Nope. I honestly can't stand that, don't continue getting someone all worked up everytime you're together and then freak when the topic you brought up FIRST comes up again. I understand making someone wait, I get it. But also if it's too soon for sex maybe she shouldn't be talking about how horny she is. Just sounds hypocritical to me.
Because they were friends from the same high school that's not uncommon. It's also perfectly normal for people to date multiple people from the same general area. Since we have no idea where she's from it could be a small city for all we know therefore we can't make a judgement on that aspect.
It's not that weird to talk about what you see and think without censoring yourself. There is a huge difference between mentioning a detail that pops up and going into graphic detail about an ex. Basic shit should be easy to talk about as long as it's not disrespectful. Telling your gf you essentially just want her to sleep with, live with, and not to be friends with is screwed up beyond words.
I can also get on board with this as well. I mean, if someone was to get caught cheating and the couple was trying to build up trust again then I can understand it. But shouldn't we have trust for one another? And what about past traumas and relationships? You know, like if she needs that to feel secure than I'm fine with it because I have nothing to hide.
Your relationship sounds abusive. Your so afraid of saying the truth and you seem to live in fear of her reaction. I’m not saying you don’t play a part but you shouldn’t be this afraid. You need counselling as a couple and she needs personal therapy to deal with her low self esteem.
There is still no benefit from seeing her ex. If she didn’t have pre existing guilt about and there was as nothing to worry about, she would’ve just met him and not come to Reddit to look for validation. Not one person, especially OP, can justify this meetup…
hugs, once she threatened your child, the gloves come off. Call the police and file the complaint, the more detailed a FU binder you have on her and him the better.
It sounds like she is the asshole here. Accidents happen, yes if you try to hit somebody it can happen easier than just chilling with a beer but still … she needs to calm down and see more clear the situation.
Get on the waiting list now anyway, even if it feels like a pointless exercise. That way you're holding onto a spot and if things get worse you're already one foot on the ladder and hopefully you'll have a better chance of being bumped up for an emergency referral. Sending you good vibes. Trying to get mental health treatment on the NHS is such a joke.
Kids aren’t testers, they’re not samplers. You can’t change your mind. Children deserve to be loved and wanted from the very beginning. Having a kid because you maybe want one will go poorly if it turns out you truly didn’t, and it’s not fair to a child to be or through that. Even putting on your best face, they’ll know. Don’t do that to a kid, and don’t do that to yourself
Stop doing anything for him. No cooking, don't wash his laundry, don't change the trash, only wash your dishes. Then tell him that if he doesn't pitch in, this will be how things look from now on.
So right I appreciate that I feel like am aware of a lot of the issues but hard to apply stuff when not from outside perspective I have of growing and maturing to do
First real experience of love sometimes I disregard the negative because of how good positive feels which I know is wrong
I think I need to wake up and break up pull myself together
If you want to try to live a norma life you're going to have to tell this guy that his mental situation cannot be this limiting to your mental situation. When two damaged people get together they can either be supportive of one another or they can each lean into their problems and hold each other back. If he can't get past his abandonment issues (with the help of a therapist) you're probably going to need to end the relationship. Having only each other is extremely dangerous because when you break up – and you will, 'cause you're 18 – you'll be left with no one. That's a perilous place to be.
And I have to say this – a married 32 year old having crushes and acting like a teenager with a crush is straight up pathetic and embarrassing to even read about.
I'm 35. Hell, even 25yo people are babies to me, 17 is like a fetus, and 20 isn't that far behind.
Could have been a card to a room someone else paid for, and gave him the spare, or dropped it in their bedroom.
Nope. I honestly can't stand that, don't continue getting someone all worked up everytime you're together and then freak when the topic you brought up FIRST comes up again. I understand making someone wait, I get it. But also if it's too soon for sex maybe she shouldn't be talking about how horny she is. Just sounds hypocritical to me.
