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Date: December 2, 2022
Does your bf have any friends his age? Specifically women? What do they think of your relationship? If he doesn't have any, ask yourself why. Why is he choosing to be in a relationship with some one 15 years younger? Why can't he hold any sort of relationship with women his age?
This isn't about you. I don't care how mature you say you are, what things you have in common, any of that.
Older men who go after young women usually have a few specific things they want out of that relationship. Control, malleability, and your body. Not you, your body. What you can do for them, the services you provide. Even if you don't see it now, they often hide it until you are more committed, either marriage or living together. Then, they flip.
You're both in completely, utterly different places in life. And if you don't feel like you are, why? Is he so immature that he acts like he's 20? Does he constantly tell you how mature YOU are?
Sometimes, rarely, these relationships work out. All too often, the woman gets trapped with marriage/baby and finds out that the man she married is not at all the man she dated, and then has to navigate how to escape with all these extra ties.
You should definitely wait, you sound way to young and have no life experience.
I'm afraid you're right. Honestly, I feel so fucking broken right now.
First things first, I am sorry to hear you're going through this. But I will say you are doing the right thing, make sure you have all your affairs in order, including any legal loose ends and move on with your life.
I know this hurts and I know it's not what you probably want, but be thankful she showed you her true colors before you got married.
Why do you keep making posts about the same “drop dead gorgeous 31 year old woman”, changing the story every time- then deleting all but the most recent one? Are you all there?
A commented on one of the previous posts had receipts of your deleted stuff but it's gone now along with all your other posts…
The fuck do you know**
Given it a shot! You'll regret it later if you didn't. Heck, one person in a relationship needs to have a job thats a bit more flexible on the work life balance thing, so maybe she'd appreciate it if you're not some super busy doctor.
Talk to your parents about this. Not only for your sister but for yourself. It seems to me like you try to be the parent for your sister and that's a responsibility you shouldn't have.
Telling the people who actually HAVE this responsibility gives opportunities to stop her using the Internet or at least stop her from using discord. It also is the better option if anything should happen to your sister since you did what you were able to do
You'd need to gather the evidence yourself. Get her to put her plan to alienate your son from you in writing. I don't know how much a court will do. The truth is that if she wants to do that, no one can stop her. But getting it in writing (screenshotted text messages) will help.
More importantly, talk to your son. Make sure he knows you value him. Show him. Show up when school lets out. If he hears I've thing but sees another, he'll eventually trust what he sees.
Don't go back to your ex. That'd be terrible for you and your son.
You did nothing wrong, itd be a red flag if someone balked at paying for their share
I (32F) pay for 1st dates if I really like the guy. If I don’t, I’ll pay for myself or split the bill.
I like to pay because the look on the guys face is priceless. I don’t make a big deal of it, I try to do it when they are in the bathroom or very efficiently. Most of the time the guy has been in shock. Every single time the guy has blushed, said thank you, and told me that’s never happened before. I looooooove seeing this reaction and literally every single time, the guy has texted me before I got home for a second date.
Move on. This is really dramatic in the beginning of a relationship. Everything is supposed to be easy right now. Even if he chooses you, would you be ok with them remaining friends? I wouldn’t. If you make that boundary, he will likely resent you. If you don’t, there’s always a possibility that feelings will grow because the toothpaste can’t go back into the tube.
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This exactly I’m leaving today to go back for break for 2 weeks with my family and i would rather do anything then have to go back and spend it with them
Oh no… OCD is a struggle for me as well. I understand the pain. It will definitely be painful in the moment, but once you get to Utah you can start putting down some strict boundaries with your parents for when you visit your sister again. Over this summer, I finally put down my foot and set boundaries with my parents. Their initial reaction was awful and they blew up at me, but I think they fear losing me, so they apologized and our relationship has gotten exponentially healthier. I think your parents sound similar to mine, I hope that maybe the same can happen for you.
As for your sister, leaving will be hard. Try to schedule ways to keep in touch with her (whether that be over email, letters, or phone calls), and make sure she knows that you love her and will miss her. I don't know if your parents approve of medication or therapy, but that's the best way to treat OCD. If your sister gets treatment for OCD, it'll make it easier for her to visit you in Utah. Everything about this is difficult, stay strong homie.
Or the story of the pissed off husband and the hollowpoints?
I’d say you were better off without him. You took yourself off after repeatedly telling him you want to go. His response to this was to order shots. Was it a little silly to disappear? Maybe, but you got home safe in a taxi and I’m presuming he knew that. You didn’t go missing. You’re a grown woman who is allowed to make her own way home. It isn’t always the safest which I could understand if that was his argument and he was genuinely worried about you, but it doesn’t seem like this is the case. It wasn’t rude, what was rude was him ignoring you and your requests and then throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get what he wanted from you. This is a blessing.
