner.
And yet. It's just something I find true in a lot of long-term relationships that are successful? Is that both partners have their own hobbies and interests. Often times this don't overlap much with their partners. Partners develop mutual interests collectively by spending time together and doing things like going out together and having kids and all of that plus more. But if. my wife doesn't give a crap about my favorite baseball team? That has to be OK with me. Because it is never going to change.
it's weird. Because if you are married to someone you need spaces to be apart. While when you are dating, especially long distance, you need to have as much common ground as possible. That's my observation. I hope it helps you.
Don't give in easily. For once try to take a hard stance and see what he has to say and do first before jumping the gun to give him another chance. You may be a softie but there comes a time you have to let it go and be a hardass for a change.
This guy is not husband material. You’re only 22, you have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste any more time with a guy who doesn’t care about you. As you will know better than some your age, things can happen – injury, death, illness. Would this guy stand by you if you came home injured or missing a limb? In his own words – he just forgets about you! Even though you’re sending him money.
You deserve so much better OP.