For your kids sake. Leave. I have grown up with two step parentes like that. It sucks big time. You never feel home. Never good enough. Never loved. You should chiise your blod over a flame. Everyday. Every week. Always. Its hard, i can see that. And I understand ut sucks to se a potensial partner go. But this will always escalate. Just cut ut of before it gets too hard. Your kids will be much the better of. Be a father first.
Damn girl, his peen better be made of gold. Being honest here I’m all for communication and establishing your own life, but if a 40 year old fwb was asking me for all the benefits of a LtR/marriage, I’d re evaluate everything. He can take care of his self, I’m sure you already know that
I would say ride it out a little longer but if it continues to be an issue you need to break it off for your own mental wellbeing. A relationship shouldn't tire someone out, rather build them up. From what you've written it seems you have tried everything to get him off your back but it continued to occur. Like I said, if it keeps being a problem you need to focus on you and your mental health rather than stress about reconciliation of friendship. Chances are even if you do become friends again he would still be defensive towards you. I hope this helped :).
Repeat we agree to disagree. Your goal is indifference. You want him bored of you. Narcissists can blow up when the state of play changes. Don’t react to it.
break up with her. that's literally the only real option in this situation – you've tried other approaches and she refuses to change.. end it. but ONLY break up with her over text or in a very public place so that there are witnesses.
do not let her manipulate or guilt trip you into staying. she is extremely abusive and you need to get as far away from her as possible.
Here I am putting spoiler tag. So only those who want the spoiler can see.
They lost nationals in quarterfinals. Then the series took a time gap, it shows when they all grow up and went their own way. And how they are living after leaving college.
So if someday your bf get's emotional with you will you brother still consider him a pussy ask him that. and yeah that was a sad moment for not just Ronaldo fans but for football fans in general.
Some people do want a Princess dynamic in the relationship and be wildly spoiled… but that’s not the healthy way you ask that dynamic.
Her response and behavior feels far more childish than a responsible adult talking about what they want, and break up via text really screams maturity. I hope your next move is condoning breaking up IS the best option and then walking away from the relationship?
Strangling and choking are the last steps before murder. Please please get away from her permanently. Do it for your kids AND yourself. She’s shown that she’s not changed and that you can’t trust her.
This wasn't you ignoring a “how are you?” kind of text. You ignored for 2 days a text that stated something serious for her and to which your lack of engagement could be taken as if you were thinking on just getting laid and didn't know how to respond.
Your update is absolutely terrific. Your neurodiversity has given you a leg up here in terms of being able to pull this apart in a way that is constructive. Obviously your own therapeutic experience is of great value here.
Talking with him about what CBT can do for him is great. Not only diverting intrusive thoughts but giving him reframes for impulsive and half-analyzed thoughts.
Even if your child weren’t on the spectrum, she doesn’t sound like she understands how parents care for their children. She likes the time you spend together without your son, but wants the same amount of attention when he is there and that will never happen. The reality is she sounds selfish and immature and she shouldn’t be dating someone with children. And you shouldn’t be dating someone who has no understanding of what being a parent entails. Tell her it can’t work and concentrate on your child instead of dating. He is still very young and needs you. Put all your effort into him.
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Don't, it's attention seeking garbage. Your mom made terrible choices when she cheated, she did not secretly have a relationship going with a 16-18yr old boy who was also dating her daughter.
Your mom needs to know to help support you, but also because you need an adultier adult in this situation. God knows what other types of access your father has to 16yr old boys that you may not be aware of and frankly, aren't your problem.
This sounds like something out of Euphoria. All around terrible situation. Your relationship with your dad is probably irreversibly damaged and your relationship with your closeted boyfriend is over. Be honest with your mother about everything, but don’t do anything publicly. Understandably, it’s hard for a lot of people to come to terms with their sexuality and coming out, hence just discuss it with your mother and I would take a long break from seeing your father.
I don’t know why you are getting so downvoted. I just want to say that we all make mistakes and yes you screwed up, but that happens. Not all the lift decisions will be wise and feelings can sometimes really overshadow our judgement.
However, I don’t think you should go back to your ex. Apparently your love for him wasn’t as strong, and he deserves someone who is 100% sure about him.