Damn, dude, I'm sorry to say this to you, but you seem like a genuinely stupid person. You were warned that she might want to baby trap you, and yet you left HER to take care of contraception?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? Condoms can be compromised….
I’ve seen a few stories about older guys dating younger girls on here and the guy is always the insecure pussy ??♂️?
Your comment comes across as an insult.
Your husband is a pedo what more do you need to know?
Trust me you’re better off without this guy. Raising a kid alone is difficult yes, but you’d be doing that anyway with him. You’re stronger than you think and when the fog lifts you’ll be able to see how much better off without him you are.
Well try a different image with the 2 of you – not one kissing or about to – but a simple picture and try that. If that is also hidden, then you know there's something off.
That way he couldn't say he doesn't like kissing photos, or that image wasn't great, or whatever excuse might apply.
If he hides you again, then go and ask why he is hiding pictures with you on Insta.
why is everyone dating kids now?? why are all the SOs in these posts acting like a 5 yr old. Hell my 8 yr old doesn't act this childish
Might be a great start, to bridge that final distance. Otherwise you could consider counselling yourself, to deal with your remaining guilt. Having said that, I kind of want to hold on to a bit of guilt (though that’s just me), simply as a deterrent to myself. I now know, that that is where I am capable of going and my guilt is a strong reminder to never, ever act like that again. Not sure if that makes any sense.
Thank you so much for your well wishes 🙂
Lmao what a pathetic attempt at a troll post. Way to obvious dude.
If you are financially independent please don’t keep setting yourself on fire for his warmth it’s not healthy for you mentally.
icky.
I thought the compromise was we each just go to our own family events and we can see each other after, is this not a compromise?
unfortunatly im not trolling or want Karma :/
But yeah thanks for the advice 🙂
Absolutely. So many people on here yell “Reddit always say pedophilia or gross.” That’s because the mindset and stage of life for an 18yo is very different than a 23yo. And you’re also right that there was likely attention before she was legal.
If a 50yo and 80yo wanna get together, fine. They’re both very mature adults. But just because someone is of legal age, doesn’t mean it’s ok.
She has been with him since she was 18. Wow. And he was 37. Wow.
In any medical and health related field you never treat your own family or kin for a reason. The fact that he doesn't know this automatically makes me question his qualifications to be a therpaist at all to honest.
Look I’m sorry but when I was 19 and had my first boyfriend I definitely thought it was “love” but, looking back, it doesn’t compare to the loves I’ve had as an adult. 4 years isn’t that long when you were in hs most of the time. Your friend really does just need distance to meet other people and in a couple years this will all seem ridiculous and she will feel silly like almost everyone does about first loves.
Yeah that’s a very good point thank so much, I’ll stick to my guns like you said about the not his problem anymore and see what he says about that. Yeah because I guess that is the bottom line of it like you’ve said, he’s willing to put our future on hold for a past relationship. And he’s already told me he really wants to get married, get a house and have kids, in fact he wants kids now. But I’m like… I can’t do any of that with you with this situation. I also want to do things in what seems like a logical way, save to be able to get a house get married and then have kids, as having kids first I’ve told him would make it harder for us to get a house.
It's absolutely normal to notice another attractive woman walking on the street. It's a whole different thing if you're gawking for a long period of time or letting your gaze linger.
Just really depends on his level of “admiration” of women.
I also wont ask her this because I do think me doing the exact same thing would be wrong to her. But thanks for advice
Needs and wants are not the same.
What have you done to reduce your rate of rejections?
Don’t get back with her. If you do, her experiences will eat away at you. You’ll resent her. You’ll always wonder when she’s gonna jump ship again to experience some new dick.
If you're here asking for advice, then it's time to face the truth and admit that your gf's sex drive (or lack thereof) is affecting your relationship. Seek professional help!
I don't advocate for days or years. I just say time is relative. Before my husband, I had 2 and four years relationships (I was even engaged) but with him…we just knew.
It’s a writing prompt to piss redditors off. Looks like it worked
As a woman, I’m hesitant to ever accuse another woman of baby trapping since it’s a narrative deadbeat dads love to use a lot when they don’t want to be involved, but dude I’d be SHOCKED if she’s pregnant. This is waaaaayyyy too suspicious to be the truth.
Sounds like complete overwhelm – a very reasonable and human response to such a horrible situation
Thanks for the advice, some of them are not that important and he told me that he has no problem cutting things off. I definitely think I should adapt to this
You don't want someone who is obsessed with you. People who are obsessed with people are not healthy relationship material. It's called love bombing and it's classic abuse. Also he has NO idea who you are. He's obsessed with his projection of you.
It doesn't matter if it's ALL men who do it, but you can't cry sexism when it's ONLY men doing it.
