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Cyleoerga, 21 y.o.
Location: Poland
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Date: October 4, 2022
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I've been with my wife for well over a decade now. I still open her door. It's not a requirement, and it doesn't happen every time, sometimes she at the car far before I am. Sometimes my hands are full. But 90% or more of the time I do it still. Also do it for both of our mothers. Our female friends. Etc.
Theres nothing wrong with stopping, but I just never got around to it. I know my wife appreciates it as we're both a bit old school in that regard. Our moms like it too. Most female friends are surprised at first then get used to it. And obviously all of them are fully capable of opening their own doors, they don't need me to walk them to their cars at night, etc.
To me its less a matter whether its needed, and it was never a matter of wooing. It's just a remnant of a different time and culture that I picked up and do because that's what you do. I also walk on the street side and stand up when a lady leaves the table, its all automatic.
she will cheat on her new friend as well.
Get your ducks in a row while you still communicate and move on. She has been a valuable lesson and that should be all the credit she deserves.
Oh, and I am really sorry this happened to you. It happened to me…
I just want to add that before I had kids I could definitely see how the scientific factual argument could be made, but after I had kids I think telling someone who’s dying to have kids might just be the worst possible advice ever. Knowing how you will miss out on their lives and not be able to be there for them along the way might just be one of the most painful feelings in the world.
No he was talking about it to his other friend who wasn’t there that night.
Without knowing what the “incident” was there's very little advice we can give, it sounds like something transpired between you two that changed the relationship completely. The one thing I can say is you won't get anything from posting this notes here or leaving it in your phone, you need to communicate clearly and honestly with that person
If you care for the relationship you are in, then you should go no contact with him. Send him a message saying you're happy with your life as it is now, you're not interested in being friends with him, and then block his number. Also, let your current B.F know an ex contacted you, and that you blocked him.
When I started dating my wife, an ex flame of hers started messaging her after we had been dating a few months. She told me about it, she showed me the messages where she said she was with someone else and happy and that she wished him well.
He kept trying to re-insert himself in her life. Would act like a friend, and then go way inappropriate. Trying to get back in her life, and pants. I told her this was unacceptable to me. For her to try and maintain a friendship with someone who clearly wanted a lot more than that. She agreed, and blocked him on everything.
I wasn't trying to be controlling, or tell her who she could and couldn't be friends with. Just enforcing a boundary I personally had for myself and what I would allow in a relationship. I had a failed marriage because of cheating on my Ex wifes part with people who were “just friends”. Men who would make inappropriate comments she defended as them just joking around. It was a lot more than talk I was to find out.
My now wife respected me enough, and me her enough to both act this way when people from our past tried to reinsert themselves into our life's. It's a sign of mutual respect for each other, and our relationship.
2022 problems wow lol
Thank you for your opinion.
I think whoever initiates and plans the date should be responsible for the tab, unless stated otherwise up front. If I invite you to a bar for a pitcher of beer and pool, I am assuming I will pay.
That being said…don’t date beyond your means. Financially or emotionally. If someone “minds” an equal or equitable date and that ruffles your feathers, it’s probably better to take the pass
Adults that tell children to keep secrets from their parents are not safe adults. That's grooming 101.
I'll take shit that never happened for 500 alex
Well, I hope the 16 year old hasn't felt all this time that his dad likes him less than the other kids/
Even if you did let him go, I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back to you after he has realized what he gave up.
She wants to bang your husband and is not fussed about you end of the deal
I’d take it more that she was bored and lonely. If she truly wanted to chat more, things would have kept going instead of stopping on dec 5th.
Thank you! Previous responses to my comment have made some pretty crazy assumptions about me based on my words. The comment I responded to asked the question “Why don't you just tell me what you want”. I answered that question, but nowhere did I say I torment my husband with my own problems. I'm very aware of it, how ingrained it is, and why, and I'm very conscious of trying not to let it influence my relationship in any sort of negative way.
I'm 50 years old and in a great marriage. I know my worth, and my husband treats me with the respect I deserve, but some of those lifelong responses are tough to change. Trust me when I say he has some too! Neither of us are perfect, but we respect each other, and the journeys we each took to find each other 6 years ago.