I can't believe the comments taking your side. He seems smart and the only folly in your post is he didn't make them right? Not that he didn't want to make that, simply that it was wrong? And you blew up like that? He has grounds to leave you for being such a child. Do you know how to make Pad Thai without a recipe? No? Wow, we should be pissed at you then. He doesn't cook so why were you expecting him to do it right without more guidance? At least don't yell or be mean like you were, because if you were that bad for something so small, his life with you must be rough. Knowing many people with ASD I hope he realizes that he deserves more.
It’s an unusual way for her to bulldoze you into engagement, but you’ve been together for 6 years. What are you waiting for? Sometimes people need a little push.
Thank you for your response! Meshing with other people will help. I didn’t realize how bad it was until recently and now take her jokes as “don’t make friends with them” as more sincere efforts to isolate me as her therapist. Will definitely be ghosting.
Listen, even if your feelings hurt someone that you love, you have to do what’s best for you. Sometimes things don’t work out, and you can’t force yourself to be miserable for someone that you don’t really see a future with.
Maybe you can take a break from the relationship for a bit and see where things lead you. I wouldn’t suggest chaining yourself to a relationship if you truly don’t see it going anywhere.
Ffs, do not bring it up again. When i was 20, i had a friend who repeatedly asked me out… i gave soft rejections because we were friends and classmates. finally, i had to reject him harshly, because the “i don’t really see us as a couple” wasn’t enough and had to go with “look, you keep asking me out even though I have told you multiple times that I’m not interested. You just aren’t my type, please stop asking me out. It’s making me uncomfortable”
For the rest of undergrad, he actively avoided me.
A lot of people on here constantly say “don’t phrase it as a question, just ask when they’re available or just tell them a day”. Now you can see that is not realistic advice. It puts people in a weird place
I think that in most cases it's a bad idea to get married that young. People can change dramatically from who they were at that age. It works out for some people, but this is something to consider.
Well you accused him of cheating so of course he’s not going to be happy with you and just go along with whatever you say. What evidence did you present to him?
I would leave. If you stay, he'll think this is okay and he will do it again. Even blackout drunk, I know my husband would never, ever do this. You deserve that same peace of mind.
Dude, this relationship is over. You let the genie out of the lamp and its not going back in. If you actually do care about this girl, you will let her go, because all you are doing right now is prolonging the misery you are both in.
Ummm “It will get better AFTER we’re married and i’ve trapped you and can try and take your finances if you try to leave” Think about that man. She’s promising you the moon but only when you are no longer able to cleanly leave. She won’t change. You’re her doormat and financial security.
Just because he was married for a decade doesn’t mean he was happy for the entirety of their marriage. There are tons of reasons people stay married and many of those reasons have nothing to do with being happy.
Please understand that your value as a person—as a woman—isn’t dependent upon your ability to outlast some asshole’s ex-wife. I don’t know you, but I do know you’re worth far more than that. Please be kind(er) to yourself.
I knew him for a few years because our moms worked together i didn’t kno him well would see him at family functions he was quiet and to himself and there was just something about that that made me FEEL like i liked him. Idk he was different then guys i dated in the past that were just loud and confrontational and i thought his laid back vibes he gave off were cute . The first 6 months of dating was fun and as dumb as it sounds when he wasn’t opening up to me in a deep way i just kept thinking it was because he’s a shy guy and he needs time to get comfortable and open up to me I KNO it sounds dumb. But that’s just how my fkd brain processed it . i just don’t have an answer i just kept believing it would get better especially when i would have a serious conversation about it and he would cry and say I’m so sorry idk why I’m like this i don’t wanna lose you I’ll get help ..so i would wait and wait and then nothing changed and we just go round in circles with that . Obviously I’m an idiot I’ve wasted his and my time .
I’m really just trying to live my life. She has been living hers, and i find it unfair for me to have to stop because of her reaction and inability to communicate. She’s flat out stopped communicating to me. Im hoping it’s time that’s needed to process the situation, and for us to all move into the reality of what’s going on. There are no main players here.
She has been dating someone for over six months, and this person is someone who works in the same business, but different store(which is connected to where we work) We have all been interacting with each other for way longer than i’ve been seeing this guy, and everything seemed to be ok up until the fact that him and i have grown feelings for each other. Im set in a position that i’m going to see this through, and really hope that my friendship with my friend was strong enough to work through this.
