Can it help when panic attacks come out of the blue due to ptsd being triggered or do you have to know they are coming. I disassociate at the same time as I have panic attacks and when I disassociate I get triple vision and can’t see and am glued to my spot because if I try to walk I trip over or run into things.
Whatever the reasoning behind your female friends avoidance of your GF, I think you need to back off .
With all the tensions around this issue, I very much doubt that if your friend relented, that they are going to buddy up at all now. With both of them knowing that your friend was avoiding your GF. Especially if you were hoping for a friendship between them, I would stop pushing. Just invite your girlfriend to family events, and if your friend is there, then then they can size each other up from a distance, slowly get to know each other without having to meet one-on-one with higher stakes
Everything about this post says you are a terrible partner. Let me tell you something – someone who has so little respect for other people that they think their needs and opinions are the only ones that matter, someone who can express such a warped perspective on someone they allegedly care about does not have their shit together. Before you worry about being a good accountant, a good housekeeper, a good whatever else, you're supposed to worry about being a good person, a good partner, a good friend, and if you skip that step you don't have even your most basic shit together.
Honestly, he should leave you. The way you talk about him, think about him and prioritize him, he should leave you. You are not a powerful couple. You're someone who is having all her needs met and shitting on him in return, and because you're happy with this you think it's a good relationship. You're the same person who is going to be all Pikachu face when he serves you divorce papers and is immediately snatched up by someone who is everything you are not, while you struggle to find another person who would put up with your disrespect and level of brokenness in how you approach other people for more than a few dates.
The photos without consent or knowledge isn't cool at all. No excuses.
He was persistent and seemed to have won you. You told him that you loved him after the first date? Okay that's a bit fast.
Flaking out on a date last minute isn't cool at all. Only unless it's an emergency.
Blocking and unblocking him repeatedly sends him mixed messages. And it sounds like you need to figure out what you want and to stick by your decision once you make it.
Why do you need permission to sit? I have to side with him on this. You should have just sat down, you don't need anyone's permission. So you slamming the door is your acting out, not cool.
6…okay after reading all the rest of them, it seems like both of you are toxic.
You should learn to value yourself and not put up with someone who mistreats you. But you also need to realize that your actions send out mixed messages. Stick to your guns once you decide something. That way if he ignores your requests, it's on him for not respecting your wishes which would be him harassing you.
The fact that he's a coworker is bad news. Now I've been guilty of this myself. But only at temp jobs or jobs that I didn't care about. If this is a career, a position you worked for, or a company you plan to be at for a long time, you don't want to have a workplace romance. The damage it can cause to all your time and hard work isn't worth it.
Your bf is being a twat. His “logic” is so flawed it’s a joke.
Sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to leave you. He may even want a relationship with V now she’s single again which she wasn’t when you two got together.
I’d leave him to whatever stupidity his brain is focussed on.
Idk what to do we are new to this relationship he’s not even my real boyfriend yet and he’s acting like this he was already showing signs but he completely yelled at me tonight and then he’s like you know what I totally over reacted you don’t need to do all that stuff etc like suddenly taking what he said back
Have you posted this before….? Or are there two sex therapists with software engineer partners whose sex life is failing….?
Have you ever thought this is truly who he is? People have different sex drives, and maybe his lack of one is an aspect of what allows him to be a successful sex therapist. I think you need to stop trying to change him, and realize this is who he is. Are YOU happy staying in a relationship where you are clearly unfulfilled? Neither of you are in the wrong here in my opinion, but you sound incompatible.
There’s literature about stress bonding. I would further discuss with you, but you only seem interested in saying “No!” every time someone has an opinion different than yours.
Renewed love is like reheated potatoes, they are an acquired taste. Majority don't like.
He broke your feelings first so I don't get to see how his feelings are more important than yours but I digress.
Distance yourself from him, work on yourself. Get to enjoy the little things and then start with a relationship. You are to young to be “tied down” sort to say (don't hate me because of it) for a serious relationship.
it's not about your “intentions” with these instagram models. no one thinks you're going to fuck them. it the fact that, in your own words, you see them as “eye candy”. as other commenters have said i seriously doubt she jealous, she's upset because of how you view women.
Wait, so you split just over a year ago, and slept with a 19 year old, then promptly got back together, and got engaged and started planning a big wedding? And then rather than talking in person, you just called her on the phone to say “oh, by the way, I am the father”.
