I think you should sit down and have a very honest conversation about the fact that you can’t keep putting in 95% of the work in this relationship. Constantly being in caretaker-mode takes a real toll on a relationship
I already asked if he want space, if he is still interested in this relationship, but he freaks out everytime saying that I'm being too harsh, that I'm stressing him and making him sad with these talks, he says that I need to understand the he's feeling sick but he didn't changed his feelings for me. seems like he's terrified of me leaving him… ): I'm feeling even guilty sometimes! I'm so lost ):
This is hard OP. Your son is probably in shock. His reality and the narrative of his life has been changed and he probably feels truly awful and guilty for things he said to his dad based on the “mom is good” and “dad is bad” assumption for all those years.
You having a good/amicable relationship with your ex husband is key because you need his help. Think this is something you should work though together with your son as his parents and not by yourself. The decisions you and your ex-husband made back in the day were made in good faith and from the perspective of his best interest regardless of what hindsight looks like now. Your son needs to understand this and I think he will — but needs time to process everything.
You are going to get a lot of negativity on here — but remember the reason you have a good relationship with your ex-husband is because you showed empathy and respect by coming forward with your affair and providing him with the freedom to get out of the marriage and pursue happiness.
I would say maybe once a week is a bit much but once every 2-3 weeks either with or without her there is nothing wrong with that. How little she is asking you to see your mother is ridiculous. I would put it back on her that you will see her once every 2-3 weeks with or without her and if she can't deal with it then it is time to move on. You 2 live together so to say it is taking time away from the relationship is silly.
I think you should sit down and have a very honest conversation about the fact that you can’t keep putting in 95% of the work in this relationship. Constantly being in caretaker-mode takes a real toll on a relationship
thank you!
I already asked if he want space, if he is still interested in this relationship, but he freaks out everytime saying that I'm being too harsh, that I'm stressing him and making him sad with these talks, he says that I need to understand the he's feeling sick but he didn't changed his feelings for me. seems like he's terrified of me leaving him… ): I'm feeling even guilty sometimes! I'm so lost ):
This is hard OP. Your son is probably in shock. His reality and the narrative of his life has been changed and he probably feels truly awful and guilty for things he said to his dad based on the “mom is good” and “dad is bad” assumption for all those years.
You having a good/amicable relationship with your ex husband is key because you need his help. Think this is something you should work though together with your son as his parents and not by yourself. The decisions you and your ex-husband made back in the day were made in good faith and from the perspective of his best interest regardless of what hindsight looks like now. Your son needs to understand this and I think he will — but needs time to process everything.
You are going to get a lot of negativity on here — but remember the reason you have a good relationship with your ex-husband is because you showed empathy and respect by coming forward with your affair and providing him with the freedom to get out of the marriage and pursue happiness.
okay. i was not aware that it was that horrible.
Lol just because someone here doesn’t have the exact words you can say to get your way doesn’t mean it’s not advice.
That's helpful and adequately harsh, thankyou!
even claimed that I was violent for what I did, and she was afraid that I might hurt her.
She's straight up delusional. Date someone less cheat-y and psycho next time.
I would say maybe once a week is a bit much but once every 2-3 weeks either with or without her there is nothing wrong with that. How little she is asking you to see your mother is ridiculous. I would put it back on her that you will see her once every 2-3 weeks with or without her and if she can't deal with it then it is time to move on. You 2 live together so to say it is taking time away from the relationship is silly.