Then, I'm right, it was meant as a joke. He doesn't actually mean you're a cow and just ruffling your feathers ?. Call him a prick in good fun and go on about y'all's days.
I would not go out of my way to contact him, what I would do though is IF he ever contacts you just tell him that you're glad he broke up with you especially after finding out his secret, you can either continue to tell him or let him guess as to what you're talking about, I'd let him guess because it would drive him crazy trying to figure out what it is you that you know about him.
I don’t blame her for the debt. This country is stupid. I do blame her for not accepting the dunk cost on whatever her career is and not just finding a new job. But even then…she’s still got people in her ear selling her a bill of goods for a masters. Between the laws and the higher Ed institutions in this country, i can’t say it’s all her fault. Not that there’s anything wrong with OPs choice.
I have other friends who are bi/gay and he has no problem with them and gets a long well with one of them, which is why when it’s hard to souly put it down to that. My boyfriend suffers from anxiety which is obviously not an excuse but the worries and thoughts I think have taken over not because of being trans/homophobic.
And he was open to have a conversation with them previously to try and move what happened the second time they met, where they got annoyed when we stayed in the other room in the morning after a night out and they felt left out so had a go at me. So they tried to meet up again and move past it and I saw my BF put effort in but my friend shut down and dismissed everything he said – which is why my boyfriend said he’s put a lot of effort in to connect but they barely acknowledged him. Which is he’s worried to meet again. But I know my friends struggling with other things, but my boyfriend doesn’t know their life and they’re both strangers really. So he finds it hard to acknowledge that their problem isn’t with him but with other external factors.
You've tried your best to get through to her and that's really all that can be asked of you. It's time to worry about your safety and your own mental health
I dont think you did much wrong I think you bringing up your wife working from home might mean your tone may have been more crude then you are making it sound.
I think you should have said a couple more sentences then had a lie down and there would be no problem. So I would put you in the wrong here and treat your wifes guest with a little more courtesy. A small apology will suffice.
I think the approach to write to her is good, or maybe just show her this post since you have already written it. She knows something is wrong, she feels that you are hurt, and she wants to help you!
There where two persons you trusted, and one turned out to be a monster. But the other one is your mother! She will not break your trust, she will do her best to catch you, she so wants to be there for you. Yes, she will have problems understanding that he did that – like you had. Because it is so awful! Please just show her your post, send her the link, and wait until she read it and calls you.
Surely you do not want your friends to know why they are getting divorced. That is because your friends will be appalled to see you siding with your DIL instead of your son.
You have mentioned multiple times this is a tradition you established as a single person. Single. But now you also want to be in a serious relationship. It’s not wrong for you to want your lifestyle to be a certain way but it is less likely to be compatible for a serious relationship, especially with someone who has a kid. Essentially the person who stays home and doesn’t go no contact is left with all the responsibilities of maintaining a home, and in this case a kid. Work sucks up most people’s time already, and then there’s more responsibilities to attend to after work, leaving little time with partners to begin with. Again, it’s not wrong for you to want your lifestyle, but it’s not wrong for him to want a different one either. I’m sure there’s someone out there who wants the relationship dynamic you’re looking for, but this seems like a pretty serious incompatibility in your current relationship.
No. That doesn't apply when you're pursuing a relationship with someone. He was leading her on that way, thinking everything was hunky dory and then, “Oops! I have a probably kid on the way. I hope you don't mind being a stepmama.” A whole child, born or not, can be a dealbreaker for a lot of people, hence why he hid it for so long. It's not about him having the right to his own timeline, he lost that right the minute he started dating OP. It became her business too then, as that is HER boyfriend about to enter fatherhood without her knowing. That's a whole human being, a co-parent relationship with a possibly problematic ex, finances needing to be divided, etc. She had the right to decide if she wanted any part of that. You ARE making excuses, and it's bad ones at that.
Welcome to Germany! Communication and exchanging information here is very difficult here if you are from another country. Germans especially men, also seem to lack situational awareness. They can also lack empathy in certain situations.