I mean if you have no feelings for her being a distant friend should be no problem. You gotta set boundaries for your own mental health as well. If she wants to stay with someone like that tho that’s on her, she has no right to call you selfish. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
I said that, I said I liked him but I want to take it slow. I didn’t want anything serious and he did. I was scared to commit too soon but I was open to it in the future.
No he started by replying very slow and taking hours, to being very vague and now he’s not reading any of my messages but been online. It is shitty, all I want to know is why!
For reassurance, I'm sure he won't move on as quick as you think he will… sure he will have distractions but he will think of you as well. He's really doing the both of you a favor, long distance relationships have a very low survival rate, especially if you're continents apart.
This is one of those “let them go and if they come back” blah blah moments.
You're still young and life is just starting at your age, you'll move on and this will just be a bump in the road.
If your goal is “lots of sex”, then breaking up with a woman who has sex with you is the wrong move just from a logical perspective. The average married man gets laid more than the average single man. (Why do you think divorced guys get remarried so quickly?)
The way to have more sex is to improve your relationship with your current female partner.
(Also, you need to work on your mindset and not obsess about sexual frequency and attach it to your sense of personal happiness and worth.)
I don't feel comfortable with the prospect of making her have more sex than she wants, so I feel like I want to just break up.
There is not some kind of magical limit on how much people want to have sex. It is largely contextual. If our living situation is stress-free, if our life is exciting, if our partner is confident and sexy, we will want more sex.
If you are unconfident (which it sounds like), if you are unsure (which you are), and if you are hesitant (which you are), then you will have less sex.
I know a lot of single guys. I know ATTRACTIVE single guys, and a consistent 2x/week is something many of them would kill for at this point.
Honestly, if you were the type who was going to go off into the dating pool and just get laid 3+x/week you wouldn't even be posting here.
After reading your whole post than your update; girl you are letting this man manipulate the fuck out of you! Of course he called and apologized, he got his way (probably again). Why are you letting him do this to you? He is controlling, manipulative, and is isolating your from your friends. He wants to be your only person, but he is a hypocrite because he doesn’t hold himself to the same standards he is holding you at.
I hope one day you see this guy for who he try is, he is showing you, but your rose tented glasses aren’t allowing you to see what he is showing you.
I want to get over that fact but part of me is mad because for 4 months she was the main girl i was talking to and the only girl i’ve had sexual relations with. i was casually flirting with other people before we made it official but i never had to guts to go do anything physical with other girls because i’d understand she would get upset. I held myself back in hope that she’d be different which i look at as a waste of my time because if i could wait 4 months without messing with nobody else physically she as a girl should carry herself with dignity and wait as well. Her worth to me has gone down a little bit since it happened just because i can’t stand the fact i wasnt enough to keep her occupied.
Reddit users love drama that isn’t in their yard…they’ll tell you all day to tell her.
You should walk away and stay out of it. You don’t know what kind of shit that telling her will bring. Men have harmed mistresses for less and no telling how the wife would potentially react to you. Your safety should be top priority.
Hey – I don't have a family either (though I cut mine off from abuse, so different from foster). This is really crushing and invalidating. I'm so sorry. People have already told you what you need to know, but I just wanted to say that you will find a family eventually. It feels impossible, but I can tell how great of a guy you are from this post and I know you'll find and make a little family that deserves you.
I did, but it took a long time of anxiety and slowly building trust. Sounds like you already got a little family with your boys too. Honestly? I'd go get a dog to love and make my family haha. Dogs never stop loving you.
Long noses are beautiful! I have a long, crooked nose and I love it because it makes me who I am. I laugh at my fiancé's small chin and in return he laughs at big nose, and we laugh off our flaws together. Sometimes, I'll even do a goose impression. Just because it's not Western society's definition of a perfect nose doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.
If your boyfriend's family thinks badly about your nose, remember that it says more about them than it does about you. I bet they have flaws to, so who are they to judge?
I'm in my 40s, and it turns out that the older you get, the harder it can be to make new friends, if you don't have a common place to start (eg, I've had success in making new friends, due to a club I attend).
Don't be dismayed by your GF not making many new friends, in adulthood. A lot of people have the same worry.
End it, focus on yourself. This girl is not going to let you spread your wings, and going all the way with her, will let you end up asking for permission to just grab a drink with a bud.
She'll also tell the next guy, that she wants to be only with him, don't worry about that.