My first thought, like many people, was maybe he’s gay. Once he started panicking, though, I thought maybe he has issues, a past of SA? Especially when reading what kind of porn he’s into. It’s definitely not normal. He should get help, but first he has to have an honest conversation with you and stop acting like nothing is wrong with him.
There’s nothing to do honestly. Just move on.
Being a less than perfect partner doesn't absolve her of her misdeeds… It doesn't excuse them or rectify them, so stop adding fuel to the fire.
She cheated because she wanted to, there is no other reason.. and how shes in a vulnerable state, so you don't see a way out without looking like a bad guy…
So, the question is… Are is your end game here? I wouldn't take her back, no way no how, but this isn't my time I'm using on someone who betrayed me in such a way… I did away with my cheater(s) and gained a wife that i could entrust with everything.
Really dig deep, ask yourself, ” Is she worth the extra, constant sacrifices?” She hid this from you for HOW LONG? Didn't come clean of her own valition, and now you're even trying to justify it with ” I wasn't the best.. so” No, stop that, that's emotional garbage being spewn to help your head to wrap around all this, and it's defeatist and counter productive. If you had problems in your relationship, that is a two way street.. and guess what, you didn't end up sleeping with another… So how can you say otherwise about her?
I understand ending a marriage can be difficult, but you can't love another if you can't love yourself… And i believe you can't love yourself at this time, not without space, deep thoughts about what YOU need, and most likely than not, therapy and a sit down with a lawyer… Just to get your ducks in a row and see the different ways this could play out.
It's not your fault you're here… And I'm sorry to see you here, but it IS your responsibility to make sure, from here on out, YOU are safe, secure, and on the road to healing… With, or without the cheater in tow.
Based on all the testimonials I've read on relationshipadvice he has a girlfriend or wife.
Divorce the wife and marry the sis
Lol no it would take a lot to do that
Looks like OP has deleted his entire account now
You are allowed to walk away. It doesn’t matter how it will effect her. This is now about you. Your needs.
I can give you some advice.
Go to your local sporting goods store.
Find a nice pair of running shoes that fit comfortably.
And run the hell out of your relationship.
It sounds to me like he wants to have what he wants without giving anything back
I know you don't try to limit, but just reminding you that it's important for her to have other friends. Sometimes seeing her other relationships can feel like a competition, can feel like always comparing if you are attractive/funny/smart/successful. She likes you for you, it's not a competition. Everybody gets those feelings sometimes, it becomes a problem if they never go away.
But did you have a discussion with him about meeting YOUR sexual needs? Love and sex aren’t the same but obviously love is not enough for you or you would have talked about alternatives , resolved it or just not cheated.
It’s not the gift, it’s the thought. If the thought is important to you, I would say something.
My guy, separating is in fact an option.
I don’t have casual sex. I only have sex with people I’m in a monogamous relationship with. Some men are okay with it, some men aren’t. And that’s okay. Do what’s best for you.
Do I think the dead pet hair is weird? I don't know, I had a dead society finch in my freezer for years (rip sweetie). And, I come from a long line of ketchup packets, plastic sporks & old glass jar collecting people, so no judgment there.
I do think that you deserve someone who will love you for your wonderful pet-hair-collecting self, and who doesn't pick on you or find these things gross. Go out there and find that guy.
Um, it wasn’t your birthday. I know you’re young but the night before is really irrelevant. Also, creepy age gap.
My neighbour got divorced at around your age and it is a blessing to watch her blossom and HAVE THE TIME OF HER LIFE!
No seriously, she's just having an incredible time, she spent 3 weeks in mallorca last year, just because she could.
Go live!
Stop the fucking drinking man.
On the one hand I want to give the best friend an MVP award, even if her reasons were clearly self-serving. On the other hand the fact that she mentioned your wealth makes me very suspicious of her primary motivation. Probably best to avoid her for the forseeable future. But maybe send her some sort of 'thank you' gift.