What you need to do is really make everything that you expect clear and in no uncertain terms. What you need from him is non negotiable. You need to provide the information you want him to have directly: “I need to you to drive me to the hospital for the pre-surgery, be there with me and drive me home and need to you to be there on the day of the surgery, and need you to be helpful after the surgery by doing XY and Z. Do you understand?” Tell him also that the nurse told you he should have been there for the pre-op. Meaning, that he was wrong not to come.
If he tries to argue, just tell him that you expect more empathy for this situation as the surgery is life threatening, and you are naturally nervous about it. I hope this helps. And best to you with your health. The doctors are very good here, and so are most hospitals. They'll look after you.
Okay , thank you
For your kids sake. Leave. I have grown up with two step parentes like that. It sucks big time. You never feel home. Never good enough. Never loved. You should chiise your blod over a flame. Everyday. Every week. Always. Its hard, i can see that. And I understand ut sucks to se a potensial partner go. But this will always escalate. Just cut ut of before it gets too hard. Your kids will be much the better of. Be a father first.
You clearly dont know how investments work hahah
Damn girl, his peen better be made of gold. Being honest here I’m all for communication and establishing your own life, but if a 40 year old fwb was asking me for all the benefits of a LtR/marriage, I’d re evaluate everything. He can take care of his self, I’m sure you already know that
Nope, not the same. Women are expected to also work, provide childcare, handle the mental load, and do domestic labor.
The fact that you don’t recognize the difference makes me think you are in your early 20s or something and lack the experience to know the difference.
Thank you.
Very big difference between a rando screwing your spouse and your best friend screwing your spouse. Not the same. At all.
Nothing absolutely nothing good would come from it, don't do it.
I would say ride it out a little longer but if it continues to be an issue you need to break it off for your own mental wellbeing. A relationship shouldn't tire someone out, rather build them up. From what you've written it seems you have tried everything to get him off your back but it continued to occur. Like I said, if it keeps being a problem you need to focus on you and your mental health rather than stress about reconciliation of friendship. Chances are even if you do become friends again he would still be defensive towards you. I hope this helped :).
Ew, leave. I know you don't take him seriously but you also don't deserve to be treated like that.
Repeat we agree to disagree. Your goal is indifference. You want him bored of you. Narcissists can blow up when the state of play changes. Don’t react to it.
Women are more than baby machines. It's not the 50s.
break up with her. that's literally the only real option in this situation – you've tried other approaches and she refuses to change.. end it. but ONLY break up with her over text or in a very public place so that there are witnesses.
do not let her manipulate or guilt trip you into staying. she is extremely abusive and you need to get as far away from her as possible.
Op shouldn't out her friend. Her boyfriend never met him in person, so why would he have had to know that?
Nice to know. So he was just doing this as a short-term dating thing. But he failed to mention it until now. Don't waste your time on him.
Here I am putting spoiler tag. So only those who want the spoiler can see.
They lost nationals in quarterfinals. Then the series took a time gap, it shows when they all grow up and went their own way. And how they are living after leaving college.
So if someday your bf get's emotional with you will you brother still consider him a pussy ask him that. and yeah that was a sad moment for not just Ronaldo fans but for football fans in general.
You’re a literal POS
Some people do want a Princess dynamic in the relationship and be wildly spoiled… but that’s not the healthy way you ask that dynamic.
Her response and behavior feels far more childish than a responsible adult talking about what they want, and break up via text really screams maturity. I hope your next move is condoning breaking up IS the best option and then walking away from the relationship?
If it’s already an issue for you, yeah, you should consider ending the relationship ASAP. It’s not going to become less of an issue over time.
Fuck this answer. Priority #1 is her safety & the safety of her kids. PERIOD.
Don't you dare put a potential relapse on her.
Strangling and choking are the last steps before murder. Please please get away from her permanently. Do it for your kids AND yourself. She’s shown that she’s not changed and that you can’t trust her.
This wasn't you ignoring a “how are you?” kind of text. You ignored for 2 days a text that stated something serious for her and to which your lack of engagement could be taken as if you were thinking on just getting laid and didn't know how to respond.
Lol that's hilarious.
Your update is absolutely terrific. Your neurodiversity has given you a leg up here in terms of being able to pull this apart in a way that is constructive. Obviously your own therapeutic experience is of great value here.