Because they were friends from the same high school that's not uncommon. It's also perfectly normal for people to date multiple people from the same general area. Since we have no idea where she's from it could be a small city for all we know therefore we can't make a judgement on that aspect.
It's not that weird to talk about what you see and think without censoring yourself. There is a huge difference between mentioning a detail that pops up and going into graphic detail about an ex. Basic shit should be easy to talk about as long as it's not disrespectful. Telling your gf you essentially just want her to sleep with, live with, and not to be friends with is screwed up beyond words.
I can also get on board with this as well. I mean, if someone was to get caught cheating and the couple was trying to build up trust again then I can understand it. But shouldn't we have trust for one another? And what about past traumas and relationships? You know, like if she needs that to feel secure than I'm fine with it because I have nothing to hide.
How long have you been in counseling? The communication is deff an issue, but based on your post it doesn’t seem like counseling is helping much.
Are either of you in individual therapy?
Your relationship sounds abusive. Your so afraid of saying the truth and you seem to live in fear of her reaction. I’m not saying you don’t play a part but you shouldn’t be this afraid. You need counselling as a couple and she needs personal therapy to deal with her low self esteem.
Agree. What OP did was worse than cheating.
On what?
Kill him.
oh boy to be young and naive. dude move on, she’s not worth it
There is still no benefit from seeing her ex. If she didn’t have pre existing guilt about and there was as nothing to worry about, she would’ve just met him and not come to Reddit to look for validation. Not one person, especially OP, can justify this meetup…
hugs, once she threatened your child, the gloves come off. Call the police and file the complaint, the more detailed a FU binder you have on her and him the better.
You shouldn't be asking questions you don't want the honest answer to. Stop doing that, and it will save you a lot of hurt feelings
Blaming the alcohol is such a cop out ?? she cheated on you with your so called friend. I’d ditch them both.
It sounds like she is the asshole here. Accidents happen, yes if you try to hit somebody it can happen easier than just chilling with a beer but still … she needs to calm down and see more clear the situation.
Get on the waiting list now anyway, even if it feels like a pointless exercise. That way you're holding onto a spot and if things get worse you're already one foot on the ladder and hopefully you'll have a better chance of being bumped up for an emergency referral. Sending you good vibes. Trying to get mental health treatment on the NHS is such a joke.
I never checked on my ex‘s profile after we broke up. Never!
Kids aren’t testers, they’re not samplers. You can’t change your mind. Children deserve to be loved and wanted from the very beginning. Having a kid because you maybe want one will go poorly if it turns out you truly didn’t, and it’s not fair to a child to be or through that. Even putting on your best face, they’ll know. Don’t do that to a kid, and don’t do that to yourself
I am a gamer, I used to be addicted to video games, and that was how I acted.
It is not normal, and it is not okay.
You and your kids should feel like you are his first priority.
13 hours a day is ridiculous.
Stop doing anything for him. No cooking, don't wash his laundry, don't change the trash, only wash your dishes. Then tell him that if he doesn't pitch in, this will be how things look from now on.
So right I appreciate that I feel like am aware of a lot of the issues but hard to apply stuff when not from outside perspective I have of growing and maturing to do
First real experience of love sometimes I disregard the negative because of how good positive feels which I know is wrong
I think I need to wake up and break up pull myself together
Props to you I find it hard to do that
The last date he did exactly this and I just quit my sentence and stared at him in disbelief
If you want to try to live a norma life you're going to have to tell this guy that his mental situation cannot be this limiting to your mental situation. When two damaged people get together they can either be supportive of one another or they can each lean into their problems and hold each other back. If he can't get past his abandonment issues (with the help of a therapist) you're probably going to need to end the relationship. Having only each other is extremely dangerous because when you break up – and you will, 'cause you're 18 – you'll be left with no one. That's a perilous place to be.
And I have to say this – a married 32 year old having crushes and acting like a teenager with a crush is straight up pathetic and embarrassing to even read about.
I'm 35. Hell, even 25yo people are babies to me, 17 is like a fetus, and 20 isn't that far behind.