Society has been excusing this sort of behaviour for eons with “oh but boys will be boys” or “well, men have needs” which also aren't all men or boys but I didn’t hear the same people insisting that it's not all men then. But the minute someone calls out shitty behaviour, a certain sector start with the “oh, but not all men”. OK, well, if it's not you, then maybe offer some support instead of instantly jumping to defend yourself.
The vibe I'm getting from this is she changed her mind to some degree or another but wanted to keep you in her pocket for later just in case something else came up.
How would this even make sense to her if she's looking for marriage? Talk about having someone up your butt constantly.
I'd say you dodged that one and you should definitely look into some of those other options.
She's hoping we'll give her the magic combination of words that will make him respect her & their relationship.
If you want split the rent and household expenses fairly, then it should be according to income, not salary.
Your salary plus any other income, should be compared to your girlfriend's salary plus her income from the rental apartment. Then you split that proportionally and see where this ends up.
It sounds like you've done this and you will be earning a bit more, therefore it's fair to make the adjustment your GF is requesting.
I will say that it sounds like you and she are fundamentally uncompatible as a couple based on your different approaches to finances and dating.
Finances: You and she have radically different approaches and this does feel like it would be a continual source of friction. You speak so negatively about her lack of financial acumen, but notice that she was sensible enough to ask for a change to the split once you got a higher income. Shes not stupid, even if you think she is.
Dating: the initial impression I got was that she wants you to pay for all the dates, and pay more of, if not all of the joint household expenses, while her money is to be kept for herself. She wants a traditional ('man pays for everything', 'woman keeps her own money') situation.
she doesn't take any initiative and remains convinced that she doesn't have enough money 'because of living together with me',
Then let her move out and live by herself again if she wants to save money.
But when I re-read this there was one question that came to mind. Has there been a significant increase in joint expenses? Have you both had lifestyle creep?
Fair. Although she doesn't consider us a couple which is what hurts. She just broke up the moment shit got hard. And that frustrates me since it feels like she can't rely on me.
And fair but thats my weakness. I don't really know how to live for myself. I'll workout and get healthy and stuff for the benefit of another but not myself. Maybe that can change when I'm in an area where gyms aren't a luxury I can't afford. But yeah. I've never really been one for self care. And I gave up on my dreams and goals a long time ago. My parents shot down every single one and told me to be realistic and get a full time retail job. Been trapped in retail dead end hell ever since. Literally worked so hard for 1 company I was doing 8 peoples work in half the time. And eventually the stress got to me. I gained 120 lbs. Knees gave out. That job Literally worked me until my body failed. Didn't even get a single raise in 3 years. They also didn't pay my medical leave but I only just found out years later. And for what. Min wage thats less than half of what I need to pay rent. Life is a joke here. My parents can afford it cuz they make half a mil a year. But I got 20k. And they give me a hard time for struggling when you need 50k just to live here. So yea. I gave up on myself so long as I'm trapped here. Avoid California its Literally the worst.
You need to sit him down and tell him that his behaviour that day was completely unacceptable and that if he acts like this again, you will limit your contact with him. You also need to tell to tell him that so bad was his behaviour, that it actually made you worried about what life is going to be life between him and your mother now that you have moved out.
Your dad does seem to be suffering from mental health problems, and there might be other things contributing to this. I would keep a close eye on your dad's health and speak to your mother in private about both his mental and physical states lately. Although the chances are small, sometimes medical conditions like early-onset dementia can cause outbursts of aggressive and out of character behaviour.
Beyond that, just reassure him. Tell him that where the new home is situated doesn't bear any relation to how much you value him VS your partners parents and that you love him a lot and want to stay in contact with him. Invite him down for a beer or barbecue at your new home or go fishing together (just hang out you & him) and show him that your relationship will continue on in new (and good!) ways now that you're in a new chapter of your lives.
A lot of people deal with empty nest syndrome by taking on new ventures or adventures in life and getting a pet dog. Your dad's whole purpose until now has been in raising you and it is important that he finds a new purpose and develops a new sense of his identity that doesn't entirely revolve around being a parent. This will be tough, but it will help with your mother's encouragement and support.
are you sure? in the last 6 months we've attended 5 birthdays for 0-2 year old kids that have been bombarded with enough presents that consistently could not even fit in the boot of two cars. I genuinely don't believe the kids care about celebrating as they're too young, and I've just found the birthdays themselves to be social media charades.
I am okay with a party when they're a little bit older, still wouldn't want gifts from anybody.
HE! Both big boys.
Your last paragraph said it all she's already banging somebody else. I've read and seen enough of the post to know that if she's not giving it to you, she's doing it with somebody else, and the second she says she wants to open up the relationship. she's already opened it and she's already cheating.