Talking with him about what CBT can do for him is great. Not only diverting intrusive thoughts but giving him reframes for impulsive and half-analyzed thoughts.
Thank you for the update.
Even if your child weren’t on the spectrum, she doesn’t sound like she understands how parents care for their children. She likes the time you spend together without your son, but wants the same amount of attention when he is there and that will never happen. The reality is she sounds selfish and immature and she shouldn’t be dating someone with children. And you shouldn’t be dating someone who has no understanding of what being a parent entails. Tell her it can’t work and concentrate on your child instead of dating. He is still very young and needs you. Put all your effort into him.
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Don't, it's attention seeking garbage. Your mom made terrible choices when she cheated, she did not secretly have a relationship going with a 16-18yr old boy who was also dating her daughter.
Your mom needs to know to help support you, but also because you need an adultier adult in this situation. God knows what other types of access your father has to 16yr old boys that you may not be aware of and frankly, aren't your problem.
This sounds like something out of Euphoria. All around terrible situation. Your relationship with your dad is probably irreversibly damaged and your relationship with your closeted boyfriend is over. Be honest with your mother about everything, but don’t do anything publicly. Understandably, it’s hard for a lot of people to come to terms with their sexuality and coming out, hence just discuss it with your mother and I would take a long break from seeing your father.
“Personally, I’d peg him” lol
I don’t know why you are getting so downvoted. I just want to say that we all make mistakes and yes you screwed up, but that happens. Not all the lift decisions will be wise and feelings can sometimes really overshadow our judgement.
However, I don’t think you should go back to your ex. Apparently your love for him wasn’t as strong, and he deserves someone who is 100% sure about him.
I can't believe the comments taking your side. He seems smart and the only folly in your post is he didn't make them right? Not that he didn't want to make that, simply that it was wrong? And you blew up like that? He has grounds to leave you for being such a child. Do you know how to make Pad Thai without a recipe? No? Wow, we should be pissed at you then. He doesn't cook so why were you expecting him to do it right without more guidance? At least don't yell or be mean like you were, because if you were that bad for something so small, his life with you must be rough. Knowing many people with ASD I hope he realizes that he deserves more.
It’s an unusual way for her to bulldoze you into engagement, but you’ve been together for 6 years. What are you waiting for? Sometimes people need a little push.
Thank you for your response! Meshing with other people will help. I didn’t realize how bad it was until recently and now take her jokes as “don’t make friends with them” as more sincere efforts to isolate me as her therapist. Will definitely be ghosting.
Hey bud. She's going to walk all over you and you deserve it.
Stop being so naive. If she meant to get you something better, she would have said so when she gave you the crappy stuff.
She'll ride this out until the airpod and bookshelf train dries up.
Listen, even if your feelings hurt someone that you love, you have to do what’s best for you. Sometimes things don’t work out, and you can’t force yourself to be miserable for someone that you don’t really see a future with.
Maybe you can take a break from the relationship for a bit and see where things lead you. I wouldn’t suggest chaining yourself to a relationship if you truly don’t see it going anywhere.
This guy has self respect and my respect. Good for you fir not letting her continue to treat you horribly.
You didnt waste any time eh?
This is never going to work.
Either you or your friend will get feelings and that will be the end of your marriage or friendship.
Have casual sex eith strangers (protected) or dont bother. An affair will not work in the long run and a friend is never going to be ok.
Ffs, do not bring it up again. When i was 20, i had a friend who repeatedly asked me out… i gave soft rejections because we were friends and classmates. finally, i had to reject him harshly, because the “i don’t really see us as a couple” wasn’t enough and had to go with “look, you keep asking me out even though I have told you multiple times that I’m not interested. You just aren’t my type, please stop asking me out. It’s making me uncomfortable”
For the rest of undergrad, he actively avoided me.
A lot of people on here constantly say “don’t phrase it as a question, just ask when they’re available or just tell them a day”. Now you can see that is not realistic advice. It puts people in a weird place
I think that in most cases it's a bad idea to get married that young. People can change dramatically from who they were at that age. It works out for some people, but this is something to consider.
Well you accused him of cheating so of course he’s not going to be happy with you and just go along with whatever you say. What evidence did you present to him?
