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diiamondfoxxx chat
Date: November 2, 2022
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At the very least, don't stay unless she agrees to therapy. She definitely needs it if that's true.
You are not indebted to Lara’s family. You are not obligated to hang out with her. Stop making plans and conversations with her. If you tell her outright that the friendship no longer suites you, then be prepared for drama.
This is tough. But exes should be left in the past outside of the courtesy of letting her know the dog died
The problem is that I painted him in a good light for too long. Once his cruelty got to be too overt I just felt like a fool for sticking around so long.
I would leave.
Not sure where you live that there are no jobs. Have you tried temporary agencies, looking outside the tech industry, being a nanny, or cleaning houses?
My brother-in-law and his wife had just bought a home when he was laid off from Qualcomm. He immediatey got a minimum wage job with the city as a contract janitor with zero benefits and a second job parking cars for a local hotel. He worked those jobs for a whole year before a good tech job was available for him.
Rather than both of you getting stressed out it would have been better to postpone the wedding.
As others say, don't feed the troll.
You two aren't compatible. I really don't think you are, I'm sorry.
What he is doing isn't about 'care' or whatever. He was just jealous and being controlling and abusive. Holding you in place, getting in your face and screaming [assault], spitting at your car, hitting walls… and let's be real that I am sure you've noticed all of this is escalating as well. That this is new and instead of reflecting he defaulted to victim blaming, false equivalence, 'you made me do it' and etc.
At best this dynamic brings out the worst in both of you. I am sure you don't like who he makes you and he should definitely not be okay with what he is becoming. And the fact that he is apparently more than happy to lean into abuser rhetoric to rationalise and downplay all this? Well, this is how physically abusive dynamics happen. He punches and spits around you, screams in your face, how long before he combines the two especially as clearly he has demonstrated he will get physical by restraining you.
I suspect you are caught in a loop. A trauma bond loop where anytime he senses you are about to leave he says what you want to hear, pays lip service to growth and you feel so validated by it you drop your guard. But he has made clear that at this trajectory things will get significantly worse. You already should have left, but if that wasn't enough this should be.
I’m really just not high maintenance, so I told him I’d be happy with anything (which is true). Even a $30 Walmart ring. It was the meaning that meant the most to me