I'm too petty to leave the airtag in a bus. Never. I'd start playing games with him so hard…
Hon, you wanna track me? well guess what. I'm going to leave the airtag in your affair partner's block for the night… Oh the next day? Airtag will be a few yards away from your best friend from high school, and I'm sorry to let you know that this airtag will spend the night… The day after? Especially if I know you'll be at work? the airtag will take a stroll around your funny sister's house. The airtag will be cooking something extra spicy for you and you know it's gonna be bad when you call your sister and she is so fully on my side that she swears to your mother's grave that I'm not there.
I'd be so fully invested in making this guy's life miserable.
anyone with eyes can see he likes you and anyone with half a brain after reading this knows sure as shit he likes you more. Ask him, say you thought he just wanted FWB but you are catching feelings and also leaving for a couple months. Tell him you just wanted to see where his head is at before you bounce because you miss him and want him.
You could literally text him these two sentences and one of two things will happen, he'll feel the same way and wants to explore a relationship or you just do what you are doing and move on. You literally have nothing to lose. Stop overthinking things and worrying. It's probably the best sex because he cares for you BTW.
Good point… either way, it’s weird. I can’t think of a single reason my number would show up for either of them to add me accidentally.
Can it help when panic attacks come out of the blue due to ptsd being triggered or do you have to know they are coming. I disassociate at the same time as I have panic attacks and when I disassociate I get triple vision and can’t see and am glued to my spot because if I try to walk I trip over or run into things.
Whatever the reasoning behind your female friends avoidance of your GF, I think you need to back off .
With all the tensions around this issue, I very much doubt that if your friend relented, that they are going to buddy up at all now. With both of them knowing that your friend was avoiding your GF. Especially if you were hoping for a friendship between them, I would stop pushing. Just invite your girlfriend to family events, and if your friend is there, then then they can size each other up from a distance, slowly get to know each other without having to meet one-on-one with higher stakes
Everything about this post says you are a terrible partner. Let me tell you something – someone who has so little respect for other people that they think their needs and opinions are the only ones that matter, someone who can express such a warped perspective on someone they allegedly care about does not have their shit together. Before you worry about being a good accountant, a good housekeeper, a good whatever else, you're supposed to worry about being a good person, a good partner, a good friend, and if you skip that step you don't have even your most basic shit together.
Honestly, he should leave you. The way you talk about him, think about him and prioritize him, he should leave you. You are not a powerful couple. You're someone who is having all her needs met and shitting on him in return, and because you're happy with this you think it's a good relationship. You're the same person who is going to be all Pikachu face when he serves you divorce papers and is immediately snatched up by someone who is everything you are not, while you struggle to find another person who would put up with your disrespect and level of brokenness in how you approach other people for more than a few dates.
The photos without consent or knowledge isn't cool at all. No excuses.
He was persistent and seemed to have won you. You told him that you loved him after the first date? Okay that's a bit fast.
Flaking out on a date last minute isn't cool at all. Only unless it's an emergency.
Blocking and unblocking him repeatedly sends him mixed messages. And it sounds like you need to figure out what you want and to stick by your decision once you make it.
Why do you need permission to sit? I have to side with him on this. You should have just sat down, you don't need anyone's permission. So you slamming the door is your acting out, not cool.
6…okay after reading all the rest of them, it seems like both of you are toxic.
You should learn to value yourself and not put up with someone who mistreats you. But you also need to realize that your actions send out mixed messages. Stick to your guns once you decide something. That way if he ignores your requests, it's on him for not respecting your wishes which would be him harassing you.
The fact that he's a coworker is bad news. Now I've been guilty of this myself. But only at temp jobs or jobs that I didn't care about. If this is a career, a position you worked for, or a company you plan to be at for a long time, you don't want to have a workplace romance. The damage it can cause to all your time and hard work isn't worth it.
How do I stop it from happening?
Maybe stop being abusive? You destroyed property then pushed him. The optics on this aren't looking good for you.
I wouldn’t personally date anyone that is this hostile towards animals.
DONT.
If u try to interpret them, you’ll wind up in a stray jacket. Move on man. Who cares
Your bf is being a twat. His “logic” is so flawed it’s a joke.
Sounds like he’s looking for an excuse to leave you. He may even want a relationship with V now she’s single again which she wasn’t when you two got together.
I’d leave him to whatever stupidity his brain is focussed on.
Idk what to do we are new to this relationship he’s not even my real boyfriend yet and he’s acting like this he was already showing signs but he completely yelled at me tonight and then he’s like you know what I totally over reacted you don’t need to do all that stuff etc like suddenly taking what he said back
Update after you find the details!!!
Have you posted this before….? Or are there two sex therapists with software engineer partners whose sex life is failing….?