You should know what he likes. Give him more of it. Be ready to step up financially when you get a job
Oh good god. I read the link.
I would leave. If you stay, he'll think this is okay and he will do it again. Even blackout drunk, I know my husband would never, ever do this. You deserve that same peace of mind.
A few people have said this and it’s good to hear. I wasn’t sure if asking her to stop completely would be too much or too controlling.
I've been feeling better for months. I've been feeling completely fine for 90% of our relationship.
That's not treatment though. That's therapy. Other people getting therapy is not called a treatment. So it's not that for Autism either.
Dude, this relationship is over. You let the genie out of the lamp and its not going back in. If you actually do care about this girl, you will let her go, because all you are doing right now is prolonging the misery you are both in.
Just end it and find someone who isn’t so childish
lol..Maybe, maybe.
lol..Maybe, maybe.
Ummm “It will get better AFTER we’re married and i’ve trapped you and can try and take your finances if you try to leave” Think about that man. She’s promising you the moon but only when you are no longer able to cleanly leave. She won’t change. You’re her doormat and financial security.
If this is a real post, you're an idiot. You're prettymuch getting what you deserve.
Just because he was married for a decade doesn’t mean he was happy for the entirety of their marriage. There are tons of reasons people stay married and many of those reasons have nothing to do with being happy.
Please understand that your value as a person—as a woman—isn’t dependent upon your ability to outlast some asshole’s ex-wife. I don’t know you, but I do know you’re worth far more than that. Please be kind(er) to yourself.
I knew him for a few years because our moms worked together i didn’t kno him well would see him at family functions he was quiet and to himself and there was just something about that that made me FEEL like i liked him. Idk he was different then guys i dated in the past that were just loud and confrontational and i thought his laid back vibes he gave off were cute . The first 6 months of dating was fun and as dumb as it sounds when he wasn’t opening up to me in a deep way i just kept thinking it was because he’s a shy guy and he needs time to get comfortable and open up to me I KNO it sounds dumb. But that’s just how my fkd brain processed it . i just don’t have an answer i just kept believing it would get better especially when i would have a serious conversation about it and he would cry and say I’m so sorry idk why I’m like this i don’t wanna lose you I’ll get help ..so i would wait and wait and then nothing changed and we just go round in circles with that . Obviously I’m an idiot I’ve wasted his and my time .
The sad thing is she doesn’t even see the many subtle lures he set up for her, that he knew would provoke her to made a more overt move.
I’m really just trying to live my life. She has been living hers, and i find it unfair for me to have to stop because of her reaction and inability to communicate. She’s flat out stopped communicating to me. Im hoping it’s time that’s needed to process the situation, and for us to all move into the reality of what’s going on. There are no main players here.
She has been dating someone for over six months, and this person is someone who works in the same business, but different store(which is connected to where we work) We have all been interacting with each other for way longer than i’ve been seeing this guy, and everything seemed to be ok up until the fact that him and i have grown feelings for each other. Im set in a position that i’m going to see this through, and really hope that my friendship with my friend was strong enough to work through this.
Don't forget, she got SAD too. Poor OP, he shouldn't have to deal with all that. /s
Then, I'm right, it was meant as a joke. He doesn't actually mean you're a cow and just ruffling your feathers ?. Call him a prick in good fun and go on about y'all's days.
Immature and selfish, is how someone can be so negligent.
Continue to tell her dogs need more care than that. Also, you might report her to animal control or the humane society.
You can’t. The problem is that you refuse to accept that answer. She has to want to change, you can’t do that for her.
If I were in your shoes, I would relax because your gf is an adult and she took care of it. So you don't need to do anything stupid.
All y’all can suck it !!
Get therapy
I would not go out of my way to contact him, what I would do though is IF he ever contacts you just tell him that you're glad he broke up with you especially after finding out his secret, you can either continue to tell him or let him guess as to what you're talking about, I'd let him guess because it would drive him crazy trying to figure out what it is you that you know about him.
Explain to her mother exactly like you have explained this to us, she will understand what is going on in your wife’s head.
If your wife wants out she can speak the truth to all involved.
