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Today is a great day to satisfy you, to do with me what you most desire, whip me, fuck me, punish me, I will always be your sexy submissive./control my toy I want lose my control ,sr. [Goal Race]
Date: October 16, 2022
Yes, your life is upside down. You’re in for some very, very tough days, weeks, months, and years ahead, OP. Now is the time to seek professional help- legal, physical health, and mental health professional help, both for yourself and your sister. I say for your sister, but that’s only if you have it in you to help her right now (and I understand it may be too much to help her as well as yourself at the moment, and that’s okay) but please consider that while your sister bears some responsibility for her alcoholism, the reality is she didn’t do this to you, your husband did.
Your husband, who became a legal adult before you were even born, destroyed your marriage, whatever that looked like. He took advantage of your sister, who is an alcoholic, and had sex with her when she was absolutely, 100% incapable (legally, practically, ethically) to give her consent. Consent is required for sex to occur. If there isn’t consent, it’s rape. I know it will be hard to hear, because you love your husband, but he raped your sister. In your home. While you were present. He did that. Not her, him.
I’m worried, OP, that you are now in active danger. The type of person who would do something like this is very, very dangerous because every act he’s done shows he does not respect you. Just so you know, I’m factoring everything you mentioned in your post into the “something like this” description, and by that I mean a) he married someone who was in diapers and didn’t know how to use a toilet while he was having his first drink, dating, graduating (or not) high school, etc., while you were learning how to talk; b) he had an “affair” in his marital home, while his spouse was there, with someone in her immediate family; and c) this one is the most important, he raped someone. I put affair in quotes because in this particular instance, regardless of whether this is the only time he has had such an interaction with your sister or not, this time it was rape.
You don’t have to be the one to help your sister through her alcoholism. I understand if, in this moment, you’re not able to, and that’s okay. But what you do need to do, and do it quickly, is take steps now to ensure you and your sister are safe.
You witnessed your husband commit a violent crime that ought to land him in jail. He is about to do everything in his power to make sure you don’t see the situation that way. He will turn on you, if you support her. He will blame ALL of it on your sister, if he hasn’t already. It sounds like you’re blaming your sister when you ask how she could do this to you… where is the blame for your husband, the one who raped your nearly unconscious sister in your house!! The one who was old enough to understand consent a decade before you were conceived? He is not a good man. This is going to be bad, I won’t sugar coat it. This is why you need professionals, ASAP.
Start with your physical safety. If he’s out of the house still, the next step is gathering your documents. If not then gather them discreetly, if it’s safe, and find somewhere you can stay. If you’re able, find somewhere you can leave your sister where she will be safe and you don’t have to deal with her while you’re going through this. I would have suggested your sister get a tox report done at a hospital, but it’s been a month now.
I understand if you’re not ready to view what happened as rape, because up until a bunch of people on Reddit told you so, you didn’t view it that way. But even if you’re not there yet, even if you never get there, your marriage is over. It will not and should not survive this. Speak to a lawyer. If you can’t afford one, speak to domestic abuse services in your area. It’s time to tell your friends who you trust what has happened, even though it’s going to be hard.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Please be safe, OP. I am genuinely worried for you.
Going through your post and comment history, I would advise you to get the hell away from her. She’s threatened to kill you, showed up at your job, is extremely clingy, etc. Find a safe place to stay, tell your friends and family your situation so they don’t disclose your location, make an escape plan, and go.
Tell him, for sure. Also, a coat or two of clear nail polish will help stop this.
He’s a bad boyfriend for what he tries to do. You are a normal person.
Your fiancé has just shown you that you being respected means nothing to you. He doesn’t respect you, so please respect yourself and leave.
Well I would just lean on that then.
And your boyfriend if he respects you should 100% be receptive to your boundaries, even with your own sister. Everyone has insecurities, you’re trying to protect yourself. Even if you are totally off base, if your boyfriend respects you he will at least be receptive of the conversation.
It’s a tough situation because it’s your sister. And I want to give them both the benefit of the doubt of course.
I think talking to your BF and making sure he is respecting you is more a safe bet then going at your sister.
This is all advice from someone who has never been through this before though.
Without anything about the personal stuff.
The guy just needs to get a job doing anything, warehouse, fast food, pot washing. Something to get money coming in.
Then he can try and get back into what he wants to do.
This would be an atrocious waste of resources and money.
If we are counting hours worked, we need to know how household chores and errands are split as well. If he's working more, is she doing more housework? Because then they should both end up with equal amounts of spending money. Right now, he has more than her.
It's all just ridiculous, imo. Get a joint account, get separate spending accounts. Put what is needed for bills and savings in the joint, anything left over divide equally between the two spending accounts. If he's working more, she makes up for it by taking on more housework. It's really not that hard when people actually care about their spouse.
This is gross.
So he's ok with his friend continuing to insult you and others at your expense bc “he's like a little kid if you tell him to stop, he'll just do it louder, so he figured it was best to let him get it out of the system.”