Have you ever thought this is truly who he is? People have different sex drives, and maybe his lack of one is an aspect of what allows him to be a successful sex therapist. I think you need to stop trying to change him, and realize this is who he is. Are YOU happy staying in a relationship where you are clearly unfulfilled? Neither of you are in the wrong here in my opinion, but you sound incompatible.
The police.
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You’re the one who opened this convo with me sis , like I said go on
Why is it so important to you? What makes you distrust him? Just tell him what's bothering you? This type of behavior is toxic.
forgivable? really man. She's for the street.
Completely agree, and I had the exact same thought
There’s literature about stress bonding. I would further discuss with you, but you only seem interested in saying “No!” every time someone has an opinion different than yours.
Renewed love is like reheated potatoes, they are an acquired taste. Majority don't like.
He broke your feelings first so I don't get to see how his feelings are more important than yours but I digress.
Distance yourself from him, work on yourself. Get to enjoy the little things and then start with a relationship. You are to young to be “tied down” sort to say (don't hate me because of it) for a serious relationship.
Thank you !
Bumble has an app for making friends. Try that. I know people who have made new friends through it.
it's not about your “intentions” with these instagram models. no one thinks you're going to fuck them. it the fact that, in your own words, you see them as “eye candy”. as other commenters have said i seriously doubt she jealous, she's upset because of how you view women.
Girl. Stop. What? NO
Wait, so you split just over a year ago, and slept with a 19 year old, then promptly got back together, and got engaged and started planning a big wedding? And then rather than talking in person, you just called her on the phone to say “oh, by the way, I am the father”.
Dude…. seriously, what are you doing?
You don't sound like an emotionally mature enough individual to have a relationship.
If you need to exert this much over a girlfriend, like they're your property instead of your partner than you're the one in the wrong.
If the conversations are anything else other than platonic friendship this is a you issue.
its still important to talk to a lawyer now to prepare for it.
9 months and you've been to couples counselling?
Just call it a day lol.
I mean if you have no feelings for her being a distant friend should be no problem. You gotta set boundaries for your own mental health as well. If she wants to stay with someone like that tho that’s on her, she has no right to call you selfish. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too.
So…sex is off the table.
I said that, I said I liked him but I want to take it slow. I didn’t want anything serious and he did. I was scared to commit too soon but I was open to it in the future.
No he started by replying very slow and taking hours, to being very vague and now he’s not reading any of my messages but been online. It is shitty, all I want to know is why!
Ah! So he’s fighting for the right to be comfortable nearly naked around a fourteen year old girl in his own home. Got it. Thank you for clarifying.
And she's not OP's friend, AFAICT.
Don't say it as if he's missing out on something, you've messed up and you should own up to it. Cannot really say much more, that's usually it
Please, talk to a therapist and not to Reddit. You’re in desperate need.
Even if this guy is 100% great it sounds like he's too intense for your mental well being which is fine.
LMAOOOO? I'm waiting for lara croft actually that's why I can't commit to men
It's not about you anymore, you fucked up big time. Tell your wife. Try to be better than the shitstain you were before. TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY.
No, they are not okay. This is why women are choosing to stay single.. koz we can’t parent grown ass men.. we want partners, not man-child.
For reassurance, I'm sure he won't move on as quick as you think he will… sure he will have distractions but he will think of you as well. He's really doing the both of you a favor, long distance relationships have a very low survival rate, especially if you're continents apart.
This is one of those “let them go and if they come back” blah blah moments.
You're still young and life is just starting at your age, you'll move on and this will just be a bump in the road.
Just say women it ain't that hard. And because it's accusing them of cheating. Asking shows that there is no trust in a relationship
If your goal is “lots of sex”, then breaking up with a woman who has sex with you is the wrong move just from a logical perspective. The average married man gets laid more than the average single man. (Why do you think divorced guys get remarried so quickly?)
The way to have more sex is to improve your relationship with your current female partner.
(Also, you need to work on your mindset and not obsess about sexual frequency and attach it to your sense of personal happiness and worth.)
I don't feel comfortable with the prospect of making her have more sex than she wants, so I feel like I want to just break up.
There is not some kind of magical limit on how much people want to have sex. It is largely contextual. If our living situation is stress-free, if our life is exciting, if our partner is confident and sexy, we will want more sex.
If you are unconfident (which it sounds like), if you are unsure (which you are), and if you are hesitant (which you are), then you will have less sex.
I know a lot of single guys. I know ATTRACTIVE single guys, and a consistent 2x/week is something many of them would kill for at this point.