I don’t blame her for the debt. This country is stupid. I do blame her for not accepting the dunk cost on whatever her career is and not just finding a new job. But even then…she’s still got people in her ear selling her a bill of goods for a masters. Between the laws and the higher Ed institutions in this country, i can’t say it’s all her fault. Not that there’s anything wrong with OPs choice.
I have other friends who are bi/gay and he has no problem with them and gets a long well with one of them, which is why when it’s hard to souly put it down to that. My boyfriend suffers from anxiety which is obviously not an excuse but the worries and thoughts I think have taken over not because of being trans/homophobic.
And he was open to have a conversation with them previously to try and move what happened the second time they met, where they got annoyed when we stayed in the other room in the morning after a night out and they felt left out so had a go at me. So they tried to meet up again and move past it and I saw my BF put effort in but my friend shut down and dismissed everything he said – which is why my boyfriend said he’s put a lot of effort in to connect but they barely acknowledged him. Which is he’s worried to meet again. But I know my friends struggling with other things, but my boyfriend doesn’t know their life and they’re both strangers really. So he finds it hard to acknowledge that their problem isn’t with him but with other external factors.
You've tried your best to get through to her and that's really all that can be asked of you. It's time to worry about your safety and your own mental health
I dont think you did much wrong I think you bringing up your wife working from home might mean your tone may have been more crude then you are making it sound.
I think you should have said a couple more sentences then had a lie down and there would be no problem. So I would put you in the wrong here and treat your wifes guest with a little more courtesy. A small apology will suffice.
She was never a housewife! She was a teacher.
I think the approach to write to her is good, or maybe just show her this post since you have already written it. She knows something is wrong, she feels that you are hurt, and she wants to help you!
There where two persons you trusted, and one turned out to be a monster. But the other one is your mother! She will not break your trust, she will do her best to catch you, she so wants to be there for you. Yes, she will have problems understanding that he did that – like you had. Because it is so awful! Please just show her your post, send her the link, and wait until she read it and calls you.
Surely you do not want your friends to know why they are getting divorced. That is because your friends will be appalled to see you siding with your DIL instead of your son.
~ n e g g i n g ~
You have mentioned multiple times this is a tradition you established as a single person. Single. But now you also want to be in a serious relationship. It’s not wrong for you to want your lifestyle to be a certain way but it is less likely to be compatible for a serious relationship, especially with someone who has a kid. Essentially the person who stays home and doesn’t go no contact is left with all the responsibilities of maintaining a home, and in this case a kid. Work sucks up most people’s time already, and then there’s more responsibilities to attend to after work, leaving little time with partners to begin with. Again, it’s not wrong for you to want your lifestyle, but it’s not wrong for him to want a different one either. I’m sure there’s someone out there who wants the relationship dynamic you’re looking for, but this seems like a pretty serious incompatibility in your current relationship.
No. That doesn't apply when you're pursuing a relationship with someone. He was leading her on that way, thinking everything was hunky dory and then, “Oops! I have a probably kid on the way. I hope you don't mind being a stepmama.” A whole child, born or not, can be a dealbreaker for a lot of people, hence why he hid it for so long. It's not about him having the right to his own timeline, he lost that right the minute he started dating OP. It became her business too then, as that is HER boyfriend about to enter fatherhood without her knowing. That's a whole human being, a co-parent relationship with a possibly problematic ex, finances needing to be divided, etc. She had the right to decide if she wanted any part of that. You ARE making excuses, and it's bad ones at that.
What the hell. My dude run for the hills.
Welcome to Germany! Communication and exchanging information here is very difficult here if you are from another country. Germans especially men, also seem to lack situational awareness. They can also lack empathy in certain situations.
What you need to do is really make everything that you expect clear and in no uncertain terms. What you need from him is non negotiable. You need to provide the information you want him to have directly: “I need to you to drive me to the hospital for the pre-surgery, be there with me and drive me home and need to you to be there on the day of the surgery, and need you to be helpful after the surgery by doing XY and Z. Do you understand?” Tell him also that the nurse told you he should have been there for the pre-op. Meaning, that he was wrong not to come.
If he tries to argue, just tell him that you expect more empathy for this situation as the surgery is life threatening, and you are naturally nervous about it. I hope this helps. And best to you with your health. The doctors are very good here, and so are most hospitals. They'll look after you.