Because she absolutely saved your life, even if her motives were not particularly noble. You almost started a family with a very nasty, narcissistic, immature and deceitful woman. Those sort of characteristics don't go away. They get worse with time. She'd maybe be loyal for a while, but as soon as life throws you a curveball she'd revert to her true self. And as hard as this is now, imagine how much worse it would be when you have kids? Or find out those kids aren't even yours? And then she gets to take all your money, property and home if you leave her.
Her reasons were selfish, but the BF saved your ass big time. I'd say she deserves something nice for that. lol
Maybe give her the GF's old car? lol
Nah. Too obvious. You don't want to “out” her if you ain't gonna get with her. Maybe a new car if you can afford it? It wouldn't cost nearly as much as a divorce would have cost you.
You should be single until you can get over him. Trust me, I wouldn’t have been able to fully commit to my husband if I’d still be in love with my first love. I had to take a year off from anything serious in order to get over him.
Ok
wh… what..? “like snowflakes” is an expression, it means that no two are the exact same.
This is tough.
My gf & I broke up over this.
I don't like sex. I never have and I never will.
I like nonsexual intimacy though and I get that's just not enough for most people even if they engage in masturbation.
I would never compromise and force myself into a situation I despise and I wouldn't expect anyone to do the same for me.
I think perhaps going to a therapist would help you sort out your feelings about this and help you approach your gf with whatever decision you come to.
Yea, i wish i realized these things earlier, i wish i hadnt learnt these things the hard way lol
Meanwhile my girlfriend doesn't bat an eye if I don't text for hours, even if I don't tell them why beforehand. OP needs to find someone else or be content enough to live by himself.
from what you described, sounds like she is a materialistic and abusive person. I hate to say this but it is best to break up than to live this daily drama, this woman will never be pleased and her saying what she did is not cheating is even more messed up!
Unless you can totally distance yourself from this guy, you'd better give your boyfriend a heads up. If he has violent tendencies, you should discourage anything like that.
I require elaboration.
Thanks for the thoughts.
We mutually agreed not to do MDMA in particular with other folks since it’s something what is special for us. That agreement started at her request for me.
It bugs me that the rule was apparently flexible and just for me.
Looking at this bit at the end in isolation -> If he needs to get himself together, he can do it alone and come back to you. Lmao.
But when looking at all the red flags, dump him. You can find a guy with those green flags AND WITTHOUT those red flags.
Just find a hobby, get some rounds with the boys and clear your head. You'll be fine. It will just take some time.
Did he do it sexually or friendly?
this cannot possibly be real. YOu've been dating this guy 2 months and your son already calls him Dad? OP.
Absolutely. I don't think it's understandable that male children should get less mercy as you say.
Just cuz the child is a male doesn't mean that he's that much more of a rapist or whatever the logic there would be. When children sexually assault other children it is a huge indicator they are also being sexually assaulted. That is not a gendered fact. There are different thought processes or motivators at play depending on the situation/child. But I've not seen any evidence indicating much difference in the reenactment of abuse between children based on sex or gender.
I'm not an expert in the field but I have unfortunately seen situations like this. Every single time it came to light that the assaulting child was also being abused themselves or was witnessing abuse. I have seen more assaulting children be male in my experience but I don't believe that is statistically relevant, just more my anecdotal experience.
Again. This isn't just a pass for the assaulter. I just happen to believe that children are not usually self created monsters. They are often acting out because they are victims as well. Compassion I believe is warranted. They need help too. That help should probably encompass addressing the abuse they perpetrated but that is out of my scope. Seek the advice of a professional if you or someone you know is dealing with these matters.
Bro, she was obviously banging someone else, the only thing she “wanted more” of was someone else, it didn’t turn out like she wanted, and is now falling back to her backup, you. She wanted to have her fun but keep her nice, comfortable happy life. Why do you think she asked you not to tell anyone, because someone would have told you the truth. It’s hard to hear, but she manipulated you here big time, because she knows you have more emotionally invested in the relationship than she does.
If she wants to leave, let her leave your home. Also, unless she fully confesses what was going on last year, there is no hope of reconciling.
Best of luck, but this won’t be a one off.