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Make me big squirt by you! [821 tokens remaining]
Date: October 30, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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200_FREE_TOKEN_SPRING_SURPRISE
Taylor Swift vs. sitting in the audience of a graduation enjoying absolutely nothing? Tell her you love her and you are so happy she got tickets (which is next to impossible) and that you hope she has fun at the concert. Seriously. Maybe you should be asking why you aren't skipping your own graduation to attend Taylor Swift… It's a much better story.
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Definitely cheating. Cheating with a side of gaslighting. Then he just found the quickest excuse to leave you so he can be with his new girlfriend.
Explain how you feel and let him know you would like it if he was more affectionate. We all show love in different ways and we aren’t mind readers.
Then hire a divorce lawyer, and get a paternity test ordered by the courts
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I need some other opinions on this event that happened with my girlfriend of 3 years the other day, as I’m not really sure how to feel or respond.
Sorry, wall of text to follow.
TL;DR! I surprised my girlfriend by taking her to the spa during a workday (I cleared this with her manager beforehand). What I initially thought was going to be a nice evening together, romantic gesture, and surprise turned into a nightmare. On the way to the spa my girlfriend was very overwhelmed and became upset, but unable to articulate why. We still went to the spa, I thought we had a nice time and the evening was redeemed, but on the drive back it escalated even more.
Overall I just need some other opinions on this, as I feel like I have done something wrong.
STORY:
I [32M] surprised my partner [30F] by taking her to the spa a few days ago. I texted her manager to make sure that the day and time worked for them, and that it would be ok to sneak her away from work and surprise her. The manager said yes, it would be fine. So I thought, great! This sounds like a great way to surprise her, make a romantic gesture (my partner always talks about how I never do anything romantic), and spend a nice evening together at the spa and then eat out for dinner nearby. It was sort of for her birthday which was the week prior, but selfishly I also wanted to go, and we had talked about going a few months prior as a nice thing to do together. She generally likes surprises and random gifts and things that aren’t necessarily for any event – just as a way of me doing acts of service and thoughtful gift giving as that’s my love language.
So I go to pick her up and begin the surprise. OK – she’s in the middle of a task that requires her attention and presence, no biggie, I thought that might happen since I was stealing her away from work. I leave to do some things nearby, and come back 10-15 minutes later and she is free. Great! She hasn’t had lunch yet, so I tell her to grab her lunch and things and that we’re going. Mind you, this whole time I’m kinda giddy and smiling holding the secret, I’m not projecting an air of annoyance or frustration. Why would I, we’re going to the spa, it’s gonna be a great evening!
So she grabs her things, but from the get-go it was clear that she was kinda overwhelmed and didn’t really know what was going on. Reading the situation I didn’t think carrying on the surprise would be beneficial, so as soon as we stepped outside her work I spoiled the surprise and said: “We’re going to the spa, I asked your manager if it would be ok for you to leave work early, I have everything ready”. She still didn’t really believe it and kept saying “I don’t understand what’s happening”, confused, but sounding happily confused, and surprised – great. She kept asking what we were doing, not really believing me, so I kept saying: “we’re going to the spa, I cleared it with your manager”. So we get in the car and start driving. I packed her favorite snacks, water, tea, etc, as I thought she might want something to eat before going to the spa for a few hours (and/or, I had a feeling she hadn’t eaten lunch yet, which she confirmed).
I start driving to the spa and she begins crying out of nowhere. This is literally the exact opposite reaction that I had anticipated. I pull over, try to console her, but she keeps crying, I have no idea why, and I’m just at a loss. I feel terrible. I planned this nice afternoon, surprise, etc, and now I’m confronted by a really, really upset girlfriend. I felt terrible, but also a bit angry and annoyed that she wasn’t able to give me any explanation for the way she was feeling, and for 15-20 minutes we sat on the side of the road while she cried. She still wasn’t really able to give much more of an explanation that she was feeling ‘overwhelmed’ and it didn’t feel ok to leave work. I tried to dig into it a bit more. Did something happen at work? Why was she so overwhelmed? Was something else going on? Did I do something wrong? All for her to say no, and as far as I could tell it was a pretty average day for her. For more context, she has been going through a bit of a rough patch at work, and we've been a little stressed as we need to find new housing, but it's nothing new and all things that we've discussed at length with one another.
I suggested we go back. She made a snarky comment about “then what, I’d just go back to work?”. So I read this as her now being a bit combative. I suggested we keep driving the direction of the spa anyways as I can run some errands in the area if we didn’t end up going. I try to joke “hey at least we’ll go for a nice drive”. Overall the mood went incredibly cold incredibly quickly and I had no idea why other than she was overwhelmed and surprised – I guess not in a good way. After 15-20 minutes or so of trying to console her I sort of lost my temper. I was angry that I had put a lot of effort and thought into this and it suddenly turned on its head, and she’s unable to tell me why, and I vocalized this to her.
We keep driving in silence – I park and say I need to do these things for 10 minutes, and that I would still like to go to the spa and to let her think about it. The separation is nice, I come back and she seems to have calmed down and wants to go and is excited to go. Great.