Honestly, if you were the type who was going to go off into the dating pool and just get laid 3+x/week you wouldn't even be posting here.
After reading your whole post than your update; girl you are letting this man manipulate the fuck out of you! Of course he called and apologized, he got his way (probably again). Why are you letting him do this to you? He is controlling, manipulative, and is isolating your from your friends. He wants to be your only person, but he is a hypocrite because he doesn’t hold himself to the same standards he is holding you at.
I hope one day you see this guy for who he try is, he is showing you, but your rose tented glasses aren’t allowing you to see what he is showing you.
You are not wrong and if you leave your bf now I’m sure you’ll be thankful
I want to get over that fact but part of me is mad because for 4 months she was the main girl i was talking to and the only girl i’ve had sexual relations with. i was casually flirting with other people before we made it official but i never had to guts to go do anything physical with other girls because i’d understand she would get upset. I held myself back in hope that she’d be different which i look at as a waste of my time because if i could wait 4 months without messing with nobody else physically she as a girl should carry herself with dignity and wait as well. Her worth to me has gone down a little bit since it happened just because i can’t stand the fact i wasnt enough to keep her occupied.
Reddit users love drama that isn’t in their yard…they’ll tell you all day to tell her.
You should walk away and stay out of it. You don’t know what kind of shit that telling her will bring. Men have harmed mistresses for less and no telling how the wife would potentially react to you. Your safety should be top priority.
Hey – I don't have a family either (though I cut mine off from abuse, so different from foster). This is really crushing and invalidating. I'm so sorry. People have already told you what you need to know, but I just wanted to say that you will find a family eventually. It feels impossible, but I can tell how great of a guy you are from this post and I know you'll find and make a little family that deserves you.
I did, but it took a long time of anxiety and slowly building trust. Sounds like you already got a little family with your boys too. Honestly? I'd go get a dog to love and make my family haha. Dogs never stop loving you.
Love you man. Sorry. It really sucks.
Long noses are beautiful! I have a long, crooked nose and I love it because it makes me who I am. I laugh at my fiancé's small chin and in return he laughs at big nose, and we laugh off our flaws together. Sometimes, I'll even do a goose impression. Just because it's not Western society's definition of a perfect nose doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.
If your boyfriend's family thinks badly about your nose, remember that it says more about them than it does about you. I bet they have flaws to, so who are they to judge?
+1 for the message in that first paragraph.
I'm in my 40s, and it turns out that the older you get, the harder it can be to make new friends, if you don't have a common place to start (eg, I've had success in making new friends, due to a club I attend).
Don't be dismayed by your GF not making many new friends, in adulthood. A lot of people have the same worry.
End it, focus on yourself. This girl is not going to let you spread your wings, and going all the way with her, will let you end up asking for permission to just grab a drink with a bud.
She'll also tell the next guy, that she wants to be only with him, don't worry about that.
Yes, exactly. He is the same guy. He says a lot of things, makes a lot of promises. But then his actions speak otherwise.
Just tell him that he can't have friends who are girls who are touchy or they get beaten up.
Bet you, he starts saying that's not cool
You could just not worry about it. No one will think she is the bride instead of you and lots of people will wonder what she was ever thinking.
I'm too petty to leave the airtag in a bus. Never. I'd start playing games with him so hard…
Hon, you wanna track me? well guess what. I'm going to leave the airtag in your affair partner's block for the night… Oh the next day? Airtag will be a few yards away from your best friend from high school, and I'm sorry to let you know that this airtag will spend the night… The day after? Especially if I know you'll be at work? the airtag will take a stroll around your funny sister's house. The airtag will be cooking something extra spicy for you and you know it's gonna be bad when you call your sister and she is so fully on my side that she swears to your mother's grave that I'm not there.
I'd be so fully invested in making this guy's life miserable.
I wish it was that easy to leave someone I’m so emotionally attached to
He is telling you that a minor increase I'm his pleasure is more important than the intense pain it causes you
anyone with eyes can see he likes you and anyone with half a brain after reading this knows sure as shit he likes you more. Ask him, say you thought he just wanted FWB but you are catching feelings and also leaving for a couple months. Tell him you just wanted to see where his head is at before you bounce because you miss him and want him.
You could literally text him these two sentences and one of two things will happen, he'll feel the same way and wants to explore a relationship or you just do what you are doing and move on. You literally have nothing to lose. Stop overthinking things and worrying. It's probably the best sex because he cares for you BTW.
Not the first he dump you?