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Date: December 16, 2022
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So what’s your question?
By being straight up honest and not beat around the bush with trying to drop hints and hope that he will get it.
Follow your first instinct and leave “YoU dOnT tRuSt Me!?” No Mr.cheat I don’t it’s been a month and you’re still talking to her likely everyday eating lunch with her every day and want to go to a Christmas party where you will likely be drinking and think I’m gonna trust your intoxicated judgement when sober I couldn’t? Absolutely not once trust is lost a relationship won’t last forever especially with the lack of effort he’s putting in to gain it back.
Don’t put yourself thru the emotional turmoil and stress of “is he with her is he talking to her why did he smile at his phone who’s he talking to” leave and don’t let him ware down your mental health you deserve better.
No point in being with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about him. Time to move on.
They are so lying
Again you just miss the point of my comment which was OP never brought up SoundCloud. You’re just shutting on that group of people for no reason lol
Six years, and he won’t entertain the idea of a future living with you? SIX YEARS, and you only hang out once or twice a week?? I know you said you were afraid that your relationship was stagnating, but is it at all possible that it never found momentum in the first place?
It’s time to end things. You will find someone who doesn’t need a full decade to decide to pursue you.
Definitely wouldn’t call this woman a monogamist.
Appreciate the honesty
A very good idea tbh. And true for either sex. If your partner is “stolen” by some other person like that, it wasn't a steal, they just took the bullet for you. Never let such incidents get the better of you. See this a lot especially with guys who feel they're not “good enough” thus got cheated on…. ABSOLUTELY WRONG! It's never your fault they cheated on you. Sure, maybe you could do better, but cheating is not the answer…ever. And this goes both ways.
I’m really curious about what you ARE getting from this relationship, because it doesn’t seem like love or material support or even just basic respect are present from his side.
The most common reason guys do this is for the pregnancy scare thing like you’ve said. The other reason guys do this is for ejaculation play. Some guys like to drink/eat their own spunk.
literally nothing to do with her
No. We both love sex. And here's a subconsciously writing idea of our background. I completely agree. I'm practicing my passive voice. I read it's an intelligent way to disarm a narcissist. I firmly expressed to my wife that her rageful blame and shaming are no-good zones for me. I let her know that if it happens again, I'll take a long walk and listen to her feelings when she calms down. I've lost 20 pounds since this all started. This is why I believe she cheated more than once. These narcissistic traits weren't expressed like this until now. I think getting older is causing her a trauma response. We both bartend on the Vegas Strip, and I understand it's more difficult for her. She's a gorgeous woman. And, we both work with and see a lot of attractive younger people. I think it has more to about physical validation and to soothe her insecurities about aging. I think she felt desire from a man, and she slipped up once. And, the rush felt good. It's like a drug. Once you start, it's hard to quit. Even when it causes conflicting emotions. I get it. I grew up here with no parental guidance. Like I said, I've been in therapy since I was 19 because i had too much fun chasing the feelings she's after. I met her the Burgh. I moved there when I was twenty-one because Vegas isn't a good place to be when you're addicted to sex. She knows everything about my past. She's the only person I've been with who was able to get through to my heart. She taught me that sex and love feel good when two people come together. I can't figure out why she feels like i wouldn't understand how she feels. I started having sex at a young age, on purpose, to feel wanted. She had sex at a young age, which wasn't fun for her. We're polar opposite that came together, and we evened each other out. We actually believed that unconditional love exists until 2010. It wasn't a fun time for us. We love each other, but now that I'm older, and more well read, I would think it wise to say: “Trauma bonds are intense when an empathy and a covert narcissist truly fall in love. I'm still confused.on: Whose who? You got it; that's subconsciously writing while stoned. Straight from my backseat driver. Analysis that. I loved, lived, and felt a thousand different lives. She gets supper pissed when I walk out. She knows I'll saunter and Sonder for hours, sometimes. Have you ever felt the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it. It feels good. I personally feel best when I realize my life isn't as complex as everyone else's. I loved going down to the strip growing up. I'd spend days hanging out down there. My 30 year old dad married an 18 year old teenager named Sybil. She was fun. Her mom and dad took in foster kids to earn money. Her two sleazy parents always made sure Sybil felt special, I fucked with that narcissist bitch until i was sixteen. Her 9th personality popped out. She demanded I call her mom, so my little brother doesn’t grow uo confused. When I asked her, if you're mom, what do I call the other eight of you, who talk nonsense, out your pinhole. She kicked me out. But, I learned that people with multiple personalities that don't know each other are easily irritated.