So we go to the spa. We both feel kind of shitty and bad with that recent experience looming over us of ‘what just happened’. Nonetheless I try to clear it out of my mind and enjoy it as much as I can. “It’s in the past, she was upset, overwhelmed, having a bad day – it’s ok, we’re here, let’s enjoy it” I told myself. I genuinely enjoyed myself in the spa, but there were times my partner was still sobbing a bit and crying, or looking upset. Then at times she looked fine. Overall I felt like the experience was kind of ruined already that I tried not to let this affect me, but it was clear that it was still affecting my girlfriend. I was very much of the mindset of accepting what had happened, acknowledging it, while still trying to enjoy the evening.
We leave the spa – I think things are better now – I had a great time and felt relaxed and happy, despite the earlier event. My girlfriend seems like she has come around and also appears to be feeling better. We joke about taking way more free bottles of fancy hand lotion and shampoo than we should have (we’re cheap as hell). We get in the car and drive home, and I’m feeling pretty good – and I thought my girlfriend was feeling better too, and whatever happened earlier had passed.
A few minutes into driving home my girlfriend drops more bombshells and becomes upset again, saying things like “I can see why objectively that is a really nice thing to do but why today?! Like was there a specific reason”, again crying and listing reasons for why she was overwhelmed. I understand and empathize with all of her reasons, and support her with all of them, but don’t really see this as being an excuse for not being able to enjoy the experience and ruining the nice evening and surprise that I put a lot of thought and effort into for her. I sense anger towards me. It then grows into more, saying she feels unstable, asking what we’re doing in our relationship. etc. She makes more snarky comments, like “what is there even to do there together, it's like we're together but not, it’s not really something to do as a couple” implying that spas are a bad place to go for couples.
I felt at a loss, again, and didn’t know how to respond. Again I went from feeling like we had moved on from whatever happened earlier, enjoyed the spa, and was feeling good about that, to being absolutely crushed emotionally again afterwards by her. I didn’t really know how to respond to any of her comments. We drove home in silence after that, and didn’t speak again the rest of the evening. An inverse shit sandwich, if you will, of a shitty experience on the way to the spa, a good time at the spa (for me), and then shitty experience again after.
So, here we are. I’m still reeling a bit from this event, and don’t really know how to proceed. We haven't really spoken since and kind of tiptoed around one another. I feel like I was trying to be very understanding of her experience of things, but also feel that it was disrespectful of my time, effort, and thoughtfulness. Not once did she apologize to me for her actions or for how she was feeling, and I thought we had moved on from her being upset before going to the spa but it all came crashing down again on the drive home.
I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, asking myself if I did something wrong, if she was upset with me, etc. Because yes, while our relationship is in a bit of a rocky place we still enjoy one another's company, are fine 98% of the time, and acknowledge that we have things to work on. Ok – I get that it may have been a bad day for her, bad timing, etc, so I do understand and empathize with her reaction and being upset on the drive up
Your boyfriend won’t “allow” you to buy a toy?
Are you dating your dad?
Won’t allow you?
To hell with that noise.
Making a nasty comment and hurting you by pinching your face in a public place, where he knew you “wouldn't make a scene”?
No, you aren't “being silly” for getting upset.
I am not recommending you do this, but IF you'd slapped his hand off your face and told him to piss off and never pinch you ever again, and made sure people in the store heard you say it, I would be applauding you.
There wasn't anything innocent about that action and comment. He intended to hurt you.
Stop letting his sly asinine comments make you feel insecure. If he wants a plastic Barbie Doll that never ages, maybe you should break up with him and give him a lifesize blow-up sex doll as a goodbye present.
I see why you are having doubts.
Sit down with her and allow her to open up. She might give a dumb reason, she might have a sad story, she might have had a traumatic experiencd. No matter what it is, be supportive of her in what she says, and be loving, caring and gentle to her. Tell her there is no need to be sorry. Just be good to her.
Nope, fuck him. He outright says he wants your forgiveness for himself, not for you, and what he said at the wake shows he's not changed that much. Don't feel guilty for not forgiving your abuser. From what you've said, he's done nothing to deserve it.
Yes. Seems wildly pathologizing for what is described. Takes two to dance the dysfunction tango
Ikr what a pos the wife is. Ugh. Op needs run far far away, he married a cheater
These men keep doing stuff like this because you stay with them and don’t hold them accountable so they have 0 motivation to change. Quit being an enabler, give yourself an ounce of self-respect and stop with these minute men. Sorry for the tough love but I really think people need to hear it bluntly.
It’s cheating. And he’s gas lighting you into thinking it’s normal. No one in a monogamous relationship is showing their partner to make out with whomever whenever. Your boundaries are valid, but I don’t think he’s going to change. He seems to have no issue in hurting your feelings and making you feel uncomfortable. I’d just break up then he can kiss and grab all his friend’s dicks. He’s bi, but it’s not an excuse to cheat. Tell him to kick fucking rocks, ands get new friends too.
Never going to be an issue for me so I'm not worried. I keep my relationships in the safe zone (unmarried).
Depending on where you live, that's quite a significant amount of money for extra everyday expenses.
Also I'd be a bit careful about everyday drinking habits. Sure, 1 pint isn't a lot by no means but making it a habit to have 1 everyday is for some a step to having 2 a day until it becomes a real problem.
There are other options to cool your head, maybe try to talk about it calmly with your bf and understand both his concerns and tell him about your needs
Thank you, I truly do appreciate it