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cyber, 24 y.o.
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Date: December 25, 2022
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Unintended consequences.
Unfortunately you will either have to trust him, and let him go and travel, and if your trust is well placed, he will still have a good time, without cheating, or you will need to end the relationship.
If you try to force him to stay behind, and succeed, he will likely end up resenting you, especially as you already had some life experiences on your gap year.
Ugghh, I wouldn't bring her anywhere. That is disgusting
There’s two things here, and while the second is general advice, it ties into the first.
So first, we have to point out the age gap here. I get it; you’re consenting adults. But age gaps like this become a problem when the two parties are likely to be in different life stages. Like anything else, context is everything so certainly correct me if I’m wrong, but generally speaking a 26 year old and a 20 year old aren’t in the same life stage. A 20 year old will usually be in college and a year or two from graduating. A 26 year old will usually be a few years into a career. Those just don’t often align.
It’s especially important here because what you keep calling “overthinking” is insecurities. No one’s going to be surprised that a 20 year old as immature and insecure. That brings me to the second point.
Insecurity is a relationship killer. In saying that, no amount of reassurance will ever be enough. You’ve learned that. So that’s the real advice here. As you get to know people, if you learn they’re insecure and need constant reassurance while also refusing to acknowledge that only they can address their insecurities, you walk away and don’t fight it. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t secure in themselves. Good luck.
it's not just about cleaning habits, it's about all aspects of their personality.
A person doesn't change, not really. they can work on themselves if it's what they really want but ultimately changes made for others never stick.
I dumped so many potential boyfriends because I didn't like what I saw. I refuse to settle when it comes to make it or break it issues.
The last one told me it would be perfect! Maybe he could be the one to make me slow down (I am very active and always on the go with projects) and I could make him speed up (lazy couch potatoe man). I rolled my eyes, it doesn't work that way, you either want to be active because it's good for you or you don't, if you do it for someone else then you just end up resenting the person forcing you to do it. Another time a dude told me when he found out I didn't date smokers (they stink, sorry not sorry) that I could be the reason he quits!!! (OMG SO LUCKY!!!!!)
Just like you forcing her to clean and her forcing you to live in a landfill. you need to figure out what is a “ok I can live with this” and what is a “nope, unsubscribe” to you in relationships.