I'm not bashing the fact that she wasn't ready to be a mom, I'm just saying that I don't know her and I don't know many options to start getting to know her because we don't live close to each other. Yeah, there's texts and phone calls but if I'm letting someone in my daughter's life, I just want to make sure you're really okay to be around.
I'm just a bit cautious because this would be a big change in my daughter's life. At the end of the day, this is about her. This could either be a really good thing or a really bad thing and I just want to make sure she isn't hurt in the process.
My daughter knows that my wife is not the one that gave birth to her, that was really important to keep open because even though her bio mom said back then that she didn't want to be in her life, there was always a possibility that she could change her mind, and look, she did.
I think that's a really good suggestion about the right people to ask because I personally don't know anyone that has a situation close to this one, thanks.
I wouldnt say that he is a loser, just sometimes has bad decision-making choices. He doesnt do this too often, it just irritates me when it does
You crazy kids start dating and don't even know it.
Most people are actually telling me its ok to flirt and keep it from my husband because I didnt do anything. But my mind is made up. Thank you for your advise though.
Sorry, I misread.
If you want to have sex the only ways foward are opening the relationship, leaving her or cheating.
Relationship over. Lmfaooo immediately.
Hate a tit for tat guy. Most unattractive thing. SMDH
Look, I've been in relationships, I've been married, and I just got out of a 5 year LTR not long ago. I'm well-versed on how money is spent in a relationship.
I would say this is a non-issue. Everyone has a past, and you don't get to decide how they feel about it. If they're with you, there's probably a reason for that.
Expecting to be everything to someone just isn't reasonable. Finding someone who is amazing and loves you and treats you well, is way more important than that one time she had a particularly spontaneous sexual encounter when she wasn't expecting it and found out she likes that sort of thing.
If this turns out to be a huge problem for you, don't worry , after you guys break up and you date five or six other people, and are well into your 30s. Before you consider marrying anyone, you can just rest assured that they all have long storied histories of sexual encounters. If that's the sort of thing that bothers you, don't ask about it.
Can't say I particularly mind it.
The problem here is that it hasn't progressed into forbidden territory yet. She's not propositioning him or making inappropriate remarks. Right now it's all “Jumpkick told Bunny that Amber”, and HR won't touch that with a 10 foot pole.
What the fuck is wrong with you
Op, if I was on your shoes I would leave. Let's ignore for a moment that you are open to sharing her ( are you really? What are the benefits for you?) and remember she cheated on you, that means she lied to you for the longest time. Fck that sht.
I would ask her if she would be okay with you falling in love with someone else. Sleeping with that person. Ask her if she will be okay with you dating other people while she tries it out with this guy. What happens if it works out with the other guy? She divorces you? So she gets to have you in hold while exploring if things go wrong with the other guy?!
Do you want to be with someone that selfish???
Have you even bothered reading the comments? Tons of people are calling this out, hours before your own comment.
Then he shouldn’ve dumped her 3+ years ago instead of wasting her fucking time!
Have you ever seen a plus size model? Apparently not
Your boyfriend sounds like he’s gay and wants to be with a man and not you. Just leave him and be at peace.
Just tell her. It's uncomfortable but if you love one another, you can talk about it. Just be tactful.
Yes we moved in together way too quickly I admit
I was invited on Monday, but often she asks him for alone time where I can’t come
Women can have children as young as 13. Do you think they're also fully developed? Honestly, in OP's situation, I'd say ride it out and see how they feel in a few more months. But your argument is dumb as hell.
Your husband sounds like an immature nightmare. How is your communication? Do you know how he views his role as a father and how he sees his position in the family? Honestly though, he just doesn’t sound like a man you want to be with. How would things work out if you left? Could you get support from your mum?
I'm more concerned why you still slept next to him…
I'm more concerned why you still slept next to him…
I'm more concerned why you still slept next to him…
I’m not sure why I posted on Reddit, I think I just needed someone to tell me that I’m not a bad guy for this whole thing. In all honesty stranger, I feel badly about myself when I’m with her
So he's treating you like a child/dog.
Look, I hate how Reddit jumps to the most extreme answer all the time but are you sure you want to marry into this?
Your fiancé is refusing to enforce a boundary for your wedding. If she can’t stand up for you, her, and the wedding you both want do you think she’ll ever be able to stand up to her rude family? No. This is how the rest of your life will look.
Every event, every party, every time you see BIL you will be subjected to his “pranks” and you will be expected to just allow them to happen. Your fiancé will not stand up for you. Is that the kind of relationship you want?
Do you want kids? They will also undoubtedly be subjected to these “pranks” whether they want to or not. And your fiancé has shown she won’t stand up for you, so what’s to say she’ll stand up for any future kids you have?
A prank is only funny if, at the end, everyone is laughing. You’ve already made it clear that this is not funny to you, and no one is listening. No one cares. Not your furtive in-laws and certainly not your fiancé.
Your fiancé doesn’t care enough about your comfort at your wedding to put a stop to this. That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.
I would tell her that if he shows up in a clown suit there won’t be a wedding.
Don’t stay with her. It sounds so sexist but women are meant to have sex with their man. Not giving sex to a man just destroys a man and it’s cruel. Why would you be with someone you’re not gonna give yourself to. It’s stupid af. You respected her and waited and she won’t ever change. She ain’t worth you leave her please
OP please check your writing, I can't understand it.
if I hurt his parents
Huh?
I don't understand are your parents testing your fiance like shit?
Like other have said, this is a band-aid situation: just rip it off. Be direct, and be kind. As another poster replied, this isn't the end of the world; people have survived actual stabbings and falling off planes. They'll survive a break up.
However, you have already processed the end of your relationship while your gf will probably have the rug pulled from underneath, even if she had noticed that your relationship wasn't doing so well these days. This is were being prepared would be a kindness. Do you have a plan for your post break up? Are you moving? Is she? Could you perhaps have some trusted mutuals on stand-by to offer some support?
There's nothing wrong with breaking up, and you have no onus here, but it'd still be the classy thing to do.
This is great. More people on here need to do it, with how ridiculous some of their relationships are
You can't. It was the day after.
Wow dude, you're a total piece of shit, leave that poor woman alone so she can get her life back on the rails
Oh okay, when I commented it was “not cheating it's complicated” hence I didn't know.
Unnecessary stress when the writing is on the wall. When there is no trust, there is no relationship. How many more lies before you leave? How many times are you going to break your own heart by staying? I promise you, the peace that comes with being single is so precious, especially when you use that time to really live and enjoy life while healing the broke parts of you.
I would, take the time to find my own living situation, split finances if they are shared, pack up little by little and one day when he's at work, move out or if it's your place, give him 30 days notice and from start date to move out, stay somewhere else and finally change the lock in day 31.
Good luck op.
Prob best comment yet. Thanks for being as unbiased as possible. You are right, I will consider my partners feelings next time. He is more sensitive than what I thought but it’s for a good reason.
Jenna had fun and got over her break up…
You got great advice op and I hope you navigate this as best as you could but I want to touch upon the comment I quoted you on:
I do not think her friend is over a three year break up because of a half week of vacation. She was still a mess the weekend prior and while I'm sure she had a great time being away, she'll be hit with reality as soon as she gets home.
Can you get over someone in a few days? Highly unlikely and I wonder if your gf will bring her into more dates you go on.
OP I really hope you aren’t just easily listening to these comments. While there is a possibility he is doing the worst thing that so many of these comments are mentioning. The fact of the matter is; you already expressed you trust him completely.
I understand we all want that social media confirmation but the reality is that a lot of people are leaving social media/no longer carrying the weight of social media confirmation.
How much is he posting on Facebook? Is he just looking at Facebook and closing it? Is he even checking Facebook daily? At some point in your relationship he will acknowledge what you want, on social media.
If he is confirming the relationship to you and those you meet in real life, that should be more than enough. It’s just Facebook after all. If any part of you can’t trust him over it then tell him. It’s possible that what he told you is 100% true. If he’s telling you the truth and you jump to false conclusions, especially if you listen to any of the comments, you’ll kind of be the one blowing it up. If you tell him how you feel and why it is important to you then he can also just change his mind and do the whole Facebook thing.
In the end it sounds like you are just placing a lot of value on the social media acceptance of the relationship. Which is fair enough. If that is important to you then tell him. It might not be important to him and that’s that. I mean, I’m trying not to judge but I’m just imagining, “I broke up with my boyfriend, that I trust completely, because he wouldn’t change his Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’ with me.” To each their own though.
the only (dead) weight she should drop is you.
Good bye marriage. You're opening a door you can't shut. Most of these activities end in divorce. Plus the guy lives with you.
invite her to have your lunch all together
If you trust Emma, arrange a 1 on 1 meeting with Marcie, them disappear till called.
The credit card debt could be chalked up to poor decision making in his twenties.
Or it could just be monthly churn — I hope he hasn't been sitting on any CC debt for 6 years. $5500 isn't that much on a $90K salary. Maybe he bought some furniture or something that he's paying off at a few hundred $ per month.